Don’t get to close it’s dark inside.
.
Trigger warning.
Frank’s POV
“He’s strange.” Hugh said and I smacked his chest and looked at him.
“What was that for?” Hugh asked as he rubbed his chest and walked into my room as I shut my door.
“Don’t be mean about Gerard, the poor bastard has been through enough and he doesn’t need people like you being horrible towards him.” I said and Hugh rolled his eyes at me as he stepped closer to me and caught hold of my top.
“Damn never thought I’d see you be protective over anyone but Arya.” Hugh said and I rolled my eyes as I pushed him closer to me and I kissed him which Hugh returned.
“Am I getting a lesson about myself or am I getting laid?” I asked which made Hugh chuckle as he kissed me and I pushed him towards my bed as we take our tops off which then followed by everything else coming off.
I looked at Hugh and smiled as I watched him sleep and I decided to see if Gerard was okay since I did know he was a little sensitive if people say anything about him, but he gotten better with Arya being a bitch towards him.
I got to Gerard’s door and knocked on it.
“Gee, Gee it’s me, can I come in and check on you?” I said and I got no response which got me worried and I went to open the door and I couldn’t.
“Gee can you move from the door, if not I have to get Don to get in.” I said but I still didn’t get a response so I moved and went to Mum and dad room.
“Dad, dad wake up something is wrong with Gee.” I said as I shook his arm.
“Get lost Arya it’s too early to be up.” Dad mumbled as he rolled over and cuddled up to mum.
“Dad please, Something has happened to Gee.” I said as I shook his arm and dad sighed loudly as he rolled away from mum and he opened his eyes.
“What Frank?” Dad asked sleepily.
“Something don’t feel right with Gee and I can’t get into his room.” I said and dad woke up a bit more as he got out of bed and we went to Gerard room.
Dad tried to open the door but he couldn’t and he pushed the door hard and managed to get it open and I went inside and found Gerard slumped by the wall.
“Gee, come on Gee wake up for me please.” I said as I tapped his face and I saw Gerard’s eyes flutter open.
“Christ Gee don’t fucking do that.” I said as I looked him over and saw his arm was bleeding and I looked back at Gerard.
“It’s going to be alright, let’s get you sorted.” I said softly as I stood up and help Gerard to stand and I looked at dad.
“I’ve got this, also don’t go in my room as I have Hugh round.” I said and dad frowned at me and then he rolled his eyes as he went back to bed.
“Let’s get this sorted.” I said softly as I gently pushed Gerard to the bathroom.
Gerard sat on the side and he was looking down at his arm and was picking at his arm which made me frown at him.
“Don’t pick at it.” I said softly as I looked at Gerard who had tears rolling down his cheeks as he started to cry.
“Hey don’t cry, it’s going to be okay Gee.” I said and Gerard shook his head.
“Just let me die.” Gerard whispered and I gently caught hold of his chin and made him look at me.
“Don’t ever say that Gerard. You are alive and you have a second chance of life. Don’t wish your life away because of what those bastards did to you.” I said softly and Gerard looked down as he sniffed loudly.
“Let’s sort your arm out.” I whispered as I got the first aid box and started to sort Gerard’s arm out.
Since I was just in my shorts I could feel Gerard looking at my tattoos and I also had some scars as well.
“You know, I used to think there was no way out of the shit I was in and I used to hurt myself and I would try to kill myself.” I said as I looked at Gerard.
“Why?” Gerard whispered as he looked at me and I smiled at him.
“I like guys instead of girls and I was about 13 when I realized that and I was scared to come out because I was worried that nobody would like me, so I shit myself away and I would hurt myself. I came out liking guys when I was 15 after mum found me hurting myself badly and that’s when I was given the diagnosis of having depression.” I said and Gerard nodded as he looked down.
“I would never go back down that road, I know I’m completely different than what you have been through. But I promise you that having a tiny bit of metal ruining your life is not worth it okay.” I said and Gerard sniffed as I put the bandage on his arm.
“You are more than this okay. Whatever the voices tell you, it’s all shit okay. Remember that, if they tell you to hurt yourself then you tell them to fuck off and you come and find me if I’m not at school.” I said and Gerard nodded.
“Can I stay with you tonight?” Gerard asked and I sighed as I looked at him.
“Normally you would be able to, but tonight I have someone round.” I said and Gerard nodded as he looked down and got off the side and walked out the room.
“Gee.” I said as I walked out the bathroom and caught hold of his hand which made him look at me.
“Get your duvet and go downstairs, I’ll be down there in a minute.” I said and Gerard smiled as he looked down.
“You can go back to your friend, I’ll be okay.” Gerard said quietly and I didn’t like the feeling he was giving off.
“Gee your not okay.” I said and Gerard sighed as he looked at me.
“I’ll be okay. Go back to your friend and I’ll see you in the morning.” Gerard said as he went to his room and got his duvet and then he went downstairs where I heard the tv being turned on.
I sighed as I went to my room and climbed into bed being careful not to wake Hugh up but he did sigh loudly as he rolled over and cuddled into my side which made me smile as I messed with his hair and my mind went to Gerard hoping he wasn’t going to do nothing stupid.
———————————————————————————————————————
“You look like shit.” Hugh said as we walked to school.
“I’m just worried about Gee.” I said as Hugh caught hold of my hand which made me look at him since where I was out in the open, Hugh was still in the closet.
“I’m sure he will be okay Frank.” Hugh said and I just sighed as I shook my head.
“You don’t understand him.” I said and Hugh stopped and gently pulled me towards somewhere where Hugh pushed me against a tree and he kissed me which I returned.
“You need to come out of the closet, can’t keep hiding forever Hugh.” I said quietly as I tucked some hair behind his ear.
“You know what my parents are like, until we leave school I can’t risk people knowing.” Hugh said and I sighed as I looked down.
“If you cant be happy for who you are and that you are with me then why are we even doing this?” I said as I looked at Hugh.
“Not this conversation again Frank.” Hugh said and I frowned at him.
“Yes this conversation again, because clearly you don’t love me enough to show what we are. You know when you come out to your parents, my mum and dad would of welcomed you with open arms. What’s the point of hiding what we are because nothing is going to change or are you too ashamed of liking dick and that you’re just using me.” I said seriously and Hugh sighed as he looked down.
I nodded as I looked down with a sniff.
“Yeah that’s what I thought.” I said quietly as I turned round and walked off.
“Frank Wait.” Hugh said and he ran over to me and caught hold of my hand which made me stop and look at him.
“I want to be with you but I can’t because of everything. Frank I wasn’t using you please, I still want to be with you.” Hugh said and I shook my head.
“I can’t keep on hiding round the corner or hiding in the toilets just to fucking hug or kiss you. I’m done with hiding I’ve done my share of hiding and I’m not hiding anymore. Until you come out and learn to accept yourself then I can’t be with you anymore.” I said as I turned round and headed home because I can’t be dealing with school.
I walked through the door and saw Gerard walking round wrapped in his duvet and he jumped when he saw me.
“You’re not at school.” Gerard said sounding confused which made me chuckle softly as I walked into the office where dad was home keeping an eye on Gerard since we couldn’t trust Gerard not to do something stupid.
Dad turned round in his chair and he frowned at me.
“Why you not at school?” Dad asked and I walked over to the chair and sat on it.
“I ended it with Hugh.” I said quietly and dad carried on frowning at me.
“You’ve been with him for nearly two years now, why did you end it?” Dad asked.
Me and Arya are always been close and open with mum and dad and if we needed someone to talk to then we would talk to Mum and dad.
“He wanted to stay hidden from everyone, I mean yeah I understand that his parents are very anti gay and would disown him if he was to come out, but you guys would of welcomed him in. I guess I just wanted to show him to the world but he just wanted to stay hidden.” I said as I looked down.
“Thought you would be more bummed about it.” Dad said and I chuckled quietly.
“As much as I love him, but it was getting to the point where it was going to be make or break and I think it was just going to breakdown because he was so unwilling to come out. Any how I guess I’ll find another dude hopefully he’ll be more out in the open.” I said and dad smiled.
“Christ guys are such hard work.” I said as I lent back in the chair and dad chuckled.
“Women aren’t much easier.” Dad said and I smiled as I stood up and went to the sitting room where Gerard was watching something on tv.
“How you feeling today?” I asked as I looked at Gerard who looked at me and smiled.
“Okay, my arm hurts a little but that what’s you get when your being stupid.” Gerard said quietly and I smiled at him as I looked down.
“You seem down.” Gerard said and I looked at Gerard as I sighed.
“I just broke up with my boyfriend who I was with for 2 years.” I said and Gerard nodded as he thought about something and he picked the tv remote up and gave it to me.
“I’m sorry about that, watch whatever you want to cheer you up.” Gerard said and I smiled as I took the remote and put on what I wanted to watch and I stayed sat with Gerard watching this tv show.
Arya came home from school and she pulled me out to the kitchen.
“What the fucked happened between you and Hugh?” Arya asked as she made herself a tea.
“Since when did you give a shit about mine and Hugh’s relationship?” I asked and Arya sighed as she looked at me.
“Since he’s been looking like he’s been dumped all day today at school and I saw you two go to your spot before going to school.” Arya said and I sighed.
“I wanted more and he wanted to stay hidden in the closet, what more is there to say.” I said and Arya frowned at me.
“But you two had been together for 2 years, surely it has to be something more than him still wanting to hide. I mean you two managed it for the last 2 years.” Arya said and I sighed as I looked at her.
“When your with someone who wants to stay hidden so all you do is stay at home all the time because they too scared of being spotted, it’s fucking hard Arya. I wanted to go out and do things and hold his hand and kiss him but I couldn’t do that. You don’t understand how that feels Arya because you are straight and you don’t get the looks I would get.” I said and Arya smiled at me as she rested her hand on top of mine which made me look at her and smile.
“I might not understand Frank but I can understand where your coming from.” Arya said and I sighed.
“And for the record, I never actually liked Hugh.” Arya said which made me chuckle as Arya moved and gave me a hug which I returned.
I let go of Arya and went back to the sitting room where Gerard had disappeared somewhere but I just shrugged my shoulders and carried on watching what I was watching.
I was sat in my room when someone knocked on the door and I looked up and saw mum and I nodded as she walked into my room and sat on the bed.
“I don’t want to talk about me and Hugh.” I said quietly and mum smiled.
“I understand sweetie, but are you okay?” Mum asked and I shrugged my shoulders.
“I have ended a 2 year relationship, explain how I might be okay.” I said and mum put a hand on my knee which made me sigh.
“Sweetie I know it’s hard and he was a lot of your firsts, but you can do better than him.” Mum said and I smiled as I looked at her.
“Guess he was good for all the first but now I just want something else I guess.” I said and mum chuckled softly.
“Just don’t go down the road I did young man.” Mum said and I smiled at mum.
“I won’t Don’t worry.” I said quietly which made mum smile.
“Now, do you want to have a takeaway followed by movies downstairs with everyone?” Mum asked which made me smile.
“Sounds good to me.” I said and mum patted my leg as she got up and walked out my room.
I sighed as I got up and walked out my room where I saw Gerard doing something which made me frown so I walked over to him and he was pacing in his room and he didn’t have a top on.
“Gee, is everything okay?” I asked and Gerard nodded.
“Just Leave me be.” Gerard said as he carried on pacing and I looked behind me and I saw Arya who looked confused.
“He said I remind him of someone.” Arya said which made me frown as the only thing which Arya has changed was her hair colour, where it was blonde it’s now black.
“It’s Just Arya Gee, she isn’t going to hurt you.” I said softly and Gerard took a deep breath and looked at me as he walked out the room.
“It’s Arya, I know she looks different but she’s still her bitchy self.” I said as Gerard caught hold of my top.
“She looks like Jill.” Gerard whispered and I smiled as I looked at him.
“Well it’s not Jill, it’s the bitchy sister.” I said and Arya glared at me.
“Fuck you Frank.” Arya said as she went back downstairs.
“See it’s just Arya, don’t worry.” I said quietly as I looked at Gerard and he nodded.
“Let’s go downstairs and see what you want to eat.” I said and I walked off as Gerard followed me downstairs.
Everyone had fallen asleep part from me and Gerard so we was sat upstairs in my room with the rats.
“You don’t to say, but how did you get those scars round your ankles and wrists?” I asked and Gerard sighed as he ran his fingers over the scars on his wrists.
“There from handcuffs. I would be handcuffed to something and I always struggled against them. The ones on my ankles are where I struggled against the handcuffs when they d..d..did stuff too me.” Gerard said quietly as he made a fuss of Sulley who was on his lap.
“That’s awful.” I said and Gerard nodded slightly.
“You say that the tally on your leg are the number of people who had you, so 10 people have had you.” I said and Gerard looked at the tally on his leg and ran his finger over it.
“I guess.” Gerard whispered and he pulled his shorts down more.
“So where did you stay then?” I asked and Gerard looked at me.
“When I was little it was a locked room with the windows blacked out, then as I got older it was the basement.” Gerard said and I nodded.
I looked at Gerard and noticed his face had changed.
“Gee.” I said as I put my hand on his knee which made him look at me.
“I’m sorry.” Gerard said quietly as he looked down.
“Why you saying sorry? You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.” I said.
“I want this all to stop, I don’t like the flashbacks or the nightmares. I don’t want to be reminded everyday of what the did to me.” Gerard said as I saw a tear roll down his cheek.
“It’ll take time Gee, having PTSD is something which takes a long time to heal and especially after what you have been through it may never go.” I said and Gerard looked at me.
“Everything is going to be okay Gee, you will get there in your own time.” I said and Gerard sighed as he looked down.
“Because I’m nosey and all that how old was you when you lost it?” I asked and Gerard raised a eyebrow at me confused.
“How old was you when someone had sex with you.” I said and Gerard looked down and he started to run his nails up and down his skin in a way of hurting himself.
“I..I..I was 5.” Gerard whispered as he got up and walked out my room and I heard him go into his room and I felt bad so I got off the bed and went to Gerard’s room.
I walked into Gerard room and he was on his mattress and I could hear him cry and I sighed and walked over and lead behind him which made Gerard go tense.
“Please don’t hurt me.” Gerard sobbed and I sighed quietly as I gently rolled him over and through the tears rolling down his cheeks you could see that he was scared.
“I would never dream of hurting you.” I said softly and Gerard sniffed as he shook his head as he carried on crying.
“Hey, those bastards aren’t worth your tears and making you face so tear stained. Life is too short for all this sorrow.” I whispered and Gerard looked at me.
“Has anyone ever hugged you before?” I asked and Gerard shook his head.
“Only Mikey hugged me when I was in hospital.” Gerard said quietly.
“Would you let me hug you?” I asked and Gerard thought about it for a second and he nodded.
“Roll onto your side and I can give you a hug.” I said quietly and Gerard rolled onto his side and I moved making sure I kept a space between us and I put my arm round him which made Gerard tense slightly.
“Just remember that I’m not going to hurt you.” I said quietly and Gerard sniffed but he relaxed a little.
“Are people always horrible towards other people?” Gerard asked and I sighed.
“There are some horrible people out there but there are good people out there, you just have to find the right people you want to hang around with.” I said and Gerard nodded and I felt him yawn.
“Please stay, the nightmares are really bad at the moment.” Gerard said quietly which made me smile slightly.
“I’ll stay okay, I’m just going to get my duvet and pillow okay because your mattress isn’t big for the both of us.” I said and I moved and stood up and went to my room where I picked my duvet and pillows up and went back to Gerard’s room.
I walked back into his room and Gerard was sat up hugging his knees.
“I can either share the mattress with you or I can sleep on the floor it’s up to you.” I said and Gerard looked at me and he moved over so there was a space for me.
I walked over and sat down on the mattress and I looked at Gerard and he smiled at me which I returned.
“No offense here, but how the fuck do you sleep on a mattress?” I asked as I got comfy and Gerard chuckled as he did the same facing me.
“You get used to it after a while.” Gerard said quietly as he slowly fell asleep.
