Defenceless.

Chapter 4

“You guys wanna stay for dinner? I’m ordering pizza, since my parents are out.” I ask, looking between Gerard and Izzy. We came to my house after therapy, after dropping Mikey off at Alicia’s.

“Yeah, sure.” Gerard responds, shrugging a bit.

“I can't. My brother wants me home tonight, our dads coming to visit.” Izzy says, frowning apologetically. Her phone goes off just as I’m about to respond. She looks down at her phone, groaning as she reads a text.

“That's my brother. He’s here. Gotta go guys, text me if you wanna hang tomorrow. Love ya dick bags!” She announces, getting up from my bed, not giving us a chance to respond.

“Love you too!” Gerard says as my front door slams. I grin, knowing she didn't hear him from all the way down stairs.

“Anyway, what do you like on your pizza?” I ask, sitting up.

“Anything.” He responds, shrugging a little.

“Is vegetarian pizza okay?” I question, grabbing my phone, ready to dial little caesar's number (wait can mentioning their name get me sued omg).

“Yeah that's cool. Your vegetarian?” He replies, smiling curiously at me. I nod, suddenly deciding to just fill out an order instead of calling.

“Soda?”

“Coke.” Gerard murmurs quickly in response. I nod, adding cheese sticks to the order. I click check out, throwing my phone back on my bed.

“Wanna go watch a movie downstairs? When the delivery guy comes I wanna be able to hear his knock.” I explain, standing up and opening my bedroom door. He nods, standing up and following me. We make our way down stairs, Gerard collapsing on the couch as I look through the movies.

“Wanna watch ‘Secret Window’?” I ask Gerard, picking up the movie.

“Nah, just saw that one. Very conspicuous.” He mumbled, shaking his head.

“Conspicuous? Not even. What about ‘What's eating Gilbert Grape’?” I reply, looking over at him.

“Mm, no.”

“‘Cry baby’?”

“You must have a very unhealthy obsession with Johnny Depp.” Gerard notes, smirking at me.

“You don't? He’s fucking hot.” I mumble, grinning a little.

“He’s like, fifty.”

“And I’d still do him. Your point?” I demanded, grinning harder now. He laughs, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

“I would to. Put it on.” He caves, looking happily at me. I nod, putting the dvd in. I stand up and sit on the couch, only a few inches away from Gerard.

Were quiet for the first few minutes, until it's almost impossible not to be.

“I don't get why Milton is with Hatchet face. It's kind’ve weird.” Gerard says suddenly, waking up his face.

“Really? I think its cute. I mean, he’s really good looking and she’s..well not, but it's kind’ve like he see’s something more then her face.” I says, looking over at him.

“She doesn't even seem like a nice person.”

“Maybe he’s not either. Even cold people fall in love.” I responds, shrugging. He looks over at me, meeting my eye. We don't look away for a minute, and I think he’s about to kiss me, just as the fucking door bell rings.

I flinch away, surprised at the noise. I sigh, standing up and grabbing my wallet out of my back pocket.

“The pizza, I assume.” I announce, feeling like an idiot. He nods, smiling apoligently. I go to answer the door, pulling out a twenty. I quickly pay for the pizza, returning back to the living room a second later.

Gerard stood in front of the fireplace, studying the pictures that sat there.

“Hey,” I said quiet;y. Biting hard on the inside of my cheek. He turns, a small picture in hand. His hair covers his face, leaving shadows across his cheek.

“Is this your sister?” He asks gently, his voice small. I set the pizza box down, along with the drink, walking over to him. I peek at the picture, feeling a stab of hurt in my chest. We were 7 and 10 in the picture, standing by a creek. I couldn't remember for the life of me when it was. I wish I could. I wish I had a lifetime full of memories with her, like I was supposed to.

“Yeah. That's Blakely.” I reply, my voice shaky.

“She was so…”

“Lively?” I offer, hoping he thought just as I had the first time I saw a picture of her after she died.

“Yeah…” He nodded, sorrow for the girl he’d never met in his eyes.

“It's weird thinking she’s dead. She was so vivid. How could she just be gone? Just like that?” I spill out, almost regretting the words as they come out. He looked down at me with understanding. When you hear someone’s dead, you think of sorrow. Not a picture of a vivid little girl.

“It’s almost surprising my parents even kept pictures. I mean, it's like they tried to erase her existence. We moved away from our home, got a two bedroom instead of a three. They tried getting rid of her things. I kept some of them, just a reminder she was real.” I continued on, despite knowing I would want to erase the sad words from his memories once they were out.

“I’m sorry Frank.” He says quietly, his head lowering even further down. I just nod and stay quiet, both of us staring at the picture.

“The pizza’s gonna get cold.” He says gently, putting the picture back. I nod again, leading him back to the couch. I feel him staring at me as I grab some pizza, causing me to look over at him.

His gaze doesn't waver. I stare back.
*
*
*
By the end of the movie, I’m so close to Gerard I’m practically in his lap. I hadn't even realise I had gotten any closer to him until the credits start rolling.

I peek over at him, finding he was already looking at me. He clears his throat, pulling out his phone.

“Damn, it's already eight.” He sighs, looking disappointed.

“You could spend the night if you want?” I offer, seeing in his facial expression he didn't want to go. I didn't want them to go.

“Are you sure?” He asks, perking up a little at the suggestion. I nod, grinning at him.

“Yeah of course. Do you want some pj’s?” I reply, sitting up.

“Yeah, that’d be great.” He responds happily, following me as I get up and walk up the stairs. I open my bedroom door, turning on the light as I walk inside.

“It’s fucking cold up here,” He shivers, rubbing his arms. I grin, chuckling a little.

“You get used to it.” I respond, opening my dresser drawers. I grab two pairs of pajama bottoms, one plaid and one black.

“Plaid or black?” I ask him, holding up the pants.

“Black.” He answers, holding out his hand as I throw them to him.

“Figures.” I say, opening up my shirt drawer.

“What's that supposed to mean?” He asks playfully, stripping down to his boxers. He quickly outs the sweats on, as I continue looking for pj shirts.

“You always wear black. Or red.” I shrug, grabbing two white shirts. I toss him one, stripping down to my boxers and quickly dressing myself in the pj’s I grabbed. He’s still shivering when he gets fully dressed, his teeth chattering slightly. Drama queen.

“Oh my god, go get under the blankets nerd. I’ll get you a hoodie.” I tell him, shaking my head slightly. He laughs, passing me to get to my bed. I open my closet, getting a black hoodie out for him. It had had ‘Standford written across it, making me taste vile in the back of my throat.

“Here.” I toss it too him, only to get on the bed not two seconds later.

“Stanford?” He questions, throwing the hoodie over his head.

“Yeah. Thats where my parents want me to go.” I roll my eyes, deciding the hoddie didn't look so bad when it was on him.

“Is that where you want to go?’ He questions, scooting closer to me.

“God no. Fuck Standford. The people suck ass. Most of the are hot shot fuckers who think they’re more self-deserving than the rest of the world.” I groan, shaking my head vigorously. I visited the place once. It was horrible.

“Where do you want to go?” Gerard asks, smiling at me.

“I don’t know. No place I’ve been feels right yet.” I explain, shrugging. He nods, as if he knows the feeling. He yawns, and suddenly the bags under his eyes look so much more noticeable.

“Tired?” I question, smiling a little at him. He smiles back sheepishly, nodding a little.

“Kinda. Sorry. I’m lame.” He responds, still nodding.

“Nah, you're fine. Lie down.” I say, getting up and turning off the lights. I venture back to the bed, climbing under the covers. “Sleep good.”

“You too Frank Frank.” He whispers, his voice faint. I close my eyes, feeling his heat raiding off him.

A second later I feel his body press against mine, making my eyes open in shock. My arms go around his waist, as he lays the back of his head in the crook of my neck. I smile. He smelled like cigarettes and something sweet, almost like lavender.
*
*
*
“Frankie,” A soft voice coo’s, gentleness evident in his tone. “Wake up sunshine.”

I groan, trying to lift my waist from my bed to stretch, only to find it's pinned down by weight. I pop open an eye, both surprised and happy to see Gerard sitting on my waist.

“Good morning.” I say groggily, in a happy tone. “What time is it?”

“Morning Frankie." He whispers, not answering my question. He leans down, kissing my neck gently.

“Gerard?” I ask shakily, trying not to moan. “What are you doing?”

At that he sits up a little, titling his head. “I don’t know.” He smiles, looking contently at me. I grin, shaking my head.

“Your so weird.” I remark, sitting up with him. “Sleep well?”

“Mm, yeah. You're a very good pillow.” He says, yawning, looking very pleased.

I mock fake horror, trying to look offended. “Is that all I am too you?”

“Oh, shut up.” He rolls his eyes, suddenly collapsing in my lap. I stare down at him in wonder, surprised by his weird behavior. Not that I was unhappy by it. I gently push his hair behind his ear. I play with it for a minute, retracting it out of boredom.

“Keep doing that.” He says gently, gripping my pajama pants. I smile and do as he says, running my hands through his rough, black hair.

“We should do something. Go on a trip.” He murmurs. I hum in response not really listening. He looks up at me, his hazel eyes piercing mine. “Are you listening?”

“Kinda.” I respond, staring at him. He rolls his eyes, but smiles.

“Were going on a trip. I’ll plan it. We're leaving tomorrow.” He declares, closing his eyes. He breathes contently as I continue to run my hands through his hair.

“‘We’?” I ask softly.

“You, me, Izzy, Mikes.” He responds, nuzzling his face in my pajamas. I nod sitting back, until my back hit the bed.

“I can’t reach your head now.” I announce, reaching my hands down as if demonstrating. He looks at me and grins, dragging his head to my chest.

“Smooth Iero.” He remarks, slipping his arm around my waist. I return my hand to his hair, smiling as he closing his eyes again.

Suddenly, the flings open, revealing Izzy. I jump, as does Gerard, but we stay stiffly in our positions.

“Hey, So I wanted to talk to you-” She cuts herself off, staring at us. “Oh, um, sorry, I thought you were alone. The door was unlocked.” She says awkwardly, a glint of something unidentifiable in her eye.

“It's okay, really, um, what were you saying?” I ask, biting my lip as we and Gerard sit up.

“Y'know, Andre really needs me back at the house. I'll talk to you about it later.” She responds, turning her heel, shutting my door on the way out.

“Izzy, hold on!” I yell, jumping up, I quickly tell Gerard I’ll be right back, before leaving the room and rushing down the stairs. She already out the door, starting her car up. By the time I get outside, she’s rushing off down the road.

“Fuck,” I groan, going back inside. When I get there, Gerard coming down the stairs, looking slightly guilty.

“Maybe I should go.” Gerard says, frowning.

“Please don’t. I don’t even know what just happened.” He nods slowly, walking toward me hesitantly, He wraps his arms around me, breathing me in. I do the same, putting my head in the crook of his neck.


“Okay,” He breathes out. “I won’t leave.”

“Thank you.” I respond. What the hell was even going on? I woke up to Gerard kissing my neck, and now his hook up, also my friend is pissed off, or sad?

“You wanna go get something to eat?” He asks gently, looking as confused as me.

I hesitate, looking at him for a minute.

“Please?” He begs, smiling in a desperate manner.

“Okay.” I give in grinning. He smiles, and I feel a pang of guilt as my mind wanders to Izzy.

Notes

Unedited, mildly sorry for that.