Lost

That following Monday when Mikey came to the front door, I yanked him to the side when Fall walked towards the car. I held his arm close to me and gave him a hard stare. I have a perfect plan to initiate 'avoid Frank Iero at all cost.'

“You should sit in the back with Fall,” I said.

Mikey looked shocked and asked, “Why?”

“She likes you... a lot.” Mikey's shocked expression went to a 'holy shit' expression to a 'really?' “I know about your little 'date-'” Mikey grinned “-so, if you sit next to her, it'll make her happier.”

Mikey only nodded as I released his arm from my hold. He took off and sat with Fall in the backseat, she looked excited. She knew that I was going to be avoiding Frank as well as I could, but she didn't realize the full effect of what I was doing to keep avoiding him. I jumped in the front seat with Gerard. Phase 1: success.

“Hey, Gee!” I exclaimed, excitedly.

Gerard flashed me a wonderful smile as he said, “Hey, Winnie. Our canvas's are done drying. Wanna come over later to get them?”

I nodded my head and grinned like a doofus. Gerard was almost out of the neighborhood, blaring a song I've never heard. I bit away at my nails in deep thought. I kept my hold of my nails in my mouth, looking out of the passenger side window as the song played;

Cast off the crutch that kills the pain. The red flag waving never meant the same. The kids of tomorrow don't need today when they live in the sins of yesterday!

Sins. Do you believe in them? What exactly is a sin? When I was younger, I remember going to church as often as I took a piss because of my grandparents. It felt as if it was nearly everyday of the week we went. They pounded into my head that being good and holy was the only way to go; they never taught you anything bad.

I always thought that everyone was genuinely and initially good. If you had the upbringing that I did, you'd always see the good in people. You never thought of the evil things that people could do: murder, rape, theft... the list goes on and on for days. After coming to the realization that not everybody was good, I think I sort of lost faith in humanity.

There was a class discussing on a book called 'Lord of the Flies.' If you've never read it or haven't seen the movie, it's about a group of boys who get trapped on island during a war, most likely WWII, and they all lose their sanity. The boys are about between the ages of six and twelve years old. On this island, they don't have any type of authority and they lose themselves on the island. People are lost in more ways than one: death and in their minds. Their 'obvious' true nature showed when they feared this thing called 'the beast.' Read it sometime, it's a great book.

Anyways, when the ninth grade English teacher asked everyone in the class, “What do you think happened to the boys? Were they initially good or do they just have the bad nature everyone seems to think?” I had a sudden epiphany. It really made sense to me when I pondered on the idea.

When the teacher came to me, I blurted out, “I think we were all taught to just be good, no one was ever taught to be bad. Whenever we did something bad, our parents would tell us 'no, that's not good' and all we did was try to please our parents. Without the parents, we could do whatever we wanted to do and in most cases, it's the bad that comes out, right? Well, it's their fault for not teaching us to be bad and do bad things once in a while. When we don't have them around, we lose ourselves trying to be as bad as we can be.” The teacher looked at me like I belonged in the looney bin.

After coming to that realization, I asked my parents if I could stay home from church. I haven't gone in over two years. About six months after that class discussion, I tried drugs and alcohol for the first time and stuck with weed and cigarettes. I turned into that bad kid on the side

“Winter!” Fall exclaimed from the backseat.

I whipped my head from the passenger seat window and looked at my sister. I caught eyes for a split with the familiar pair of hazel eyes I'm trying to avoid. And for a split second, I almost cracked out a terrible laugh when I saw a huge band-aid slapped on his neck to hide the hickey or bite marks... whatever the fuck I gave him.

“Yeah?” I lazily responded to Fall.

“Do you know when we get our cell phones transferred?” I sucked on my gums from my lower lip in thought. I looked up at the top of the car trying to picture the conversation between us and mom and thought even harder, trying to remember when we were gonna get our cell phones back with a new number.

Eventually I gave up and shrugged saying, “I don't know. I think sometime this week, though. I think we were going to get new cell phones, too.”

Fall sighed out, “I can't wait to talk to Eva again.” Eva is her best friend in California. Mine was Alex, he really is something special to me. I bit my lip in thought of Alex as Fall finished with, “And I bet Alex misses you, too! I bet he's standing outside of our house like-” she made a sour face “-'where is my pot smoking buddy? I need my bitch back.' I bet he's already broken into the house and smoked in all of the rooms.”

I rolled my eyes and I felt a hard stare from Frank that burned through the side of my head. I heard Gerard chuckle and say, “Alex?” I nodded my head. “Tell me about him.”

I shifted in my seat and excitedly began speaking with my hands as I told him about Alex. “Oh! He's great!” I hope Frank could see the italics as I spoke about Alex. “He's everything you want in a best friend. I've been with him like glue since we were seven years old. He's an awesome friend, Gee. You'd love him.”

Fall giggled in the background and added on, “He's also a great shopping buddy, if you know what I mean.” The three boys erupted in a choir of 'oooohhhh' as they realized Alex is gay.

“What about Eva, Fall?” Mikey questioned.

To be honest, I felt kind of weird describing our friends back in California, but I was alright with the idea of them wanting to know about our friends more. I felt like I just contradicted myself.

“She's actually Alex's older sister.” Fall smiled at me. “Eva was in my first grade class while Alex was in Winters kindergarten class. We pushed Alex and Winter together one day during the playground activities and forced them to get married.” Fall laughed and I rolled my eyes at the memory. “After they realized what was up, Alex yelled out, 'EW! I never want a girlfriend! EVER!' and so, we found him a husband that day, too.”

Mikey shook his head and laughed as Gerard pulled up to the high school. I waited a few good extra seconds until the three in the backseat were out of the car and the door was closed. I smiled over at Gerard.

“Come over after school, alright?” I nodded my head at Gerard as I jumped out of his car.

Fall and Mikey abandoned me and who was left was, low and behold, Frank. I groaned inwardly as I walked next to him. Frank had a smug look on his face and I bugged my eyes out in annoyance. I held onto the side strap of my over the shoulder book bag as I walked away from Frank. He stuck close to me with that dumb smug look on his face.

“What?” I finally hissed out.

“What the fuck? Why do you hate me so much now?” Frank spat out, wiping the smug look off of his face.

I rolled my eyes as I replied, “I don't fucking hate you.”

Frank mimicked me rolling my eyes as he muttered out, “You're just mad because I'm not Gerard.” with hate dripping from his voice.

I stopped dead in my tracks and gave him a dirty look. A few people in the hallway muttered shit like 'move, bitch' or something along those lines. Frank stood in front of me and we held a shitty stare-down for a few minutes. Random fact; he smells like blueberries today.

“You're the one that wanted it,” Frank finally said.

I kept my stare with Frank as I calmly said, ”You're the one that did it.”

“Doesn't mean that you liked it.” I felt a tight twist in my stomach because I know that I did.

Even though I know I did, I said, “Fuck off.”

As Frank opened his mouth to say something, the minute warning bell rang for first period. Everyone left in the hallways scrambled to their first period class. I rolled my eyes again at Frank like it was going out of style and took off for science. I sat down in my seat in the back and noticed Frank didn't follow me.

In the next couple of classes, Frank didn't show up. I was in such a good mood from Frank not showing up that John didn't get on my nerves as much as usual. I highly assumed that he left school until I got into Gerard's car. I glanced over in the backseat from the passenger seat and Frank plopped his ass in the usual seat he took. Fall and Mikey jumped in the car moments later.

We dropped off Frank at his house and we dropped Fall over at our house. I stayed in the car with Gerard and Mikey to go over to their house. I went inside the house with Gerard as Mikey sighed loudly and dropped right in front of the television in living room. I followed Gerard downstairs into the basement.

When we clunked down the stairs, I noticed it was his bedroom. It was plastered in artwork that I'm assuming was his along with posters and some old photos of family and friends. There was even a really kickass looking bat paper weight on the desk. I sat down on his bed as he took off in some other area of the basement. He came back with my painting.

“It came out looking pretty fucking cool,” Gerard said.

“Thanks.” I felt a little embarrassed getting a complement from him on my artwork.

Gerard leaned the canvas against the wall next to his bed and sat down next to me. He groaned out and flopped on his back, spreading his arms out. I looked over in a quick glance and grinned. I bit my lip and looked away, hoping he didn't see me do that.

“Wanna watch TV?” Gerard randomly asked. I shrugged my shoulders and told him sure. He rolled on his bed towards the headboard and pulled a remote from under his pillow and turned on the TV in his bedroom. It flicked on channel six's news.

“-another body found without a head in the park,” the blonde-haired woman said on the news. “This makes a total of seven bodies decapitated in-” the TV flicked off and I looked over at Gerard.

“Never mind,” Gerard weakly smiled. “I love the idea of horror movies and slasher movies, but I can't stand the idea of someone being murdered in real life.”

I shrugged my shoulders unemotionally as I looked down at Gerard's body laying in his bed next to me. I kicked my shoes off on the floor and I scooted back on the queen-sized bed until my back hit the wall the bed was sitting next to. I brought my legs into an awkward fold as Gerard mimicked my sitting position. I nearly had a heart attack as I felt our shoulders touch.

“So,” I awkwardly began, “what do you wanna do?”

I looked over at Gerard and our faces were merely inches away from each other. I wanted to be more bold and just kiss him but of course, I didn't. I just sat there in the mist of a severe heart attack as Gerard shrugged his shoulders.

I slightly parted my lips when Gerard leaned forward and kissed me. I closed my eyes and kissed back. I brought my hand up from my side and pressed it against his cheek. I felt this awesome feeling of butterflies in my stomach and goosepimples take over my body. Gerard moved me forward, not breaking our kiss. He placed a hand on my waist as he pushed me on his bed and getting on top of me.

Only then did he break our kiss and say, “I'm sorry.”

He began to pull away and I grew some balls. I wrapped my arms around his neck and as I pulled him towards me, Gerard's face went from sorrowful to shocked. I placed our lips together and at the same time, Gerard pushed his self closer to me.

Right now, I'm on my back and Gerard pushed his self in between my legs.

I felt an overwhelming sensation of excitement and held Gerard closer by wrapping my legs around his waist. As I did so, Gerard let out a soft moan as I pushed him on me. I felt myself getting very hot and bothered, if you catch my drift.

Gerard pulled away from our kisses slowly and began kissing my jawline. He moved down on my neck and I let out a soft moan. I heard Gerard let out a quite chuckle when I let out another moan followed by, “Gee.” when he slightly bit my neck.

After a few minutes, my shirt was gone and so was his. Gerard helped me and sat me on my butt and began to fumble with my bra in the back. I heard him lightly curse as he attempted to blindly remove my bra. I held back a choir of giggles.

I started to say, “Do you need any-” But someones loud footsteps coming down the stairs made me stop talking.

“Hey Gerard-” Mikey started and stared at me. I felt a light fabric slide down my stomach.

Would you look at that, Gerard finally figured out my bra.

Mikey dramatically covered his eyes and said, “Oh-oh my God... U-uh... mom wants to know if your staying for dinner.” he quickly spoke. He definitely just saw me topless and got a good look at my boobs. How embarrassing.

“N-no.” I stammered out. Gerard slowly moved away and awkwardly pushed a blanket on top of me.

“Okay,” Mikey said and turned around with his hand still covered over his eyes. He used his other hand to find the handlebar on the side of the wall and quickly took off up the stairs.

Once we heard the click of the door at the top of the stairs, I busted out in a fit of laughter. I looked at Gerard, his face still looked like 'oh my God.' I just kept laughing and Gerard started to laugh too.

“Jesus,” Gerard muttered out between his laughs. “I bet we scarred him for life.”

I shook my head. “Nah, I bet he's calling my sister on the house phone like-” I cleared my throat to do a Mikey impersonation “-'you wont believe what I just fucking walked in on...'” He let out a soft chuckle.

Gerard smirked as he said, “I think we should get you home, though.” I groaned out dramatically and agreed.

I scooped up my bra and quickly hooked it on as I stumbled around his room for my shirt. Gerard appeared behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I froze and felt this sensation of excitement erupt in my body. I just wanted to do some sort of dance to show how damn excited I am. He placed a light kiss on my neck and laid his head on my shoulder.

“Be my girlfriend?” Gerard asked. I felt my chest tighten up with nervousness and I bit my lip. I held my breath and felt super excited.

What about Frank?

What the fuck is wrong with me for thinking about Frank right now? He doesn't mean much of anything to me. I want Gerard and that's how it's gonna be. Me and Gerard. Gerard and I. Me, myself, and Gerard. Not Frank.

I leaned over and pecked him as I quickly said, “Yeah, of course, Gee.”