I couldn't move, it was like my muscles went into lockdown. I stared at him and he stared straight back, horrified and ashamed. He scrambled a little, as if there were a way he could somehow hide what I was seeing from me. But he couldn't conceal it. His skin was bleeding, slashed over and over by the slick blade he was clutching. I could see now, there were gashes all over his thighs, and also on his arm, near his elbow. My body seemed to recover and I shot forward, dashing toward him. He flinched when I got close, which hit me hard, but I didn't say anything. I simply took hold of his hand and prised the blade from his grip, setting it down on the table beside his bed. Then, gently, I took his wrists and eased him into a standing position. Miraculously, his bedsheets had survived blood-free, so I pulled him slowly into the bathroom to clean him up. I sat him on the closed toilet seat, then used a damp black washcloth to clean his cuts. There were so many, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. What had triggered this? I knew he had self-harm in his past, but he'd assured me over and over that it was gone, that he was stronger than that now. But suddenly, here he was, broken and bleeding with tears still flooding from his eyes. Whar had happened to make him like this? I was so completely confused, as I cleaned away his blood I thought it over. He hadn't been himself lately, hed been quiet and kind of reclusive, but I hadn't thought things had been this bad. I couldn't come up with any explanation. I'd just have to wait until he provided it, I guess. I finished wiping away the blood on his skin, and quickly dug out some bandages from the bathroom cabinet. I stuck them messily on his skin, so that all the cuts were covered. I saw him wince a few times, and tried to make my touch as light as possible, but I knew it would still hurt at least a little. I finished as quickly as I possibly could, then took his hands once again and led him to his room. Thrre I sat on his bed, making him settle beside me, and took his face in my hands, forcing him to look at me. The look in his eyes made my heart break all over again. They usually danced, bright and beautiful and full of the joys of life. Now, though, they were flat, dead. Not the eyes I knew. "Gerard... Gee, baby, what happened? Please talk to me." My voice was laced witg desperation, begging. For the first time since I'd found him, he spoke, but it wasnt words I wanted to hear. "It doesn't matter, Kriss. Let it go." His voice, like his eyes, had lost it's spark. I snapped. "Doesn't matter? Doesn't fucking matter? Gerard, look at you! Something is clearly very, very wrong, don't you dare try telling me it doesn't matter." He was still after that, staring into space. I watched his face impatiently, growing more frustrated with every unresponsive second. I was just about to start yelling when he said, very softly, "Me." I leaned closer. "What?" I asked, amd Gerard had an outburst of his own. "Me! I'm what's wrong! I'm such a stupid, patheric worthless..." He screwed his eyes tight shut, fisted his hands so tight his knuckles strained against his skin. "Gee, I don't understand," I whispered. He sighed roughly. "Krissy, I am the fucking problem, okay? Look at me. I'm ugly, I'm fat, I'm completely fucking worthless. I can't do anything right, can I? Your asshole of a dad, he fucking dragged you away right in front of me and I didn't do anything. He beat you, he stabbed you for fuck's sake. And then, when I did finally get my fat ass to you, I let my friends get involved. My little brother. Krissy, who the hell lets their younger fucking brother jump in on a knife fight? I was pathetic. And even then, I didn't get it done right. I let the bastard live, after everything he'd done. I let him send his buddies after you, and they shot my mom! Sure, she's alive, but look at her. She can't move right, she's in pain, and it's all my fault. If I'd been faster, better, I could have killed Mitch right there, you wouldn't have gotten hurt, and Mom would be fine." Tears began to spill from his eyes again, and his voice when from aggressive to soft, shaky and broken. "I just... I don't know, Krissy. It's all coming back, you know? Before I met you, I was depressed, I hated myself, all of that, and I can feel that coming back. And it scares the shit out of me. I can't shake the feeling that I'm a waste of space. Everytime I look at you, I see a beautiful, amazing girl, and I can't work out what the hell you're doing with me. Like, it's only a matter of time before you see what I see, and you find someone better. Someone who deserves you. The other day, when Frank said something about you and Mikes... I know you'd never do something like that, but it made me think, there are so many other guys who are so much better than me, and surely you can see that. I ..." He trailed off, his words running out, and stared at me. I was horrified. How could he say things like that about himself? I pushed up until I was sat on my knees, and looked straight into his face. "Gerard Way, you stop that right now. You are NOT worthless, do you hear me? What happened to me, and your mum, that was not your fault. It's thanks to you that I survived! It's not your fault that Mikes joined in, either, he chose to do that. He would have done it anyway, no matter what you did. As for the other thing, I would never, ever replace you. You're gorgeous and amazing, and I love you so much, you don't even know. Don't ever call yourself anything like that. It isn't true, not even a little bit. Now," I pulled his arm until he was lying down, then I lay beside him and wrapped my arms around his body. "Get some sleep," I ordered, kissing his forehead. "I love you." He remained silent, and his breathing soon slowed. Sighing, I ran my fingers through his hair, staring at his sleeping face. He was so broken, I'd never realized before. But there and then, I vowed that I would fix him.

Notes

Hey guys, I'm really sorry. It's been two fucking weeks since I updated. Please don't hate me!! I had a mixture of a really bad mood and epic writer's block, so I thought I'd leave it for a while and then come back when I felt better. And now, well, I feel better, so voila! I cried a little writing this, I will admit. I was just like 'Gerard, nooooo'. But yeah, enjoy!