Unspeakably Unique
Chapter Seven
F
I woke up with a warm body next to me, the door to my bedroom wide open. Gerard shifted and I slipped out of bed quickly, my bare feet sticking to the wood floor in the hallway as I made my way into the kitchen. Chris was sitting at the kitchen table, leaning over something. He lifted his head and I shifted back slightly. “Hey, Frankie,” he murmured, his voice much softer than his gaze. “Come here, hon..”
I walked over uncertainly, sitting down next to him. He pushed the file towards me. “This is yours. I've added something.”
Chris set a pen down in front of me. “Look at the back page.”
I winced, trying not to look at any of the photos as I turned to the last page. I stared at it, jumping when I felt a small hand on my shoulder. Gerard sat down on my other side, watching me in caring concern.
“I've signed it already,” Chris said quietly. “Since you're over seventeen and three months, if you sign it..”
“I'll be your son,” I muttered, my voice hollow.
He smiled sadly and brushed his fingers over my cheek, his thumb under my eye. “Yes. I wanted to surprise you with it when we were doing better, but I love you, Frank. And seeing you so upset last night reminded me that you're the most important thing in my life, and I want you to know that. I love you unconditionally and I love you without expecting you to ever be perfect.”
I sniffed and Gerard grinned as I signed the paper shakily. “Th-thanks..”
Chris pulled me into the tightest hug I’d ever received, rubbing my back. “I've never been happier, Frankie..”
When I broke away, he was crying, his fingers shaking as he carefully took the page out of the thick file. Then he flipped to the front page and tore it out, then ripped it in half. “Frank, I don't need this shit anymore. I don't need endless evaluations of you. I don't need pictures of you. I don't need inaccurate records of what happened to you. I just need you.”
I curled up on the couch with my head resting on Chris's shoulder. He'd taken the paper down to the court or something and had driven Gerard home. They'd agreed that I needed a day with my family. My only family.
He slipped an arm around me, sighing softly. “No one ever told me they filmed you, Frankie.”
I nodded slightly. “I never told anyone.”
“How long?”
I rubbed the bridge of my nose. “Up to when I was fourteen. After that, I looked too old.”
I felt him tense next to me and curled up a little tighter. Chris sighed.
“If I could have stopped all of this, I would have, Frankie. But as it is, I can only do my best to help you through this now. How can I help you today?”
I sniffed, shaking my head slowly. “I don't know. But I can't get the images out of my head..”
“Would you like to go to the cinema? You like the cinema, right?”
I nodded slightly.
Chris dropped me at Gerard's house the next morning. He had work to do in placement and had to be away, but due to some very long and very frank conversations about my past the day before, he'd thought it best for me to have another day off school to process in a stress-free environment. I wandered into Gerard's living room feeling drained and sick. I'd had more nightmares the night before, and I couldn't get it all off my mind.
Gerard was sitting on the couch, looking absolutely stunning. His hair was curled, the bright red waves framing his face as the key necklace framed his collarbones. The long sleeved, cropped sweatshirt fell off one shoulder lazily, the pink skirt’s pleats and the cat tights finishing off the look effortlessly. He wasn't wearing much makeup, just perfect winged eyeliner and mascara.
I stood there staring at him for a while. He smiled at me. “Have you had breakfast?”
I blinked and suddenly burst into tears. Gerard jumped up and quickly steered me over to the couch, sitting me down carefully. “Shh, Frankie..” He soothed, taking a seat next to me and wrapping an arm around me. “It's alright, Frank. Why are you crying, love? Don't cry..”
Gerard managed to calm me down in about ten minutes, smiling at me sadly as I dried my cheeks.
“I'm sorry..” I mumbled, not looking at him. He sighed and brushed my hair out of my face. “Shh. Don't be, Frank. It's okay to cry sometimes. I know you're very overwhelmed. A lot has happened in the past couple days. You had a super bad nightmare and you opened up to both of us about it, and then Chris adopted you and you guys talked a lot, and now you're here. It's been a bit of a roller coaster and I think you need some down time.”
I nodded slightly, my hands shaking as I watched Gerard. He kissed my forehead softly and stood up slowly. “Come on. A day without revelations or life events. I still don't know anything about you beyond what you said the other night, okay? Chris refused to tell me anything.”
I nodded slightly, grabbing onto his hand and letting him walk me upstairs. His house was much bigger than the little one I shared with Chris. I felt like I could get lost in one single bedroom. Gerard gently pulled me into his room. It was neat and clean, not quite what I'd expected. There were music posters everywhere, and lots of landscape photographs. The bed was huge and looked particularly inviting.
“You can take a nap if you like, Frankie,” Gerard said softly. “I'll sit with you while you sleep.”
I nodded quickly and he smiled. “I'll get you some pajama pants, you wait here..”
He slipped back in a few minutes later, handed me the pants, and walked back out immediately. I felt relief flood over me and I changed my pants over quickly, then climbed into bed. Gerard opened the door and hurried over to me, sitting down on the other side of the bed. I curled up with my back to him and let my eyes slip closed.
Gerard was lying down next to me, playing with my fingers. “Do you feel better?”
I nodded slightly, not making eye contact. “More rested.”
“Good. Would you like a cuddle?”
I shook my head quickly. “I don't feel like touching much right now.”
“Okay, Frank,” Gerard said with a soft smile. “Whatever's best for you.”
I sighed and rubbed my eyes. “I want to...I want to do something for Chris.”
“You did yesterday, Frank,” he hummed, brushing his fingertips over my cheek. “You signed that paper and made his year. I've only really met him twice, but I know how much that meant to him.”
“But I want to do something for him,” I insisted quietly. Gerard let out a soft breath, looking past me. “Like what?”
“I want to find Ricky.”
He blinked and shrugged. “It's a nice thought, but I'm not sure we can really do that..”
“I'm going to try. I know his full name,” I mumbled, grabbing my phone. “And I know what he looks like.”
I scrolled through Facebook for a while, smiling to myself when I finally found the right one. I clicked on the message button and Gerard watched me without moving. “It's gonna be a shock, Frank. Be ready for him to react badly.”
I rolled my eyes. “Chris is a good guy, if Ricky refuses to at least talk to him again, then we know he's an ass.”
Gerard chuckled and smiled at me lazily. “And now you're gonna check Facebook every two seconds, so how about we watch a movie? Keep your mind off it.”
Chris smiled at me as I got into the car. I looked at him.
“Do I have to start calling you dad now?”
The thought of it made my hands shake. Chris tilted his head slightly.
“No, of course not. You can call me whatever you're comfortable with.”
I blinked and folded my hands in my lap. “Okay. I don't want to call you dad.”
He started the car and pulled away from the curb. “Why not?”
I frowned and looked down. “My last foster...people made me call them mum and dad, and I just..”
“Okay,” Chris murmured, a little too quickly. “Chris is absolutely fine.”
I sniffed and rubbed my forehead with the heel of my hand. “I'm sorry.”
“For what?”
“Not being happier. About you adopting me and stuff.”
Chris frowned and glanced at me. “What do you mean?”
I didn't look at him. “I'm glad and everything, but I just...don't feel super happy or anything. Am I supposed to?”
Chris laughed softly and shook his head. “Frankie, we've talked about this. There's no right or wrong way to feel. You're emotionally exhausted right now, and that's perfectly okay. You'll feel better tomorrow. But just to be clear, this isn't permanent. If you change your mind-”
“I won't,” I said quickly, biting my lip harshly. “But thank you. I..love you.”
Chris took my hand gently, squeezing it. “I love you too, little one.”
My phone buzzed suddenly and I sighed. Chris parked the car and looked over at me. “Get some rest, I'll have dinner ready for six, so go play video games or watch tv or whatever you wanna do to relax for a while. Okay?”
I nodded, getting out of the car and quietly following Chris inside. I walked straight to my room, kicking my shirt and jeans aside before crawling into bed. I picked my phone up off the bedside table and unlocked it.
Me, 10:28:
Hi, my name is Frank and I was recently adopted by Chris Cerulli, who has been my guardian for a while now. He misses you, every day. He's done so much for me and I just want to see him happy.
Ricky, 16:03:
what do you want from me?
Me, 16:13:
I want you to see him again. Explain. Whatever your reasoning, he needs closure. Please?
Ricky, 16:29:
What happens when he loses his temper? Or he wants me back?
Me, 16:31:
Then you discuss it. Please? It would mean so much to both of us, and we wouldn't bother you again if that's what you wanted.
Ricky, 16:47:
Fine. I will meet him for lunch on Friday, one hour only. Tell him i’ll be at the restaurant where he proposed to me at noon.
I hurried downstairs, finding Chris in the kitchen. I hopped up on the counter, watching him as he got out ingredients for dinner. “What's up?” He asked as he turned to face me, flashing me a brief smile.
“Please don't be angry with me..”
He frowned, setting the milk down carefully. “I don't like the sound of that, Frank.”
I winced and looked down at the floor. “I messaged Ricky.”
“What?”
I raised my voice from just above a whisper. “I talked to Ricky.”
Chris's face went blank and he stared at me. “What? Seriously? I..”
He trailed off and I leaned away slightly. “He said he'd meet you for lunch.”
Chris closed his eyes for a few seconds, pinching the bridge of his nose. “When?”
“Friday at noon, where you proposed to him.”
I shifted uncomfortably. “I'm sorry, I-”
He opened his eyes and stepped forward, cupping my jaw in his hands. He kissed my forehead softly. “I'm not angry with you, Frankie. Of course not. But why did you do it?”
I looked up at him, trying not to shake. “Because I want you to be happy.”
Chris sighed and stroked my cheek slowly. “I am happy, Frank. I'm happy because you trust me, and because you want to stay with me.”
“But I wanted to do something for you,” I frowned, gently pulling away from his grip. Chris let his hands fall to his sides, smiling at me sadly.
“You don't need to, Frankie. Really. But thank you, hon. I'll go and see him, but I don't think it will help much.”
I tilted my head slightly. “Why not?”
Chris sighed, running a hand through his long hair. “He's been gone for a while, Frank. I'm sure he's found someone else or come up with a hundred reasons why we don't work.”
I rubbed my eyes shakily. “Won't you get some closure at least?”
He nodded. “I hope so. Are you all ready for school tomorrow?”
I smiled, letting him change the subject. “Yeah.”
“Good. Your lunch is in the fridge, I'm gonna have to head out before you go tomorrow, will you be okay?”
I shrugged, watching him turn as he went back to what he'd been doing. “I don't see why not. I just gotta remember to lock the door.”
Chris chuckled. “I'll leave a sticky note on the door handle, how's that?”
I grinned and nodded. “Sounds perfect.”
I woke up with a warm body next to me, the door to my bedroom wide open. Gerard shifted and I slipped out of bed quickly, my bare feet sticking to the wood floor in the hallway as I made my way into the kitchen. Chris was sitting at the kitchen table, leaning over something. He lifted his head and I shifted back slightly. “Hey, Frankie,” he murmured, his voice much softer than his gaze. “Come here, hon..”
I walked over uncertainly, sitting down next to him. He pushed the file towards me. “This is yours. I've added something.”
Chris set a pen down in front of me. “Look at the back page.”
I winced, trying not to look at any of the photos as I turned to the last page. I stared at it, jumping when I felt a small hand on my shoulder. Gerard sat down on my other side, watching me in caring concern.
“I've signed it already,” Chris said quietly. “Since you're over seventeen and three months, if you sign it..”
“I'll be your son,” I muttered, my voice hollow.
He smiled sadly and brushed his fingers over my cheek, his thumb under my eye. “Yes. I wanted to surprise you with it when we were doing better, but I love you, Frank. And seeing you so upset last night reminded me that you're the most important thing in my life, and I want you to know that. I love you unconditionally and I love you without expecting you to ever be perfect.”
I sniffed and Gerard grinned as I signed the paper shakily. “Th-thanks..”
Chris pulled me into the tightest hug I’d ever received, rubbing my back. “I've never been happier, Frankie..”
When I broke away, he was crying, his fingers shaking as he carefully took the page out of the thick file. Then he flipped to the front page and tore it out, then ripped it in half. “Frank, I don't need this shit anymore. I don't need endless evaluations of you. I don't need pictures of you. I don't need inaccurate records of what happened to you. I just need you.”
I curled up on the couch with my head resting on Chris's shoulder. He'd taken the paper down to the court or something and had driven Gerard home. They'd agreed that I needed a day with my family. My only family.
He slipped an arm around me, sighing softly. “No one ever told me they filmed you, Frankie.”
I nodded slightly. “I never told anyone.”
“How long?”
I rubbed the bridge of my nose. “Up to when I was fourteen. After that, I looked too old.”
I felt him tense next to me and curled up a little tighter. Chris sighed.
“If I could have stopped all of this, I would have, Frankie. But as it is, I can only do my best to help you through this now. How can I help you today?”
I sniffed, shaking my head slowly. “I don't know. But I can't get the images out of my head..”
“Would you like to go to the cinema? You like the cinema, right?”
I nodded slightly.
Chris dropped me at Gerard's house the next morning. He had work to do in placement and had to be away, but due to some very long and very frank conversations about my past the day before, he'd thought it best for me to have another day off school to process in a stress-free environment. I wandered into Gerard's living room feeling drained and sick. I'd had more nightmares the night before, and I couldn't get it all off my mind.
Gerard was sitting on the couch, looking absolutely stunning. His hair was curled, the bright red waves framing his face as the key necklace framed his collarbones. The long sleeved, cropped sweatshirt fell off one shoulder lazily, the pink skirt’s pleats and the cat tights finishing off the look effortlessly. He wasn't wearing much makeup, just perfect winged eyeliner and mascara.
I stood there staring at him for a while. He smiled at me. “Have you had breakfast?”
I blinked and suddenly burst into tears. Gerard jumped up and quickly steered me over to the couch, sitting me down carefully. “Shh, Frankie..” He soothed, taking a seat next to me and wrapping an arm around me. “It's alright, Frank. Why are you crying, love? Don't cry..”
Gerard managed to calm me down in about ten minutes, smiling at me sadly as I dried my cheeks.
“I'm sorry..” I mumbled, not looking at him. He sighed and brushed my hair out of my face. “Shh. Don't be, Frank. It's okay to cry sometimes. I know you're very overwhelmed. A lot has happened in the past couple days. You had a super bad nightmare and you opened up to both of us about it, and then Chris adopted you and you guys talked a lot, and now you're here. It's been a bit of a roller coaster and I think you need some down time.”
I nodded slightly, my hands shaking as I watched Gerard. He kissed my forehead softly and stood up slowly. “Come on. A day without revelations or life events. I still don't know anything about you beyond what you said the other night, okay? Chris refused to tell me anything.”
I nodded slightly, grabbing onto his hand and letting him walk me upstairs. His house was much bigger than the little one I shared with Chris. I felt like I could get lost in one single bedroom. Gerard gently pulled me into his room. It was neat and clean, not quite what I'd expected. There were music posters everywhere, and lots of landscape photographs. The bed was huge and looked particularly inviting.
“You can take a nap if you like, Frankie,” Gerard said softly. “I'll sit with you while you sleep.”
I nodded quickly and he smiled. “I'll get you some pajama pants, you wait here..”
He slipped back in a few minutes later, handed me the pants, and walked back out immediately. I felt relief flood over me and I changed my pants over quickly, then climbed into bed. Gerard opened the door and hurried over to me, sitting down on the other side of the bed. I curled up with my back to him and let my eyes slip closed.
Gerard was lying down next to me, playing with my fingers. “Do you feel better?”
I nodded slightly, not making eye contact. “More rested.”
“Good. Would you like a cuddle?”
I shook my head quickly. “I don't feel like touching much right now.”
“Okay, Frank,” Gerard said with a soft smile. “Whatever's best for you.”
I sighed and rubbed my eyes. “I want to...I want to do something for Chris.”
“You did yesterday, Frank,” he hummed, brushing his fingertips over my cheek. “You signed that paper and made his year. I've only really met him twice, but I know how much that meant to him.”
“But I want to do something for him,” I insisted quietly. Gerard let out a soft breath, looking past me. “Like what?”
“I want to find Ricky.”
He blinked and shrugged. “It's a nice thought, but I'm not sure we can really do that..”
“I'm going to try. I know his full name,” I mumbled, grabbing my phone. “And I know what he looks like.”
I scrolled through Facebook for a while, smiling to myself when I finally found the right one. I clicked on the message button and Gerard watched me without moving. “It's gonna be a shock, Frank. Be ready for him to react badly.”
I rolled my eyes. “Chris is a good guy, if Ricky refuses to at least talk to him again, then we know he's an ass.”
Gerard chuckled and smiled at me lazily. “And now you're gonna check Facebook every two seconds, so how about we watch a movie? Keep your mind off it.”
Chris smiled at me as I got into the car. I looked at him.
“Do I have to start calling you dad now?”
The thought of it made my hands shake. Chris tilted his head slightly.
“No, of course not. You can call me whatever you're comfortable with.”
I blinked and folded my hands in my lap. “Okay. I don't want to call you dad.”
He started the car and pulled away from the curb. “Why not?”
I frowned and looked down. “My last foster...people made me call them mum and dad, and I just..”
“Okay,” Chris murmured, a little too quickly. “Chris is absolutely fine.”
I sniffed and rubbed my forehead with the heel of my hand. “I'm sorry.”
“For what?”
“Not being happier. About you adopting me and stuff.”
Chris frowned and glanced at me. “What do you mean?”
I didn't look at him. “I'm glad and everything, but I just...don't feel super happy or anything. Am I supposed to?”
Chris laughed softly and shook his head. “Frankie, we've talked about this. There's no right or wrong way to feel. You're emotionally exhausted right now, and that's perfectly okay. You'll feel better tomorrow. But just to be clear, this isn't permanent. If you change your mind-”
“I won't,” I said quickly, biting my lip harshly. “But thank you. I..love you.”
Chris took my hand gently, squeezing it. “I love you too, little one.”
My phone buzzed suddenly and I sighed. Chris parked the car and looked over at me. “Get some rest, I'll have dinner ready for six, so go play video games or watch tv or whatever you wanna do to relax for a while. Okay?”
I nodded, getting out of the car and quietly following Chris inside. I walked straight to my room, kicking my shirt and jeans aside before crawling into bed. I picked my phone up off the bedside table and unlocked it.
Me, 10:28:
Hi, my name is Frank and I was recently adopted by Chris Cerulli, who has been my guardian for a while now. He misses you, every day. He's done so much for me and I just want to see him happy.
Ricky, 16:03:
what do you want from me?
Me, 16:13:
I want you to see him again. Explain. Whatever your reasoning, he needs closure. Please?
Ricky, 16:29:
What happens when he loses his temper? Or he wants me back?
Me, 16:31:
Then you discuss it. Please? It would mean so much to both of us, and we wouldn't bother you again if that's what you wanted.
Ricky, 16:47:
Fine. I will meet him for lunch on Friday, one hour only. Tell him i’ll be at the restaurant where he proposed to me at noon.
I hurried downstairs, finding Chris in the kitchen. I hopped up on the counter, watching him as he got out ingredients for dinner. “What's up?” He asked as he turned to face me, flashing me a brief smile.
“Please don't be angry with me..”
He frowned, setting the milk down carefully. “I don't like the sound of that, Frank.”
I winced and looked down at the floor. “I messaged Ricky.”
“What?”
I raised my voice from just above a whisper. “I talked to Ricky.”
Chris's face went blank and he stared at me. “What? Seriously? I..”
He trailed off and I leaned away slightly. “He said he'd meet you for lunch.”
Chris closed his eyes for a few seconds, pinching the bridge of his nose. “When?”
“Friday at noon, where you proposed to him.”
I shifted uncomfortably. “I'm sorry, I-”
He opened his eyes and stepped forward, cupping my jaw in his hands. He kissed my forehead softly. “I'm not angry with you, Frankie. Of course not. But why did you do it?”
I looked up at him, trying not to shake. “Because I want you to be happy.”
Chris sighed and stroked my cheek slowly. “I am happy, Frank. I'm happy because you trust me, and because you want to stay with me.”
“But I wanted to do something for you,” I frowned, gently pulling away from his grip. Chris let his hands fall to his sides, smiling at me sadly.
“You don't need to, Frankie. Really. But thank you, hon. I'll go and see him, but I don't think it will help much.”
I tilted my head slightly. “Why not?”
Chris sighed, running a hand through his long hair. “He's been gone for a while, Frank. I'm sure he's found someone else or come up with a hundred reasons why we don't work.”
I rubbed my eyes shakily. “Won't you get some closure at least?”
He nodded. “I hope so. Are you all ready for school tomorrow?”
I smiled, letting him change the subject. “Yeah.”
“Good. Your lunch is in the fridge, I'm gonna have to head out before you go tomorrow, will you be okay?”
I shrugged, watching him turn as he went back to what he'd been doing. “I don't see why not. I just gotta remember to lock the door.”
Chris chuckled. “I'll leave a sticky note on the door handle, how's that?”
I grinned and nodded. “Sounds perfect.”
Notes
So..
I hope everyone is still enjoying this, I know the last chapter was fairly sad :/
@LoganMai
great thanks
4/20/18