And Then I Met My Teacher
Tears and confessions
Mr. Way had been sitting on the rocking chair, in the corner of his bedroom, for the last 30 minutes, waiting for me to fall asleep. I was tired, but I couldn't get the fact that he had called me baby out of my head. I had to know if it was just the pleasure talking or if it actually meant something to him.
''Mr. Way?'' I asked.
''I think you can start calling me Gerard when we're alone.'' He laughed.
''Oh, uh, Gerard?'' I asked again.
''I need to ask you something.'' I said seriously.
''Damn you’re making it seem so formal.'' He giggled.
''Well, it is kind of important to me.'' I answered.
''What's wrong, Frank?'' He fretted.
''I want you to be honest with me, okay?''
''Sure, now tell me what's going on.''
''You remember when you called me baby when we, uh, you know?'' I hesitated. He looked at me puzzled.
''Why did you do that?'' I asked.
''What do you mean?''
''Why did you call me baby?''
''Because it was”, he paused and licked his lips, searching for the right word, before continuing “Appropriate? I don't know, Frank. Why is it important?'' He snapped
''I just wanted to know.'' I mumbled, disappointed by his answer.
''Why? Because you're falling for me?'' He asked, sounding almost disgusted by that thought.
''It doesn't matter.''
''It does actually. I can't afford to have a student falling in love with me.'' He snapped. I was speechless. How could he possibly be so cold given what had happened between us only a few hours ago?
''If you're looking for someone to have pillow talks with or to go to the movies on Saturday nights, I am not that person.'' He added.
''Yes, alright, I got the point.'' I answered hurt.
''I just need you to understand that I am not your boyfriend. I am not in love with you, Frank. I don't need you. You could leave right now and chose to never talk to me again and I’d still be fine. You're just my student. There’s nothing more to it.'' He said. My bottom lip started quivering. I thought I was more than just a student to him. I thought I actually meant something, but I didn't. I was just another game for him to play with. He wasn’t interested in me. How could I have possibly been so naive?
''Did you have to fucking destroy me? I heard you the first time! I'm not fucking stupid, okay?! I got the damn point!'' I barked, trying to hide my sniffles. I could feel the lump forming itself in the back of my throat.
''I think I should let you sleep. Goodnight, Frank.'' He said coldly before getting up and leaving the room. As soon as he closed the door, I bursted into tears. Since I had gotten here, all I had accomplished was to fall in love with my teacher and get my heart broken. All that in less than a week.
The tears were streaming down my face and I carelessly stopped wiping them off. I grabbed my phone and opened Skype. There was only one person I wanted to talk to right now. It rang twice before he picked up.
''Frank? Are you alright?'' He asked, rubbing his eyes. His voice was hoarse. I had clearly woken him up.
''I hate it here, Sam. I can't stay here. I need to come home!'' I blubbered.
''Hey, what's wrong, man? Where are you? Is that your room?'' He asked, trying to force a smile to cheer me up.
''No, I am not home. I’ve been fighting with my mom so I left.'' I sniffled.
''What?! When?! Where are you?!'' He asked, clearly worried.
''I’m at a friend’s, I’m okay, don’t worry''
''Frank, what's wrong? It's not like you to call in the middle of the night. There must be something wrong. You were crying like a minute ago. your eyes are still puffy and red.''
''I can't tell...''
''Then why did you call?'' He asked softly.
''I needed to hear your voice. You're the only person I can talk to. The only person I can fucking trust.'' I mumbled as my lips started to quiver again.
''It's okay, Frank. Everything's gonna be alright, okay? Just calm down now.'' He comforted. His voice was soothing. It was like stepping into an old comfortable pair of shoes. I slowly breathed in and out, trying calmed myself down.
''I miss you, Sam.'' I confessed.
''Fuck, I miss you too buddy.''
''Hell yes! School is so fucking boring without you!'' I smiled at the thought of him missing me and he smiled back.
We continued talking for about an hour, until I felt better. After he hung up, I turned off my phone and threw it on the other side of the king sized bed. I rolled over and closed my eyes. My heart felt heavy in my chest. I had been so stupid to fall in love so quickly. The very thought of it brought tears to my eyes, but I had promised Sam that I wouldn't cry anymore. I was trying to hold back my tears when the door opened slowly.
''Frank? Are you asleep?'' The voice whispered.
''Why?'' I asked coldly.
''I just- I wanted to talk to you.'' He said, hesitating, as he sat on the edge of the bed.
''Why? To tell me you're not interested? You already made yourself very clear, thank you.'' I snapped. He sighed.
''That's not what I meant.'' He said softly.
''You were pretty convincing for someone who didn’t mean it.'' I said harshly.
''Look, I am sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you.''
''You didn't mean to hurt me, but you meant what you said.''
''Yes. Well, no, but yes.''
''Got it. You didn't need to come back to explain your point all over again.'' I snapped.
''For fuck's sake, Frank! Can you stop being so fucking childish and listen to what I have to say?!'' He said firmly.
''Fine. Go ahead.''
''I didn't mean to hurt you, okay? I know how this sounds, but it's not you, it's me. Do you think I just go around giving my students blowjobs? I knew you were special the minute you walked into my classroom with your fucking wet pants and eyeliner. It was like I’d been struck by lightning. I had ever felt that way about a my students and I knew right away it was wrong. That’s why I was so harsh with you; I kept telling myself that if I made you hate me nothing would happen between us. I knew I wouldn't be able to control myself around you so I tried to repulse you. That clearly didn't work the way I expected it to. You're just a fucking child! I'm way too old for you! I'm fucking sick to be attracted to someone your age! And I really can't afford to lose my job. I can't afford to go to jail and to leave Mikey. He needs me. Who would go visit him in the hospital? He would hate me forever. And you would get expelled! I don’t want that for you. Not because of me.” He paused. “You're young. You have an entire life in front of you. I'm certainly not the one who's going to ruin it for you.'' I was speechless. Everything made so much more sense now. That explained why he had been such a pain in the ass. But, what was I supposed to say? Of course, I wasn't happy with his decision, but I wasn't selfish enough to try to make him change his mind.
''Okay...'' I mumbled.
''I know you probably feel used. I understand if you don’t want to have to keep seeing me. I can have you transferred to a different section if you wish. I’d deserve it.'' He said.
''Don't say that...''
''It's true. I don't deserve you in my life, and I sure as hell don’t deserve you to be in love with me.''
''Well, you didn't ask for it. It's not your fault.''
''So, you really are in love with me?'' He asked. I could hear the voice inside my head screaming ''YES!!'', but I remained silent. He simply nodded.
''I'm sorry.'' I apologized.
''Don't be.'' He said, laying in the bed next to me.
''I don't want to cause you any trouble.'' I said, my voice breaking before I could get through my sentence.
'''It's alright, come here.'' He said, pulling me in. My head was now resting on his chest and his arms were circling me delicately. He was moving his hand slowly up and down my back, trying to calm me down, when all of a sudden, he kissed the top of my head.
''What was that for?'' I asked confused.
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