Shadows You Left Behind.

The sun streamed into my room, seeping through the cracks in the curtains. I sat up, blinking, my eyes stunned by the luminosity.
“Fuck you.” I croaked at the window, slamming my head back down on one pillow, holding one over my head. In the warm morning, I giggled a little to myself, how ridiculous it was to shout at a curtain.
When I woke up, after crying for a night, I always felt more recharged than normal, which was weird. I surprisingly did not feel sad.
I gradually lifted my head from underneath the pillow, and took in the room around me.
I placed my feet gently on the ground and wandered to the window.
Today was sunny, which was weird. It wasn't exactly warm, but it was sunny. It rose from the horizon line, slowly hazing up to the top of the very high sky.

It was odd, all I had ever really wanted in life was to see beauty in things, and I'd never seen that. I admired other people gazing upon landscapes and photographs.
I only saw beauty in faces and people, and the things that people did.
Recently however, I had been learning, as if seeing the world in a different light, a more mature light, although I could never be classed as mature. Maybe instead, it was the way a baby saw the world, new, and strange, waiting for every inch to be discovered. It was like a yearning, suddenly, I wanted to be outside.
But, at the same time, it was warm in here, and I was hungry, so I guess food was first on the agenda.


I wandered downstairs, wrapping my dressing gown around myself.
The curtains were open, there appeared to be light streaming in everywhere, a dull yellow light that did not seem to bring any shadow to any part of the room.
There was a note on the coffee table explaining where my parents were and what not to do while they were gone. For example, 'We wanted to set off early and make a weekend of it.' and 'Don't answer the phone or the doorbell, don't let anyone in.'
Ah, Frank the ten year old.

. .


I glanced over at the clock, 9.02pm, already. I sighed.
Today hadn't exactly been productive, I guess I'd caught up on a little revision and homework, but I had done nothing for my creative juices or my happiness.
I tried not to think what Gerard or Holly were doing this weekend. I
could imagine it quite clearly, however; Crying.
I had been meaning to go for a walk today, at least go out of the house once, but I decided against it, I just had no energy, and I felt...lethargic.
I had also picked up my guitar, but it was like all my motivation and excitement had been drained.
I walked into the kitchen and made myself some food--tomato pasta with grated cheese--and brought it up to my room, shuffling up the stairs and trying to balance a plate, cutlery, and a drink.
I ate it quickly and placed it on the drawer, before laying on my bed.
It was starting to get dark, which was annoying, because it made me tired earlier.
I pulled my jeans off and hid under my quilt, much like I had the night before.
In fact, a lot like the night before, because I started to cry...again.
Now, I'm not exactly an emotional person, never have been, never will be.
But guilt and anger and confusion are just eating at me, and I just can't take it.
I curled up into a fetal position, everywhere was cold, no matter how much I wrapped my duvet around myself, I was still shaking, gripping onto my sides in an attempt to keep myself together. The only words forming in my brain were curse words, and I wanted to address my problems, but whenever I tried to think about them, my mind went blotchy, and it hurt my chest. I felt my anxiety rising and I tried to steady my breathing, muffling my gasps with my hand, now red from teeth marks from where I had tried to stop my erratic breathing.
Okay.
Thoughts.
I had kissed Gerard back.
Okay.
Fuck, anger, pain.
Thoughts.
Holly.
Apologies.
Gerard.
Apologies.
I had decided that on Monday, I would say sorry to them, then leave them.
I couldn't stay somewhere and have to deal with the consequences, and have to watch them look at me with sadness or annoyance. I just couldn't do it. Selfish.

I didn't know how I was gonna leave them; The planet? The school? The town? Their eyesight? Everything was confusing, but they didn't deserve this either.
I snuffled into my pillow and tried to ignore my chest, that felt so deep and heavy that it might cave in, and wiped a stray tear.

A little noise danced at the back of mind.
Tap.
Tap.
What the hell was that?
I gathered my blankets closer, shielding myself from whatever evil thing was apparently blanket-proof.
The tapping didn't stop. It was light, not menacing, but that probably scared me more.
I put my feet to the group, still wrapped in my duvet, I walked towards the window.
Shit.
There was someone outside my fucking house. Throwing rocks. Who does that? That's not a real life thing.
Ducking down quickly, I tried to hide, feeling more afraid than if it was a scary monster. I peeked up, looking at the stranger, except that wasn't what he was.
It had to only be one person, Gerard.
Why did I have to tell him where I lived?

I hopped back into bed, deciding I was not ready to face him; especially with the fact I had been crying moments before. I guess I could try and sleep.





“The time is, 1.48, AM.” I rolled over, growling at the clock that I'd just allowed to talk. It was early, but my throat was aching with thirst. I wriggled over, stuffing my face into the pillow. I didn't feel tired anymore; that pissed me off.
I pulled myself up onto my elbows, shuffling my legs until I was sat up, and slid out of bed with a slight thud, luckily managing to stand.
I wandered onto the landing, turning on lights as I went and using my hands to guide myself around the house as my eyes were still aching and stinging with memories of sleep.
I nearly fell down the stairs; not the best way to wake up.
The kitchen was cold, and I began to wish I'd worn pyjamas, as opposed to yesterday's t-shirt and underwear.
I glanced over to the throw on the couch, seized it up, and swiftly wrapped it around myself. Much better.

Maybe I should light the fireplace, sleep didn't look like an option, a movie on the other hand, maybe.
The fireplace was highly unused, hidden behind a table, Mom had said it made us look like snow-fucking-white, and that it didn't match the 'sophisticated vibe of the place', not in those words, obviously.

I dumped the blanket back down, and dragged the table out of the way, clearing the dust from around it, hoping that the wood inside it would still be fine. I went to get a match from the kitchen, almost forgetting the fact that I was thirsty. I rushed to the faucet, that suddenly looked so inviting. As I was drinking, I looked out of the window. It looked freezing outside, the trees looming inwardly inside the window, as if they were edging to get inside.
I squinted my eyes, noticing something moving slightly, narrowing them, they fixed upon something. No, someone.
A small, sleeping figure, slumped up against a tree, their black, rather greasy hair gently fanning across their temporarily- unconscious face.
This kid was a stalker. But he was fucking cute when he slept.
I remembered how cold it was, and how long he'd been here.
Shit, -what- 4 hours?!
I put down my glass and wandered over to the light switch, turning the lamp on in the window. The sudden light must've hit his eye line and I watched him wake up, disorientated. I giggled.
He rushed to his feet, then clutched his head from the slight dizziness. He went over towards my door. I hid.
The doorbell rang, sounding like a tuneful death march. Yay.

Reluctantly, I had to invite him in, it was so cold out there.

Notes

sORRY IT'S SHORT AND SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG!
I've been struggling for motivation, energy and general happiness this month, I'm kinda proud I actually managed to scramble together another chapter. We have tests all week next week, so I don't think I'll update next week, you never know. Anyway, thank you ever so much for reading, subscribing, rating, it's so kind of you guys to take the time to read my stuff! If you could rate it and comment and tell me what you think, I would appreciate it so much. <3 But yeah, thank you.
Until the next time, Georgia.
XOXOg.