I Can't Do This On My Own *Frerard*
I woke up with a sharp gasp, in a dark room, which I didn't recognize straight away. But once the aroma of coffee and cigarettes, whit a hint of ax-cologne filled my scenes I pinpointed it as Gerard's room... which left me confused, for only a moment before the events that occurred previously came rushing back to me sleep-addled mind.
All at once I found myself letting out a not-so-quiet sob, in the otherwise silent room. My eyes widened in panic and I stilled as much as I could, despite my tremoring body from holding back my sobs. But my attempts at not waking the eldest Way up ultimately failed and I was soon pulled into his chest.
I clung desperately to the thin material of his shirt and shamelessly cried trying to gain some sort of composure. My heart felt as if it were being gripped tightly in the hands of Dwane Jhonson and relentlessly squeezed. Ferociously ripped out and stood on. My roll-model, my rock, my hero, my fucking everything was torn away from me with no chance of ever regaining it I had lost the only person who I knew would never have given up on me... and they weren't ever coming back.
"Shhh... Frankie" his voice came out strained as he tried desperately to calm me down but obviously at a loss for words. I felt exceedingly guilty, it was a complete ludicrous thought to have but... if I had just stayed home yesterday like I had originally planned, maybe this could have been avoided.
"I ha--have no-one!" I sobbed out wretchedly, I felt him flinch at my words and his arms tightened around my shaking form "Don't say that" he demanded gruffly, the raw emotion evident in his shaking voice "You have Mikey, Mom, Dad, and I." he forced out, clearly holding back tears of his own.
At that moment I felt as if I was being incredibly selfish... her death wasn't only devastating me but everyone else who knew her as well. With that thought fresh in my mind, I ripped away from the only comfort I was feeling and curled in on myself, only to be pulled right back into Gerard's soothing embrace "Let me help you, Frank" he pleaded desperately "I'm sorry" I choked out "I shouldn't... oh god I should have stayed home yesterday" I vocalized my previous thought out loud "Stop." Gerard's choked voice whispered "Don't you dare think like this. It was not your fault." I shook my head in denial at his statement.
"Frank. Iero." his voice held so much emotion that if I wasn't already crying it would have been enough to make me break into tears. He pulled me away from him, only slightly so he could initiate eye contact "Do not. For even one fraction of a second let yourself believe this was your fault." he shook his head, the unfallen tears he had been surprising rolled down his cheeks. "You didn't tell your father to come to do this, and you certainly didn't do this yourself. It was not in your control." I nodded shakenly, not having the energy to list off the reasons why it was my fault. "Just get some more sleep... Frankie. I'll keep you safe" He mumbled sleepily, laying us both down and not letting me go.
The next time I woke up, the sun was pouring through the open window... if it were in any other situation I would have felt at ease... but this was no fairy-tail bullshit and it wasn't like I had just woken up from a nightmare. This was the cold dark reality and I couldn't change that.
The first thing I realized was the time... twelve-forty in the afternoon. The second thing was the empty space to the left of me in the bed. Not that I minded, I was too emotionally-exhausted to care at this particular moment. The sudden sound of the door opening brought me a little more to my senses. An exhausted looking Gerard stood in the entrance with two mugs of coffee in hand "Hey, Frankie" He whispered softly, a sad excuse for a smile formed on my lips before dropping back to their original frown.
He sat down carefully on his bed and handed one of the mugs to me, a sad sympathetic smile playing on his lips. Reluctantly I sat up, accepting the liquid black gold from him "Thank you... Gerard" I rasped out, voice deadly due to all the sobbing I've done. He sighed heavily "Mom called in for us... she uh... said she's giving us about a week off" he informed, I nodded emotionlessly "That works" I concluded, "What uh... what are we doing about..." I shuddered at the thought of my father "Yo-Your father?" he guessed, I nodded swallowing thickly "He was arrested around three AM this morning, he's gone Frankie... he can't hurt you anymore" he informed "okay" I whispered dryly, taking a sip of my delicious coffee.
"Are you hungry at all?" he looked at me worriedly but also hopefully... but none-the-less I shook my head and he sighed "okay..." he whispered defeatedly. My eyebrows furrowed in self-hatred... I was always messing thing up and making people mad. "Can I... Um. Take a shower... please?" I questioned, setting my mug down on his night-stand, being mindful of the scattered drawing he had laying about. "Yeah, you can use mine if you'd like" he offered, pointing to the en-suite bathroom across his room. I smiled thankfully at that and headed toward the bathroom.
The fluorescent glair of the bathroom light par-took in my headache but I didn't care... I stripped myself down but instantly froze, my still-fading bruises littered my torso, and all at once the memories of Brendon came crashing down on me.
And that's how I ended up curled in a ball, in the bottom of the tub sobbing, with steaming hot water pelting down on me. Not even fully out of my clothes. A click of the door was sounded over my heart-shattering cries and before I knew it, Gerard was in front of me, seeming unphased by the fact his clothes were being soaked. His expression was contorted into a look of worry and he stared at me with fear-stricken eyes.
"I can't do this Gerard!" I wailed out, not thinking about what I was saying "It's all too much... its all built up! The abuse, the bullying, My mom's death, Brendon fucking raping me, I CANT DO THIS!" I choked out, Gerard's facial expression hardened "Brendon. Did. What?" he growled menacingly my eyes widened. When I didn't answer his fist slammed against the wall of the shower "FRANK!" he shouted at me "Jesus fucking Christ. I'm going to rip his cock off blend it and feed it to him." he growled murderously. I shook my head quickly "Pl-Please don't" I sobbed "Not right now, please I cant... Gerard" I gasped out and his expression melted back into concern. Even though we were both completely soaked, and I was half naked... I still found him pulling my broken self into his embrace. And for a split moment, all I could feel was serenity.
hey whats up you guys, yes!
It's me comin' at ya with another sad one!