If You Marry Me, Would You... (Frerard)

Frank slowly blinked his eyes open, trying to catch up with where he was, as he was hearing quiet noises coming from above him.

When he pulled his face away from the neck it was buried in and looked up at the older man, he saw Gerard tilting his head in different directions, as if trying to look away from something, his expression helpless, as he let out small whimpers and mumbles of "no, no, no".

Frank realized he must have been having a nightmare, but he wasn't sure what he should do about it.

Gerard kept squirming slightly below him, his legs attempting to pull together, being blocked by the younger still lying between them, which only made him whimper more.

Frank's eyebrows furrowed tiredly. He was beginning to get worried now.

Gently, he ran his hands through Gerard's dark-as-night hair, and shifted so their faces were lined, leaning down to attach his lips to the other's, slowly and softly.

The elder whined in discomfort, trying to wriggle away, but Frank held him there, kissing him slightly harder, wanting to make his fears go away.

"Shh, shh, I'm here, I'm here baby," the young man whispered against his lips, his tattooed hands stroking Gerard's hair in soothing motions.

He felt the other start to relax underneath him. After a while, the whimpering stopped, which was a relief to Frank, as he continued to kiss him calmly, and when Gerard was sleeping peacefully once again, he pulled away and climbed off of him.

He didn't really know why he thought of kissing Gerard as a way to calm him down. Sure, it worked, but kissing the older man just felt off at the moment. Frank was still overwhelmed by last night.

He stretched his arms calmly, shaking sleep off of him and rubbing his eyes, before deciding to take a shower, both to relax his body and to wash off Gerard's cum, which was now sticky and slightly itchy on his stomach, and there was even a bit on his chest.

He slowly grabbed a towel, blinking in exhaustion, and right as he stood up and was about to walk into the bathroom, a quiet voice came behind him.

"Taking a shower?"

Frank turned his head around, still standing with his back to Gerard, and nodded slightly at the older man, who was now laying on his side with the blanket around his waist downwards, just like last night.

"Can I join you?" Gerard asked weakly, trying to give a hopeful smile and failing.

"Actually, I'd rather have some time to think. Maybe next time," Frank replied softly, his lips half twitching upwards.

The elder nodded, his expression visibly falling, and Frank kept on walking towards the bathroom, sighing silently.

And as he stood under the stream of hot steamy water, he thought only about Gerard. And not the good kind of thoughts. He didn't know why those bothering images kept running around in his head so much, about the things he might've been doing when Frank isn't there with him. The younger didn't want to have them on his mind. He just wanted to trust Gerard, to be able to care for him and kiss him without feeling awkward and sort of cold.

Why couldn't he just be with his Gerard?

He looked down at the floor, running a shaky hand through his soaked hair and letting out a quiet noise of hopelessness.

After a few more minutes of washing himself, brushing his teeth, drying off and thinking, he stepped out of the bathroom, a towel around his waist. Gerard was sat on the bed now, already in boxers, a pair of sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt.

Frank didn't even glance at him as he went to the closet and took out the clothes he was going to where.

He could hear Gerard stand up from behind him, not missing the wince he made as his torso was stretched.

It was probably the bruises, Frank knew, but didn't pay too much attention to it. If Gerard wanted to keep secrets, he wouldn't be the one to push the older man into telling him. The other clearly had enough trouble already, he didn't need a nosy boyfriend constantly asking him where he was going at night or why he got beaten up so badly.

At least, that's what Frank thought. The truth was, Gerard was dying to let him know, tell him everything and make Frank realize what he was going through. What THEY were going through.

He needed that comfort, but he was too afraid that if Frank realized the whole story, the younger would leave. And that would put both of them in danger, along with Gerard being heartbroken and completely shattered.

That's the thought Gerard carried with him as he walked into the bathroom, and Frank dropped the towel to start putting his clothes on.

Afterwards, he headed into the kitchen, starting the coffee machine as he turned on the radio. There was a Lady Gaga song playing, and he didn't bother changing the station, because honestly, he could care less about it right now.

While he was pouring coffee into two mugs, the other man stepped into the room, his hair slick with water he just washed his face with, and sat down in front of the small table, picking up the newspaper and flipping through the pages aimlessly, just to find something to do with himself while the heavy silence hung around, half-filled with the music playing in the background.

When Frank was done pouring the coffee, he went to the table and placed one of the mugs in front of Gerard before sitting down near him. All along neither of them tried to make eye-contact.

"Thank you," Gerard mumbled, and leaned over to place a small kiss on Frank's cheek.

The younger nodded in reply as he stared down at his mug, and slowly brought it to his lips.

A few songs were played while the two sipped their coffee quietly, staring blankly at the table or into the air, until the cheerful voice of the broadcaster came up.

"Good morning to all the lovely people out there, this is Jack Peterson and you are listening to 99FM, quality music twenty four hours a day!"

It was a bit strange to hear another broadcaster's voice. They were used to Kelly's.

"Our usual broadcaster, Kelly Spring, went on a short vacation to her hometown under personal circumstances, so I'd be hosting you here for the rest of the week. First, let's begin with..."

"I wonder where Kelly went," Gerard said, trying not to make it too obvious that he was trying to make any kind of conversation. That didn't work for him.

"Mhm," Frank hummed shortly, still looking at his mug like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

He knew exactly where Kelly Spring went, and why. But Gerard didn't need to know that. Frank didn't OWE him information, just like Gerard didn't owe him his secrets, which seemed to be weighing down on both of them right now.

"Now, time for our morning tradition, where you guys call us and dedicate a song to a person of your choice!"

He sounded nice, the two of them thought. But Kelly was a natural, so full with happiness and cheerfulness, it just radiated from her through the speakers.

At least that's what everyone else thought... except for Frank.

"First on is Gemma, requesting The Weight, by Shawn Mendes, to her fiancè, James, along with a note that says 'I know you love this song. It's sad, but you always thought it was special'. I don't know about you, but I think this is VERY romantic. Hope you all enjoy!"

The quiet guitars started playing, filling the room with the soft rhythm, and several seconds later, came Shawn's sad yet beautiful voice.

'I wanna go back,
forget that it's over,
paint it in black,
when you left me alone.
I never knew
she was sleeping next door with the kid I grew up with,
and I can't go back to her anymore, no.

xoxoxoxo

You tell me you were happier with him, but you want me to stay.
And you tell me that you needed time, but you, you pushed me away.
And when you try to take me back, my heavy heart just breaks,
no, I can't lift the weight.'

xoxoxoxo

Gerard chanced a glance up at his boyfriend, who was holding his coffee mug a little tighter, his knuckles turning white.

His face showed concern, and he wondered if he should do something about it...

Of course he did! Frank was troubled. Gerard didn't want him to be that way. He wanted to see Frank smile. He cared about him.

He cared about him so, so much.

xoxoxoxo

'Put you in the past,
try to forget you 'cause it's over,
and every time you ask,
I'll pretend I'm okay.
You're inside my head,
in the middle of the night when I don't feel right
I dream I can hold you,
and I can't go back to you anymore, yeah, yeah.'

xoxoxoxo

Right before the chorus kicked in, more forceful than the last one, Gerard reached carefully and took Frank's right hand in his.

The younger didn't pull it away, to his relief. He let Gerard massage the back of his hand with his thumb, letting out the smallest sigh.

xoxoxoxo

'You tell me you were happier with him, but you want me to stay.
And you tell me that you needed time but you pushed me away.
And when you try to take me back, my heavy heart just breaks,
But I can't lift the weight,
and I can't lift the weight...'

xoxoxoxo

After a while of playing with Frank's pale fingers, Gerard moved their hands a little so he could lace their fingers together.

Again, Frank let him, only bending his digits slightly so they could fit with Gerard's, but the fact he still cared a little made Gerard's heart flutter with quiet happiness.

He allowed himself to squeeze Frank's hand lightly, silently telling him "I'm here for you if you need to talk about anything".

The younger only replied by staring coldly at their linked hands, his thumb running slowly over the back of Gerard's pale knuckles, silently answering "like you've ever done the same when I was ready to listen."

Gerard exhaled shakily, and tugged Frank closer to him, making both the boy and the chair he was sitting on drag closer to him, and he pulled the younger into his arms.

Frank went willingly, leaning into his chest and closing his eyes. He didn't make any move to hug back or speak up, but for Gerard it was enough, just have the smaller man in his arms, as he ran his hand through Frank's hair while the other one rubbed his back.

The younger fell limp in his boyfriend's embrace. Even in the awkward angle his back was bent in right now, he just wanted to feel Gerard around him. Even when Kelly hugged him last night, it didn't feel the same.

Because Gerard still meant something to him, even if he didn't know that. For one moment, it didn't matter that he had secrets, it didn't matter that he was going out and doing god-knows-what without saying a word to Frank, it didn't matter that the younger was doubting everything around him.

There was just them. Just Gerard rocking Frank's fragile body in his arms, kissing his head as softly as he could, stroking every inch of his torso in warm, soothing motions.

They almost felt complete, almost. Because once the song ended and silence hung in the room, allowing the two to simply breathe each other in, Frank slowly unattached himself from Gerard and blinked a few times, and suddenly the cold expression was back on his face.

"I told Bob I'd come help him out at the store today," he mumbled quickly, standing up, grabbing his jacket and heading outside before Gerard could even slip one word.

And the older didn't bother to. He got the message Frank was sending him. He needed some space, and that was okay. Gerard couldn't blame him. They were as equally emotionally wrecked as the other.

They didn't know it yet, but they were slowly falling down, every sense of care and sign of emotion fading and turning into air, Frank steadily losing it as the other man was trying so desperately to hold onto their relationship.

But Jonathan had set those hopes on fire, and then stood back watching as they burnt and turned to dust in the cold wind.

xoxoxoxo

Bob noticed right away that something was wrong.

It started with the way Frank barely greeted him when he stepped in, muttering a short "hello" before disappearing to grab a broom, and the dark bags under his eyes that matched his cold expression as he walked around in the store aimlessly, like the ghost of a man he was being.

He wasn't like that. Bob already got to know him pretty well, and he was sure that something was VERY wrong if Frank was looking and acting like this.

So he asked him about it. And Frank told him, sharing most of the details, about Gerard, about last night, about his doubts.

Him and Bob were close enough for the younger to know that he could trust Bob, and the bearded man obviously knew more about Gerard's feelings than anyone else.

"Do you really think he's cheating?" Bob asked eventually, a look of concern on his face. Had his best friend really gone that far to get Frank to think that way?

"I don't know," Frank whispered with a shrug. "But everything he's done so far just seems so... unusual. I mean, I trust him, I really do. Yet I'm having a hard time understanding any of the things he does."

"Hey," Bob said, giving a sympathetic look to the shaking man in front of him, and put his hand on the shorter's shoulder. "It's okay. Gerard doesn't cheat. He wouldn't. He's a good guy and you mean so much to him. Look, I know what he's going through, and I know it seems confusing to you right now, but it'll all work out eventually and you guys will be a couple, a real one, without all this Michael shit. Okay?"

Bob knew that he was partly lying to Frank by saying all of this. He knew Frank didn't know who Jonathan was, but since that guy was a much greater threat than Michael, and Gerard would most likely kill Bob if he told the young man about him, he only stayed with mentioning the brother.

He kept it in. And as for everything working out, the bearded really didn't know. Things were confusing for him, too. He wasn't sure what the elder should do or say. He didn't know what Gerard and him should tell Frank, what they should keep to themselves, and how to keep him alive and safe in all that bullshit.

He was a human, after all, an easy target. Michael had already bitten him enough times to prove it.

The younger nodded, stepping closer and hugging Bob for reassurance.

The other hugged him back, while still thinking deeply about the whole thing.

He was so focused on helping Gerard lately, hearing his side and giving advice, only mentioning Frank as something they needed to protect. But now that he was here, helping the younger man and actually talking to him for once, about most of it, made him realize how much shit Gerard actually put himself in.

Frank wasn't stupid. There were things Gerard couldn't hide from him forever. Letting the young man sleep in his house to protect him from Michael was one thing, but falling in love with him, becoming his boyfriend, having sex with him, developing emotions...

What the hell was Gerard thinking?

In any other time Bob would've been happy for him, he would tell him it's great that he finally got over Jonathan and managed to build a steady relationship and that he's proud of him. But since the older man DIDN'T get over Jonathan and DIDN'T manage to build a steady relationship, he now doubled his troubles and put everyone in a greater danger.

Yet, Bob couldn't blame him for having feelings. Yes, it comforted him at least a bit that the elder found comfort in the boy, finally having someone to truly love.

But that just wasn't the time for being romantic. How COULD it be romantic? There was so much happening, so many threats, and now this - Frank was upset. The younger finally let his feelings show, made it clear to Bob that he did't want those secrets, because now they were tearing the couple apart.

The bearded man knew it was only a matter of time until Frank snapped at Gerard and told him that he was tired of this. And what if he decides to leave? The elder would be wrecked. Bob is going to have to hold him and tell him everything will be okay, when he himself wasn't sure about it.

How could he possibly lie to Gerard, his best friend, and say those things?

He couldn't.

So for now, he would have to lie to Frank, keep hiding the truth for just a little longer, and maybe then, after it's all over and gone, the two other men will be able to act like a real couple, get married, build a life.

Bob wanted that for them. He wanted this for Gerard because the man had gone through enough in his life - he deserved to have a proper routine.

And Bob was very fond of Frank at this point. The boy was amazing, perfect for Gerard. The two fit together like the last pieces of the puzzle, the complex, giant puzzle of love and hate they were in.

But they'd pick up the pieces, Bob knew. His best friend and his loved one would make it through everything that had been going on and reach the sunrise.

As long as they kept fighting together.

xoxoxoxo

Bob let go of Frank eventually, looking him straight in the eye and assuring him one more time before allowing him to head back home and see Gerard.

He knew the two of them very well, and even if they were cold towards each other right now, they still found comfort in the other. They still needed each other's warmth, and neither of them would give it up for the world.

So Frank went home. Once he was out of the store Bob pulled out his phone and dialed Gerard's number, informing him with four simple words:

"Your boy needs you."

And when the younger stepped into the apartment, Gerard was waiting there for him, in his casual homey clothes, with a sad smile on his face, his eyes showing the same exhaustion as Frank's.

"How's your day been?" He asked softly, standing outside the kitchen and staring at his boyfriend, who was still at the front door.

"Good," the other replied quietly.

Gerard nodded in approval, and slowly walked over to him, carefully wrapping his arms around the younger man.

He leaned in for a gentle kiss, only brushing their lips together, and to his relief, Frank pushed into the action, too.

Gerard let go of him after a few short seconds, clearing his throat and gesturing towards the kitchen.

"I made us dinner. Thought you'd be hungry when you return..." he said, giving a small smile.

Frank nodded, sending him a tiny grin back, which made Gerard's heart beat in his chest once again, knowing that Frank still appreciated his care.

He led his boyfriend into the small kitchen, where Frank smiled tiredly at the meal Gerard made him, soft music playing in the background, as a candle stood in the middle of the table, spreading small light that caused the younger man to sigh quietly.

"Thank you," he murmured, staring at his own hand as his fingers brushed Gerard's wrist and just barely linked their fingers.

Gerard shivered at the touch, letting out the slightest gasp at how electric the contact felt.
Frank heard it, but didn't say anything, simply pulled his hand away and went to sit down at the table.

They ate quietly. Not a word was said during the entire dinner, not even casual comments about the music or the food.

The tension hung in the air like a pile of bricks, waiting to land on their heads and shake them into reality.

Gerard didn't like that silence. He didn't like the coldness of his boyfriend, he didn't want to be ignored.

He wanted to fix it, whatever it was. He wanted, so badly, to just grab Frank, hold him in his arms and tell him everything, until nothing is left unsolved.

He wanted his Frankie back. He wanted to kiss him and cuddle him and have sex with him, anything, as long as the younger stopped being so fucking expressionless.

He tried, after they finished the food, slowly walking over to Frank and scooping him up in his arms, the two not breaking eye-contact all the way to their bedroom as the older carried him bridal-style.

Once reaching the bed, he laid him gently on the mattress, crawling on top of him and attempting to kiss him, softly, he just wanted some kind of reaction. He didn't need or want anything rough, all he knew at that night was the desperation for words, movement, something that will remind him that Frank wasn't just a doll he could play with.

Gerard needed to know that Frank was still with him, another person, his boyfriend.

And apparently, the furthest he was going to get with the boy was a steady pushing of his lips against the older's, lighter than a feather, barely even felt.

The elder moaned, very quietly, mentally begging that Frank would do the same. He needed to hear SOMETHING. A moan, a groan, a whimper, even the other telling him that he was tired and didn't want sex will do.

But as the minutes passed, Gerard only got more and more anxious about Frank's reaction to his attempts.

He then decided to turn to his last resort, nudging the younger's legs apart and laying his hand on the front of his pants.

Frank's breath hitched a little, his legs clamping around Gerard's hand as the other began moving it up and down.

The older man grinned to himself, feeling like he'd won the lottery, as he attached his lips to Frank's neck and continued to move his hand gently, not pressing too much into it, just giving the younger some precious friction through his jeans, which were starting to grow tighter.

He couldn't miss the way the other's hands gripped the sheets, and his breath became uneven... but he was still very quiet, too quiet for Gerard's liking.

The elder frowned into his neck, sucking on a sweet spot below his left ear as he moved his hand a bit faster, putting a little more pressure into the touch, and Frank couldn't help but gasp softly as his legs pulled together tighter, preventing Gerard from pulling away even if he wanted to.

He was definitely feeling proud of himself right now. He was finally giving Frank some actual pleasure and was finally receiving a reaction. The younger's slight panting and the squirming of his lower body as Gerard rolled his hand on the bulge in his pants, squeezing and rubbing, putting thought into every single move, they all made the older man feel accomplished.

When the other arched his back and let out a shaky breath Gerard knew he was close. He pulled Frank up into his chest, hugging him with one hand and making soft shushing noises as he palmed him faster, hearing the boy whine quietly against his shoulder.

Then his hands twisted in the sheets one last time, his legs shaking violently, and he came with a long moan that was muffled by the fabric of Gerard's shirt.

The elder continued to move his hand slowly, murmuring soothing words in the other's ears as he let him fall flat on the bed.

After Gerard removed his hand from Frank's crotch, he pressed a small kiss to his head and got up so he could tug the younger's pants and boxers, which were both soaked with cum, down and went to get something to clean his boyfriend up with.

Then he dressed the limp body in clean clothes, kissing up his leg as he tugged the sweatpants along his smooth thighs.

Frank was almost fully asleep by the time Gerard crawled back to bed with him and pulled him into his chest.

He wouldn't admit it, but the fact that the older man was taking care of him so well, making him feel so wanted even when he was acting hard-to-reach, made his heart swell with emotions, the same emotions he missed so much, becuase he was too busy over-thinking to notice they were there.

But they were there, right in this room, with him, as he slowly put his arms around Gerard's waist and felt the other grin widely into his hair.

He had no idea that Gerard was this desperate for his attention, his reaction. He felt a little bad for acting like that, but his feelings got the best of him, the small questions that turned big in a matter of minutes, the man he cared for so much that stood right in front of him, jumping and waving his hands begging for a word to be said.

Had he really been this distant? Every sad smile Gerard sent him hid a painful truth behind it, the fact that it really seemed like Frank wasn't feeling anything for him anymore.

The young man sniffled against his boyfriend's chest, sensing as Gerard tensed above him at the unexpected action.

"The meal you made was really good," he murmured into his shirt.

Gerard breathed in deeply and pulled him closer to him, kissing the top of his head multiple times and not letting go for a second.

"Go to sleep, Frankie. You're tired," he whispered into his hair.

The younger nodded and closed his eyes, letting himself fall into darkness as he was pressed up against Gerard's body, just like last night, but this time, it felt different, because it felt right, he felt like this was his place in the world: right in the other's arms.

He felt like there was no place else where he could belong.

Notes

Thanks for reading xoxo