Notable Occasions on the Calendar of Dread

When Mikey lifted me off of the sink, he told me he was going to take a shower, as if something about our uncivil deed was unclean. I stood there for a moment, listening to the water hit the porcelain and then backed out of the room, closing the door, as if I hadn’t already seen him naked. I went back to my bag and dug around for the sparkly pair of shorts and put on my old, blood stained, sweatshirt.

Mikey came out of the bathroom in jeans, boots but shirtless.

“Have you seen my shirt? I threw it somewhere but now I can't find it,” he asked.
I shook my head.

“Are you alright?” he suddenly questioned. I nodded, my mind hadn’t quite caught up with the fact that we just slept together. Something about it almost felt wrong, like I was cheating somewhere, not on anyone in particular (mainly because I’m not with anyone), but it felt strange. Rolling my neck and hearing it crack, I saw his shirt in the corner, by the television.

“There,” I said, pointing and yawning.

“Ah, thank you,” Mikey spoke, grabbing his shirt, placing it over his head and onto his body.

“Where did you get the drugs?” he suddenly asked.
“Why?” I said, scared, as if something inside of him would unleash when I told him they were his.

“Because you don’t just attempt to overdose for no reason. Like I said, you don't get a call from the government and strap yourself back down in the chair,” he mused.

“I just wanted to feel something—” I started, trailing off.

“Did you?” he asked, putting his sunglasses back on.

Only with you. Fuck, I’ve only ever felt something with you, Mikey.

I shrugged instead of saying what I was really thinking.

“Mikey!” Frank yelled from outside the door, pounding on it. “Come here, quickly!”

Mikey did just that, turning on his heal and rushing out of the room to usher whatever Frank so
desperately needed.

I threw my bag back onto the bed and it squashed the remote. I turned around when the TV clicked on, suddenly startled.

“I repeat, this is an emergency broadcast looking for Jadelyn Lace Voss, one of the escapist form New York State Psychiatric Institution. She won't be hard to identify. She had dark hair and blue eyes. Approximately five foot one and 80 pounds. Twenty two years of age. Her body is said to be littered with scars; it is believed she may have a large wound on her wrist. She is extremely dangerous and will fight, and even attempt to kill herself is cornered. We are advising anyone who comes in contact with her to use extreme caution and contact the police immediately. She escaped with another young woman, who has already been reprimanded. She will fight—”

I rushed to turn the TV off before the message continued. That must've been what Frank was yelling about. I felt faint. I sat, breathing hard, a little scared now.

(Hell, a lot)

In the world of real things, the hunt was beginning.

Her voice was in my head again: Get out Jade, you don't want to go back there do you? Get out while you can. Get out, and never come back.

I grabbed my bag and began to rush out the door, only to see Mikey leaving the adjacent room. I was startled and began a mad dash for the elevator, Mikey running behind me trying to keep up, yelling for me to stop, Ray came out of the room after him. I ran and caught myself up against the wall, pushing the button as hard and as fast as I could. Taking too long to come up, I chose the stairs instead, and running became harder. One foot after another, up and up and up and up, I felt as though I was escaping NYSPI again, only I was escaping to not return to it.

I run, tears welding up and falling, they knew I lied and that I was just another waste of space, I ran towards my escape. I hear the footsteps behind me and shudder in utter horror. When the stairs end at a doorway to the roof, I impulsively went through it without thinking, not bothering to shut it behind me, only to hear it swing open again.

The very air has her screams in it.

I'm on the roof.

I walk to the edge. Her voice is louder now. Screaming at me.

The door opens behind me, and it's Mikey.

“Lacie – Jade, don’t, please!” Mikey yelled.

I'm at the wall, and I look over the edge,

“Please!” he yelled again. I wondered where everyone else was in this moment, what Gerard, Frank and Ray were doing despite learning whom I was. I knew most’ve that Ray followed some of Mikey’s steps but if he ran the whole way, that’ll never know. That part of me would be gone soon, hell, all of me will be.

I was looking over the edge, at least fifty stories down. The wind picked up my hair, and blew it too my left covering my eyes. I pushed it out of my face, the strands of black mixing with the wet tears on my face.Screaming at me, I am tempted to place my leg over the edge and just glide down. Down, down, down, towards happiness.

“I'm nothing! I'm a waste of space! A refuge! No one will understand, love me, I don’t care anymore. Everything would be better if I wasn't here.” I yelled. I inched closer to the edge, the wind again, picking up. “You don’t understand,” I weakly yelled.

“Lace – Ja – Jade,” he started. “I don't care about your past or if you lied to us. To me.”

“Please!”

This is why no one ever writes the end, its too fucking dreary.

I'll count back from five.

Five.

Four.

Three.

“You can't do this,” he begged, sounding so different than the man that met almost two weeks
ago.

Two.

One.

“I think I'm in love with you,” Mikey weakly yelled.

No, please no.

I wanted to throw myself off, so I wouldn't have to face the truth. Who could love a broken soul like me? I felt the hot tears on my face. I slowly stepped backwards and caught myself on the concrete ledge. My whole body shaking uncontrollably, feeling as though I would faint. I looked over at Mikey and put my hand over my mouth and tried to hold myself as I cried. Mikey seemed a little frightened to come near me, as if something in me might burn him. He came over despite my crying as I continued to shake my head. He put his arms around me and I sobbed against his chest.

“You can't be in love with me,” I said muffled into the color of his shirt. I could hear his heartbeat rapidly in his chest as he squeezed me tighter.

“I love you, I knew it since the minute I met you, I was caught between two things, I was stuck. I love you, Jade,” Mikey said.

What does this mean now? I asked myself that question maybe three times while we were up on the roof top. When he let go of me, I stood there, tired, unable to think. Gerard stood in the doorway of the roof-access door almost as perplexed as Mikey and I. The broadcast didn’t lie.

Notes

Trigger warning: drug use and suicide.