The world is ugly

Jadie*)

I didn't have to open my eyes to know it was that peaceful time of morning.

You know when the sun is just rising and its casting tall shadows on the fallen untouched snow. The sky is an array of pinks reds and oranges, With that pale blue look in the sky. Fluffy, whispy clouds that danced in the sky, blowing gently in the sky.

I didn't have to open my eyes to know that exactly how it looked. I cracked an eye to see I was correct. The birds chirped happily.

Happy.
That's exactly how I felt at this moment... The sun peeking through the small window, dust was flying around in the ray of light that was there. Gerard's arm draped lazily across me, I rolled my head towards him. He had a small smile plastered on his face, his hair fell messily around the small pillow he was using, covering his eyes slightly. His eyelids fluttered and a soft snore left his parted lips. It was almost as if someone had taken their time, and drawn something. It was in this moment that I was certain I was in love with him...

But wait. Love only gets you hurt. Right? Don't fall for it.

"Why are you staring?" His morning voice gave me chills. It reminded me of fresh coffee being brewed.

"I'm gazing" I whispered, In a hushed tone. Not wanting to disturb the serenity.

"It's creepy" His voice was coated in sleep, his smile widened.

"It's romantic" he chuckled at my response and finally cracked open his eyes, his beautiful hazel-ish eyes met my blue-ish gray ones.

"Morning gorgeous" I blushed at his words "Mornin, cutie" I furrowed my brows at my stupid response, but soon recovered when his lips met mine. It was a slow, loving kiss.

Not rushed. Or lustfull. Or needy. He's kissed me like this before sure. But... I still feel like I deserve nothing more than the abuse I had been used to.

_**_**_**_

The weekend flew by, It was cute. But short.

Mom came home at around nine-ish last night. But was too exhausted from god knows what to converse with Frank or me.

By morning, though. I didn't even want to get out of bed again. I didn't move till six-fifteen. When I finally drug myself out of bed, I threw on smashing pumpkins overhead hoodie, and a pair of supernatural jogging pants. Throwing my hair up into a lazy but I trudged downstairs. not bothering with my makeup.

I didn't even greet my Brother when he said good morning to me. I just flopped down on the couch. Wanting to disappear.

"Jai, Whats wrong?" I looked up to see the concern in Franks' eyes, His look soon hardened "It was Gerard wasn't it? I swear to fu-" "Frank..." My voice cracked as I tried to shut my rambling brother up "Who is it then?" I was silent... How do I tell him my thoughts were the ones bothering me this time.

"Jai" He crouched down in front of me, voice barely above a whisper. I swallowed thickly "Just my head again" He frowned "You haven't been taking your pills again, have you" It wasn't a question. He knew damn well I hadn't "I lost them in the move," I said shamefully. He nodded and stood up, going in a direction I didn't care.

"Here" He smiled sadly holding out his fist, I cautiously held mine out flat. He dropped two of my pills in my palm "I knew I kept an extra dose around for a good reason" I smiled thankfully at him "Thank you. Frank" He nodded before disappearing into the kitchen.

I dry swallowed the pills just before the front door opened "Frank? Jadie?" Gerard's voice echoed off the walls of our small house. I made no move to respond, but frank came rushing out of the kitchen towards the concerned looking red head.

He whispered something to which his concern faded into empathy.

He slowly walked towards me and sat down "Look at me princess" He whispered, I pulled on a fake smile and looked up into his eyes "I'm here, remember that okay?" I shrugged "Yeah... I remember" He nodded "Good. Let's just. Get through today okay?"

_

The walk to school was a long one. Gerard constantly tried to make conversation. I pushed it off.
Not wanting to really talk at all today. So he and Frank just spoke.
-

Walking into the school gates, Melanie and Ashely ran at me instantaneously, wrapping me in loving arms "You don't look too good sweetie" Melanie pointed out, I shrugged it off as nothing. Because like I said, I'm probably not going to be in this town long anyway.

The day started out okay. Ryan and Brendon brought a new kid into our group. His name was Dallon. He was nice I suppose. Ashley seemed to instantly fall in love, along with Mikey.
That's a cat fight I'd love to see.

But by the time lunch came around I had been slammed into a locker. By none other than Lindzy "Have you guys fucked yet, whore?" He words cut like daggers in my skin "How bout you leave her alone, Bitch" Mel shouted, "You stay out of this, lez-bo!" Lindzy hissed over her shoulder "You." She pointed towards my chest "Are nothing more to him than a toy. He will play with you till he gets bored. Then he'll crawl back to me. It's happened before. I know he won't hesitate to do it again" Her words cut deeper than any of my blades ever had...

"I thinking you're confused with someone else" Gerard's voice growled behind her. She spun around "Shut up faggot. We both know you can't resist me " He scoffed "I sure the fuck can" She let out an agitated whine and turned back to me "Do everyone here a favor and kill yourself" she spat before sauntering away. Everyone's faces fell. I felt sick to my stomach.


I let out a glutaryl sob and Gerard took a step towards me, but I moved quickly. Making a beeline for the school doors. And then towards my house.

I knew mom was at work right now. So I was safe enough.

I slammed my door shut. sobs ripping through my body.

_Probably going to be heavily triggering_

I ripped through my drawers in search for my blades. then cursed to myself remembering Gee and Frankie threw them out "FUCKING HELL" I screamed, rummaging through my cabinet in my bathroom. Pulling out one of my shavers I snapped it easily.

I mad quick thin lines up and down my arms, Blood slowly pooling out. I didn't stop there. I moved to my thighs and sliced them up. Blood was pooling around me, small crimson rivers falling from my veins. I feel it pumping out of me, Reminding me I am alive, this is happening, and people fucking suck.

"Jadyne Amelia Iero, I swear if you're fucking dead" My brother's voice shook, breaking several times.I cringed at my full name. I looked down at my bleeding limbs as another sob ripped through my frail body. "JADIE!" Gerard's voice boomed. They were getting closer. I knew I didn't lose enough blood to die... I wish I did though.

"Jesus fuck" Gerard choked "F-..." He couldn't find the words I presumed. He collapsed down next to me and pulled out a towel from beside him, Applying eminence pressure to my wounds "FRANK" His voice was urgent. I heard feed barreling down the hall and soon Frank was in front of me as well.

Soon he followed Gerard's steps and ripped towels out of the small shelf, Also pressurizing my wounds. "Jadyne. God fucking damn it" he sobbed, Gerard was also sobbing. They soon proceeded to wrap and clean them.

Soon after that I just willed myself to fall asleep. Not wanting to deal with life anymore.

But that was short lived when my brother was violently shaking me awake "Take your meds" He tossed the pill bottle at me "That's enough of this. I'm not fucking losing you" He rasped walking to sit down on my bed.

"How do I know they're not right?" I sniffled "About what?" I looked up at him with pleading eyes "I really like him, Frank.... But everyone says its a Joke. Even Lindzy. Who do I trust... I don't... I don't know" tears fell from my eyes, I heard a cough from my doorway, Mine and Frank's head turned in the direction, Of Gerard, "I think. he might have that answer... Try asking him" My brother cocked his head in the direction of the tall boy with ruby red hair. They swapped places and the first words to leave his mouth are like everyone else.

"Why didn't you just talk to me" I shrugged "How do I know what she was saying wasn't true. What all of them are saying. How can I trust one person over five" He sighed "You just have to trust me. Don't listen to what they say. Listen to what I say. To my words. When I tell you I want you. No one else. I swear." His words held so much sincerity, but I still found myself asking "Why do you only talk to me outside of school. Why are you trying to keep me out of your life... If you say what you mean and mean what you say then why are you keeping me a secret..." He frowned "I didn't know you wanted to be seen with me, after what had happened" He shrugged. I looked at him as if he were a mad man who just killed my brother "Are you kidding? Of corce I wanna be seen with you!" And the next words to slip out of my mouth shocked the hell out of us both....

Notes

I'm a pro at cliffhangers that are easy to read and aren't suspenseful at all. also cliffhangers no one really cares or gets worked up over.