The world is ugly

Jadie*)

"Of course, I wanna be seen with you!..." He shrugged "Why?" I wasn't thinking straight and I spoke without thinking "Because I love you!" my hand flew over my mouth the moment I spoke those words. I averted my eyes and tried to even out my breathing. Gerard, however, said nothing. I could feel his eyes burning holed into my body. This look causes me to feel regret instantaneously.

"Fuck. I. I mean... Fuck" I pushed my head into my forearms and weaved my finger into my hair pulling. All the while Gerard just looked at me. It felt like forever till he said something. But in reality, it had only been a minute since I hade told him I loved him...

"You... You what?" Did he not hear me? Looking up I took a deep breath in, my nose sniffling as I did so, I chortled slightly "I said-" "No. No, I heard what you said. I just... Really?" I rolled my eyes, More tears falling down my red cheeks. "I suppose so" I swallowed thickly. My voice dry. He took a deep breath as well, nd followed it with a long sigh.

"I'm sorry. I, You can leave if you want" I laughed, Still refusing to look at him. That is until he placed his hand on my chin directing my face towards his. Here come the bad news folks. the 'You're a really great girl but' the 'if you weren't so fucked up maybe' the 'i'm still in love wi-' my thoughts were cut off abruptly the moment his lips landed on mine in a slow passionate kiss.

It lasted longer than our other kisses. I still didn't know if he was going to end up like.... Josh. His cold blue eyes, Starring icy daggers at me.

Gerard must have noticed my uneasiness because his hands came in contact with my cheeks. Instantly calming me. The moment he pulled away I was pulled into a hug.

"I love you too" I nodded quickly "do you though?" I whispered pulling away. His eyes grew wider "Yes, I mean it. With all my heart. These last three weeks. I've fallen for you. And if you give me a chance. I want to prove to you that I'm not like those other twats" His voice was nothing less than serious. I took in a deep breath "I could try" My voice was no louder than a whisper.

You know when you were younger and you and your friend were up passed 11 and were trying to be quite while talking to not get in trouble? That's how quiet my voice was.

He broke out into a huge smile, and I couldn't help but smile as well.

"So that bring me to my next question... Jadie" I looked up at his face, His eyes were unfocused and I could see the panic in them "Yes... Gee?" I rested my hand on his shoulder wich relaxed him a little "Will... Will you be my girlfriend?" his breath got caught my heart thumped in my chest. as I spoke the words I never thought I'd be saying to Gerard fucking Way. The guy who got me suspended. the one who made my life hell for a while.

"I'd want nothing more"

"FINALLY" I heard my brother shout from the hallway. We turn to look at him and sure enough there he is, a huge smile on his face "But the rules still abide. You will not fuck her or I'll have your ass" his eyes widened at my brother's words...

Sex, That's one thing I didn't think about... The word alone terrifies me never mind actually doing it.

"I wouldn't unless she was ready." He stated, clearly referring to what I told him about Josh... I felt sick at the thought of that. But his hand in mine reassured me slightly "You may be my best friend. But I will kill you" Frank said, fully coming into the room "You always do that!" I accused he looked shocked "Do what?" I laughed at him "Walk into my room without asking" "I'm your brother. I can" I rolled my eyes "That's like saying I'm your boyfriend, I can'. Then proceeding to hit them" I joked "Ah, see but I never hit you I shrugged "Still, Asking is a nice thing to do" he rolled his eyes and sat down on my bed with Gerard and me.

The sun was just beginning to set, showing us how much time that whole drama spell took.

The sky was a light pink with wisps of white dancing through the sky, a crescent moon was just starting to rise, as the now orange sun was setting.

I was sat on my back porch that overlooked some hills. We were in the country, just outside of the main part of town, nothing but fields, Parks, and hills, surrounded a few houses. We were lucky that the school was the first thing when you got into town... Only ten minutes away on foot too. It was nice. Quite..

The birds chirped around me and I took in the calmness. The sun was creating an orange glow on the snow and stretching out the shadow of the tall oak tree in our back yard.

I silently sipped my coffee. Gerard and Frank left to go pick up some food...

Gerard... I never realized how happy the thought of him makes me...

I sighed and a puff of air left my mouth and floated into obliviation as did the steam from my coffee.

I looked back up from my drink and saw that it was now fully dark. the stars scattered the sky and the moon was now big and illuminating the sky and ground.

I thought of the events that happened today. The hell I had put my brother and Gerard through. The fear in both their eyes. the frantic movements as they tried to stop my bleeding.

I jumped as I heard the sliding glass door open "Hey, Food's here. Better hurry, Mikey came back with us and he might eat it all" Gerard laughed I smiled turning around to face him "What are you doing out here anyway?" I shrugged "I was watching the sunset, It was nice" a look of fake hurt crossed his face "Without me" He scoffed "You were getting food, that your brother is eating all of" his smile was heart melting "Come eat"

Eating... That's another thing I didn't think fully through. It's so much easier to just not eat rather than run to the bathroom everytime I finish.

"M'no... Not hungry" I lied. Of course, I was... But I couldn't. I couldn't gain, I could only lose.

His smile turned into a frown and he walked fully out closing the sliding door behind him.

"Jadie.." He whispered "Seriously, Gerard I'm not hungry. I'm fine" He shook his head "Listen" I cut him off with a slight laugh "Please can this not be our first argument? It has been a rough day Gee... I want nothing more than to go upstairs and sleep it off" I kept a small smile I looked back up at him, his face held defeat... "Or, Get drunk. I mean your choice" I laughed, that earned a smile "Drinking it is then"

--


7 shots and a hard lemonade later I was gone, I was currently laying on the floor in the kitchen with my head on Mikey's stomach, Gerard nd Frank sitting by us laughing "Somebody, please tell me you're as drunk as I am" I slurred "Meeeeeee" Frank sung "You both are liiggghhttt wweeeiigghhttsss" Mikey laughed "Ohhhh shut it, so are you" Gerard mumbled taking a sip of his beer.Needless to say, it was a long night. That ended up with Gerard and me in the bathroom, while I puked my guts out into the toilet.

"I'm sorry" I cried, heaving again "It's fine, Your okay... Come on, lets get you to bed" I nodded but didn't stand "Are you gonna stand or... Oh okay nope. No you're, gonna crawl. Your crawling, Okay" He started laughing at my antics "Wait!" he stopped abruptly and looked at me "Help me pee" I whispered which caused him to double over laughing.

After that hed helped me to me bed, where I fell straight aseep, cudled up to gerard... My boyfriend... That will get ome takingused to.

Notes

So, Prom was fun, Prom party was even better and today was a hangover from hell and I've been righting this chapter since 8 am.... BUT ITS UP AND THERE DATING AND GOOD NIGHT
Current time 10:30 HAVE A nice night