My aunt had managed to drag me out of my room and into the dining room for dinner.
I wasn't feeling hungry right now but I got myself to eat because she wouldn't leave me alone if I said I didn't want to eat.
She was kinda pushy about making sure I ate enough even though I was healthy, stuffed my face most of the time and had no eating disorders either of us were aware of. Back home Mum used to tell me to chill out with the eating because I'd empty a whole plate in about a minute, I'm practically a speed eater.

I thanked her briefly before trying to come up with an excuse to head back to my room, she tried to make me stay and talk about school or art but I really wanted to be alone so I could think about the letter I'd gotten from Gerard.
I was still feeling confused as to why he'd want to talk to me over his brother or bandmates, even if its not all of them he's gotta be close enough with one of the guys to be able to talk to them when he's feeling depressed or upset. They had to care about him a little bit since they were all over the internet looking for him and asking him to call or something, it made me feel horrible to know I was talking to him when he was 'missing'.

It made me feel like I was cheating the band out of their rights to know where their friend and lead singer was, the fans were in the same state of panic as well but how can it be so easy for a rockstar to go missing.
You'd think someone would notice who they're chatting to or live in the same building as, I know I didn't recognise him immediately but that was only because I'd never seen him with short white hair before and I think it's reasonable to doubt the person leaning on a wall outside the coffee shop you work at is Gerard Way, I had trouble believing it was him for a moment.

Because I decided all hopes of sleeping with my mind this full were useless I got out my art book and some paints. I've never been much of a drawer but if you handed me a brush and a couple of paint tins then I'd be getting somewhere, I couldn't paint to the degree of having people not able to tell the difference between my artwork and real life but I was proud with the stuff I could do and refused to leave my comfort zone if there was another option.

The only other thing I'd attempt would be charcoal which didn't usually end up well because I've got a short fuse and more than often end up breaking the piece of coal or whatever I happen to have in my hand when I can't get my artwork right.
I imagine one thing in my head and it looks completely different on paper, this is the exact thing that annoys me, if my body could only make what I think of then I'd have some amazing art skills and right now the only thing I have is an overactive imagination.

Halfway through the painting I realised I had absolutely no idea what I was painting, I searched through my brain and hoped I could find something useful to turn my painting into but nothing came to mind, damn why can I think of something. I've never ran out of creativity before and now the only thing I can think of is the note I got from Gerard, come on Lyric guys have never trumped your imagination before so don't let it happen now.

With my creativity not helping me I just tried to paint whatever my hand could do and now I look at the finished painting I've decided I'm never gonna paint without having my imagination in first gear because I've painted a bowl of fruit and not even a good one.
This is cliche on so many levels, what am I gonna do I can't stop thinking of new things, I'll ruin all my artwork and if I stop coming up with good ideas and new stuff then I'll get kicked out of the art school, maybe not the drama half but I'll definitely not be allowed to paint there ever again.

In frustration I threw the paintbrush onto my palette and sighed loudly feeling even more frustrated when some of the paint splashed onto my white top. Oh well it was bound to get ruined at some point, I think it was the only non paint covered shirt left except for my band shirts which I kept safe from any artistic disasters.
I'm not risking getting any of those wrecked by paint that can't be washed off.

I tried to wipe off the paint as best as I could with a tissue but gave up when it started smearing, oh well it won't get onto my blankets when I sleep at least, not that it mattered if I got more paint on my bed. It's already quite ruined and has ended up with every color of the rainbow on it especially thanks to my late night boredom when I paint something into the headboard which has no become a mural of things inspired by whatever song I happened to be listening to when I started painting. It's mainly song lyrics but there are also some pictures and shapes that I thought went with the music.

It's a good thing my aunt doesn't mind having paint all over her usually freakishly clean apartment because my hands will usually be stained by charcoal, paint, ink or some other messy thing I happened to have used at school. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if I ate a whole bunch of poisonous stuff by accident from what's on my hands.

Still feeling frustrated that I couldn't get my art right I put my stuff away then decided it would be best to sleep and restore my mind so it'd be fresh and ready for my imagination in the morning when I got home after going shopping for some new paint unless Dayna happens to call and ask to hang out then I'll probably ditch whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing because it's more fun hanging out with friends than doing your self made chore list it was a fact.

I docked my iPod and got underneath the sheets and enjoyed the warmth coming from my heater by the side of the bed, I don't think I'd be able to live without being really warm all the time because I only have two moods.
I'll either want to be really hot or really cold, there's no in between and most of the time my mood would be controlled by how warm or cold which I thought was kinda weird but it didn't matter much to me since I had a whole bunch of other strange habits, quirks and hobbies.

For example I couldn't sit still for more than thirty seconds and had to do some movement if I felt like the room was too quiet, I'd start bouncing my knee or I'd tap my foot on the ground.
If I was feeling stressed out about something I'd start chewing my lips or fiddling with one of my piercings.
If I was angry I'd go over a list of all the songs I knew and would keep repeating them until the anger went away and if I was talking to someone I was attracted to I'd usually stare at my feet so I couldn't make eye contact and I could avoid having them see my face go bright red or I start humming really quietly which would usually freak people out and make them think they were being ignored, which they weren't.

As I went over a list of the things I'd do I realized I'd been fiddling with my lip ring and immediately stopped, when I did it at home, my Australian home Mum would get really annoyed by how much I'd muck around and do useless things on repeat and my smart ass attitude didn't help because it'd usually cause me to do it even more just because I wanted to see how far I could push my behavior before I got yelled at, grounded or whatever punishment it was she could come up with.
Mum was usually a very calm and nice person though so with a good apology I could get away with a lot of stuff which wasn't that bad since I didn't do much bad stuff, I couldn't be bothered enough to do anything bad.

The worst thing Mum has to worry about me doing was using some really bad swearwords or possibly sneaking out of the house to go to a concert (even though I haven't ever done it), depending on how I feel there's always a chance I'll start throwing a huge hissy fit if I can't get a picture right or fell over which made me really angry for some reason.
It's like I was pissed off at myself for being a klutz which I was because most of the time I'm good at standing without falling over or dropping something important, the important thing being a freshly painted piece of art or a tube of paint I'll step on and get all over the floor and myself.

A playlist on my iPod started playing and I got in my usual sleeping position, oh there's another one of my quirks, I can only fall sleep on my stomach and will almost always wake up with my blankets wrapped around me in a DIY cocoon which is weird and not good because of I'm stuck with my arms stuck by my sides I'll spazz out even though I'm not claustrophobic.

The song on my iPod changed and I sighed at the music and turned it up as I smiled into my pillow, music how could I ever manage to live without you, it's music that has kept a lot of people alive when I've been upset, it was the music that helped me get out any anger when I was frustrated, had a bad day or just wanted to flat out murder someone for being an asshole to the rest of the world.

Music put small cracks in my skin that allowed me to vent and stopped me from exploding into a fiery mass of pissed off teenager who would hurt anyone and everyone, even inanimate objects could be counted on that list.

Stop with all the thinking brain I'm trying to sleep and you're grabbing everything you can and making me put my opinions into it. I'm tired and I've had a long day and if I can be bothered I'll probably have another long day tomorrow, shut everything off and power down please, I've had enough of thinking about stuff, whether its my art, my habits, Australia or Gerard Way, I want it to stop right now.

My brain stopped coming up with more and more stuff and I relaxed, now with by mine clear I can get some sleep and will be in a good enough mood in the morning to socialize with the rest of the human race without yelling at someone or making them think I was in the right mindset to kill everyone in sight which I will be in if I don't go to sleep right now.

~~~

It was Wednesday afternoon and I had yet another shift at work, I'd gotten out of school only a while ago so I headed here immediately without making a stop at the apartment which means I'm wearing a more than slightly paint covered shirt.

The teacher had left the room for a bit and it ended up in a huge paint fight which had glitter added to it thanks to me, the teacher was angry when she came back and made the class clean everything up, she it was supposed to be a punishment of course but it was obvious no one regretted it.
I definitely didn't and I was stuck going to work looking like I'd gotten in an art war with Picasso.

Gold and silver glitter clung to my face and neon colored paint had dried through my hair, I looked like a circus performer.
I didn't have a problem with it though but Hayden had a field day with it, he mainly made a whole bunch of crappy jokes then called me a fairy at one point and the comment earners him a not so gentle punch in the arm, no one calls me a fairy and gets away with it.

After ten minutes he shut up and went back to what he considered was work and the rest of the staff knew it was definitely not work, he was hitting on all the pretty customers, obviously as well.

They seemed to enjoy it especially since it was coming from someone who looked like him but I had to keep reminding him the normal people who weren't sexual objects as far as he was concerned also needed to get their drinks and after a great deal of complaining when I dragged him away from one girl who was actually flirting back I made him start working the coffee machine while I manned the till, without hitting on anyone.

Work went slow, take an order, get the money, wait for Hayden to hurry up and make a drink by threatening to take his mobile phone if he didn't stop texting, then give the drink to the customer, with a smile of course even if smiling hurt my face and I hated looking happy when I didn't feel it. Most for the time I have a blank look on my face and it'd be really hard to get me to smile naturally, so far the only proven way to make me happy was for me to listen to my iPod and I couldn't play it at work because people wouldn't want to come into the store when they heard song lines like:

'She's got the bullets, she's got the gun, pull back the trigger lets end the fun.'

That music seemed to scare people, especially when there was screaming in songs, they didn't seem to like it except for the occasional goths and people like that who'd come in here for a coffee, they would definitely like my playlist.
If I ever make enough money I'm gonna open up my own coffee shop and it'll only play BVB, MCR, ATL and other bands like that because it'll be my cafe and no one else's.

At some point of my working Hayden pointed out I hadn't tied up my apron properly and I sighed, I really need to learn how to do this up without having someone else do it for me, if I'm ever gonna own my coffee shop then I believe the first thing I should know is how to do up an apron without a mirror. Hayden undid the sloppy bow I'd attempted then redid for me, his hands stayed on my back for a bit longer than I would like before brushing against my butt for a moment and a scowl appeared on my face before I opened my mouth and got ready to tell him to keep his hands to his fucking self, the entrance bell rung and interrupted me, damn you bell thing.

I was still unable to help myself though and turned around, resisting the urge to slap the smirk and wink off his face and went through my mental dictionary of swearwords, some okay to use in public and some you shouldn't even use by yourself.
I decided to go for some of the rudest ones I could think of, I'd use them quietly enough that no customers could use them so everything would be fine.

"If you try to touch me one more time I will- what's with the look on your face?" He was staring over my shoulder and made a gesture telling me to turn around, uh oh the person I was supposed to be serving had almost heard me swear at Hayden.

That was an uncomfortable close call I'd like to avoid happening again along with Hayden leaving his hands on my back much longer than necessary and touching my butt as well, he better not try that again.

"Hi how can I...Gerard?" He gave me a smile smile as I felt my jaw drop open before I closed it again, wow I hadn't expected to see him ever again, it was nice to get the note but I thought it'd be the end of all contact between us.
Although it was common My Chem knowledge Gerard and Mikey really liked their coffee so he might have just come back for a drink or something, it'd be stupid to think he'd wanna talk to me again.

"Hey, Lyric." Hayden was next to me giving him a funny look, I wasn't sure if it was because he recognized Gerard or because he was surprised I knew him, the only person I knew outside work who would come in and talk to me was Dayna and she'd usually do it in an attempt to get a free coffee, which never worked, if she was ever bothered enough to come to the shop after hours I could make her a coffee but not with everyone there ready to dob me in.

"Do you ah, wanna coffee?" Of course he did, what other reason would he be here, this is a friggen coffee shop, unless he's here for some bread but if he was here for bread then Gerard probably would have gone to the bakery instead.

Hayden was standing a bit too close for comfort and I pushed him away, reminding myself to swear at him later or at least after Gerard left. Hayden gave him a disinterested look up and down that almost seemed competitive and went to stand by the coffee machine with his mobile phone, okay that was weird behavior from him, I've never seen Hayden act like that before.

"Yeah, I came here to talk to you though." My cheeks went an out of control shade of bright red and I started staring at the floor hoping he couldn't see my face, Gerard lent forward and put his elbows on the bench which resulted in a glare from Hayden, what the fuck is his problem he's acting like a spazz.

"R-really?" My mouth tripped over its self and I stuttered at the word which made me sound like an idiot, I just hadn't expected for him to say something like that, please let my brain start working so I can talk like a normal person, seriously I get yelled at in class for talking too much, why can't that happen now?

"Mmhm, I wanted to say thanks for that coffee the other night, uh, a week or so ago. You didn't have to reboot the coffee maker for me." He didn't even order anything specifically but to make up for the silence in my brain that made me feel like an idiot I went to the coffee machine and started making a drink for him.
Hayden protested and said he was in charge of it and then asked why he couldn't make the drink instead, I said I didn't trust him since the look he gave Gerard suggested he'd spit in it, that shut him up.

"No it's fine, it was no problem." I was getting a wide eyed stare from Hayden when he realized I must have let Gerard into the coffee shop after hours, it wasn't hard to tell he was upset and I mentally flinched, I hope he doesn't tell Imigen, if he does I'll be screwed because she told me to never let anyone in the shop after hours, as I panicked internally my hand went to close to the steam I was using to make foam, it burnt my skin and I quickly pulled my hand away as I yelled slightly at the unexpected pain.

I felt some hands on my arm, walking me over to the sink and I was about to tell Hayden to piss off and get away from me when I focused then realized it was Gerard who had been leading me to the sink. The insult growing on my lips died away and was replaced by my face going bright red, I have no idea why I'm blushing so much, my body's probably wondering what's going on right now with all the blood going to my cheeks.

The next thing for me to notice was that he'd jumped the counter and was in a staff only area, I should be telling him to get out before Hayden does, in a much more impolite way than I would. Somehow the words wouldn't come to my mouth as I noticed how he turned on the cold tap and gently put my hand under the water, it feels like my hand should be blushing although I don't think that's possible.

"Hey blondie, out. You're not allowed back here." Hayden put his hand on Gerard's shoulder and got a very vicious glare before his hand was shrugged off, this was entertaining, the last time I'd seen Gerard he seemed so delicate and looked like he'd probably apologize to anyone and everyone but now he looked like he'd have no problem ripping off Hayden's head, I didn't have any problem with it either.

"Are you helping her? No you're not so go watch the counter and don't call me blondie again, kid." The look on Hayden's face said he was definitely not happy but he went to the counter after scowling, at least Gerard was feeling well enough to insult him because that was awesome and I'd pay to see it again.

My hand stopped burning as the cold water ran over it, I hate it when I burn myself, it's probably one of the worst types of pain I can imagine and I would honestly rather get stitches again and this is coming from someone who is terrified of needles.
A fear that was caused through an intense belief that in hospital when they put in an iv it had the needle in it the whole time and not a piece of plastic.

Gerard turned off the tap and I shook the water off my hand before I got handed a paper towel to wipe off the rest of the water he gave me a small smile that I returned before looking at my hand and seeing how bad the burn was. A very red mark covered nearly all of my palm and I flinched as I tried to close my hand, ow this really fucking hurts, more than any burn I've ever had before and I've had a lot since I operate the steam on a coffee machine all the time.

He walked me over to one of the tables in the cafe and sat me down before sitting across from me, the burn was starting to hurt worse and worse to the point if me having to clench my jaw.
I don't think I'll be operating the coffee machine for a while, poor Hayden he might have to actually work now it'll be horrible for him, having to take orders without hitting on all the girls who show up.

We stared at my hand for a moment, Gerard looked as if he might have some idea what degree of burn it was and sighed before standing up then gesturing for me to get up as well, carefully I did while still holding my hand out a little as if it might burst into flames or something, the main reason was because I didn't want to look at the burn.

"That looks bad I'm taking you to the doctors." My head had to do a replay of his words so I could be positive as to whether or not I'd heard him clearly, the serious look on his face confirmed it but I still had no idea what I was supposed to do, say yes or no.
If it was a yes did it meant I'd have to call Imigen and tell her I wouldn't be able to finish my shift today and her lazy nephew would have to cover both jobs as a barista and a counter person.

"Um, alright." With my whole body being led around by my brain switching onto autopilot I told him to wait at the table so I could go and get my things, he nodded and sat down before I headed into the staff rooms to get my jacket and backpack.

I was cautious of accidentally bumping my hand as I pulled my jacket on then added my backpack to the mix and adjusted it before getting my mobile out of my pants pocket and dialing Imigen.

I explained to her that I'd burnt myself and I was going to the doctors with a friend to get it checked, she was very sympathetic and wished me well, said about eight times she hoped I'd feel better and then told me I could take all the time off work I needed.
It was like having my mother as a boss and creeped me out a little, I thanked her then hung of before putting my cell in my pocket once more.

I went over how much it sucked my left hand was burnt, I won't be able to paint, draw or anything else until this heals up since I'm left handed, so this is how I go crazy and kill everyone because I will have definitely have a couple of screws loose if I can't do anything with my left hand for a week.
I'm gonna become a very unpleasant person to live with and there's no doubt there.

The second I left the employee room I froze in my tracks and tried to process the people standing by the counter and talking to Hayden while he had his arms crossed but a friendly look on his face. If he could smile then he should have been doing it for Gerard when I was talking to him because as far as he knew Gerard was a complete stranger just like the people who he thought were nobody's that he was chatting to.

What is the four other members of My Chemical Romance doing in the coffee shop, haven't they got other things to do like record their album or what's probably the best choice, search for their missing lead singer who was actually sitting in here right now and they didn't seem to notice him at all.
My eyes switched from the band to Gerard who had noticed they were there and looked ready to disappear under a table if any of them turned around and noticed he was here.

The look on Gerard's face said he definitely didn't want to talk or go with them and I went behind the counter and jogged over to Hayden before he could say anything stupid that'd let them know Gerard was here. I'd barely managed to get there in time as I heard Mikey ask him if a guy called Gerard Way had come into the coffee shop, okay so maybe they were going to the effort of looking for him.

"Haha that's funny we had this guy called G-" I clapped my hand over Hayden's mouth to stop him before he finished the sentence and tipped them off, I got funny looks from the band that reminded me I was standing in front of my idols but I managed to remain calm and put something semi intelligent into my head.

"No sorry. I hope you find Gerard soon, as a fan I'm worried for him but he definitely hasn't come into the shop today, if I see him I'll twitter you or something though. I'm very sorry about your parents, it's tragic and you have my condolences." I still had my hand over Hayden's mouth and he attempted to talk a couple of times but have up and remained quiet as I got a smile from the band and a murmured thank you from Mikey who looked just as screwed up as Gerard did when I met him after closing the coffee shop, the band left and I let out a relieved sigh.

Hayden gave me an angry look for cutting him off mid sentence but I shrugged and went back to Gerard who had his head on the table and looked like he'd just had a heart attack which would be reasonable since he'd been in hiding from the whole world for nearly two weeks.
He'd almost gotten caught and I knew the only reason he'd gotten away was because I'd shut up Hayden who nearly blabbed.

"They're gone, they didn't find out you're here." I heard Gerard sigh and he stood up, looking as if he'd just taken the world off his shoulders and his hair that'd been in order when he first came into the shop was now all over the place and sticking up oddly, he noticed me staring at it and patted it down so it looked normal before thanking me.

We walked towards the entrance of the store and got stopped by Hayden who was looking at me as if I were insane and a couple of insulting words from earlier popped into my head before he pulled me away from Gerard who was waiting by the door and looking out the window every now and then to see if the band passed by the cafe again during their search for him.

"What are you doing you're supposed to be working right now, you can't just ditch and go off with a guy who freaking looks like Billy Corgan in Tonight, Tonight." I laughed a little bit as he freaked out as if he got the final say in my life like a big brother or something.

"I'll be fine and I called Imigen, she's fine with me leaving because I have to get my hand checked at the doctors. Gerard's taking me."

Before he could start a protest, offer to take me instead or do something that I'd suspects he'd do just for the sake of annoying Gerard I patted Hayden on the head, waved and jogged over to Gerard who had calmed down with the suspicious behaviour and was now waiting for me with his hands in his pockets and his hair fixed which looked kinda cute considering I was used to seeing him with much longer black hair.

The doctors, I think I'll be fine as long as none one tries to jab me with a needle, if it happens then everyone will be dealing with a very different, swearing orientated facet of my personality and she doesn't like pointy things.