Kainotophobia Noun
The fear of change.
-
Two days later
Linda was in hysterics again, it seemed as if she wasn't anything but dramatic at this point in time. Frank didn't understand what her problem was as he sat directly across from her at the kitchen table with her sobbing as loud and ugly like some amateur actor. Linda wiped the ruined mascara from underneath her eyes with a tissue and let out an overly exaggerated sniff.
She then spoke, her voice fakely torn, "Please explain to me why Fabiana found a flower in your room."
Frank bit the inside of his cheek and avoided all eye contact from his mother. He was trying his hardest not to become nervous. When he was nervous, he'd sweat to the point of his hair becoming completely soaked. He couldn't afford having his hair become soaked with sweat in a moment like this, not after he and Gerard had spent hours trying to cover up the new red patch with cheap black paint that just barely matched Frank's hair color. It had been two days earlier, but Gerard had given Frank the little jar of paint and he had been reapplying it every hour or so.
The presence of Fabiana's thin body in the doorway only came known to Frank when he glanced away to leave the icey stare of his mom's piercing black eyes. Frank could've punched his sister then, she was smirking at him as if she knew what was going on. When their identical green eyes met and Frank scowled, hoping she'd cower away even a little bit. She didn't, she just smirked even wider.
Linda gritted her teeth and without warning, slapped the area of the table that was right in front of Frank, "I told you to tell me why the hell your sister found a flower in your room!"
A chill ran down Frank's spine at the raise in his mother''s voice. It was the same exact raise she used before he went to stay with his grandmother a week prior. The inside of Frank's cheek was bitten raw now and he still hesitated to speak, he wasn't sure of how to explain himself. "Someone gave it to me." He finally answered, flinching and waiting for the slap that was assumed to be placed across his face. It never came though, Linda was silent.
"Who gave it to you, Frank?" She asked, she sounded emotionless.
Frank's eyes twitched back to Fabiana who was now holding her ugly cat, stroking it neck to tail with the same defiant look on her face.
"A friend. A good friend." Frank's hands tightened into fists under the table, "And it's not just a flower, it's a Marigold."
Linda's eyes went completely wide just as every other time she became angry. Leaning back in her chair, it seemed as if her mood completely changed. Frank knew better than to fall for her act, she was manipulative and would most likely start insulting him at any second.
It never happened. Instead, Linda quietly rose from her seat and left the room, not daring to speak another word. Frank let out a deep breath that he didn't even realize he was holding inside himself and set free the tension in his body. He wasn't going to cry, no matter how much he wanted to. He wouldn't do that in front of Fabiana.
Fabiana finally strode over, slowly sitting down in the seat that Linda was previously in. She set her ugly cat down onto the hardwood floor and set her elbows on the table, chin rested in her palms as she stared at her brother. "Pussy." She spat, disgusting smile appearing on her face.
"What the fuck is your problem?" Frank croaked. He avoided all eye contact with his twin, not daring to take a glance at her devious face.
Fabiana giggled, "Mhm. You're weak, Frank. Your little hair act isn't fooling me."
Frank's heart almost stopped.
"Paint? Frank, really?" Fabiana picked a piece of lint off of her light pink sweater and pushed her chocolate brown hair away from her eyes, "Why do you think you're so smart? Just because mom and dad haven't realized what you're doing? Favoring Michael Way, skipping classes, coming home late. You think you have it all figured out."
Frank gritted his teeth, "I don't know what the hell you're talking about."
He watched as his sister leaned over the table on her arms, her nose inches from his, "You love Gerard Way. You've figured it out."
"F-figured what out?"
"Stop playing dumb, Francessco. "
Frank cringed at his full name and shuddered as his sister backed away from him.
"It's been hard for me to keep it from you, you know, watching you stare at the faggot Way kid when we would walk to school and such." Fabiana continued, "You two were so annoying when you were little, always loud and laughing at each other. God, I could puke thinking about it now."
"Y-you fucking knew?" Frank yelped.
"Of course I did!" Fabiana laughed bitterly, "Memory replacement only works on the people it's intended for, it's not some matrix movie type shit where everyone just forgets that it happened."
Frank stood, the chair screeching loudly against the floor behind him. Rage filled his veins, he felt like was going to flip the table over out of blinding anger, "How do you know all of this? More importantly why the hell haven't you told mom about my hair? What kind of sadistic crap are you doing?"
Fabiana shrugged, "As disappointing as it is, you're my brother and I really don't want you to die."
"So why tell mom that there was a flower in my room?"
"A warning, Frankie. I personally think you're quite lucky that mom didn't beat you again today, I want you to understand how dangerous your life might become if you continue with the um..Way thing."
The room fell quiet, Frank stared at his sister with pain deep in his eyes. She didn't even look sympathetic. There was nothing in her green eyes besides coldness and anger, the opposite of what Frank's eyes held now. Frank knew that before he'd met Gerard, his eyes were just like Fabians, hard and stern, unforgiving with no love to bare.
"I..I have to go." Frank said and walked away before Fabiana could protest. He nearly tripped over the damn cat again on his way to the front door, grabbing his burgundy sweatshirt off the coat hanger as he made his escape from the hell hole called his home.
It was close to noon now and the air was chilly, it always seemed to be cold in their living section. It was strange, when Frank been in his grandmother's living section, it always seemed warmer and more homely from where he lived. It wasn't freezing or bitter there and he missed that immensely.
He pulled the hood of the sweatshirt over his head and ducked his head down, technically he was supposed to be in school but after the event that took place within moments of his day beginning, he was in no mood. He turned his eyes to the white picket fence across the street and smiled to himself. That was where he needed to be.
-
"So," Pete stated loud enough to pop Mikey's eardrum, "I have decided on another theory about the infamous Brendon Urie."
Mikey rolled his eyes took a bite from his tuna sandwich, "Pete I swear to God himself-"
"Hush hush, Mr. I'm-No-Fun, this one actually makes sense." Pete claimed proudly and flicked the lens of Mikey's glasses.
"You said the exact same thing when you told me your theory about your father being part lizard." Mikey sighed.
"And wasn't I right?"
"No Pete, you weren't."
"Shut up, I'm right and I'll prove it at some point." Pete hissed, almost like a lizard. He suddenly grabbed Mikey's sandwich and took a bite out of it before handing it back all too quickly.
Mikey rubbed his temples with his fingers, "Just..just eat it."
"Alright, Way." Pete shrugged and took another bite, "Anyway, my theory."
"Go ahead."
Pete set the sandwich down and looked around suspiciously, being cautious of other students lurking around his and Mikey's lunch table. "My theory is that Brendon is insanely insecure."
"Why's that?"
"Well, my fellow compadre, does your little pea-sized memory recall a boy named Bob Bryar?"
Mikey nodded slowly, "Fabiana Iero's boyfriend."
"Or is she?" Pete yelled and leaned in close to Mikey's face, shaking his shoulder with his hands, "Don't you see? This is a breakthrough?"
"What are you even going on about?" Mikey spat and pushed Pete off of him.
"They have the hots for each other."
"No, no they do not. You're delusional."
"Not as delusional as you." Pete snickered and this time, took his friend's tiny carton of chocolate milk and took three big gulps.
Snatching his milk back, Mikey glared, "How am I the delusional one?"
"Dude, your brother and Frank Iero are totally doing the horizontal hula and you haven't even realized it."
"The horizontal-what?" Mikey furrowed his eyebrows. He knew that Pete was a weirdo, but this was some next level bullshit coming from his mouth.
"Oh Mikey Way, your innocence is what I love about you." Pete gushed sarcastically and pinched Mikey's cheek, "But you gotta trust me on this one, skinny boy."
"If that was the case then they'd be Diffs."
Pete froze and squinted his eyes, "Okay, that's only one loophole but it doesn't mean anything."
Mikey bit his bottom lip and pushed his glasses up onto his nose, his reoccurring habit that never seemed to die down. Pete knew Mikey was anxious whenever he did that. which happened to be quite often.
"Are you okay?" Pete asked, more seriously.
Mikey shook his head, "You know how my dad was moved up to third chair last month?"
"Of course, I was at the banquet." Pete replied, "His speech sucked balls."
"I heard him talking about..Diffs last night." The mousey haired boy brushed off Pete's previous comment and continued, "He said such bad things and I don't think he's going to try and spare them."
"But your brother-"
"That's my point."
"I'm sorry, Mikey. I really am. I wish I could help you..and Gerard." There was so much sympathy in Pete's voice that it was practically shaking.
Mikey looked away, his eyes threatening to water up with tears, "Me too."
"Do you know what he's planning to do? Your dad?" Pete placed a gentle hand on Mikey's thin shoulder, "I don't really believe he'd give up on his own son, Diff or not."
"You'd be shocked." Mikey spat, not directly at Pete. "He basically said he isn't going to petition the trains and he said that 'everyone should defend for them self because minorities can't be spoon-fed anymore.'"
"That's fucking bullshit." Pete said a little more loudly than needed, gaining a glare from someone nearby. Pete ignored it and leaned in closer to Mikey, "What I mean is...your dad is being a wanker."
"Wanker? Really?" Mikey scoffed and pushed Pete's hand off, "That's not even a native word."
"I heard some guy use it the other day in my Spanish class but that's not important," Pete huffed, "we have to figure out how to help your brother because honestly, he's damn cool."
"Why do you even wanna help? You'll get executed too for helping him."
"Michael James Way." Pete snapped and wrapped an arm around Mikey's shoulder, "You're my best friend and family so therefore your brother is my family too. And your mom cause she makes good empanadas. Not your dad though obviously, he's a jackass. Screw that guy."
-
Frank smiled widely as Gerard slowly opened the door of his home to let him inside. Sure, Gerard was completely confused on why Frank wasn't in school but he was home alone and he'd missed Frank and was more than happy to see him.
"Good afternoon." Gerard smiled and shut the door behind himself and Frank, "Why aren't you in school, Frank?"
Frank flopped his body down onto the Way's leather couch and let out a deep and long awaited sigh, "I didn't feel like going, too much much stress."
"Understandable." Gerard replied and sat down rather close next to Frank, leaning his head on Frank's shoulder like a routine, "How's your day been?"
"Shitty."
"Why's that?"
"My mom found the flower. And uh, my sister she told me how the memory thing works."
Gerard sat up instantly, "What?"
"We'll have to do more research, Gerard. She could've been lying." Frank told him gently, eyes meeting.
"The library." Gerard muttered.
"In the middle of the day?"
Gerard smiled, "We just have to lay low, Frank."
-
Frank hesitated his movements with his hand rested upon Gerard's knee. They'd arrived at the library quite easily without a hassle. Nobody stopped them or questioned them, not even when they stepped foot into the library hand in hand. They still retreated though, finding safety from the few people there behind two large bookcases in the back of the library.
Frank still watched as the alabaster-haired boy seemed heavily engrossed with the book in his tiny hands, his tongue poking out the side of his mouth. Frank's face drooped as he then realized that Gerard was probably struggling with the reading, he never got full schooling and most likely only learned the first basics of how to read. The book was tricky anyway, a non-fiction book on Diff psychology and how memories could easily be withdrawn.
Frank slowly raised his hand beneath Gerard's chin and turned his petite face away from the book.
"I'm not trying to be rude Gee, but um, do you need help? Ya know, reading that?" Frank asked, trying his hardest to be careful with his words.
Gerard set his book down and held Frank's wrist that was still under his chin, bringing it down into his own lap. His small hand wrapped around Frank's pointer finger and he took his bottom lip between his teeth, "It's embarrassing."
"I didn't mean it like that-"
"I know, I know." Gerard smiled sadly and shied his eyes away, "I..I can read a little I just..I mix up a lot of words and I don't know the meanings of some, it's sorta pathetic."
Frank leaned forward, a frown on his face and empathy in his emerald eyes, "I'll help you, yeah? We can fix the rough parts and you'll read just like you've had perfect schooling. Does that sound good?"
Nodding frantically, Gerard smiled wide and wrapped his arms around Frank's neck, "Thank you."
"Of course." Frank leaned into the hug and wrapped his arms around the latter's slim waist. It bothered him to feel the bones of Gerard's spine when they hugged. It bothered Frank to see how Gerard's clothes barely clung to his body, baggy although the clothes were his brother's size, maybe even a size smaller. Seconds later, Gerard decided to pull away from the hug, only to be stopped as Frank continued to hold them against each other.
"Let me hold you...please." Frank whispered against Gerard's neck. Gerard's heart dropped into his stomach, listening to the desperation in Frank's voice. He shifted his body,leaning his on Frank's chest, his arms wrapping around Frank's middle.
"Thank you." Frank mumbled replied just loud enough for Gerard to hear him and he buried his nose in Gerard's soft hair. Gerard said nothing in return and let his eyes flutter close. He felt safe around Frank. He knew that Frank wasn't judging him anymore and maybe, just maybe, they could start trusting each other.
"Frank?"
"Yes."
"Can I ask you something."
"I suppose."
Gerard's amber eyes peeled open again and he tilted his head up to meet Frank's eyes with his own. This seemed to be what Frank was asking from him, the closeness and the empty void he needed to fill with Gerard's innocent affection. If that was what Frank wanted then Gerard was more than happy to comply.
"Do you care about me?" The room seemed to go even more quiet at the sound of Gerard's question. However, Frank was taken aback. Choked up and wordless was a way to describe his immediate response to the unexpected question. He was more astounded by the seriousness of the question, why would Gerard doubt that Frank cared for him?
"Why are you asking such a thing?" Frank questioned more loudly than needed, his voice echoed off of the library walls, turning the head of a blue-haired Diff nearby. They scooted themselves to the side a little more so they were out of sight and Frank gently pushed Gerard away so they were face to face.
Gerard shrugged. He scrunched his nose while again turning his eyes away in a sheepish way, "I wanted security. I wanted some kind of um, safety?"
The sound of a book being dropped onto the tiled floor caused Frank to jump in a startle, he still dipped his head, hoping Gerard would look back at him. "I understand."
His words still didn't bring their gazes together yet, "I do care for you."
Gerard didn't reply and picked up his discarded book. Pulling his knees up, he sat the book on his lap and squinted his eyes in order to attempt in reading the words. Frank only watched him, leaning his back against the oak bookcase with his hands laying limp in his lap. It was peaceful to watch Gerard read, Frank could've sat there for hours and stared at Gerard's sharp nose and his eyelash hidden eyes as he read word after word.
Without thinking, Frank pressed his lips against Gerard's forehead, giving it a soft kiss that left them both quietly astounded. Frank pulled away quickly with his face beat red and his head shaking, "Um, I'm sorry. Uh, I'll go see if there's um, any other books on memory replacement."
He stood up but Gerard gabbed his wrist to pull him back down, tiny teething glinting in a smile between Gerard's thin lips, "Come here for a second."
Frank swallowed harshly with a clenched jaw and sat himself down on his knees in front of Gerard. Gerard sat crossed legged, head leaned up to look at Frank, "I wanna try something, okay? Something that you tried before but.."
"Less sloppy?" Frank finished with a tinge of question on the ends of his voice.
Another smile snuck itself onto Gerard's face, "Yeah, but I wanna put our hands together when ya know..I um.."
"When you kiss me." Frank finished again. His voice was serious and raspy just as usual, but was tinting with something else that Gerard couldn't quite place. It was sounded almost empathetic, but also like Frank was in awe of what Gerard was about to do.
Frank pursed his lips, his eyelashes batting unintentionally as his thoughts ran wild. Properly kissing Gerard was such a scary thought, but it would be so nice at the same time. It would be a first for both of them, so there was anything to be completely self conscious about. They were aware of each other's nervousness but somehow, Gerard never faltered and grabbed Frank's wrist, raising his hand to hover over his own.
"Can I..?" Frank asked shyly, his eyes gesturing towards Gerard's thigh where he so desperately wanted to place his other hand. Gerard nodded and Frank's calloused hand carefully slid onto the mid of Gerard's skinny jean clad thigh.
"Slow, right?"
"Whatever you think is the most comfortable." Frank reassured.
Gerard froze and lowered his hand, "This is insane. We're in public."
"We're hidden, Gerard." Frank replied, "Nobody can see us and the only other person in here is a Diff who doesn't seem bothered by us."
Gerard sighed and extended his hand to stroke the side of Frank's hair that was masked with black paint. The paint felt crusty and hard beneath Gerard's fingers and it made him physically cringe. Frank leaned into the other boys touch, his cheek resting on Gerard's sleeve covered palm. "Please, Gerard."
"Okay. Okay, alright." Gerard whispered back just as Frank's fingers shakily pushed back a strand of his white hair from his eyes. With his heart practically melting with the sight of Frank leaning his face closer to his, Gerard raised his hand upward to Frank's again.
Frank was leaning forward as slow as possible because he really wasn't sure how to properly do this. Pecking Gerard's face was one thing but actually kissing him on the lips for more than three seconds, that was an entirely different story. Gerard's eyelids fluttered closed but Franks, he kept them open. He could see Gerard physically holding his breath, tense and unsure, but Frank moved his hand gently up and down Gerard's thigh for slight comfort.
"It's okay." Frank muttered just before their faces were close enough for Gerard to feel Frank's breath on his cheek. Frank stopped for a split second, glancing down at the other boys relaxed lips before finally and delicately pressing his lips on Gerard's like a butterfly.
Gerard tensed even more and sucked a breath in through his nose, his palm immediately slapping against Frank's and linking their fingers together. Nothing remotely strange happened as Gerard pressed against Frank more, their lips sealed together more harshly than lightly at that point. They relaxed, and Frank's eyes finally decided to close themselves and immerse himself into Gerard's touch.
There was something about how Gerard was so slackened and calm although his hormones were rushing like a waterfall and his heart was beating like a drum. Their lips never moved until Frank discreetly pulled them away from each other, leaving them both panting and their hands still gripping onto the others.
Not a word was spoken, they only looked at each other, their hands shaking but never letting go.
"Nothing happened," Frank finally whispered, "Why didn't anything happen our hands even touched-"
Gerard put a finger on Frank's lips, "Hush. You're panicking again, alright? Calm down."
Frank let go of the latter's hand. He reached forward and grabbed the side of Gerard's sweatshirt, bringing the boy into his chest in yet another embrace. Gerard's face buried itself in the crook of Frank's neck, filling him with warmth when his arms wrapped around Frank's middle.
"Thank you." Frank whispered, squeezing Gerard tightly, feeling Gerard's heartbeat against his own.

Notes

ok i cant separate the paragraphs because this website is FUCKING STUPID annd evry=erytime i try and sparate it it deletes everything i do
im sorry i ddint update i had the chapter written but ive been bbusy
anyway im thinking of moving over the wattpad because posting on this website is such a fucking burden and it glitches and i hate it so that being said my wattpad is @TheRessurrectionist bc i am leaving ths site evntually it crahses my mac
feedback is lit ily bye xxxx