You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In High School
If You Want I'll Keep On Crying
MIKEYS POV
"Is he okay now though?" I said down the phone to Frank. He had rang me letting me know he had found Gerard after I had been frantically searching the house for him.
"He's a bit shaken up, I'm going to walk him home but then I think it would be best if it was just you two" He replied.
"You're probably right, I'll just be waiting then. See you, Frank" I said back hanging up on him.
I walked into the kitchen and began to make coffee. Gerard would always drink it to make himself feel better. I sat two mugs at the table then sipped away at one of them as I waited for him.
It wasn't too long before Gerard came stumbling in through the front door, I couldn't see him from where I was but I could hear him and Frank saying goodbye. When Gerard walked into the room I was shocked with what I seen.
"Gee?" I gulped putting my mug down on to the table. "You look really bad."
"I know." He mumbled under his breath his eyes not moving from the ground. "Is mum in?" He slowly asked.
"Not yet, no" I replied, "Gee you're gonna have to tell her this time."
He looked up, as if I had said the craziest thing ever and I instantly regretted saying it.
"Oh yeah, and what if it starts up again! We can't move out this time!" He shouted at me tears appearing in his eyes.
"Gerard," I began but he cut me off.
"No Mikey, I thought you would understand. You're my brother." He said as tears began to trickle down his face.
"Fine, I'll lie for you once again," Gerard crying always made me feel so terrible, "but this is the last time."
"Thanks, Mikey" He replied gratefully wiping the tears from his eyes.
"You owe me!" I told him.
He looked over at the table and seen the coffee I had made for him and he simply pointed at it, I knew what he was demanding and I rolled my eyes before passing it over.
"So, what exactly happened with Josh?" I asked him as I looked him up and down, he wa s a complete mess. Gerards face dropped instantly and he froze in the middle of sipping on his coffee.
"It was just like last time" he said slowly as he took the mug away from his face.
"It couldn't have been if you both knew you were meeting each other for it." I told him.
"Frankie told you that part?" he asked. Frankie? Oh god, pet names already.
"Yeah, I know everything he knows I guess, unless you've told him more than me?"
He shook his head, "No, there isn't anything other than that to tell anyway" he said as his eyes became fixated to the ground once again.
"So how did it start, what did he say or do?" I asked looking at him curiously.
"I can't remember, I just walked in then he told me that this was my fault then started hitting me" he said as he furrowed his brow. He was acting so strange.
"Look, Im going to go clean up and have shower" he mumbled before placing his now empty cup into the sink and leaving me on my own. I heard him fumbling up the stairs and slamming the bathroom door shut.
GERARDS POV
I was standing infront of the mirror, looking right into it. I could see myself staring back, but it wasn't me. I felt as if i'd lost a part of me now. Tears yet again fell from my face. I looked away in attempt to stop my thoughts. I started taking my clothes off and walked into the shower letting the warm water run over my numb, shocked body. I was hoping it would calm me down but it didnt. The images just wouldn't leave my head, it was happening over and over.
I quickly stopped the water and walked out, quickly finding at towel to wrap around my naked body. Once again looking over to the mirror. My eyes red and swollen from all the crying. I reached my hand out and opened the cabinet hanging on the wall beside it. I brought my wrist to my attention and traced my fingers over the lines of my scars and healing cuts.
"Gerard, I need to pee. I know you're out the shower now, its not running anymore!" I heard a voice call from behind the door.
"I'm just coming, Mikey." I replied as i hastily reached out for my desired object before shutting the cabinet. I picked up my clothes and hit it into one of the pockets in my hoody.
"Avert your eyes now" I said as I unlocked the door to let Mikey.
"About time!" he groaned and quickly shut the door shut again.
I walked through into my room placing my clothes onto my bed and sat myself next to them staring at my hoody. I had promised myself I would stop for changing schools, that I would get better. Not now though, not after everything. I needed it.
"Is he okay now though?" I said down the phone to Frank. He had rang me letting me know he had found Gerard after I had been frantically searching the house for him.
"He's a bit shaken up, I'm going to walk him home but then I think it would be best if it was just you two" He replied.
"You're probably right, I'll just be waiting then. See you, Frank" I said back hanging up on him.
I walked into the kitchen and began to make coffee. Gerard would always drink it to make himself feel better. I sat two mugs at the table then sipped away at one of them as I waited for him.
It wasn't too long before Gerard came stumbling in through the front door, I couldn't see him from where I was but I could hear him and Frank saying goodbye. When Gerard walked into the room I was shocked with what I seen.
"Gee?" I gulped putting my mug down on to the table. "You look really bad."
"I know." He mumbled under his breath his eyes not moving from the ground. "Is mum in?" He slowly asked.
"Not yet, no" I replied, "Gee you're gonna have to tell her this time."
He looked up, as if I had said the craziest thing ever and I instantly regretted saying it.
"Oh yeah, and what if it starts up again! We can't move out this time!" He shouted at me tears appearing in his eyes.
"Gerard," I began but he cut me off.
"No Mikey, I thought you would understand. You're my brother." He said as tears began to trickle down his face.
"Fine, I'll lie for you once again," Gerard crying always made me feel so terrible, "but this is the last time."
"Thanks, Mikey" He replied gratefully wiping the tears from his eyes.
"You owe me!" I told him.
He looked over at the table and seen the coffee I had made for him and he simply pointed at it, I knew what he was demanding and I rolled my eyes before passing it over.
"So, what exactly happened with Josh?" I asked him as I looked him up and down, he wa s a complete mess. Gerards face dropped instantly and he froze in the middle of sipping on his coffee.
"It was just like last time" he said slowly as he took the mug away from his face.
"It couldn't have been if you both knew you were meeting each other for it." I told him.
"Frankie told you that part?" he asked. Frankie? Oh god, pet names already.
"Yeah, I know everything he knows I guess, unless you've told him more than me?"
He shook his head, "No, there isn't anything other than that to tell anyway" he said as his eyes became fixated to the ground once again.
"So how did it start, what did he say or do?" I asked looking at him curiously.
"I can't remember, I just walked in then he told me that this was my fault then started hitting me" he said as he furrowed his brow. He was acting so strange.
"Look, Im going to go clean up and have shower" he mumbled before placing his now empty cup into the sink and leaving me on my own. I heard him fumbling up the stairs and slamming the bathroom door shut.
GERARDS POV
I was standing infront of the mirror, looking right into it. I could see myself staring back, but it wasn't me. I felt as if i'd lost a part of me now. Tears yet again fell from my face. I looked away in attempt to stop my thoughts. I started taking my clothes off and walked into the shower letting the warm water run over my numb, shocked body. I was hoping it would calm me down but it didnt. The images just wouldn't leave my head, it was happening over and over.
I quickly stopped the water and walked out, quickly finding at towel to wrap around my naked body. Once again looking over to the mirror. My eyes red and swollen from all the crying. I reached my hand out and opened the cabinet hanging on the wall beside it. I brought my wrist to my attention and traced my fingers over the lines of my scars and healing cuts.
"Gerard, I need to pee. I know you're out the shower now, its not running anymore!" I heard a voice call from behind the door.
"I'm just coming, Mikey." I replied as i hastily reached out for my desired object before shutting the cabinet. I picked up my clothes and hit it into one of the pockets in my hoody.
"Avert your eyes now" I said as I unlocked the door to let Mikey.
"About time!" he groaned and quickly shut the door shut again.
I walked through into my room placing my clothes onto my bed and sat myself next to them staring at my hoody. I had promised myself I would stop for changing schools, that I would get better. Not now though, not after everything. I needed it.
Notes
Thank you for the comments! Since there was so many I decided to do a quick update! The more the comments the quicker the update I've decided haha.oh, I remember writing this and I don't write about gerard actually cutting because I know that reading things can be triggering, and also I know this isn't mcr related but if any readers do suffer self harm/depression etc then you're very strong to have made it this far and lots of people care about you. I'm always here and you can message me :) x
SITTING HERE ALONE IN 2015 WANTING TO SELL MY SOUL FOR AN UPDATE GOD DAMMIT
6/26/15