Unspeakably Unique
Chapter Fourteen
F
Chris ruffled my hair lightly, sitting down next to me. “You look miserable. How can I help?” I drew my knees up to my chest, hugging them tightly. “I dunno.” He sighed and rubbed my shoulder gently. “It’s only four days, Frank. You’re halfway through one already. He’s gonna call you this evening.”
“I know..” Chris ran his colorful fingers over the two thick black lines on my arm. “I think he loves you, Frank. He’s just scared to say it. Why are you so upset, anyway? Something’s changed between you two and I can’t figure it out.”
I shot him a look and sighed. “I think you can probably guess.”
“Tell me anyway,” he murmured, running his fingers through my hair.
I looked down. “We had sex. And it was...perfect. I wasn’t scared at all, it just felt really natural and easy.”
Chris smiled, brushing the backs of his fingers over my cheek. “That’s how it should be, Frank. Was Gerard alright?”
I nodded, rubbing my eyes. “Yeah, he was really sore in the morning, but I think he was okay. It frightened me a little. I thought I’d hurt him.”
Chris sighed and fixed my hair carefully. “Did he enjoy it?”
I glanced at him. “Why are you asking me so many questions about it?”
He frowned and shrugged. “I just want to make sure everything is okay. You don’t have to answer them if you think I’m being creepy.”
I giggled and nodded. “A little creepy. But yes, he liked it.”
“Good. Now what can we do to distract you and make you feel better? Do you wanna go out somewhere or do something here? What would help?”
I shrugged, resting my chin on my knees. “Cinema?”
Chris chuckled and nodded slightly. “I should have guessed that’s what you’d say. Yes, we can go to the cinema.”
I blushed and bit my lip. “Sorry, I just...never got to go when I was a kid..”
He ruffled my hair, smiling at me. “I know, Frankie. I wasn’t making fun of you. I’ve got to go finish up a little work, it should take me about fifteen minutes. Why don’t you find a movie and book the tickets for me?”
I nodded slightly and he kissed the side of my head.
“Stop looking so miserable.”
My phone rang just as we stepped through the door in the evening, and Chris rubbed my shoulder as I answered it, hurrying into the kitchen.
“Hey, Gee! What's up? Are you having fun?”
He laughed softly, and I felt my chest get tight. “Yeah, Frankie. I miss you, though. A lot.”
“I miss you too, Gee,” I murmured, running a hand through my hair. “But Chris is keeping me busy.”
“Well that's good. I have to share a room with Mikey...he's been really grumpy today cause he had a fight with Pete before he left.”
I sighed, pouring myself a glass of water and carrying it out of the kitchen. “I'm sorry, Gee. Is it a fairly big room though?”
Chris stopped me in the hall. “Frank, I gotta run out for some milk, we’re out. I'll see you in a bit.”
“Okay, Chris.”
I kept walking, heading up to my room. “Yeah, I mean, we've both got fairly nice sized beds, so it's okay.”
“Good,” I hummed, setting my glass of water down on the bedside table before laying down in bed. “I wish you were here. I'm in a cuddly mood.”
“Fuck,” Gerard whined jokingly. “That never happens.”
“Yep. And you're missing it,” I teased softly. “I'm sure you'll get all the cuddles you want when you get back.”
“You promise?” Gerard purred sleepily. “Promise me.”
“Of course, Gee. Of course I promise,” I murmured, running a hand through my hair. “I think you need to get some rest, though. You sound tired.”
“I'm fine, really,” Gerard protested, but was interrupted by a yawn. I chuckled softly. “Sure, Gee. Get some rest, I love you.”
“Okay...goodnight, Frankie. I miss you.”
“I miss you too.”
I got another call from Gerard the next day, putting my guitar down to pick up my phone. I answered it and my throat clenched.
He was sobbing, raw, painful emotion showing through as he tried to talk. “F-Frank? F-Frankie?”
I scrambled up, switching my amp off and running downstairs. “Yeah, baby? I'm here, Gee. What's going on? Are you okay?”
I knocked on Chris’s office door sharply.
“I-..I d-don't know wh-where I am, Frankie..”
Chris flung the door open, glaring at me. “Frank, I'm kind of in the middle of a meeting!”
I stared at him wildly, putting the phone on speaker. “Gee, try to take deep breaths..”
As Gerard sobbed, Chris's face changed, first to shock and then hardening.
“S-something b-bad happened, F-Frank. I'm s-scared, p-please..”
I took the phone off speaker, holding it to my ear. “It's okay, Gee. Chris is gonna come help me, he just has to finish something.”
Chris nodded quickly and gave me a thumbs up before disappearing back into his office.
I hurried through the hall, crouching down and trying to tug my shoes on while still comforting Gerard. “It's okay, baby. We’re gonna come and find you. Are you still in New York?”
“Y-yeah..”
“Can you tell me more about what happened?”
He sniffed, the sobs starting to fade as I pulled my coat on. “I d-don't know! I was shopping with Mikey and I went outside for some air a-and I woke up here! It h-hurts, Frankie...I c-can't move..”
“Why not, baby? Why can't you move?”
“It h-hurts..”
“Where?”
“My r-ribs..”
“Alright..” I looked up as Chris jogged over to me, gently taking the phone from my hand.
“Hey, Gerard,” he said softly, his voice dropping into his ‘gentle’ mode. “We’re just on our way, hon. I know you're scared, but we will come and find you, okay? Now can you tell me anything about where you are? I'm going to call the police right after I get off the phone, okay? Frank will stay on the phone with you..”
Chris tugged his shoes and coat on, listening to Gerard as he shoved me out of the front door, following me to the car. I got in quickly, buckling my seatbelt as he handed the phone back to me and tugged his own out, dialing the police.
“Hey, Gee. You're gonna be okay,” I murmured, putting a hand over my other ear as Chris talked. “And we’ll bring you home and I'll give you all those cuddles I promised. Okay?”
“Y-yeah...F-Frankie?”
“Yes, baby?”
“M-my phone is running out of battery..”
I took a deep breath and sighed. “Alright, okay. I think you should hang up, Gerard. Call me if anything changes, okay? I'm gonna call Mikey, he's a lot closer to you than we are. Okay? I love you, beautiful.”
“O-okay. Please h-hurry, Frankie..”
Gerard hung up and I quickly pressed on Mikey's contact, telling him what had happened before hanging up so Gerard could call me if he needed to.
I spent the next hour chewing the skin off my lip and clinging to Chris's hand, trembling ever so slightly. Just as we reached the outskirts of New York, Chris's phone rang. He picked it up, talking quietly for a couple minutes before hanging up and quickly taking an exit.
“Wh-what's going on?”
He sighed loudly. “The police think they know where he is, they've pinpointed his phone. I think we’ll get there before them. Frank, I need you to be ready, okay? We need to expect the worst. Gerard is very very scared and it may be difficult, but you need to keep calm for him. Okay?”
I swallowed hard. “I'll try, Chris.”
He glanced around and swore, pulling the car over. I looked out of the window and kicked my door open, hitting the ground running as I sprinted around the car and down the alley, collapsing next to the thin figure. Gerard's hair was dirty and matted, his dress torn and muddy. Blood had dried on his face and arms, as well as all over the back of his dress and his ruined tights. I gulped, gently shaking him.
“Gerard?”
He groaned softly and shifted, then whimpered in pain. Chris knelt down next to me, rubbing Gerard's side as he lifted up his skirt, then winced.
“Frank, I think he's been-”
I gagged and stumbled to my feet, backing away from the younger boy’s body until my back hit a wall. I slid down it, curling up in the tiniest ball possible.
I cried as the blood trickled down my legs. I could see the drips and I watched it accumulate in little puddles at my feet. He was laughing, holding my ripped shirt in his hands. They left eventually, not bothering to clean up after themselves.
I couldn't bring myself to crawl onto the mattress where it happened, instead just laying in my own blood, unable to sleep as I stared at nothing.
Chris crouched down in front of me, trying to talk to me quietly, trying to calm me down. I looked past him. Gerard was still laying there, Chris's coat over him. He was watching me, tears forming white tracks on his grubby face. I slapped Chris away from me and got to my feet slowly, then bolted.
Images kept flashing through my mind, evil grins and cameras pointed at me. Men leaning over me, their faces sweaty and contorted. Blood puddling at my feet. The dark closing in as the pain dulled.
Someone grabbed me and I screamed, over and over. A hand wrapped around my mouth and the man sat down on the sidewalk, pulling me into his lap.
“Shh, Frankie. It's me. It's just me, honey. It's alright,” Chris soothed, rocking me back and forth as I choked on sobs, not even breathing enough to be able to make any noise as I clung to him.
I sat in Chris's car, trying not to watch them load Gerard into the ambulance. I was shaking, Chris's arm around my shoulders. “Shh,” he hummed, stroking my cheek and wiping the tears away slowly. “What happened?”
“F-flashbacks..” I mumbled, sniffing. “I should be going with him, I want-”
“He's going with his mother,” Chris said firmly, cutting me off. “He needs time with his family. We’ll go and see him soon, I promise.”
I started to tremble again and Chris rested his forehead on the side of my head. “I'm so sorry, Frankie. Fuck, I'm so fucking sorry..”
“H-he's not m-my Gerard a-anymore..”
Chris stroked my hair slowly, kissing my temple soothingly. “Why not, little one?”
“My Gee is i-innocent and k-kind and h-happy. He's n-not scared, he's really b-brave...a-and he's...he’s not l-like me..”
“Oh, Frank..” Chris sighed, pulling me into a hug and rubbing my shoulder slowly. “He’ll be okay, Frankie. He will. He’ll always be kind and brave and he’ll be happy again. I promise.”
Chris kept an arm around my shoulders as he walked me through the stark white halls. I was holding a bunch of flowers and a stuffed cat like armor, trying not to look at anyone as I counted down the numbers on the doors. Chris gently pulled me to a stop outside the right door and slipped inside, letting me follow him. I hesitated. Mikey and Gerard’s mum were sitting in hard plastic chairs. A nurse was talking to Gerard quietly. He looked even smaller in the all-white bed, his face drawn and his eyes betraying exhaustion and numbness. He looked up when I stepped in and a faint smile played at his lips. “Frank.”
I smiled nervously, already shaking as Chris gently nudged me forward. I held the flowers out in front of me, feeling the tears welling up in my eyes already. Gerard sniffed, taking them carefully. “Pink roses. My favorite..”
I nodded dumbly and placed the cat on his chest, tears streaming down my cheeks. I leaned over suddenly and kissed his forehead, stroking his hair clumsily. “I'm sorry.”
“Excuse me, I was trying to talk to him,” the nurse snapped. I jumped and shuffled to the side, ducking my head.
“Sorry...sorry..”
Gerard looked at me sadly and I glanced at Mikey. He stared at me for a second or two, then got up quickly and hurried out of the room. Chris quietly sat down next to Gerard’s mum, starting to talk to her softly. I turned my gaze back to Gerard, who looked like he was about to cry.
“You have two options, Gerard. You can get a rape kit or you can not. Just pick one. If you get the rape kit, we may be able to find the person who did this to you.”
“I don't want to find him,” Gerard whispered, looking away. “I just want to go home..”
The nurse sighed loudly and I felt my blood boil.
“Gerard, you need to make the right choice. Clearly, this man attacked you because of your clothing choice, but he might decide to go after others-”
“What the fuck did you just say?” I snapped suddenly. Chris looked up, watching me worriedly.
“Frank..”
Gerard stared at me with wide eyes as I glared at the nurse, bristling.
“Your friend was wearing a dress. He was clearly dressed inappropriately, and he des-”
Gerard screamed as I jumped on her, bringing her to the ground. Before I could land a punch, Chris had hauled me up and was shoving me out of the door.
“Jesus fucking Christ! Frank, what the fuck?”
I broke down sobbing, falling against his chest as he hugged me, stroking my hair slowly. “Fuck. This is a fucking mess..”
Gerard's mum slipped out of the room, hurrying over. “Frank? Is he alright?”
Chris sighed quietly, rubbing my back slowly. “I don't think so. I'm gonna take him home, I think. I doubt they’ll allow him back in after that..”
“What should I tell Gerard? He's absolutely frantic.”
“Tell him I'm taking care of Frank. I'm gonna take him home and we’re going to have some nice long talks and I'm gonna get him to his therapist. Frank will be okay, Gerard needs to focus on getting better.”
I curled up in Chris's bed, clinging to him as he hugged me tightly, rubbing my back slowly. “I heard what that nurse was saying, Frankie. I know why you did that, but it's-”
“Not okay, I know. I just did it.”
Chris sighed softly, running his fingers through my hair. “I know it's hard, I'm-”
“You have no idea,” I growled quietly. “What happened to Gerard happened to me nearly every day for six fucking years. I never ever wanted him to feel that. I told myself I'd protect him and be gentle when we had sex and I told myself he’d be okay and I'd make certain that he wouldn't understand that pain. And I fucking failed.”
Chris ran his hand up and down my arm slowly. “It's not your fault, Frank. It never will be. Gerard knows how things should be, and that's better than you ever did. You've shown him how to love and how to make love and no one can take that from him. He’ll be okay, and you'll be there. You can help him so so much. You'll be able to understand and talk to him about it. He’ll need you.”
“I c-can't...I'm a fucking mess..” I whimpered, rubbing my eyes angrily. Chris shushed me quietly, stroking my side.
“Yes, because it brought up some painful memories. That's okay. I'll get you in to see your therapist tomorrow for an emergency session and in a couple days, Gerard will be home and you can go see him. Everything will be okay, Frank, but you gotta get some sleep now. Okay? Sleep makes everything better.”
Mikey glared at me. “He won't stop fucking crying.”
I looked down and Chris gently pulled Mikey away from me, talking to him softly. Gerard's dad walked over, rubbing my shoulder. “Hey. You feeling okay?”
I shook my head slightly. “I'm terrified.”
He smiled sadly and started leading me towards the stairs. “It's alright. I understand, Frank, and so does Gerard. Chris had a long chat with him and explained how you've been feeling.”
“How is he?” I mumbled, my voice slightly hoarse.
“Tired. Bored of resting, upset. What you'd expect, I guess. He misses you.”
I sniffed and rubbed my eyes. “I'm not worth it.”
“Yes, you are.”
He stopped outside Gerard's door. “He loves you, Frank.”
I swallowed hard and pushed the door open, closing it behind me carefully. Gerard was curled up, his arms wrapped tightly around the stuffed cat I’d gotten him. The graze on his cheek was healing nicely, and he looked happier. He looked up when I walked in and smiled shyly. “Hi.”
I rushed over to him, stroking his now fading red hair away from his face. “Hey...I'm so so sorry, Gee. I'm so fucking sorry I was an asshole. I'm so so sorry...I was just so scared..”
He smiled a little wider, sniffling. “It's okay, Frankie. I understand. Chris said you had flashbacks...were they bad?”
I nodded slightly and kissed him briefly. “Don't worry about me, I'm fine. Get better. Please? I just want to see you better.”
Gerard sniffed, his hazel eyes broken and sad. “Fuck, Frank. I'm trying.”
I hugged him ever so carefully, nuzzling his jaw. He winced, but rubbed the inside of my forearm. “I need a bath..”
I pulled away quickly, smiling frantically. “I can help you! I'll go run it now..”
“O-okay...okay..”
I sniffed, kissing his forehead before running off. I had a little cry while I sorted the bath out, then quickly wiped my cheeks and ran back to Gerard. I helped him get undressed, then wrapped him in a towel and carried him down the hall, carefully taking him into the bathroom. I kicked the door shut and carefully removed the towel, then knelt down slowly and very gently laid Gerard down in the bath. He winced, hissing in pain and grabbing onto my hand. I smiled at him anxiously, squeezing his hand gently. “I'm here, I'm here..”
Gerard sniffed as he rolled onto his side slowly, curling up slightly. I got the message and started to wash him off carefully, trying not to look at the bruises on his skin. I suddenly noticed the handprints on his hips and gagged, starting to tremble. Gerard looked up at me sadly. “S-sorry..”
My stomach turned and I whipped around, throwing up into the toilet and spitting miserably. I got to my feet shakily when I was done, rinsing my mouth out quickly. I looked down at my arm and saw a handprint there, in deep purple bruising, blood smeared over my hands. I threw up again, this time into the sink, washing it away and trying not to start crying. I rinsed my mouth once more and went back to Gerard, kneeling down. I wiped the tears off his cheeks and went back to carefully washing him off. He closed his eyes, tears leaking from under his eyelashes.
A knock on the door made us both jump. “Gerard? Are you okay?”
“Come in, Dad,” Gerard mumbled, opening his eyes and staring at nothing apathetically. The door creaked as it opened and I sat back slightly, drying my arms off on the towel next to me. Gerard's dad wandered in, glancing at me in concern. He leaned over and flushed the toilet, shooting me another worried look. I didn't meet his gaze, staring at the floor blankly.
“I came to ask if you're hungry, but um...it doesn't really look like it.”
I shook my head quickly and Gerard chuckled bitterly. “I can't eat..”
I looked up at him, sniffing. “Why not, Gee?”
He didn't make eye contact with me. “I don't feel like it.”
Gerard's dad sighed and looked down at me. “How'd you get him in the tub?”
“I carried him,” I mumbled, feeling the nausea rise again. “He's not heavy.”
“Jeez. He is to me,” he chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. Neither of us smiled.
“I just want to sleep,” Gerard said quietly.
“Okay, Gerard,” his dad sighed softly. “Frank, Chris had a meeting he couldn't cancel, so if you need anything, come find me or Donna, okay? We’re here for you.”
I nodded and gagged again, trying to hold it down. As soon as the door shut behind Gerard’s dad, I grabbed onto the toilet and heaved again, trembling as I finally emptied my stomach, retching without bringing anything up a couple times. I rinsed my mouth one more time, then slipped my shirt off, lifting Gerard out of the tub. I laid him in bed wrapped in a towel and went back, cleaning up the bathroom quickly before walking back to Gerard. I dried him off properly and dressed him in his pajamas carefully, kissing his skin every now and then. As soon as he was sorted, he rolled onto his side and tugged a blanket over himself, staring at the small tv someone had placed by the side of the bed.
“Gee?”
“Am I disgusting, Frankie?”
I blinked and sat down on the edge of the bed. “No, of course not.”
“Then why do you keep throwing up when you see me?”
I took a deep breath, rubbing the outside of his thigh slowly. “It's not you, Gee, it's your bruises. They bring up bad memories and that's what makes me sick. Not you. I think you're beautiful, Gerard. And I always will. I promise.”
He sniffed and curled up tighter. I kicked my shoes off and laid down behind him carefully, kissing the back of his neck as I draped an arm over him ever so carefully.
“I love you, Gerard.”
Gerard started to cry softly, his body shaking against mine. “I l-love you too..”
I shushed him softly, stroking his hair slowly. “Don't cry, Gee. Don't cry. Get some rest, Gee. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere.”
Gerard eventually stopped crying and relaxed slowly, his breathing evening out as he drifted off, not entirely peaceful. I buried my face in his neck and closed my eyes, letting my own body relax as I felt myself falling, falling into a nightmare-ridden sleep.
Chris ruffled my hair lightly, sitting down next to me. “You look miserable. How can I help?” I drew my knees up to my chest, hugging them tightly. “I dunno.” He sighed and rubbed my shoulder gently. “It’s only four days, Frank. You’re halfway through one already. He’s gonna call you this evening.”
“I know..” Chris ran his colorful fingers over the two thick black lines on my arm. “I think he loves you, Frank. He’s just scared to say it. Why are you so upset, anyway? Something’s changed between you two and I can’t figure it out.”
I shot him a look and sighed. “I think you can probably guess.”
“Tell me anyway,” he murmured, running his fingers through my hair.
I looked down. “We had sex. And it was...perfect. I wasn’t scared at all, it just felt really natural and easy.”
Chris smiled, brushing the backs of his fingers over my cheek. “That’s how it should be, Frank. Was Gerard alright?”
I nodded, rubbing my eyes. “Yeah, he was really sore in the morning, but I think he was okay. It frightened me a little. I thought I’d hurt him.”
Chris sighed and fixed my hair carefully. “Did he enjoy it?”
I glanced at him. “Why are you asking me so many questions about it?”
He frowned and shrugged. “I just want to make sure everything is okay. You don’t have to answer them if you think I’m being creepy.”
I giggled and nodded. “A little creepy. But yes, he liked it.”
“Good. Now what can we do to distract you and make you feel better? Do you wanna go out somewhere or do something here? What would help?”
I shrugged, resting my chin on my knees. “Cinema?”
Chris chuckled and nodded slightly. “I should have guessed that’s what you’d say. Yes, we can go to the cinema.”
I blushed and bit my lip. “Sorry, I just...never got to go when I was a kid..”
He ruffled my hair, smiling at me. “I know, Frankie. I wasn’t making fun of you. I’ve got to go finish up a little work, it should take me about fifteen minutes. Why don’t you find a movie and book the tickets for me?”
I nodded slightly and he kissed the side of my head.
“Stop looking so miserable.”
My phone rang just as we stepped through the door in the evening, and Chris rubbed my shoulder as I answered it, hurrying into the kitchen.
“Hey, Gee! What's up? Are you having fun?”
He laughed softly, and I felt my chest get tight. “Yeah, Frankie. I miss you, though. A lot.”
“I miss you too, Gee,” I murmured, running a hand through my hair. “But Chris is keeping me busy.”
“Well that's good. I have to share a room with Mikey...he's been really grumpy today cause he had a fight with Pete before he left.”
I sighed, pouring myself a glass of water and carrying it out of the kitchen. “I'm sorry, Gee. Is it a fairly big room though?”
Chris stopped me in the hall. “Frank, I gotta run out for some milk, we’re out. I'll see you in a bit.”
“Okay, Chris.”
I kept walking, heading up to my room. “Yeah, I mean, we've both got fairly nice sized beds, so it's okay.”
“Good,” I hummed, setting my glass of water down on the bedside table before laying down in bed. “I wish you were here. I'm in a cuddly mood.”
“Fuck,” Gerard whined jokingly. “That never happens.”
“Yep. And you're missing it,” I teased softly. “I'm sure you'll get all the cuddles you want when you get back.”
“You promise?” Gerard purred sleepily. “Promise me.”
“Of course, Gee. Of course I promise,” I murmured, running a hand through my hair. “I think you need to get some rest, though. You sound tired.”
“I'm fine, really,” Gerard protested, but was interrupted by a yawn. I chuckled softly. “Sure, Gee. Get some rest, I love you.”
“Okay...goodnight, Frankie. I miss you.”
“I miss you too.”
I got another call from Gerard the next day, putting my guitar down to pick up my phone. I answered it and my throat clenched.
He was sobbing, raw, painful emotion showing through as he tried to talk. “F-Frank? F-Frankie?”
I scrambled up, switching my amp off and running downstairs. “Yeah, baby? I'm here, Gee. What's going on? Are you okay?”
I knocked on Chris’s office door sharply.
“I-..I d-don't know wh-where I am, Frankie..”
Chris flung the door open, glaring at me. “Frank, I'm kind of in the middle of a meeting!”
I stared at him wildly, putting the phone on speaker. “Gee, try to take deep breaths..”
As Gerard sobbed, Chris's face changed, first to shock and then hardening.
“S-something b-bad happened, F-Frank. I'm s-scared, p-please..”
I took the phone off speaker, holding it to my ear. “It's okay, Gee. Chris is gonna come help me, he just has to finish something.”
Chris nodded quickly and gave me a thumbs up before disappearing back into his office.
I hurried through the hall, crouching down and trying to tug my shoes on while still comforting Gerard. “It's okay, baby. We’re gonna come and find you. Are you still in New York?”
“Y-yeah..”
“Can you tell me more about what happened?”
He sniffed, the sobs starting to fade as I pulled my coat on. “I d-don't know! I was shopping with Mikey and I went outside for some air a-and I woke up here! It h-hurts, Frankie...I c-can't move..”
“Why not, baby? Why can't you move?”
“It h-hurts..”
“Where?”
“My r-ribs..”
“Alright..” I looked up as Chris jogged over to me, gently taking the phone from my hand.
“Hey, Gerard,” he said softly, his voice dropping into his ‘gentle’ mode. “We’re just on our way, hon. I know you're scared, but we will come and find you, okay? Now can you tell me anything about where you are? I'm going to call the police right after I get off the phone, okay? Frank will stay on the phone with you..”
Chris tugged his shoes and coat on, listening to Gerard as he shoved me out of the front door, following me to the car. I got in quickly, buckling my seatbelt as he handed the phone back to me and tugged his own out, dialing the police.
“Hey, Gee. You're gonna be okay,” I murmured, putting a hand over my other ear as Chris talked. “And we’ll bring you home and I'll give you all those cuddles I promised. Okay?”
“Y-yeah...F-Frankie?”
“Yes, baby?”
“M-my phone is running out of battery..”
I took a deep breath and sighed. “Alright, okay. I think you should hang up, Gerard. Call me if anything changes, okay? I'm gonna call Mikey, he's a lot closer to you than we are. Okay? I love you, beautiful.”
“O-okay. Please h-hurry, Frankie..”
Gerard hung up and I quickly pressed on Mikey's contact, telling him what had happened before hanging up so Gerard could call me if he needed to.
I spent the next hour chewing the skin off my lip and clinging to Chris's hand, trembling ever so slightly. Just as we reached the outskirts of New York, Chris's phone rang. He picked it up, talking quietly for a couple minutes before hanging up and quickly taking an exit.
“Wh-what's going on?”
He sighed loudly. “The police think they know where he is, they've pinpointed his phone. I think we’ll get there before them. Frank, I need you to be ready, okay? We need to expect the worst. Gerard is very very scared and it may be difficult, but you need to keep calm for him. Okay?”
I swallowed hard. “I'll try, Chris.”
He glanced around and swore, pulling the car over. I looked out of the window and kicked my door open, hitting the ground running as I sprinted around the car and down the alley, collapsing next to the thin figure. Gerard's hair was dirty and matted, his dress torn and muddy. Blood had dried on his face and arms, as well as all over the back of his dress and his ruined tights. I gulped, gently shaking him.
“Gerard?”
He groaned softly and shifted, then whimpered in pain. Chris knelt down next to me, rubbing Gerard's side as he lifted up his skirt, then winced.
“Frank, I think he's been-”
I gagged and stumbled to my feet, backing away from the younger boy’s body until my back hit a wall. I slid down it, curling up in the tiniest ball possible.
I cried as the blood trickled down my legs. I could see the drips and I watched it accumulate in little puddles at my feet. He was laughing, holding my ripped shirt in his hands. They left eventually, not bothering to clean up after themselves.
I couldn't bring myself to crawl onto the mattress where it happened, instead just laying in my own blood, unable to sleep as I stared at nothing.
Chris crouched down in front of me, trying to talk to me quietly, trying to calm me down. I looked past him. Gerard was still laying there, Chris's coat over him. He was watching me, tears forming white tracks on his grubby face. I slapped Chris away from me and got to my feet slowly, then bolted.
Images kept flashing through my mind, evil grins and cameras pointed at me. Men leaning over me, their faces sweaty and contorted. Blood puddling at my feet. The dark closing in as the pain dulled.
Someone grabbed me and I screamed, over and over. A hand wrapped around my mouth and the man sat down on the sidewalk, pulling me into his lap.
“Shh, Frankie. It's me. It's just me, honey. It's alright,” Chris soothed, rocking me back and forth as I choked on sobs, not even breathing enough to be able to make any noise as I clung to him.
I sat in Chris's car, trying not to watch them load Gerard into the ambulance. I was shaking, Chris's arm around my shoulders. “Shh,” he hummed, stroking my cheek and wiping the tears away slowly. “What happened?”
“F-flashbacks..” I mumbled, sniffing. “I should be going with him, I want-”
“He's going with his mother,” Chris said firmly, cutting me off. “He needs time with his family. We’ll go and see him soon, I promise.”
I started to tremble again and Chris rested his forehead on the side of my head. “I'm so sorry, Frankie. Fuck, I'm so fucking sorry..”
“H-he's not m-my Gerard a-anymore..”
Chris stroked my hair slowly, kissing my temple soothingly. “Why not, little one?”
“My Gee is i-innocent and k-kind and h-happy. He's n-not scared, he's really b-brave...a-and he's...he’s not l-like me..”
“Oh, Frank..” Chris sighed, pulling me into a hug and rubbing my shoulder slowly. “He’ll be okay, Frankie. He will. He’ll always be kind and brave and he’ll be happy again. I promise.”
Chris kept an arm around my shoulders as he walked me through the stark white halls. I was holding a bunch of flowers and a stuffed cat like armor, trying not to look at anyone as I counted down the numbers on the doors. Chris gently pulled me to a stop outside the right door and slipped inside, letting me follow him. I hesitated. Mikey and Gerard’s mum were sitting in hard plastic chairs. A nurse was talking to Gerard quietly. He looked even smaller in the all-white bed, his face drawn and his eyes betraying exhaustion and numbness. He looked up when I stepped in and a faint smile played at his lips. “Frank.”
I smiled nervously, already shaking as Chris gently nudged me forward. I held the flowers out in front of me, feeling the tears welling up in my eyes already. Gerard sniffed, taking them carefully. “Pink roses. My favorite..”
I nodded dumbly and placed the cat on his chest, tears streaming down my cheeks. I leaned over suddenly and kissed his forehead, stroking his hair clumsily. “I'm sorry.”
“Excuse me, I was trying to talk to him,” the nurse snapped. I jumped and shuffled to the side, ducking my head.
“Sorry...sorry..”
Gerard looked at me sadly and I glanced at Mikey. He stared at me for a second or two, then got up quickly and hurried out of the room. Chris quietly sat down next to Gerard’s mum, starting to talk to her softly. I turned my gaze back to Gerard, who looked like he was about to cry.
“You have two options, Gerard. You can get a rape kit or you can not. Just pick one. If you get the rape kit, we may be able to find the person who did this to you.”
“I don't want to find him,” Gerard whispered, looking away. “I just want to go home..”
The nurse sighed loudly and I felt my blood boil.
“Gerard, you need to make the right choice. Clearly, this man attacked you because of your clothing choice, but he might decide to go after others-”
“What the fuck did you just say?” I snapped suddenly. Chris looked up, watching me worriedly.
“Frank..”
Gerard stared at me with wide eyes as I glared at the nurse, bristling.
“Your friend was wearing a dress. He was clearly dressed inappropriately, and he des-”
Gerard screamed as I jumped on her, bringing her to the ground. Before I could land a punch, Chris had hauled me up and was shoving me out of the door.
“Jesus fucking Christ! Frank, what the fuck?”
I broke down sobbing, falling against his chest as he hugged me, stroking my hair slowly. “Fuck. This is a fucking mess..”
Gerard's mum slipped out of the room, hurrying over. “Frank? Is he alright?”
Chris sighed quietly, rubbing my back slowly. “I don't think so. I'm gonna take him home, I think. I doubt they’ll allow him back in after that..”
“What should I tell Gerard? He's absolutely frantic.”
“Tell him I'm taking care of Frank. I'm gonna take him home and we’re going to have some nice long talks and I'm gonna get him to his therapist. Frank will be okay, Gerard needs to focus on getting better.”
I curled up in Chris's bed, clinging to him as he hugged me tightly, rubbing my back slowly. “I heard what that nurse was saying, Frankie. I know why you did that, but it's-”
“Not okay, I know. I just did it.”
Chris sighed softly, running his fingers through my hair. “I know it's hard, I'm-”
“You have no idea,” I growled quietly. “What happened to Gerard happened to me nearly every day for six fucking years. I never ever wanted him to feel that. I told myself I'd protect him and be gentle when we had sex and I told myself he’d be okay and I'd make certain that he wouldn't understand that pain. And I fucking failed.”
Chris ran his hand up and down my arm slowly. “It's not your fault, Frank. It never will be. Gerard knows how things should be, and that's better than you ever did. You've shown him how to love and how to make love and no one can take that from him. He’ll be okay, and you'll be there. You can help him so so much. You'll be able to understand and talk to him about it. He’ll need you.”
“I c-can't...I'm a fucking mess..” I whimpered, rubbing my eyes angrily. Chris shushed me quietly, stroking my side.
“Yes, because it brought up some painful memories. That's okay. I'll get you in to see your therapist tomorrow for an emergency session and in a couple days, Gerard will be home and you can go see him. Everything will be okay, Frank, but you gotta get some sleep now. Okay? Sleep makes everything better.”
Mikey glared at me. “He won't stop fucking crying.”
I looked down and Chris gently pulled Mikey away from me, talking to him softly. Gerard's dad walked over, rubbing my shoulder. “Hey. You feeling okay?”
I shook my head slightly. “I'm terrified.”
He smiled sadly and started leading me towards the stairs. “It's alright. I understand, Frank, and so does Gerard. Chris had a long chat with him and explained how you've been feeling.”
“How is he?” I mumbled, my voice slightly hoarse.
“Tired. Bored of resting, upset. What you'd expect, I guess. He misses you.”
I sniffed and rubbed my eyes. “I'm not worth it.”
“Yes, you are.”
He stopped outside Gerard's door. “He loves you, Frank.”
I swallowed hard and pushed the door open, closing it behind me carefully. Gerard was curled up, his arms wrapped tightly around the stuffed cat I’d gotten him. The graze on his cheek was healing nicely, and he looked happier. He looked up when I walked in and smiled shyly. “Hi.”
I rushed over to him, stroking his now fading red hair away from his face. “Hey...I'm so so sorry, Gee. I'm so fucking sorry I was an asshole. I'm so so sorry...I was just so scared..”
He smiled a little wider, sniffling. “It's okay, Frankie. I understand. Chris said you had flashbacks...were they bad?”
I nodded slightly and kissed him briefly. “Don't worry about me, I'm fine. Get better. Please? I just want to see you better.”
Gerard sniffed, his hazel eyes broken and sad. “Fuck, Frank. I'm trying.”
I hugged him ever so carefully, nuzzling his jaw. He winced, but rubbed the inside of my forearm. “I need a bath..”
I pulled away quickly, smiling frantically. “I can help you! I'll go run it now..”
“O-okay...okay..”
I sniffed, kissing his forehead before running off. I had a little cry while I sorted the bath out, then quickly wiped my cheeks and ran back to Gerard. I helped him get undressed, then wrapped him in a towel and carried him down the hall, carefully taking him into the bathroom. I kicked the door shut and carefully removed the towel, then knelt down slowly and very gently laid Gerard down in the bath. He winced, hissing in pain and grabbing onto my hand. I smiled at him anxiously, squeezing his hand gently. “I'm here, I'm here..”
Gerard sniffed as he rolled onto his side slowly, curling up slightly. I got the message and started to wash him off carefully, trying not to look at the bruises on his skin. I suddenly noticed the handprints on his hips and gagged, starting to tremble. Gerard looked up at me sadly. “S-sorry..”
My stomach turned and I whipped around, throwing up into the toilet and spitting miserably. I got to my feet shakily when I was done, rinsing my mouth out quickly. I looked down at my arm and saw a handprint there, in deep purple bruising, blood smeared over my hands. I threw up again, this time into the sink, washing it away and trying not to start crying. I rinsed my mouth once more and went back to Gerard, kneeling down. I wiped the tears off his cheeks and went back to carefully washing him off. He closed his eyes, tears leaking from under his eyelashes.
A knock on the door made us both jump. “Gerard? Are you okay?”
“Come in, Dad,” Gerard mumbled, opening his eyes and staring at nothing apathetically. The door creaked as it opened and I sat back slightly, drying my arms off on the towel next to me. Gerard's dad wandered in, glancing at me in concern. He leaned over and flushed the toilet, shooting me another worried look. I didn't meet his gaze, staring at the floor blankly.
“I came to ask if you're hungry, but um...it doesn't really look like it.”
I shook my head quickly and Gerard chuckled bitterly. “I can't eat..”
I looked up at him, sniffing. “Why not, Gee?”
He didn't make eye contact with me. “I don't feel like it.”
Gerard's dad sighed and looked down at me. “How'd you get him in the tub?”
“I carried him,” I mumbled, feeling the nausea rise again. “He's not heavy.”
“Jeez. He is to me,” he chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. Neither of us smiled.
“I just want to sleep,” Gerard said quietly.
“Okay, Gerard,” his dad sighed softly. “Frank, Chris had a meeting he couldn't cancel, so if you need anything, come find me or Donna, okay? We’re here for you.”
I nodded and gagged again, trying to hold it down. As soon as the door shut behind Gerard’s dad, I grabbed onto the toilet and heaved again, trembling as I finally emptied my stomach, retching without bringing anything up a couple times. I rinsed my mouth one more time, then slipped my shirt off, lifting Gerard out of the tub. I laid him in bed wrapped in a towel and went back, cleaning up the bathroom quickly before walking back to Gerard. I dried him off properly and dressed him in his pajamas carefully, kissing his skin every now and then. As soon as he was sorted, he rolled onto his side and tugged a blanket over himself, staring at the small tv someone had placed by the side of the bed.
“Gee?”
“Am I disgusting, Frankie?”
I blinked and sat down on the edge of the bed. “No, of course not.”
“Then why do you keep throwing up when you see me?”
I took a deep breath, rubbing the outside of his thigh slowly. “It's not you, Gee, it's your bruises. They bring up bad memories and that's what makes me sick. Not you. I think you're beautiful, Gerard. And I always will. I promise.”
He sniffed and curled up tighter. I kicked my shoes off and laid down behind him carefully, kissing the back of his neck as I draped an arm over him ever so carefully.
“I love you, Gerard.”
Gerard started to cry softly, his body shaking against mine. “I l-love you too..”
I shushed him softly, stroking his hair slowly. “Don't cry, Gee. Don't cry. Get some rest, Gee. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere.”
Gerard eventually stopped crying and relaxed slowly, his breathing evening out as he drifted off, not entirely peaceful. I buried my face in his neck and closed my eyes, letting my own body relax as I felt myself falling, falling into a nightmare-ridden sleep.
Notes
I'm sorry....
You're all probably gonna hate me now, but I'm just gonna add a couple notes about part two. This part ends at chapter 18 and I just wanted to let you guys know there'll be some more heavy subjects brought up and if you're concerned about triggers and things like that, you can PM me and I can give you a list or you can shoot over to AO3 and check out the tags on this story there.
As always, thanks for reading! <3
@LoganMai
great thanks
4/20/18