Love. We all have these expectations of it, don't we? We see films, read books, listen to music, and that makes us believe so many things about love. That we'll meet a perfect person, a man or woman that completes us, and everything will be all rainbows and happiness. And then, we fall in love for real, expecting this sparkly happy relationship that goes perfectly til we die together. And hell, are we wrong. All that week, Gerard wasn't himself. He was quiet and moody, showing little of his usual kind nature. We tried, all of us, to pull him out of whatever little world he was lost in, but nothing worked. He just kind of... Faded. Like he was still there, but the colour that made him shine was slowly wearing away. I couldn't stop worrying about him, but I couldn't work out what was wrong. He seemed to be avoiding me, we had hardly any time alone together and in the few precious moments we did have, he always found a way to avoid any chance at serious talk. Honestly, I was afraid. Gerard was my rock, the one who could always make me feel better no matter how tough things got. How could he lose all of that? Where had his bright, caring, loving side gone? Right now, as I studied him out of the corner of my eye during our morning walk to school, he wore a distant, melancholy expression that made me want to hug him and never let go. I didn't though, for fear that he would push me away. I couldn't handle that. But I decided right then that I was going to sort this out, whatever it was. After a moment's thought, I reached out and caught Mikey's forearm. He glanced at me, confused, and I slowed my pace so I could talk to him uninterrupted. I got straight to the point. "Mikey, do you know what's up with Gee? He's been acting weird since the weekend, and it's Thursday for crying out loud. I can't get what's up with him." Mikey shook his head. "I don't know, Kriss. He... he used to get like this a lot, like all the time. Really... I don't know, depressed? Anyway, a couple months before he met you, he seemed to get better. I'm not exactly sure how, or why, but he came round. And then when he met you, he became really happy and we all kinda forgot about it. I don't know what's going on now, but I'm worried." Mikey's forehead crumpled, uncharacteristically serious. I sighed, his concern magnifying my own. What could be wrong? I knew Gerard had been depressed in the past, of course - I'd seen the scars on his arms. But what could be making that come back? I was so deep in thought that I didn't realize how close we were to school until we walked through the gates. I glanced up in surprise, and caught Gerard's eye. He was staring in my direction, a painfully miserable look on his face. His eyes seemed to flick between me and his brother, before he turned his face away and disappeared to his first class before I could question him. And I barely saw him afterwards. He wasn't in any of my morning classes, and he came up with some excuse about homework to spend lunch away from us, too. In fact, I didn't get more than a glimpse of my boyfriend until I walked into last-period art. He was already there, working on a piece with intense concentration. I hesitated before taking my usual seat beside him. He didn't say a word, eyes focused on his artwork. I decided it was time to say something. "Gee?" I kept my voice soft so nobody would overhear, and slid closer so I could lean in and put my face near to his. His hand stilled when I spoke, his gorgeous eyes flashing up to me. "Gee, can we talk, please? What's wrong with you honey?" My tone was high and desperate, I so badly needed to understand. He ran a hand through his hair. "There's nothing wrong," he said at last. "I'm fine." I shook my head. "No you aren't. Please, just tell me." This earned me an exasperated sigh. "Kriss-" I never heard what he would have said, because he was interrupted by a new voice from above us. "Jeez, Krissy, why don't you sit on his lap? The least you little emos could do is get a room!" This was followed by laughter, and we looked up to see Austen stood over us. I glared. "Fuck off, Austen, this isn't the time." He snorted at my words. "It's always the time, Goth Princess, you don't get to choose. You think you can win a fight with me?" He scoffed. I rolled my eyes and turned away, hoping he'd leave if I ignored him. No such luck. He grabbed my forearm, and pulled hard on it to make me face him. "I'm talking to you, freak," he spat. Gerard suddenly jumped up, his chair slamming to the ground and catching the attention of the whole class. "Get your hands off her, before I make you," he snarled viciously. Austen grinned, hearing the challenge. "Or what? You gonna cut me like you cut yourself, you little emo pussy?" The class oooo'ed at that, and I saw something change in Gerard's face, like a snap. He fist flew out, colliding with Austen's nose. A sickening crunch rang through the room, and splashes of crimson splurted out, spattering the tables, the floor, and my cheek. Austen let out a slightly feminine squeal that would have been hilarious under other circumstances, and clutching his face he tumbled to the floor. He still had a hold of my arm, and I stumbled as he fell, very nearly joining him on the ground, but managed to regain my balance. Mrs D flapped over, outraged, and screamed at Gerard to get straight to the Principal's office before helping Austen up and taking him for medical attention. I looked around, stunned, and noted that everyone else wore a similarly baffled expression. Mrs D returned quickly, and had us all continue working until the bell signalled the end of the school day. I ran out, ignoring the stares and the points I recieved from most of the student body. I didn't wait for the guys like usual, I ran home alone as fast as I could, stepping into Gerard's house whilst gasping for air. His parents were in their living room, and it was clear on their faces that they knew some of what had happened. Donna wordlessly nodded to the basement stairs, and I flew down, wrenching open the bedroom door and bursting in, then coming to a fierce halt at the sight of the heartbreaking scene before me. Gerard was sat on his bed in a t-shirt and boxers, tears flowing furiously down his face, clutching a blade as if it were his most treasured belonging. It was coated in a film of blood, the same blood that ran in messy streaks all over his ragged pale thighs.

Notes

:( depressing chapter. I'm afraid I'm not in the best of moods lately, so my fics are coming out all angsty and shit. And again, sorry for the gaps between updates. I have a lot of stuff going on and I'm losing a lot of motivation to write, I have too much on my mind. But oh well, here it is, enjoy and comment, blah blah blah. You guys rock, you know, you cheer me right up x