I didn't sleep a single second that night, laying awake and staring at his face. It was relaxed in sleep, his guard dropped, and there was a vulnerability that I'd never seen before. Every now and then, his face would crumple, frowning or grimacing. I wondered what images his unconscious mind was showing him, but part of me also didn't want to know. So I remained, watching my boyfriend sleep all night, until rays of sunlight lit up the room, hitting his face and lighting it up beautifully. His eyelids fluttered and slowly opened, and he looked straight into my eyes. "Good morning," I whispered gently, kissing the tip of his nose. He stretched, "Mmm... Morning, sugar," he replied, his voice still thick with sleep. "Sleep okay?" He asked me, nuzzling his face against my neck. I murmured a yes, not telling him stayed awake the entire night, worrying about him. I shifted. "Come on, we gotta get up for school," I ordered halfheartedly, not wanting to move from his embrace but knowing I had to. He laughed. "Nope, I got a day suspension for punching that dickhead Austen in the face." He sounded pretty proud of himself for throwing that punch. Men. I rolled my eyes. "Well, I gotta get up, anyway, so let go of me," I tugged at the hands on my waist, but that just made him clamp down tighter on me. Grinning, he pulled me so I was lying half on top of him, hands securely on my hips. "Bunk school," he suggested. "Stay here with me." Damn was I tempted. I could lie there all day with Gerard, and not get bored. Plus, school would be lonely without him. I could easily phone in sick... I leaned down and kissed his lips, slowly at first but fast turning into a full-on makeout session. I ran my hands through his hair, while he traces patterns along my sides with gentle fingers. "Stay with me," he whispered against my lips. "Please." I was about to say yes, anything for hin, when the sound of someone clearing their throat made us pull apart. We looked over and saw Donna, stood in the doorway with a huge smirk on her face. "I hate to interrupt, but a certain young lady has to get ready for school. Just because you got yourself suspended, Gerard, does not mean you can hold her back from her education." There was no mistaking Donna's words, I was going to school. She turned on her heel and left us laid together in Gerard's bed. I looked at him and we sighed, both knowing there was to be no arguing with Gerard's mother. I reluctantly shifted off him, giggling as he tried to hold on to me. "Gerard, I have to get dressed!" I squealed, squirming in his grip. He laughed evilly, and held on a little while longer before finally releasing me. I grinned and slipped away before he could catch me again, and dashed to the bathroom to get ready. I returned about half an hour later, to find Gerard still sprawled on his bed, totally relaxed. I rolled my eyes. "You're not seriously staying in bed all day?" I asked incredulously. "Seriously, yeah," he smirked. "Jealous?" I smacked his arm and leant down to kiss him. I straightened ul, and looked him dead in the eyes, serious now. "Gee, please, look after yourself, okay?" I was seriously worried about leaving him alone all day, where his depressing thoughts could come back to him while I wasn't around. A deep, chilling fear had settled in me, fear of what state I would find him in when I returned. He saw this, and touched my face. "I won't do anything stupid," he told me soberly. "I promise, Kriss." I nodded, blinking back tears. "I love you, Gee," I told him sincerely, kissing his forehead. "Love you too, sugar," he replied with a small, sad smile. I ran a hand through his hair and left, wishing I could have stayed. That feeling stuck with me the entire day, I couldn't stop thinking about him. The image of his torn, bloodied skin kept returning to me, as well as the words he'd said last night. I felt helpless, wishing I could remove all feelings of worthlessness from his mind. I wanted a way to make him see himself through my eyes, to show him what I saw. If he realized that, he'd never feel like this again. It occurred to me that we'd gone through a kind of role reversal. Since we'd met, he'd always been the caretaker, he was the one who worried while I relied on him to pull me through all the rough parts. Now, suddenly, he was the one suffering, and it was me providing the love and support he needed to pull him through. I also realized just how it felt to be the strong one, and how he would have been feeling as he provided me the support I'd needed. How devastated he must have felt each time he saw me hurt myself, and when he heard me say how useless and worthless I am, how much that would have bothered him. Because now, I was feeling it too. I'd always thought that my depression, my problems were mine alone and that nobody else would be hurt by them. Now I saw just how much other people could be affected, the people I cared about. This epiphany hit me around lunch, and i sat with the guys, staring at the table as I thought it through. I made a mental vow to help Gerard through this, and then to focus my energy on improving both of us. We both needed help, I decided. I pulled out my phone and send a text to Jo, asking if maybe Gerard could see her, too, perhaps we could even have joint sessions to try and sort out the way we both felt. I got a reply almost straightaway, telling me that yes, I could take Gee to my next counselling session with me. I smiled, feeling pretty good about my resolution to make us both better, until I felt a hard, heavy tap on my shoulder.

Notes

Dammit, this has taken way too long, once again. The only explanation I can provide is my absolutely appalling immune system, and the weather. For those of you who aren't in England, let me tell you, we just got hit by kickass snow a few days ago. Yup, at the end of March. And for those people like me, who catch fucking everything it means colds, stomach bugs and sore throats. In my case right now, I have all three. Anyway, thankyou to the wonderful people who still bother to read this despite my horribly irregular updating, and I hope you all love reading this as much as I love writing it. Hugs and cookies to you all. xxx