I'm not gay, right?

I hurry out the door at 7:25 on Tuesday morning. Frank's car is waiting outside, and I hop inside, shivering. "Hey, Gerard." He says, reaching his hand out and then pulling it back. He laughs to himself, trying to drown out the awkwardness.

"Hi," I reply, buckling my seatbelt. "Hey, thanks again for picking me up. Stupid of me to forget my car yesterday." Frank nods, his eyes lingering on my covered-up wrists again. I self-consciously pull up my sleeves further.

"Do you wanna go to the movies after school?" He asks, pulling into the parking lot. "Nothing romantic. I'm pretty sure you've noticed it, but we can just go as friends."

"That sounds good."

- - -

Man, that movie was not as good as I remembered. We saw a re-run of Iron Man 3. The end fight scene was cliché. Good, but cliché. I look over to Frank, then back to the space in front of me. Just keep walking forward. I walk to the passenger seat, hopping in once Frank unlocks the car.

"Shit!" I mumble, turning on my phone to see dozens of missed calls from Lynz. I should've called her before the movie, but it's too late now. I'll just tell her that my phone died.

"What is it?" He asks, stopping in his tracks. It's sweet, how he cares about me, but the feelings aren't mutual.

"I just forgot to call Lynz."

"She's your girlfriend?"

"Yeah. Well-"

I pause, thinking about what I should say. The obvious answer is yes, but I'm beginning to lean towards no. I haven't felt the same about her lately.

"It all feels so forced, and I'm just really... confused."

"That's okay, Gerard."

"But it feels like I'm not myself. Not do I only need to break up with her, but I feel like I need to do some diving into myself."

This is the most I've opened up to someone, including Mikey. I haven't told him that I might like girls and boys. Or maybe just boys! I feel Franks arm wrap around me, and he leans forward. Our lips meet, and my hand flies up to his face, His tongue finds it's way into my mouth, before I stop it.

"Wait!" I shout, shoving him back into his seat with my knee. Before I shout, or run away, I go over what just happened. He just kissed me-with tongue! And I hated it-that was a lie. That was the best kiss of my life and it didn't even last ten seconds.

Frank's eyes are wide, and he's looking down at his shaking hands, "Wait-Frank!" He gets out of the car, pacing just outside of my reach. The thought of following him out crosses my mind. But I shouldn't.

I wait for him to get back into the car. My hand reaches up to my lips, feeling where his lips once touched. "Can you take me home?"

He nods, putting his keys into the ignition and starting the car. "It seems like each time I meet up with you, we end the day with me doing something I shouldn't have." We pull out of the parking lot, and I look out the window. My forehead rests against the cold window, but I'm too tired to move.

Minutes later, he pulls into my driveway. Just like he did the other day. I get out of the car without a word, shoving my hands into my pockets. Just ten feet away from the basement door and he opens the door. Oh God.

"You forgot your phone!" He says, jogging up to me. I take it, shoving it up my sleeve and resuming my walk to the basement. I really hope that LynZ isn't there. But I'm not quite sure why.

I unlock the door, opening it and stepping inside. "Hi." I say, walking in. It's just Brendon laying down on the couch. Like how a patient would at a therapist's office.

He doesn't move, but opens his eyes. He's wearing his glasses, for once, and his hair is messier than I'm used to. A black shirt hugs his figure, making him look tall even though he's lying down. I sit down on the chair next to him, sensing his uneasiness.

"Can I tell you something?" He mumbles.

"Yeah, go ahead."

"I think I might like guys."

Woah. It's not just me? Wait. It's just him. Because I'm straight.

"Okay... Care to elaborate?"

"There's a guy I like. And there's a girl I like. So am I bi?"

"Well, maybe. But there's another thing that Mikey told me about. Pansexuality. Where you like someone regardless of gender."

"Well, I just care about their personality and soul, I don't care if they are a guy or girl."

"Then you're pan."

He sits up, running his hands through his already messy hair. Surprisingly, however, it seems to tidy it up. He leans forwards, his hands drumming on the couch cushions. "Okay. Now do I choose the guy or the girl. They are both... amazing."

"Well, imagine yourself, and you have moved school. Who would you be most happy to go out of your way to see?" I say, practically seeing the gears whirring behind his eyes.

Brendon smiles a little, looking down. "Ryan..."

"Ryan?"

"I mean--him! God..."

He covers his eyes, his hands shoving his glasses onto his forehead. "Don't tell anyone, okay? I'm not even sure if he likes guys."

"I'll keep it a secret. But Bren, have you heard him talk? Straight guys don't say 'Oh, sis! The tea is hot!'" Brendon laughs a loud, full laugh. "Okay, man." I continue. "If you don't wanna go back home, feel free to sleep down here."

"Thanks man, for being so chill about everything. The family, the sexuality, the Ryan."

"Alright, sleep well."

"You too."

- - -

Being upstairs, alone, in my room, I feel the need to settle a few things with myself. One, the LynZ situation. I haven't felt the same spark with her since I met Frank. In fact, looking back, I can't remember ever feeling the way about her that I feel about Frank.

Second, why do I feel that way about Frank? When he kissed me... God. That was amazing. I kind of wanted to kiss him back. But no.

My parents are homophobic. We learned that when Mikey came out. So if I'm gay, I, and maybe Mikey, would have to crash somewhere. And that would mean Brendon would have to, too. So I... I'll only be gay at night? I don't know...

I pick up my phone, taking off the case to take out a razor. But... they aren't there. I usually tape them in, and then use them whenever I need. But all that's there is a note.

Hey, Gerard. I wanted to put a note in your phone, but you had a password. So I put it in your phone case.

Look, I'm sorry about everything. I understand if you don't want to be my lab partner anymore. But just in case you want to talk to me, call (202) 555-0146. If you're asked, your middle name is Piccolo.

-Frank

PS: I saw that there were blades in here, so I went ahead and took them. I'll be flushing them down the toilet.

I look in disbelief at the note, and at the mark of where tape used to be. Maybe he is the right one for me. But we could never be together. Three people would have to move out. So, I'll...

I don't know.

Notes

ok so yeah this took a while to write even though its short

ps did you like the ua reference in the chapter title