[b]Chapter 19 – Mikeys POV[/b]

I hardly knew what direction i was heading in; eventually I just slumped down near the dumpsters down the side of the admin building. All I knew is that i couldn’t go back to the manor, not yet. I didn’t even know if ever... But where would I go?
I then realised I was a fucking idiot. I couldn’t be away from Gerard. I had no idea what the hell was going on right now, I was scared to try and analyse it... I was too fucking pissed at myself and at everything.
Maybe I could find Ashley and apologise? No, she was terrified of me. She was never going to want to see me again.
A tear slipped down my cheek.
I wanted to scream so badly. But people would definitely hear and come running... which would not be safe for them.
It hit me like a smack in the face that I was not a safe person for people to be around. People could so easily die around me.... not just get hurt, but actually die.
I kicked the dumpster in frustration. It made a load groaning noise as the metal actually bent to the shape of my foot.
Shit, someone would have heard that.
“Mikey?”
My head snapped up to see Holly McDonald standing at the end of the alleyway. I knew her from biology; she had been my lab partner for the last three years and was a nice girl.
A nice girl in the wrong place at the wrong time...
The hunger in me flared and before I had time to comprehend what I was really doing Holly was pinned to the ground, I was on my knees and my fangs were in her neck. She’d been knocked out as I pinned her to the ground. I almost groaned at the liquid I’d been craving so desperately ever since my run in with Ashley hit my throat. I drank greedily, and until I was sure there really wasn’t a drop left in her body. I dropped her body to the ground and breathed hard, my fangs still out and aching pleasantly.
Fuck.
It was crazy how much better I felt.
But then I looked down at Holly’s body and it all came crashing back to me. I’d just killed someone I knew and had been nothing but pleasant to me... Fuck. She’s helped me pass so many times.
I stood up and checked my clothes for blood, there was none. I pulled the lighter and hipflask I now always kept on me just in case and lit her up.
I left the alley at vamp speed, and only came to a stop when I found myself standing in front of the manor gates. I slumped down behind the brick pillar holding up the left gate. No one would see me from here.
Fuck. I’d just killed my lab partner... I’d just...
A part of me wondered how this was any different to when I’d killed the dark haired girl in the alleyway. I hadn’t felt bad about that because I hadn’t known the kill. I’d known Holly, not very well but I had known her.
I felt bad but it wasn’t killing me. Not like the thought of harming Ashley had.
I stood up and pushed open the gates, before walking at human speed up towards the manor. There was no way I was going to rush towards whatever talk I knew Gerard would have prepared for me.
But it seems Gerard had been watching the drive. In a whoosh of air so fast I barely had time to register it; Gerard was standing in front of me. His eyes were wide and red as if he’d been crying.
Fuck.
Gerard wordlessly led me back into the manor by the hand and when we entered the living I saw Frank stand up. He looked between the two of us; Gerard on the edge of tears and my eyes still gleaming black from what i could see of my reflection in the mantle mirror.
“I’ll see you guys around,” He muttered, making to move but I called out to him when he reached the door.
“Thanks man, for everything.”
Frank smiled grimly.
“You’re welcome, dude.”
And with that, he was gone.
I waited until I heard the front door close before turning back to Gerard. He looked at me with such sorrowful eyes that it inspired bloodlust in me. But there was only me responsible. No one to kill but myself and I knew that would only make matters worse.
“Gerard, I-”
Gerard cut me off.
“Mikey, you’re new. It was totally normal. It was gonna happen. There is nothing wrong with you. You’re completely normal for where you are right now and you’re a fool for not thinking it. I’m a fool for letting you go back, but at least you didn’t kill-”
“I killed Holly McDonald.”
Gerard blinked.
“You mean the daughter of the McDonalds who run the art store?”
I nodded.
Gerard sucked in a breath of air.
“Fuck,” he said.
“Fuck,” I agreed.
“Did you burn the body,” he asked, after another moment of silence.
I nodded.
“But it’s on school property; they’d have probably found it by now.”
Gerard hissed.
“Shit, shit, shit... there’s no way to link it back to you though, but still!”
His worry was engulfing the room to point where my chest felt constricted. I hadn’t felt this way since the last time I’d had an asthma attack, something I didn’t have to worry about now.
“Gerard, chill,” I choked, “You’re killing me with the worry here.”
My words didn’t help. In fact, they made it worse.
“Shit, Mikey,” Gerard cried as he rushed to me, helping me onto the couch.
“Your worry is like an asthma attack,” I breathed hard, “And I don’t even need to breathe. Our connection is fucking strong.”
Gerard took a few deep, unnecessary breaths out of an old human habit to calm down.
It worked.
I felt the pressure ease.
Gerard smiled when he felt my own discomfort lessen. He sat next to me and threw an arm across my stomach, hugging me tight to him. I turned my head away.
“I wish I could get rid of all this for you. Mrs Reeves said you were more vicious and would have a harder time adapting to being around humans.”
I kinda didn’t like how Mrs Reeves always seemed to be right.
I patted his hand on my stomach and tried to ignore the warmth I could feel from both of us... but soon it became too much. I turned to face Gerard again only to find his face inches from mine, resting on my shoulder.
Warmth shot through my whole being and was only heightened as I felt Gerard body react to the closeness as well.
I wanted to kiss him so badly.
We both breathed once more to steady ourselves. Only, I could feel Gerard’s own warm breath wash across my face. He smelt of coffee and a slight metallic taste which I was sure was blood.
I wanted to kiss him so badly... and the reasons of ‘why not to’ were slipping quickly from my brain.
Gerard looked up at me. I could tell he was reading every minute emotion swimming through me in that moment. His eyes were wide, scanning and almost nervous as he took in my face. His hands reached down and covered mine.
My eyes roamed down from his eyes to his lips. The pale pink flesh moved slowly as he bit his lip. It was a nervous habit of Gerards. I didn’t like the fact that he was nervous.
My brain temporarily malfunctioned. What on earth did Gerard have to be nervous about again?
Once more, my brain kicked logic out the window and took the own move it would reason to comfort Gerard.
I pressed my lips to his.
Gerard’s eyes fell shut instantly and I followed soon after as an overwhelming feeling shot through my whole body. It felt like my whole body was being rattled by static electricity. It wasn’t painful though; it was mind blowing, blissful, euphoric...
After a few moments of desperate lip connection I pulled away as my rational brain began to work again.
The fuck.
I had just kissed my older brother.
I’d just kissed my brother!
I’d just kissed Gerard!
What the fuck was I even thinking-
What was that sensation I’d felt when I’d kissed him? It had taken me away to another plain. It had felt so good...
I opened my eyes to meet Gerard’s. He hadn’t moved an inch. We both stared wide eyed at each other.
I tried to form words, unaware of what I was going to say, but it didn’t matter because my throat refused to function.
Gerard spoke first.
“Mikey,” he said in a whisper. I couldn’t decipher the emotion from the sound but I could feel the shock, panic, realisation, and remnants of the feelings from the kiss bleeding out from Gerard almost where I hands connected.
“I...”
“Mikey, I... we’re mates,” Gerard stuttered out, like he couldn’t even believe what he was saying, like it was completely preposterous.
“But, we’re- [i]What?[/i]”
Mates?
Vampires had mates?
My brother and I were supposedly mates?
My [i]brother![/i]
I-
WHAT?!

Notes

[b]Author's Notes:[i] Jay and Ash[/b][/i]

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