Notable Occasions on the Calendar of Dread

Sitting under those stairs gave me such a headache, the dull throbbing that even the aspirin could not fix, wherever it be polluting my body. I crawled out after the opening performance and stayed backstage for a hot second, before trailing out of the venue.

I found my legs carrying me back to the tour bus, despite my best efforts to trail off somewhere else. Quickly I found myself crawling into Mikey's bunk, inhaling the smell of his aftershave on the pillow--why was it always about him? I needed something to focus my attention on, besides writing. Like a cat.

Yeah, a cat sounds nice.

"Hey, what are you doing in here?" a voice suddenly asked me calmly, it was Ray. There was always a sense of calmness to his voice.

"Wishing I had a cat," I sighed, feeling the confusion from his face without having to look at it.

"I have a splitting headache, and thought I might lie down. I took some aspirin for it but they didn't do anything. Shouldn't you be getting ready?" I spilled out to him like he was one of the nurses at the hospital.

"Do you want some coffee or something for it? Unfortunately, I can't get you a cat," Ray said to me.

"Coffee would be nice," I mumbled, feeling suddenly very, very, dizzy. I began to catch myself on the rail of the bunk's frame before swaying.

"Woah, Lacey," Ray said, easing me to the ground. The vicinity went fuzzy and then black feeling as though someone had let mosquitoes loose around my ears.

I was running, down hallways, through corridors, around corners. And something was running behind me. Stooooooooooooop, it yelled, as if someone was sucking air from its lungs. My feet began to slow, like I was running in slow motion. I looked over my shoulder and the orderly chasing me had something sharp in his hands. And then suddenly, he had me.

"Please," I whispered humbly. "Give me a minute to explain,"

"Now you will take your medicine." he grunted. "Now by God won't you, young lady. Young worthless lady, Now, by God, right now. Every pill. Every single damn pill!'

As the lights swayed above him, and the shadows danced and flapped, he began to swing the knife, bringing it down again and again, his arms rising and falling like a machine. My protesting bloody finger fell away from me head and he brought the knife down again and again on my neck and shoulders and back and arms. Except the knife was no longer a knife, it seemed to e a mallet with a brightly colored handle. A mallet with a soft side and a hard side. The business side was clotted with blood and hair. And the flay, whacking sound of the mallet against the flesh had been replaced with a hollow booming sound, echoing and echoing and echoing. I saw the wrist of the orderly for the final time....and he was wearing a sweatband covering a flaming heart tattoo.

It took a lot for me to come back to reality, and although they were worried, they decided not o take me to a hospital, which, being under and alias, I did not mind.

"Are you okay? Ray asked me when I regained consciousness.

"I don't know what I am anymore," I answered.

"You fainted," Ray started. "Probably on account of the only thing I've seen you consume is coffee, Mikey said you had some aspirin too, which on an empty stomach, might have helped to contribute." Ray added. He was sincere with the way he described my injury, trying his best not to make me feel worse than I already did. I felt bad enough I had to burden them with my presence. I don't think he knew that it might or might not have been intentional.

"I have to go to sound check, but I'll be back in a little bit, are you okay by yourself, or do you want to come with me?" he asked.

"I'm fine here," I told him, he honestly sounded really concerned, but I didn't let that phase me; trust no one, right?

Once Ray left the bus, I was alone, again. Alone with the whispers of my mind. These moments of aloneness were the time my mind would turn thoughtfully and sanely to the gun, the rope, or the razor blade. God, I wanted my fucking knife back. I grew bored quickly, within minutes, tracing my fingers along the seam and creases in Mikey's bunk sheet, when my hand met a bump.

It read 'seroquel 800mg' on the side, 'take one tablet at bed time'. I popped off the top and the pills swirled around the container. I remebered this medication all too well; prescribed to both Adrian and myself. I took out the first pill and chewed it up, enjoying the bitter taste as the tablet shredded in my mouth. It was almost funny how nothig stopped such a quick, impulsive thought. I gathered myslef and wandered off the bus, down the street, moving and swaying from the pill. I hoped, and prayed that maybe I would wander far enoigh to never see the god forsaken tour bus again, but somehow I always made it back there, regardless.

After lapping the permiter od the venue, I stumbled on a couple of guys slouched up against the wall, smoking. It reminded me of the way Mikey would smoke, why did everything have t come back to him? I retraced my steps hoping to burn some calories and found myslelf back on the shared bunk of the tour bus, the medication amking me more lethargic by the second.

Then, I slept.

Notes

Trigger Warning.