Fantastic Bastards in Monroeville (Frerard)

I don’t know how long I’ve been in here. All I know is this: solitary confinement is fucking boring. What’s worse is that there’s a camera in here. They can watch my every move. I thought about giving whoever is watching me the finger, but I don’t wanna extend my time in this place. I want out. One thing I’m satisfied about is that I got to punch Bob in his stupid face. The fucker deserved it. I hope it leaves a mark.
A tray of food slipped through a tiny door within the whole actual door. I didn’t even look at it. I’m not eating, and that’s final. I don’t care what it is. All I care about right now is getting out of here and seeing Frank. I wanna give him a big hug and tell him everything’s okay and chase away whatever was frightening him earlier. I swear, this boy will be the death of me one day.
To pass time, I could take a little nap. Yeah, that’s what I’m gonna do. How else was I supposed to pass time here in this hell hole? I laid down on the floor and curled up in a ball, closing my eyes. Thankfully, it wasn’t long before I slipped into unconsciousness. Thank god for sleep.

_ _ _
“Okay, Gerard. You can come out now,” said Joshua, waking me up. I immediately sprang up to my feet and jolted out of the room, but was stopped when Joshua grabbed hold of my shoulder. Ugh. What could he possibly want?
“Hold on, Gerard. We gotta take you somewhere,” he said. It was at that moment that I felt my stomach growl loudly. I suddenly realized how tired and sluggish I felt. I was that malnourished. I think maybe would be a good time to put something small in my stomach to shut it up. I’ll do that when Joshua is done with whatever he wants from me. We walked down the hall together and stopped in front of what I could only guess is the infirmary. Beyond the door awaited a few more attendees and Hayley, who was next to a crude device with a long plastic tube connected to it.
“Sit down, Gerard,” said Joshua. I did so, sitting down on a plastic chair. If only I had my notebook to ask what’s going on.
“You do realize that you haven’t been eating anything, right?” asked Hayley. I nodded. “Because of this, we’re going to have to force-feed you Ensure. You are very thin and malnourished,”
Oh, hell no! Are you fucking kidding me? Is that what the tube is for? There’s no way they’re sticking a tube in me! I won’t allow it.
I shook my head violently. I’m not gonna let them do anything to me. However, I know that if I resist, there’s a good chance they’ll put me back in solitary confinement. I just can’t win, can I? I guess I really don’t have a choice…
“Gerard, you have to. You haven’t eaten anything since you got here. We can’t let you starve yourself. If you refuse, you’re going back into solitary confinement,” Hayley said in a warning tone. I sighed deeply, crossing my arms. I really don’t want to go back to that small padded room, but if I let myself get force-fed, I’ll be getting fatter. Lindsey would be disappointed in me. I really, really don’t have a choice, do I…?
I sighed again, unfolding my arms. I waved at Hayley, letting her do what she needs to do. Hayley grabbed the tube and began to insert it into my nose, making me gag a bit. After that, she pressed a few buttons on the machine, and it began to put a white liquid into me. I gagged some more. This went on for a few more minutes until the machine stopped. I swear I could feel the liquid digest into my stomach, making me fatter. If only they didn’t give me so much of it…
“All done,” Hayley said. “You gotta promise me that you’ll eat more. I’d really hate to do this to you again,”
Yeah, sure you wouldn’t…
I got up from my seat and stormed out of the infirmary, running down the hall and straight into my room. I slammed the door and landed on my bed, letting the tears fall from my eyes. Why does everyone tell me I’m skinny? Whenever I look in the mirror, I see how fat I am. It’s just not fair. I wish Frank was here to comfort me. I miss him so much. I hope he’s not alone and suffering in solitary confinement. I want him to be right here with me and--
“Gerard?” a familiar voice called out. I looked up to see who it was. I smiled as soon as I saw him. Frank’s back, a concerned look on his face. I ran right up to him and hugged him tightly, making him jump a bit. Oh my god, was I so happy so see him. I probably look bad crying in front of him, but I don’t really care right now. “Gerard, are you okay? What happened?”
“I missed you!” I yelled, speaking for the first time in god knows how long. “I’m so happy to see you, Frank!”
“Gerard…,” Frank said, shock on his face. “You’re talking!”
“They put me in solitary confinement. I got into a fight with Bob. When I got out, they force-fed me. It was terrible, Frank. I’m so happy you’re back,” I replied, smiling ear to ear at him.
“Really? I was in solitary confinement too. The spider man was coming to get me!” Frank said worriedly. “But I’m back! It’s so good to see you too! What’s even better is that the spider man is gone! Why did you get into a fight with Bob?”
I sighed deeply. I had to tell Frank the truth, that I cut myself. I’d feel bad lying to someone like Frank, but I didn’t really wanna tell him the truth either. I know he’d be disappointed in me, but I have to tell him. After all, people do say that the truth sets you free. I rolled up my sleeve and revealed my bandaged cut to Frank, looking down in shame. Frank gasped, covering his mouth with his hands.
“Gerard! That’s not right! Why would you do that to yourself?” he asked.
“I’m sorry, Frank...I won’t do it again,” I said. I know Frank would want me to get better. I need to make amends to him. I know there’s something wrong with me. If everyone else tells me I’m so skinny, maybe I truly am. Normal people don’t cut and starve themselves. They also aren’t mute and suicidal. I will work on being a better person, just for Frank. “I’ll eat more for you. I won’t cut myself anymore. I’ll speak more. I’ll be better, just for you. I swear,”
“You promise?” Frank said, giving me that puppy-eyed look. I nodded and smiled. Of course I would improve myself for someone I care about.
“I promise, Frankie. I promise you,” I replied.
“You better!” Frank laughed, taking me into another hug. He’s just so warm and smells so good. I don’t ever wanna let go of him… “Come on, group’s gonna start soon,”
I rolled my eyes and sighed. Of course I gotta go to group, as much as I really don’t want to. But I have to. How else was I gonna work towards getting out of here? How else was I gonna improve myself for Frank? I followed Frank out of our room and made our way to the day room, where group is to be held. I sat down next to Frank in the circle of chairs that was formed. When everyone else arrived, Dr. Haycraft walked inside and sat down, a clipboard in her hand.
“Hello, everyone,” she said in her overly-cheery voice. “How is everyone? Shall we get started? We’ll do the usual. Say your name, how you feel on a scale of one to ten, why you feel that way, as well as why you’re here. Who would like to go first?”
Dr. Haycraft was responded to with silence. No one clearly wanted to go first. That was when Frank turned to me, his eyes hopeful. Was I really gonna speak for the first time in group? Yes, I was. I rose up my hand.
“I’ll go,” I started. “My name’s Gerard. I’m feeling at a six, and I’m here because…,” I stopped. What was I gonna say? That I’m a suicidal anorexic that has a crush on one of the other patients here? No. I just had to spit it out and be honest. “I’m here because of a suicide attempt...and I’ve been starving myself,”
“It’s good to see you participate, Gerard. Why are you feeling at a six?” Dr. Haycraft asked, a simple smile on her face.
“Because...even though I’m not in the best mood, I’m still happy to be here,” I replied after trying to decide what to say.
“That’s great, Gerard. Thank you for sharing,” Dr. Haycraft said, writing down in her clipboard, probably about the progress I’ve been making, no matter how small it may be. I tuned out when group went on. It’s just the same shit on a different day. The only person I give a shit about is Frank, of course. Now all I have to do is keep talking in group, no matter how difficult it may be. If I keep this up, I’ll be out soon...at least, I hope so.

_ _ _
Dinner came around, and Frank and I grabbed our trays and got in line. Today for dinner, it’s salisbury steak, mashed potatoes, and mixed vegetables with peach cobbler. We both sat down at our usual table. Pete, Patrick, and Brendon joined us, poking at their food. I stared at my tray of food, the contents of it not looking appetizing at all. I just can’t eat any of this. My starvation has gotten so bad to the point where nothing looks good to eat at all. Food in general now makes me visibly cringe. However, I know that if I keep starving myself, the attendees and nurses will force-feed me again. I really don’t have any other choice.
“Gerard, you gotta eat,” Frank said, chewing a mouthful of mashed potatoes. “If you don’t, you’ll have a tube stuck up your nose and force-feed you. I’d hate to see that happen to you,”
“It already did,” I said bluntly, swirling my fork around my mixed vegetables. “It was awful,”
“What? Are you kidding me?” Frank asked, shock in his voice.
“Yeah, after they took me outta solitary confinement, they force-fed me,”
“Well...at least now you know what happens when you refuse to eat. Come on, Gee. You said you were gonna eat for me,”
“I know I did, it’s just…,” I sighed, running a hand through my firetruck red hair. “This doesn’t look appetizing at all. Nothing here looks appetizing,”
“Please, Gee?” Frank begged, his eyes pleading with me. I picked up my fork and looked where I should start. Maybe the mashed potatoes aren’t that bad.
“You got this, Gerard. We believe in you,” Patrick said, fork in hand. Beside him, Pete and Brendon nodded in agreement. I smiled a bit, scooping up a bit of mashed potatoes. It’s just food, not cyanide. Get over yourself, Gerard! Just take a bit of the fucking food. You’re doing this for Frank, and for yourself. I slowly brought the food up to my mouth, opening it up, then quickly put the potatoes in it. I think I visibly cringed when the food touched my tongue. I quickly swallowed, my taste buds not tasting the food. Great. I gotta do this several more times now. Not only that, but by doing this, I’m feeding my already fat self.
“See? You got this,” Frank said, patting me on the back. I smiled forcefully. I really want to make Frank proud of me. I picked up a slice of my salisbury steak and did the same as I did with the potatoes--stare at it for a little, reluctantly open my mouth, and quickly put the food in my mouth, barely tasting it. I repeated this several more times until I realized I’ve eaten half of what’s on my tray. I feel sick. I feel like overate, even though that’s not the case. I just can’t eat anymore.
“I think I’m done,” I said, pushing my tray away from me.
“You did good,” Frank said. “I’m sure you’ll eat more as time goes by. Can I have your cobbler?” he asked, pointing to my untouched dessert.
“Knock yourself out,”
Frank took the cobbler off my tray and devoured it, leaving crumbs around his mouth. I gotta keep forcing myself to eat as I stay in Monroeville. This clearly isn’t gonna be easy.

_ _ _
After our nightly group and free time, it was time to go to bed. Before I could get up and head to my room, Hayley stopped me, standing right in my path.
“Gerard, you gotta take your meds,” she said. I nodded, following her to the nurse’s station. Hayley handed me two pills--one of them small, white and round, the other one a blue and white caplet.
“Dr. Levin wants to start you on a new medication. It’s called Zoloft. It’s an antidepressant,” Hayley said. I looked down at my pills blankly. That fucker wants to start me on a new medication? Whatever. I just hope it doesn’t have any side effects that’ll be a problem, like weight gain. I put the pills in my mouth and swallowed them down with the small cup of water Hayley gave me. She smiled. “Thank you,”
“You’re welcome,” I said. I don’t know why I did. I guess that maybe if I communicate with the staff here more, it’ll get me out of this place faster…
Wait. If I get out of here, that means I won’t see Frank anymore. Goddamnit, why didn’t I think of that? Frank and I are almost inseparable. Based on how Frank is, chances are he won’t be able to leave anytime soon, so I don’t have to worry about him leaving me. However, now that I’m making progress, there’s a good chance that I’ll be leaving soon. I can’t leave Frank behind. Someone needs to be there to protect him…
I sulked to my room and slammed the door shut, my mind racing. There’s no way I’m leaving Frank. He needs me. Who else was gonna protect him from people like Bob and Jimmy? Who was gonna--
I felt a pang in my chest when I heard someone crying. I instantly knew who it was, and ran to his aid. Frank laid in his bed, his body sprawled out and tears running from his eyes. I sat down on the bed next to him, putting a gentle hand on his face.
“What’s wrong, Frank?” I asked.
“I...I miss him!” Frank cried, sniffling.
“Who?”
“Daddy. I hate the fact that I have to be so far away from him. It’s just not fair! I get to talk to him, but I miss him so much! I wanna get out of here!”
I sighed deeply. I may not know Frank’s dad, but based off what Bob revealed about him, he sounds like a piece of shit, and the worst part is that Frank either doesn’t know that, or he refuses to believe it. I wish I could tell Frank the truth about his dad, but that’s clearly not a good idea right now. All I can do is comfort him right now.
“I’m sorry, Frankie. I know you miss him,” I said.
“I just wish he didn’t always get caught up with work. It’s not fair. It’s just not fair! I love him!”
“I know you do...I know,” I sighed. Frank sat up in his bed, and I rubbed him on the back as he cried into his hands.
“He never comes to see me. Why? Why does it have to be like this?” Frank asked angrily. I guess the best I can do is go along with it and falsely reassure him that his dad was gonna come see him. Telling him the truth would break his heart.
“I’m sure he’ll come see you. He said he was gonna come see you one day, right?” I asked.
“Yeah, whenever I talk to him through the chip implanted into my head, he tells me he will. He’s just always busy with work,” Frank replied, wiping at his face.
“Well, Frankie...don’t give up hope. I’m sure that day will come soon. You just gotta be patient, that’s all,” I said, a fake smile on my face.
“I know. I’m just sick of constantly waiting. It’s been so long…,” Frank paused, looking up at me and smiling. “You’ve got pretty eyes, Gee. You know that, right?”
“Oh...thank you,” I laughed, finding the sudden change of subject funny, but appropriate. “Your eyes are pretty too, Frankie,”
“If you say so!” Frank said, getting up and nearly tackling me to the bed, his hands tickling my body. I laughed as I tried to fight him off, failing miserably.
“Stop it! Stop it, Frankie! I can’t breathe!” I gasped, feeling short of breath from all the laughing I’ve been doing. Frank eventually did so, letting me sit up. I yawned, feeling my fatigue get the best of me. “I think I’m ready to call it a night,”
“Me too. Daddy says I should be well-rested,” Frank said, standing up from his bed and grabbing his pajamas from his shelf. He went into the bathroom to change, and I took off my pants, deciding to sleep in my t-shirt and boxers. When Frank stepped out of the bathroom, he looked at me up and down and smiled. “Sexy as hell,”
“You too,” I smirked. Frank walked over to the lights and switched them off, walking into his bed and getting under the covers. I did the same, shutting my eyes as I put the covers over me.
“Goodnight, Gee,” Frank sang.
“Night, Frankie,” I said. It wasn’t long before I slipped into unconsciousness. Thank god for that, if there even is one...

Notes