Phobia

chi.rap.to.pho.bia


Noun


The phobia or irrational fear of being touched.




-



It had been awhile since Gerard had left the house with Frank and all Mikey had to occupy himself with was Pete Wentz. Pete showed up right after dinner and invited Mikey to play outside but Mikey admitted to being lazy as fuck and asked Pete to come inside.
The boys bored themselves quickly and ended up sitting cross-legged across from one another on the hardwood floor of Mikey's bedroom. They didn't necessarily get along most times, today just happened to be one of those lucky days where they didn't fight over dumb things. For example, there was time where Pete tried to convince Mikey that glass was in fact edible and they could feed it to Gerard's cat without harming it.

That didn't go down well with Donna when she had to pay a 200 dollar vet bill.

"So," Pete began as he picked a discarded Rubik's Cube off the floor, "I have this theory."

Mikey huffed and pushed his glasses onto the bridge of his nose, "What's your theory this time?"

"Okay, listen up, Mikey Way."

"I'm listening."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Pete."

Pete squinted his eyes at Mikey and placed the Rubik's Cube down with mock caution, "My theory is that Brendon Urie has some serious daddy issues."
Mikey sighed, "You're kidding me."

"Nope, Mikey Way I am not kidding you." Pete replied, shaking his head, "I mean, have you seen that guy's dad? He looks like he's on a never ending meth trip. Why else would Brendon practically rip little kid's dicks off?"

"His dad is like, fifty years old. Old people don't usually look like they aren't medicated." Mikey pointed out and nudged Pete's knee with his sock-covered foot.

"That's true. Your dad looks like he's on acid 24/7."

"But my dad isn't old." Mikey snapped, raising a thick eyebrow.

"Exactly." Pete laughed and sharply pulled on Mikey's tie, just to be extra annoying. Laughing at Mikey's irritated expression, Pete raised to his feet and flopped himself onto Mikey's bed, staring up at the blank ceiling, "Where's your brother? I want him to draw me again."

Mikey shrugged, "He says you're weird."

"Ironic. The Diff says I'm weird."

"Oh please," Mikey hissed, "I'm surprised you're not a Diff."

"Wow, Mikey Way, I'm so very offended."

"Shut up. I'm worried about my brother and I really don't need you making pathetic jokes about him. It's lame, Pete. And low. He's a nice person." Mikey seethed.

"I never said he wasn't nice, Michael." Pete mumbled.

Mikey ran his boney fingers through his silky hair, "Whatever."

Pete frowned and sat up, dangling his legs over the edge of the bed, "Can I ask you something?"

"Depends if it's worth my time or not." The Way brother retorted, brushing dust off of his khaki colored pants.

"Is your brother friends with Frank Iero? People have been talking around in school, someone even called Frank a faggot." Pete stated nonchalantly, picking at his nails.

"Frank isn't a faggot. Neither is my brother."

"You didn't answer my question."

Mikey gritted his teeth, "I don't know if they're friends. It's not our business."

"You're such a killjoy, Mikey Way."

"And you're very annoying, Pete Wentz."

Pete slid his body off the bed and fell onto the floor with a quiet thump, landing directly next to Mikey's leg, "I'm not that annoying."

Mikey looked down at the idiot beside him, "You're lucky you're my best friend or I would've decked you right into the face just now."

Pete stuck his tongue out and jabbed Mikey's side with his knuckle, causing him to squeal and jump away from Pete. Pete began laughing hysterically as Mikey scowled at him. After the obnoxious laughter died down, Mikey scooted back over and fumbled around with the buttons of his shirt.

Pete turned onto his stomach, setting his chin in the palms of his hands, "You're brother is gonna be okay, right?"

"I don't know. My dad doesn't wanna pass a law or anything to keep him from getting taken away. It sucks." Mikey replied meekly.

"That's messed up, dude. How's your mom taking it?"

Mikey scoffed, "Awfully. She's a frantic mess and she ignores my dad constantly now. She keeps trying to set Gerard of with more Diff friends so he doesn't get scared if they're taken away, I guess. It's stressful. I don't know if I'll wake up one day and he'll just..be gone."

Pete went quiet for a some seconds, "Patrick Stump was taken yesterday. Out of nowhere."

"What?" Mikey sputtered, "How do you know?"

"We live in the same apartment complex." Pete responded, voice shaking, "It was in the middle of the night too. I woke up 'cause I heard screaming so I went to my mom's room and she told me that the boy upstairs was being put on a train."

"You're lying." Mikey yelled unexpectedly, causing Pete to jump back.

"Mikey, I swear I'm not lying." Pete told him gently.

"You're trying to scare me! You've been doing it since we were little, this isn't a joke!"

"I'm not scaring you, I'm warning you, Mikes. I just thought you could put Gerard into hiding or something if I told you."

"Just..fuck off, Pete." Mikey spat. Pete's face crumpled a little and he dragged himself off of Mikey's floor, trudging to the door.

"Um, I'll see you tomorrow, Mikey Way." Pete said, his voice uncertain.

"No you won't, Pete Wentz."


-


"Do you think there's sasquatches back here?" Frank asked Gerard as they hopped from rock to rock across the narrow stream. They were hand in hand, making sure the sleeves if their sweaters covered their skin.

"Well, there definitely are deer and bears, but I don't think there are any sasquatches." Gerard giggled, jumping off the last rock and onto the floor of the forest. It had been about and hour since Gerard had his little episode of self deprecation and he was already doing much better. It did take lots of hugs and reassuring words from Frank, but in the end it was all resolved.

"You remind me of a deer sometimes." Frank replied, standing himself beside Gerard.

Gerard simpered, "How so?"

"You're innocent and playful, like a deer. They also tend to be very majestic and curious. Caring. Full of life.." Frank's monotone voice trailed off and he glanced down at his hand still snug between Gerard's.

"You're complimenting me." Gerard observed, his cheeks going slightly pink.

"Yea," Frank smiled, "I guess I am."

Gerard dragged the shorter boy through the forest, their converse crunching the leave beneath them and they scampered excitedly. They had no intention of going back home any time soon,mainly because Frank did not want to face his family again and Gerard didn't even want to look at his father.

An owl chirped above their heads and Gerard's small smile turned into a complete grin, sending joy through his whole body. The sun was completely down now, but the light from the moon gave the boys enough to see each other and what was going on around them.

"Won't your mother be worried?" Frank asked, squeezing Gerard's cold hand.

"Probably not." Gerard divulged, "I want to talk about the memories before we head back to my house and try to persuade my mother to let you stay until tomorrow."

Frank beamed, "O-okay."

They sat down onto the mossy ground and leaned their backs against the trunk of an oak tree, leaving their hands to hover against one another's.

"You remember your childhood, right?" Gerard questioned.

"Of course. I remember riding a bike for the first time and reading my first book, everything a kid should remember." Frank answered truthfully.

Gerard let out a hefty breath, "Me too. It's just so strange that we remember everything but we don't even remember each other."

"Maybe the memories weren't us?"

"No. The one with the boys running around a table was definitely inside of my house. The table was wooden and light green, our kitchen table it that color but more chipped now." Gerard added thoughtfully and leaned his head on to Frank's shoulder. Frank let out a contentful sigh and let his chin rest on the top of Gerard's head.

Gerard's eyes slipped closed, taking in the warm feeling of having his friend so close to him. Frank's shoulder was comfortable and it felt like Gerard's head fit onto it perfectly. They sat for moments on end, relaxing and listening to each other's breathing. They were both so oblivious to their own feelings.

"It's getting cold." Frank noted and rubbed Gerard's shoulder to gain his attention. Gerard nodded against his shoulder before sitting up and stretching. They both stood up and clasped their covered hands together again, making their way back in the direction of the Way home.


-


Convincing Donna to let Frank stay over night was a hassle, but once she say how much Frank didn't want to go home, she finally caved in and decided to let him stay, only if he promised to never tell that he was there. Ever. She set the boys up on the couch with a blanket and a bowl of popcorn, letting Gerard put his usual movie on, the only movie he ever watched.

Gerards eyes never left the tv in front of them, not even when Donna peered in and noticed that Frank was sitting rather close to her son beneath the woven blanket. Frank didn't really understand what was happening in the film, something about a man and a woman and some dumb romance that couldn't peak his interest. Gerard enjoyed though, and that was all that mattered to Frank in that very moment.

Frank bit his bottom lip with a gaze on Gerard's profile as the soft light of the screen flickered on his rosy flesh. "Gee?"

"Yes?" Gerard intwined softly, barely turning his head toward Frank.

"Um, can you explain what's happening in the movie?" Frank asked shyly, embarrassed that he hadn't been paying attention and instead was staring at Gerard.

Gerard smiled his friendly and familiar smile, "Well, the girl is Princess Ann and she's really upset about her life I suppose. So she goes to Rome for a night, to be blunt with you, she passes out on a bench and-"

"The guy finds her?" Frank finished, question edging his voice.

Gerard nodded, "Yes. He's a reporter and he falls in love with her."

Frank looked back at the tv, "She's crying."

"Because she has to leave him."

"Why?"

"I don't know, Frank. Love doesn't work out sometimes. My mother used to tell me that a lot when I was taken out of school."

The raven-haired boy didn't say anything else and watched as Audrey Hepburn continued to cry amongst the screen, embraced in the mans arms. Franks eyebrows raised and he practically choked when Princess Ann forced her lips onto the man in front of her. What the hell could that possibly mean? It's so unsanitary, how could it be the least bit enjoyable? Maybe it could've been somewhat nice, Frank just wasn't sure. Although he knew his mother and father did it on occasion when they weren't screaming at each other. And Frank's sister most definitely did it with Bob from time to time on the weekends, sometimes for ten minutes at a time.

"Have you ever done that?" Frank blurted out.

Gerard squinted his eyes, fully staring at Frank now, "Done what?"

Frank nodded his head toward the tv, not wanting to say the word, "That."

"You mean...kissed someone?" Gerard asked, his squeaky voice trailing off.

"Yes."

"Of course I haven't."

Franks heart dropped into his stomach and a pang of hope coursed through his veins like hot silk, "Why not?"

"Girls don't like me, Frank. And to be honest, my feeling toward them is kinda mutual." Gerard answered simply. He wasn't looking at Frank anymore, but down at his hands that were placed in his lap. It was the truth for Gerard, girls didn't like him. He didn't know if it had something to do with him being too feminine or too straightforward, but it was so bad that Diff girls even strayed away from him. Gerard didn't really complain though, he didn't fancy girls as much as his father and brother did. He never had.

Meanwhile, Franks lips hesitated on the words they so badly wanted to speak. He wanted to say something so daring but he feared making Gerard even a little uncomfortable.

"Frank, you look like you're about to have a stroke." Gerard stated as he noticed franks tense stature.

"What...what makes you think it has to be a girl? That you have to like, do that with a girl?" Frank wished he choked on his own words and just died from oxygen loss on the spot.

"The rules." Gerard replied.

Frank's eyes flickered, "What rules?"

Gerard shrugged. "The ones that say man and woman. I've only seen two men together once and they were Diffs who were executed on spot when they were found out."

"I remember that." Frank uttered as he recalled it being plastered all over the news about a year or two ago, "But um, do you want to be with a girl?"

"Do you?"

"I..I don't know."

"I do." Gerard's face turned bright red.

"So you want it to be a girl? To..like..wed and bed a girl?" Frank asked, almost disappointed.

"That's not what I meant," Gerard sighed, "I meant that I know what I want. I don't like girls. I never have. They've never liked me. It's something that I can't fix. I'll never act on it, of course not. I don't really have a death wish."

Frank felt his empty stomach heave. It wasn't a bad heave even though it should have been. It was a heave of shock, "I've only liked one girl."

Gerard's eyes widened and Frank could've sworn he saw the color drain out of them, "Oh. Do you still um..spend time together?"

Frank shook his head, "She moved away a little over a year ago. She didn't want to be with me anyway, I was still upset though. Heartbroken, you could say. I was like..invested in her. I don't think it was um..healthy? I don't know. I don't pay attention to that kind of stuff anymore."

Gerard nodded and pulled the blanket up to his face, snuggling it a little, "Why wouldn't she want to be with you?"

"Because I wasn't affectionate. She was. She wanted me to do things to her that I didn't have the confidence for." Frank replied almost bitterly with his face turned away from Gerard, "She was a very physical person and I didn't understand it..I still don't, ya know? I want to touch someone but I just...I'm afraid of it. I know how but, I don't wanna do something wrong."

"I'm sorry." Gerard told Frank softly, barely audible enough to be heard over the end-credit music playing on the television.

Turning his head, Frank looked Gerard straight in the eyes and cleared his throat, "For what? You haven't done a thing."

"'Cause I touch you a lot. And you touch me a lot. You apparently dislike it."

Frank bit his lip, "That's..that's not what I mean. I'm talking about a different kind of thing."

"Oh." Gerard's face paled as he realized what Frank was on about, "Okay. I know what you mean."

"I don't think you do." Frank retorted and scooted closer to Gerard so their outer thighs were pressed together. Gerard tensed and watched as Frank's hand slowly slid from the couch cushion and onto Gerard's knee.

"I'm okay with this." Frank spoke and slowly dragged his fingertips upward, stopping at the middle of Gerard's thigh. Gerard pushed the blanket aside and stared down at Frank's hand that was just sitting there, right on his jean-covered thigh and not daring to move. Frank's dark hair fell over his curious eyes, he didn't know what to say.

"I don't understand?" Gerard claimed in a relaxed whisper, his breath hitching at the end of his sentence as Frank's pointer finger started dragging up and down his thigh.

"I'm okay with touching you. I don't know why, but I am."

"You were talking about a different kind of touching, Frank."

Frank's finger paused and he gazed at Gerard through the strands of his tangled hair, "I know."

Gerard's world froze completely, "Oh."
"Ya know how earlier I said that you're fucking with my head?" Frank inquired with a hushed voice that made the hair on the back of Gerard's neck stand up. His alabaster hair ruffled as he nodded and waited for Frank to speak again. Frank's hand suddenly squeezed right above Gerard's knee in a tight grasp, making Gerard heart jump into his throat.

"I wasn't kidding. I wasn't saying that out of pity. You're in my head." It seemed as if Frank was angry as he spat the words from his lips, like it was Gerard's fault for his confusion, "It's a hard thing for me to wrap my head around. One second I'm in wrapped up in Jamia Nestor, grieving the way she used me while she was here. Then the next, you waltz in and you mess me up."

Gerard swallowed harshly while he listened to Franks icy words, the grip on his knee getting tighter and tighter.

"And then you know what messes me up even more?"

Gerard stuttered out a weak, "N-no."

"I figure out that I've known you. It's such a hard thing for me to grasp. We aren't strangers. We've never been strangers. It makes sense for me to want to be around you." Frank released Gerard's thigh and stood up quickly, staring down at the white-haired boy's shocked face, "We're best friends."

"Frank," Gerard breathed and stood up as well, his chest only centimeters from the latter's, "you need to stop. This isn't right."

"I don't know what I'm doing." Frank mumbled, "But I'm not going to stop."

Gerard backed away about a foot and rubbed his eyes with the pads of his fingers. This was bad. Very bad. Frank was falling deep into a hole that he didn't need to be in. It was a dangerous hole that was going to fuck them both up completely, Gerard had seen it coming from a mile away.

"You have to stop, Frank. I can't see you end up like me or Ray or-, it can't happen and I won't let it happen."

Frank rolled his eyes, "I don't care what you think is wrong." He stepped closer to Gerard so this time, their chests were touching and Frank had to tilt his head up to look at Gerard. "It's too late for me anyway, Gee."

"N-no it's not. It doesn't matter if there's only a few pieces of red hair we can still fix this, Frank."

The shorter boy said nothing else and raised his hand to run his knuckles over Gerard's warm cheek for a few elongated seconds, "Shut up."

"Just..press your hand against mine." Gerard whispered desperately, "I wanna remember more so I can tell someone, okay? We have to figure this out first before anything else happens. We didn't finish from earlier."

Frank pulled his hand away and steered his eyes away, thinking for a few minutes. "We could recover them a different way."

Gerard felt his back hit the wall that was beside the couch, Frank's eyes practically burned holes through his soul which left him in a scavenge for words, "How? Frank there isn't a lot we can-"

The sentence was cut off when Frank gently but sternly place a hand on the front of Gerard's shoulder and pushed him into the wall even more, "I'm not sure how I'm supposed to do this."

"I'm not following."

"Jesus Christ, Gerard! I don't know how to fucking kiss you!"

"You..you want to kiss me?"

Frank clenched his jaw, "Why else would I have brought it up?"

"We can't Frank, it's wrong." Gerard began shaking his head wildly, panic setting in the pit of his stomach and began exploding through his body, "It's so wrong. I don't want you to get hurt-"

Frank huffed and tilted Gerard's chin upwards to bring their gazes together, "You need to relax. Your fine with leaning on me, why is kissing me any different?"

"Because leaning on you and holding your hand is a friendly thing, Frank." Gerard hissed, wriggling from Frank's grip, "Kissing you? Jesus fuck, that's a huge step. You'd regret it then I'd have to listen to you yell at me. Again."

"I won't regret it."

"Your hair is going to turn even more red."

"So?"

"So? Do you want to die?"

"I won't let anything happen to us."

"Then kiss me if you're being honest."

Gerard's back hit the wall again as Frank pushed him back, their silhouettes looked like shadows dancing in the dark room when Frank's shaky hand replaced itself on Gerard's shoulder. "I still don't know what I'm doing."

"Just um.." Gerard's warm hands found a spot on Frank's chest, grabbing the material of his sweater and bringing them closer together, "Close your eyes."

Frank did as told, "Are your eyes closed?"

"Yes."

"I'll just um, make it quick okay?" And with that, he leaned forward quickly, pecking the corner of Gerard's mouth and pulling away all too quickly. Gerard just giggled quietly and opened his eyes to find Frank blushing vividly before him.

"I'm sorry, that was so fucking bad." Frank gasped quietly and stepped backward, his face turning redder and redder by the second. Gerard kept giggling like a maniac, his fingertips brushing over the spot that Frank had just kissed seconds before.

Frank frowned deeply, "Why are you laughing so much? What's so funny? Oh god, it was that bad! I've made a fool of myself again oh god-"

Before he could comprehend what was happening, a pair of arms were slung around Frank's neck, pulling him into a tight and welcoming hug. Frank sighed in relief and wrapped his arms around Gerard's thin waist, burying his nose in Gerard's shoulder.

"You're silly." Gerard chuckled and he tightened his embrace around Frank's neck, "Stop beating yourself up, it was cute."

"I barely even kissed you." The shorter boy complained and pushed Gerard away from him gently, "I thought maybe something would happen."

"You didn't directly kiss me, dimwit." Gerard laughed again, "I don't think my dimples count as my lips."

Frank smiled and stared directly at the pretty boy in front of him. Frank didn't even stop himself from using the word pretty this time, it was too true not to use. Gerard was pretty, not in a girly way but in his own way. Sure his face was feminine in some aspect and boyish in the others, but something about it made him so fucking pretty.

The prettiest flower boy I've ever seen, Frank marveled inside his head. An almost unnoticeable lazy smile shone through his lips as his eyes trailed all over Gerard's features.

"Frank," Gerard said sharply, catching Frank out of his thoughts, "your hair, Frank. Fuck, I told you! I told you this would happen!"

Frank's heart stopped and he immediately let go of Gerard's slim waist, scrambling his legs over to a mirror placed next to the TV. His mouth went slack and his shoulders slumped instantly. The right side of Frank's hair was falling out right before his eyes, growing back into tiny strands that appeared a deep red color.

Notes

haha yall actually thought they were gonna kiss im so mean its 2am and im half drunk xxxx feedback and shit xxxxxxxxx this doesn tmake sense xxxxxx