[b]Chapter 20 – Gerards POV[/b]

I honestly didn’t know what to think right now. I knew I was probably freaking Frank out by being all quiet and hugging myself so close to the arm of the couch that it seemed I was trying to sink into it.
I just couldn’t stop thinking.
After the incident about Mikey going to Frank’s house last week, and what had happened since we’d returned home, I’d been trying to only concentrate on helping Mikey. I didn’t dare let myself think of anything else because god knows what that could end with. I didn’t want to think about what could possibly be true or the consequences that came with it being true.
I was blocking out a lot.
I couldn’t help but let a few tears slip down my cheek.
I tried to chip into my emotional connection but Mikey was so far away that I only caught the occasional glimpse of frustration and anger. He was still cooling down.
“He’ll be ok, Gerard,” Frank insisted, when the silence and the worry had gotten too much. I turned to him and sighed heavily.
“I know. But I can’t help it, he’s my brother. I instantly worry.”
We lapsed back into silence after that. I carefully monitored Mikey’s emotions as best I could. There was a massive shoot of blood lust and then contentment.
“He’s fed,” I whispered, “He just fed.”
Frank’s eyes shot up to meet mine from where he was sitting in the corner. His eyebrows were drawn high and tight.
“Oh god, I hope it wasn’t someone he’ll regret.”
“He’s Mikey,” Frank supplied, “He’s tough, and growing more so than ever since he changed. He’ll be fine. The elders will definitely want him in a couple of decades.”
That was interesting thought. I tried to imagine Mikey being a politician or an authority. It seemed pretty out there and unlikely for him... but who knew how much the change had truly affected him.
Mikey’s emotions were getting stronger.
“He’s coming back,” Frank and I said in unison.
I sat by the window watching for his return. I saw a flash of him by the gates but I felt him waver there. I couldn’t tell one emotion apart from the other.
After a moment, I watched as he pushed the gates open and slowly made his way up the drive. This was where my patience ran out.
I rushed out the door to meet him.
His eyes were pitch black and I felt fresh blood around him. The rest of his appearance was surprisingly unruffled.
His eyes flickered over me and he stopped as he caught my eyes.
I felt guilt shoot through him.
I took his hand and led him back to the living room without speaking a single word. Frank stood up as we entered. He looked between us, a wordless appraisal of our condition.
“I’ll see you guys around,” he made to move but Mikey called out to him as he reached the door.
“Thanks man, for everything.”
Frank smiled grimly.
“You’re welcome, dude.”
Frank exited quickly.
Mikey was silent for a minute before he turned back to look at me. I met his gaze and couldn’t help but let all my emotions out in my expression. I felt Mikey’s shock as he took in my expression, then there bloodlust, followed by guilt. I was sick of the guilt.
“Gerard, I-”
I cut him off, before I had to hear or feel anymore of the guilt.
“Mikey, you’re new. It was totally normal. It was gonna happen. There is nothing wrong with you. You’re completely normal for where you are right now an you’re a fool for not thinking it. I’m a fool for letting you go back, but at least you didn’t kill-”
“I killed Holly McDonald,” Mikey said quickly.
I blinked.
What?
Holly-
My mind spun to a vision of the blonde haired girl with glasses that worked in the art supplies store and referred to the owners as ‘Mum’ and ‘Dad’. She was nice and had helped me find stuff on more than one occasion.
“You mean the daughter of the McDonalds who run the art store?”
Mikey confirmed this was a small nod.
“Fuck,” I said, breathing hard.
“Fuck,” he agreed.
My mind went to procedure.
“Did you burn the body?”
Mikey nodded.
“But it’s on school property; they’d have probably found it by now.”
I hissed. This wasn’t good.
“Shit, shit, shit... there’s no way to link it back to you though, but still!”
I was on the verge of freaking. Fuck, what if someone had seen it happen? What if someone had heard it happen? What if someone had seen Mikey walk away from the crime scene? Fuck.
“Gerard chill,” Mikey was choking, wait. What, “You’re killing me with the worry here.”
Oh fuck. Fuck. I was hurting him. Shit.
“Shit, Mikey,” I rushed towards him as his legs began to buckled underneath him. I helped him onto the couch.
“Your worry is like an asthma attack,” Mikey was struggling to breath and his body was reacting like he needed that air, “And I don’t even need to breathe. Our connection is fucking strong.”
Damn straight it was.
I decided to try the human approach; breathing deep and slow.
It worked.
I could feel Mikey’s relief like a tidal wave.
I smiled, sitting down next to him and throwing my arm across his stomach, pulling him close to me. Thank fuck he was ok.
I only hoped it would ease soon.
“I wish I could get rid of all this for you. Mrs Reeves said you were more vicious and would have a harder time adapting to being around humans.”
Mrs Reeves had an annoying knack of always being right.
Mikey patted the hand resting on his stomach. Warmth began spreading between the both of us. My breath hitched as I realised this but I knew I didn’t have the heart to move right now. I just couldn’t. I didn’t half of what I was doing as I moved my chin and rested it on Mikey’s shoulder.
He turned his head back to me and stopped, frozen as he took in my closeness. He let out a breath and his desire washed over me, causing my stomach to clench tightly.
We breathed again in unison, I watched as Mikey inhaled deeply. His desire washed over again, and I could move a muscle as I felt the hesitance slowly begin to slip away like sand through a sieve. My eyes were glued to his face, scanning over his expression and watching for the moment when he would realised what was happening and push me away faster than the speed of light. In that moment I couldn’t bear the thought. I reached down and slipped my hands over his, and I watched as his eyes settled on my lips.
The next second his lips were against mine.
My eyes fell as I felt the overwhelming shot of static electricity shoot through me. My mind was reeling. Half was lost in the kiss and the other... was analysing what this feeling meant.
We pulled apart, and just stared at each other. Mikey’s eyes were dark and his mouth was slightly parted. I felt the confusion and panic filter back into him. I knew he had felt what I felt too, and there was no doubt now that I would have to explain it to him. Jeez, this would be interesting.
“Mikey,” I spoke, surprised my voice actually worked when I was still reeling in the aftermath of the euphoria...
“I...”
“Mikey, I... we’re mates,” I stuttered. How the fuck had I landed myself in such a mess. Why the fuck couldn’t I just find someone who wasn’t freaking [i]blood related![/i]
“But, we’re – [i]what?[/i]”
I steadied myself. Mikey didn’t know about mates, so here goes...
“All vampires have pre-destined mates. No one knows how it happens or how mates are paired but when a vampire finds his mate, he can only be sure by kissing him. That feeling you got? That was the sealing of the bond, Mikey. That was us being undeniably told that we’re mates.”
“But, [i]we’re brothers[/i],” Mikey hissed, “how is that possible or right?”
“I wish I knew...”
I could feel Mikey almost mentally tripping over himself. He looked at me with desperation.
“Gerard, I... I want you,” he said in a tiny voice, “and this is so wrong, and I can’t handle this right at this moment but it’s what i want. I don’t think I can want another.”
“You can’t,” I said simply.
Mikey blinked.
“When vampires are sealed with their mates, it becomes physically and emotionally impossible to want another in a romantic or lustful way. You can’t ever be with anyone else because you won’t want to and your body will physically not allow you.”
Mikey blinked again.
“I guess I’ll just have to be celibate for the rest of eternity then,” he muttered, exiting the room in the blink of an eye.
If we weren’t careful we’d never get the smell of angst and confusion out of these walls.

Notes

[b]Author's Notes:[i] Jay and Ash[/b][/i]

poor confused Ways :'(