Don’t get to close it’s dark inside.
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Gerard’s POV
When I woke up and found Finn quietly sorting the sitting room out.
“Hey sweetie, did I wake you up?” Finn asked softly and I shook my head as I sat up still feeling really tired after having this PRN last night.
“How you feeling after yesterday?” Finn asked.
“Tired.” I said quietly which made Finn smile as she sat next to me.
“I’m not surprised, you going to go and have a shower and get dressed as you got to go to the doctors today.” Finn said softly.
“Do I have too?” I whispered as I looked at her.
“Afraid so sweetie, but hopefully we’ll be able to get you some medication that can help you and too see what is wrong with you.” Finn said and I nodded as I looked down and I moved off the sofa and went upstairs to get dressed and I put my hat on as it seems to be the only thing which brought comfort to me and if I was to freak out it would slowly bring me back to reality.
I went downstairs and looked at Finn who smiled at me which I returned.
“Ready Gee?” Finn asked and I nodded as I followed Finn out the house and into the car and went to the doctors.
We got to the doctors and we waited until I was called, after a while my name was called and I looked at Finn as a sign for her to come with me and she smiled at me as she stood up.
“Don’t worry Gee, I’ll be right beside you.” Finn said which made me smile as we went to the doctors office.
“Hello.” The doctor said as we walked in the room and Finn shut the door behind us which made me look at her.
“It’s okay Gee.” Finn said as reassurance but I still didn’t feel sure about this.
“What can I do to help you?” The doctor asked as she looked at me as I looked round the room and I remained mute like always and I refused to look at the doctor.
“We are here because we want to see what the matter is with Gerard.” Finn said and the doctor nodded.
“Okay, I understand that you have had some stuff done to see if you have PTSD.” The doctor said and I looked at Finn for help.
“Gerard is mute to anyone outside of my family, but yes we went had some stuff done but we’re here to actually get more help as I feel that Gerard isn’t getting the support he needs after what he has been through.” Finn said and I was glad I had Finn with me as I knew she would fight my corner for me.
“Okay so you suggesting Gerard has more of a complex PTSD?” The doctor asked.
“Yeah I am saying he has complex PTSD as Gerard was taken as a child and u til he was rescued by my husband, Gerard has been through god knows what he probably has been through sexual abuse, physical and emotional abuse and god knows what else. Gerard shows all the signs of PTSD and we do have PRN in place Incase Gerard has a bad time of it but that isn’t enough for him. He also need a lot of therapy because god knows what happened to him and I just want him to open up and not be in fear of everyone and not be the shy scared person that he is because I know he is full of life and can be a happy normal boy of his age but is being stopped because of what has happened.” Finn said and the doctor listened as she nodded and looked at me again.
“Unless Gerard talks I can’t really do much.” The doctor said and Finn looked at me and she smiled reassuringly at me.
“It’ll be okay Gee.” Finn said softly and I looked down and messed with my hat which I took off.
“I..I..I need help.” I said quietly and Finn smiled proudly at me as she looked at the doctor and she had this smug look on her face.
“My boy needs help, if your not willing to help him then I’ll go somewhere else to get the help my boy needs.” Finn said suddenly getting protective over me for some reason which I couldn’t pick up.
“Come on Gee, this person isn’t going to help.” Finn said as she stood up and I followed her lead and stood close to her as I could sense she was pissed off slightly.
Finn caught hold of my hand which made me jump as she walked out the room with me following her.
I was stood by the door which lead to the back garden and I was looking out the window which was in the door.
“You can go out and enjoy the sun if you want, we’re not going to stop you going outside.” Finn said and I looked at her and back out the window.
“Never been allowed outside on my own before.” I said quietly as I touched the glass which made Finn open the door which made me jump and I looked at her.
“Out you go.” Finn said and I took a deep breath and stepped outside and I had a flashback to when my curiosity got the better of me when I was younger and I opened the back door and stepped outside.
I quickly turned round and ran inside and stood by the table and looked back at the open door as Finn looked at me.
“Gee I cant even imagine what you have been through, but you have a new life now and you can start again.” Finn said and I looked down.
“Sweetie I know this is a hard life to adjust to after years of being locked away and being told you can’t do so many things but now is the time to shine and be that amazing young man that I know is hiding underneath all of this.” Finn said which made me look at her.
“You are going to do amazing things Gee and everyone under this roof is going to support you all the way.” Finn said which made me smile as Finn walked over to me and she opened her arms out which made me frown at her and she chuckled softly as she walked over and she gently wrapped her arms round me and I stood there awkwardly not know what to do.
“A hug is always a good way to start mending those broken pieces.” Finn said softly as she moved and stood in front of me which made me look down and Finn place a finger under my chin and made me look at her.
“Show off those beautiful eyes, you shouldn’t have to hide or look down anymore.” Finn said as she turned round and started sorting some washing out and I went into the sitting room and did some drawing since Frank stole a sketchbook from his school for me as a sorry for scaring me yesterday.
I was sat with Frank in his room as he did his homework and I was drawing and we was listening to so music what Frank likes and to be honest it was slowly growing on me as well.
“You think I’m broken?” I asked Frank as I looked at him and he looked at me and smiled sadly at me.
“Being honest with you, yeah you are broken Gee.” Frank said softly which made me look down and I felt hurt by those words.
I felt Frank move on the bed and him sitting next to me and he pulled me into his side which made me tense slightly but soon warmed into the awkward hug.
“Yeah you maybe broken Gee, but all of us here will help mend those broken parts and make you into a person again. We’ll help you get better.” Frank said and I rested my head on his shoulder.
“They don’t want to help.” I said quietly and I could feel Frank frown.
“Who don’t want to help?” Frank asked as he moved and looked at me.
“The people who are meant to help people get better.” I said as I looked at him and Frank raised a eyebrow at me.
“You mean the doctor?” Frank asked and I nodded.
“She kept looking at me strange and I didn’t like her. She reminded me of Mrs J.” I said and Frank frowned.
“Do you have a picture of Mrs J?” Frank asked and I nodded as I picked my sketchbook up and flicked through the pages until I got to Mrs J.
“Mrs J was nice, she brought me food and drink when he wasn’t home.” I said and Frank moved the sketchbook off my lap and looked at the drawings.
“These are really good Gee.” Frank said which made me smile as I looked down.
“Did someone teach you how to draw?” Frank asked and I nodded.
“Daddy taught me to draw, daddy was a good guy.” I said quietly as I messed with the bed covers.
“Did he ever hurt you?” Frank asked carefully and I shrugged my shoulders.
“Only when I was naughty. Daddy said naughty boys had to be punished.” I said quietly as I started to run my nails up my arm.
“It’s okay, I won’t ask anymore.” Frank said softly as he put a hand on top of my hand which made me look at him.
“How many people have you been with?” Frank asked carefully and I looked down.
“Whatever is on my leg is the number of people.” I said as I moved and walked out of Frank’s room and I went and stood by Arya door but moved away from the door and went downstairs and went to see Finn in the sitting room.
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“I don’t want to talk to them!” I said loudly as I paced around my room as Finn and Don are waiting for me since we was going to talk to people about what happened to me.
“Gee we need to know what happened to you.” Finn said softly and I shook my head as my hands went to my hair and I started to pull it.
“They said if I told they would find me and kill me.” I said through gritted teeth as I carried on pacing and pulling my hair.
“They won’t find you or kill you sweetie.” Finn said and I shook my head and carried on pacing and slowly just losing my mind.
“This isn’t how you do it guys, out the way let me see him.” I heard Frank say and then heard him walking into my room.
“Gee, listen to me.” I heard Frank say and I looked at him and shook my head.
“I can’t say anything!” I shouted as I started to trash my room.
“Gerard, listen to me.” Frank said a bit more seriously as he walked over to me and caught hold of my hand which made me look at him.
“Calm down and take a deep breath.” Frank said softly and I looked around for my hat which I think Frank gathered I was looking for it.
“Your hat is here Gee.” Frank said quietly and hand it to me which I took and I slowly started to try and calm my breathing down.
“Now you need to talk to these people because these people are going to find the bastards who hurt you and done all the nasty things to you.” Frank said quietly I looked at him worried.
“Nobody can find them.” I whispered and I felt Frank squeeze my hand.
“They will try and find them and get the justice you need to help you move forward in your life.” Frank said and I looked down.
“If you want I’ll sit with you and mum while you have a chat with the cops, also dad is going to be there as well so we are all going to be right behind you.” Frank said and I looked at him and then looked over at Finn who smiled at me.
“I..I..I can’t do this.” I said as I turned round so my back was too them.
“Yeah you can Gee.” Frank said softly and his hand went on my back which made me move away from him.
“Please, I can’t do this.” I whispered and Frank sighed quietly.
“He doesn’t want to do it Mum, I’ve tried but he isn’t going to open up. Not today at least.” Frank said as he walked out the room.
“Gee.” Finn said and I shook my head.
“Okay sweetie, if you need us then we are downstairs.” Finn said as she left me alone and I walked over to my window and sat in it and sighed loudly as I watched the people leave the house.
I must of fell asleep as I felt someone touch my leg which my eyes fly open and I looked at the person and I saw Frank.
“W..W..What you doing here?” I asked sleepily as I rubbed my eyes and sat up and moved up my bed as I hug my knees.
“I just wanted to make sure you was okay.” Frank said softly but I felt unsure about this and I looked down.
“Are you going to hurt me?” I asked and Frank frowned at me.
“No silly, I’m not going to hurt you, nobody here is going to hurt you.” Frank said softly and I looked down.
“Gee you have to stop thinking everyone is going to hurt you.” Frank said and I sighed quietly.
“I..I..It’s not that easy okay, you try going through what I’ve been through and try to be in my shoes. Maybe you’ll understand why.” I said and Frank smiled softly at me.
“I can’t even imagine what you have been through Gee, nobody should go through what you have been through. But you have been with us now for 2 months and you know that none of us won’t hurt you.” Frank said and I shook my head.
“It’s not that easy.” I whispered and Frank’s hand rested on my knee which made me look at him.
“Look we all love you here Gee, you just need to see that and learn to trust us and nobody will hurt you. If they are going to come and hurt you then they have to get by dad and a very protective mamma bear.” Frank said which made me smile.
“Come on, Mum has made food and I don’t know about you but I’m starving.” Frank said as he stood up and looked at me.
“I know you must be hungry as you haven’t eaten all day.” Frank said softly and I sighed quietly as I stood up and followed Frank downstairs for food.
“Ugh, I hate making life choices.” Frank said as he looked through this book as me and him sat in his room since I didn’t really want to be on my own.
“Life choices?” I asked confused.
“You know where to go to college, what you want to study and where you want to go in life. Have you never thought about it?” Frank said and I looked down.
“I thought I would be still in hell.” I whispered as I picked at Frank’s covers.
“Well your not, so what do you have planned?” Frank asked and I shrugged my shoulders because I had no clue in life.
“I can’t even read or write, I have nothing in life. Hell for all I know I could end up on the streets doing the only thing I know best.” I said and I could feel Frank look at me.
“What about you? What do you want to do?” I asked as I looked at Frank and he smiled.
“Something in music, but dad wants me to join the police to keep the family name going.” Frank said and I nodded as I looked down.
“You can tell me where to go and all that but do you even remember your mum and dad?” Frank asked and I sighed as I shook my head.
“I have no memories of them.” I whispered as I looked away from Frank.
“What does that feel like?” Frank asked softly.
“It hurts I guess, but I have Mikey and you lot as my family now.” I said quietly as I looked at Frank who smiled at me.
“Want me to teach you to read and write?” Frank asked and I shook my head.
“They said it was pointless for a kid like me to learn to read and write because I would be dead before anyone found me and if they did find me I’ll be so fucked up nobody would want me and the only thing I knew was to spread my legs for guys.” I said quietly and I felt Frank move so he was now sat next to me.
“Well we both know that’s not true because you are alive and you have escaped from them, you may have a bit of a messed up head but we love you as you are and we would never change you.” Frank said and I smiled.
“Also it’s never too late to learn or do the things you want to do.” Frank said and I smiled as I looked at him.
“Think I need to focus on finding myself first.” I whispered which made Frank chuckle as his phone went off and he looked at it and smiled.
“That sounds like a good plan.” Frank said as he moved and walked out his room which made me frown and I moved as I walked out the room Frank was coming up the stairs with another boy.
“Hugh this is my brother Gerard. Gerard this is my mate Hugh.” Frank said and I just turned round and walked to my room.
“Well he’s strange.” I heard Hugh say which made me look down as I shut my door as I slide down my door and sat in front of the door and fell asleep in front of the door.
