F
I thought Gerard was asleep when I got to the park, his thin body curled up on the picnic blanket, a bag against his stomach. But when I got closer, he sat up and smiled at me, patting the blanket. I threw myself down next to him and sighed. “I got up late and I didn't have a chance to bring anything, I'm sorry.”
Gerard shrugged. “I have plenty of stuff,” he smiled. “Here,” he handed me the box and I opened it, smiling.
“This looks good, Gerard.”
He grinned, tucking his hair behind his ears shyly. “Thanks. You can take whatever you want, I've been eating the strawberries.”
I chuckled and took out one of the flapjack squares, biting into it. Gerard twirled some hair around a finger, watching me nervously. “Are they okay? I made them at like midnight.”
I chuckled and nodded quickly. “They're really good, Gerard. I like them a lot.”
He blushed and I bit my lip lightly. “Thanks for this...it gets me out of the house.”
He tilted his head slightly, silently inviting me to say more. I continued hesitantly. “Chris talks about bonding and stuff all the time and he likes to take me places on Sunday, but most of the time it's just boring and awkward.”
Gerard smiled softly. “That sounds sweet, he really cares about you, Frank.”
I paused, studying his perfect face, his cheeks a little red in the chilly morning air. “I've never really thought about it that way. I mean...I know I'm lucky to have him..”
Gerard took a strawberry out of the box and bit into it, smearing juice on his chin.
“He just annoys me sometimes. But I found out last night that his fiancé walked out on him right before we met.”
Gerard's eyes widened. “Really? I mean...he's like twice my age, but I can recognize that he's cute. And he seems super nice. Was she a bitch?”
I shrugged and ran a hand through my hair. “I don't know, I haven't asked him about it since. His name was Ricky..”
Gerard blinked. “Shit. Is he still torn up about it?”
I nodded and bit my lip softly, looking down. “I can't make it any better..”
“But you want to,” Gerard said kindly, wiping his face with a napkin. “That counts for something.”
I sighed and shrugged again. “I guess.”
“How much does Chris know about your life?”
I snorted and drew my knees up to my chest. “Everything. He's the only one who knows everything about me and it's because he read it in a fucking file.”
Gerard winced and nodded slightly. “That's rough, Frankie. But you know you could tell me things. I'm good at keeping secrets...and we could talk about stuff. Talking helps.”
“So I've been told..” I muttered, staring at the grass. I could tell Gerard things. I felt it in my gut. But I was still struggling to get the words out. I lifted my head and took a deep breath. “I have nightmares nearly every night...Chris has to come into my room and wake me up, or I'll just scream all night..”
Gerard blinked slowly, looking like he felt sick. “I'm sorry, Frankie,” he murmured, looking down at the blanket. “I wish I could make it better.”
I sniffed and rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands.
“What are they about? You don't have to tell me,” Gerard said softly, shifting closer to me.
“What came before,” I mumbled, not daring to look at him in case I started to cry. “And the fire...my parents died in a house fire when I was three. My dad took me outside and he left me on the grass while he went back in for my mom. Neither of them came out.”
Gerard moved closer again, tentatively starting to rub my back. “I'm so sorry, Frankie.”
I buried my face in my hands, curling up even tighter as he hugged me, cradling my head against his shoulder. “I'm so so sorry...how can I help?”
I shook my head slowly, trembling slightly. “I don't think you can.”
“One day I will,” He said firmly, running his hand over my side. “I promise.”
I sat there for a while, wrapped up in Gerard's arms, wrapped up in a little warm safe place.
“Gerard?”
“Mhm?” He loosened his grip and I sat up slowly.
“Do you want to be kissed?”
He blushed, watching me intently. “Yes, but not yet, I don’t think. I want to know the person I get my first kiss from very well. I'd like to think that I’ll be able to look back on it when I'm older and think I made a good choice, someone who cared for me.”
I nodded slightly, biting my lip. “I want the next person I date to be someone who cares for me and not just the bed.”
Gerard smiled brightly. “Exactly. Too many people take their first kiss lightly, but I'm happy to save it for the person I think deserves it.”
I smiled, watching him as he unpacked a camera from the little back next to him.
“Will you let me take some pictures of you?”
I blinked and bit my lip. “Uh. I'd rather not..”
He pouted, tilting his head. “Please? I won't show them to anyone..”
“Maybe another time,” I mumbled, rubbing my eyes. “I don't really feel my best at the moment.”
Gerard nodded. “Okay.” He put the camera away and smiled at me. “You okay?”
I nodded slightly. “Yeah. Can I ask you something?”
Gerard grinned and started twirling his hair around his finger again. “Go ahead, Frank..”
I bit my lip and shrugged slightly. “Why do you like wearing dresses? I don't mean to sound...I don't know. I just know you get harassed a lot for it, and there's other ways of looking feminine...I think it suits you..” I mumbled, trailing off as my cheeks went bright red.
He smiled, blinking at me. “I know you don't mean to sound ignorant, Frank, it's okay,” he started, and I felt my shoulders relax. “I like dresses because I feel cute in them. They make me feel pretty and desirable and fun. I don't know, but to me, it's worth it.”
I nodded, running a hand through my hair. “Well, I think you're really brave. I know you shouldn't have to be, but I respect that.”
He laughed softly and shrugged. “I shouldn't have to be brave, you're right. But I was raised to be myself and I was raised to make my own choices. And I choose to wear what makes me happy, and everyone else can go fuck themselves.”
I let a breath out slowly, watching him. “I could listen to you for hours,” I said quietly, without really meaning to. He grinned at me, his nose wrinkling slightly. “And I could listen to you all day. Tell me more about Frank.”
I sighed, running a hand through my hair. “I like to play guitar.”
Gerard nodded slightly. “That's awesome. But I was hoping for something a little more..”
“Deep?” I muttered, shaking my head. “There's not much to me beyond what you see, Gerard. I'm just a weird foster kid who can't wait to get the fuck outta high school.”
He smiled at me, hesitating. “There's a lot more to you than that, Frank. I'm not stupid. If you don't want to talk about it...fine. But I have to say that you were very quick to defend me when those guys were touching me.”
I gritted my teeth and looked away, running a hand through my hair. “What they did to you was a fucking picnic compared to-”
I cut myself off quickly and Gerard shifted closer to me, his hand coming to rest on my back lightly but reassuringly. “Compared to what, Frank?”
I shook my head quickly, trying to hide my face from him. My hands were starting to shake and I bit my lip harshly. “Compared to some of the stuff I've been through,” I finished lamely. Gerard's arm slipped around my shoulders and he rested his forehead on the side of my head.
“You don't have to talk about it, Frankie,” he murmured, his voice almost low enough to be a whisper. “But I'm so glad you're safe now.”
“Am I?”
He squeezed me gently, pressing a kiss to my hair, just above my ear. “Yes. You are.”


Gerard and I laid on our backs, watching the clouds. It had, of course, been his idea. I jumped a little when I felt his fingers on my arm, but relaxed as he ran his hand down and into mine, lacing our fingers. “I wish I could lay here forever.”
I smiled and shrugged. “It's a Sunday. So you can lay here all day.”
Gerard nodded, rolling onto his side to face me without letting go of my hand. “How is Frank Iero feeling now?”
I bit my lip lightly, staring up at the sky. “Better.”
He put his hand on my chest, watching me for a while. “Frank?”
“Mhm?”
“Have you ever been in love?”
I blinked and took a deep breath. “No. I've loved people, but I don't think I've ever really been in love with them, y'know?”
Gerard frowned, shaking his head. “I don't...what's the difference?”
I shrugged. “I'm not entirely sure since I've never been in love, but you can love someone and want to cuddle them and kiss them and love being around them. I think being in love with someone is more like...trusting them completely, wanting to be around them 24/7. Feeling safe with them intimately. I don't know, I just think there's a lot more to love that I haven't experienced yet.”
Gerard brushed the backs of his fingers across my jaw. “You've never felt safe before? But you've..”
I didn't look at him, taking another deep breath. “I've had some really bad past experiences with sexual stuff and I really need a partner that will go out of their way to make me feel safe and comfortable, and I haven't really had that.”
He sighed quietly. “That makes me so angry, y'know. That someone could have you and have all of you and not want to make you as happy as possible.”
I felt myself blush and rubbed my eyes. “Thanks..”
Gerard giggled and leaned over, kissing my cheek softly. “You're welcome.”
I just laid there for a while, processing what had just happened. His lips were soft and warm, the kiss gentle and caring. It had felt amazing. I rolled onto my side and he smiled at me.
I knew my lips weren't soft, they were bitten to hell, but I kissed his cheek anyway and he grinned.
“I like you, Frankie,” he hummed. “I like being around you.”
“I like being around you too,” I smiled shyly, but shifted away from him slightly. “But I need this to be-”
“Slow?” Gerard murmured, letting go of my hand. I nodded, chewing on my lip again.
“Is that okay?”
Gerard put his hand under my jaw, using his thumb to pull my lip away from my teeth. “Of course, I think it's what I need too. Just don't...don't worry about it, okay?”
I smiled as he took his hand away. “That doesn't really work for someone with anxiety.”
He frowned, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “You don't seem that anxious..”
“Well if you read my file, there's a lot about ‘abandonment issues’ and ‘vulnerability,” I mumbled sarcastically. “But that just boils down to me being anxious about relationships. I'm not overly anxious generally.”
Gerard nodded, trailing his fingertips over the back of my hand. “Would you say you have post traumatic stress?”
I stared at him for a few seconds, then shook my head. “I get nightmares, but not flashbacks or anything like that.”
He sighed, studying me with slightly narrowed eyes. “You seem sad a lot...and lonely.”
“Because all I had before I met you was Chris. He's great, but...yeah. He's ten years older than me and he's too busy trying to ‘fix’ me to be my friend.”
Gerard smiled, seeming to relax slightly. “He's your family, not your friend.”
I hesitated for a few seconds. Gerard had been adopted as a baby, he had no idea what being in the foster system was like, or how difficult my relationship with Chris was and had been. And yet, I found myself nodding.
“I punched him in the face once.”
Gerard giggled and his eyes softened. “Why?”
I shrugged. “I hadn't been with him for long and it was just after I got home from the hospital the first time. He was trying to help me set my knee brace and it just hurt really badly so I just kinda punched him..”
He laughed again, making me start to chuckle quietly. “That's hilarious.”
“Chris didn't think so at the time, I made his lip bleed,” I grinned. “It's not one of my best moments. It was before I really trusted him.”
“Do you?”
“Do I what?” I frowned, confused as Gerard shifted to get more comfortable.
“Do you trust him? Now?”
I sighed and sat up, running a hand through my hair slowly. “Mostly. It's still hard for me, sometimes. We fight over stupid shit a lot because I'm just not...open about anything. And he gets frustrated and I get defensive and it just all kicks off. Luckily, he can have a quick temper, but he's quick to calm down, y'know? He's not one for sulking for hours. I do, I just sit there and tear myself apart, how I shouldn't yell because he's been so good to me, all that.”
Gerard watched me, tracing a finger up and down the outside of my thigh. “You shouldn't beat yourself up, Frank. Fights happen and we get over them. It's how life is. Chris is an adult, and he loves you. He understands.”
I nodded slightly and Gerard sat up next to me, leaning his shoulder against mine lightly. “You can call me anytime, Frank. If you feel bad or need someone to talk to. Any hour. I don't sleep much.”
I looked down, rubbing the side of my face. “You're too nice to me, Gerard.”
He laughed and shook his head, bumping my shoulder with his gently. “Don't be stupid. You deserve it, Frank. You deserve to be surrounded with good people.”

---

The whip came down on my back for the last time and I collapsed, immediately feeling pressure as he grabbed me. I let my head fall forward, not bothering to make any noise as the man used me. It wasn't worth the effort. He got bored with me quickly and got up. “Fucking cunt. You're worthless. You can't even scream properly anymore.” I tried to crawl away, but he stomped on the back of my knee, and I heard the crunch. I bit down hard on my lip, blood filling my mouth. The man grunted and stalked off, slamming the door behind him and plunging me into damp, cold darkness.

Chris wasn't by my side when I woke, shaking and crying. I ran down the hall and hammered on his door, sobbing already. He flung the door open and scooped me up, carrying me to his bed slowly. “Shh, Frank. It's okay. It's okay, you're safe. Perfectly safe. Shhh..”
He set me down on the mattress, tugging the covers over me. He laid down next to me, on top of the duvet, and started to stroke my hair slowly.
“Deep breaths, Frankie. Shh, it's alright..”
Chris stayed with me, patiently stroking my hair and talking to me softly.
“What was it about?” He asked as he did every time, clearly not expecting an answer. I sniffed and tried to hide my face from him. “Th-the time he broke my kn-knee.”
Chris let out a soft breath and ran the backs of his fingers down my cheek. “You're safe now, Frankie..”
“It hurts,” I whimpered, trying to hold back a fresh round of tears.
“Shh, it's just cause you ran on it after laying down for a while, it's alright,” Chris soothed, rubbing my side slowly. “I promise.”
I shuffled closer to him, grabbing onto his shirt and burying my face in his chest. He hugged me tightly, kissing the top of my head. “Do you want to stay in here?”
I shook my head and gently pulled away from him. “I d-don't usually get two in one night.”
Chris nodded and got up, gently helping me out of bed and letting me lean on him. “Keep your weight off it if it hurts.”
I bit my lip, letting him half carry me back to my own room. As soon as I was curled up in my own bed, Chris squeezed my shoulder and left the room, letting the door click shut behind him. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

“Strip.”
I felt the tears pouring down my cheeks. All the cameras were pointing at me, several pairs of eyes fixed on me. The man next to me was watching me hungrily. Another man walked to me and pinched my side harshly. “Strip. Now.”
I shook my head and he pinched me harder. “Cunt. Get the fuck on with it.”
I fixed my eyes on the floor, slowly slipping my shirt off. I watched it crumple on the floor and followed it in my mind, curling up in a tiny ball on the floor while the men used my body.

I woke up again and Chris still wasn't there. I tried to hold it together, hugging my knees and hiding my face behind them. I rocked myself for a while, then grabbed my phone off the bedside table and dialed the number.
“Hi,” Gerard mumbled, his voice sleepy and hoarse. As soon as I heard it, I broke down sobbing.
“Shit...Frank? Have you had a nightmare?”
I managed a barely intelligible ‘yes’ and he sighed.
“Alright. Listen to me, Frankie. I'm gonna get dressed and I'm gonna come see you. I'm gonna bring you a nice treat and while I'm walking to yours, you're gonna go wake Chris up and tell him what's happening, okay?”
“O-okay..”
Gerard hesitated. “Actually, go wake Chris now. Stay on the phone and pass me over to him, okay? I want to talk to him.”
I got out of bed shakily, gasping in pain and stumbling.
“Frankie? Are you alright?”
“My kn-knee..”
“Fuck..are you okay to walk?”
I sniffed, trying to wipe my eyes as I limped down the hall slowly. I got to Chris's door at last and knocked lightly, shaking all over.
“Was it a particularly bad one, Frank?” Gerard asked softly.
“Y-yeah..” I mumbled, knocking again. Chris opened the door, looking at me sadly. “Hey, Frankie. Who's that?”
I handed him the phone and he sighed. “Hi, Gerard. No, go back to bed. It's a school night and-...Gerard, please, your mum would be furious with me if I let you come here. It's one in the morning, Gerard, Frank will be okay.”
The doorbell rang and Chris sighed, not bothering to grab a shirt as he walked to the front door. I trailed behind him shakily, tugging my sleeves over my hands. Chris opened the door and Gerard stepped in smartly, pushing past him to get to me. The boy pulled me into a tight hug and I collapsed against him, starting to sob again softly.


I nibbled at the cake Gerard had brought as Chris sat there, watching worriedly. Gerard smiled at him, rubbing my shoulder. “My parents will let me have a day off tomorrow, if you let Frank stay home, I'll spend the day with him and maybe he can catch up on some restful sleep.”
Chris sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I'm working from home tomorrow. Frank, how're you feeling?”
I nearly dropped my plate. Gerard wrapped an arm around my waist, shushing me softly.
“Um. Sh-shaky.”
“Do you feel ready to tell us what it was about?” Chris pressed gently, his golden eyes fixed on me intently. I looked down at my plate and shrugged. Gerard sighed, carefully taking the plate away before turning my head to face him. He smiled at me brightly. “Frankie, you can do this. I know it's scary, but Chris and I won't tell anyone, we promise. And you'll get a little relief, and I'll be able to stay with you until you fall asleep again..”
I sniffed, pulling my head from his grip and looking away. Chris watched me, spinning his lip rings nervously. “Frankie, I don't think it'll be anything I don't know about, hon. Would you rather tell just me? Is that what you're scared of? Gerard knowing?”
I shook my head quickly and Gerard kissed my cheek. I froze, all the shakes stopping suddenly, along with the subtle rocking motion I’d kept up for the past hour or so. My shoulders dropped and Gerard stroked a gentle hand down my back.
“It was about the first time they filmed me.”
Chris blinked, his eyebrows raising as he leaned forward slightly. Gerard all but gagged, pulling me closer to him protectively.
“I was eleven.”
Chris jumped up, running his hands through his hair as he started to pace. I hung my head, shaking again as the tears dripped into my lap. Gerard didn't say anything for a while, just holding me. I eventually turned, needing comfort. He wrapped me up in his arms as I started to sob, burying my face in his shoulder. After a few minutes of just clinging to Gerard, I felt Chris's hands on my back, then on my sides as he gently pulled me away from Gerard and into his own embrace. I shook, barely breathing in between sobs as Chris held me, his face buried in my hair and his arms wrapped so tightly it seemed he had no intention of ever letting go.

Notes

Hey guys, I hope you enjoy this chapter even though it's a little sad. There's gonna be some big steps forward in their relationship soon, and also a new character :)