The world is ugly

Jadie*)

The sun shone brightly through my window. Gently shining through my curtains in my otherwise dark room....
I wish it was darker in my room. But Black curtains can only get you so far.

I was hit with a wave of depression after Mikey and his brother left. That was three days ago... It was currently Saturday, which meant I had three more days of not attending school. Well, five if you wanna include the weekend.

The birds outside chirped in a happy tune... I wish I were happy. Or dead...

"Jadie?" My brother's concerned voice broke the unbearable silence I had surrounded myself in. "Jadie, You've locked yourself in your room since Thursday night. Please talk to me" His voice shook...

"Jadie, I swear. If I come in there and you're dead I'm taking my own life." He said. I could tell by his tone how serious he was "I'm fine..." I whispered though we both knew it was a lie...

Tears dripped down my face and I tried my best to suppress my sobbing. "I know that's a lie..." he mumbled "Just go to the store. I'll be fine" I snap, harshly. "I've called Mikey and Gerard over, I don't trust you alone"

My bedroom door was no unlocked and he was sitting at the foot of my bed. Just looking at me "You didn't have to" I sniffled. Just then there was a knock on our door moments later it opened and closed "Heeellllo?" Mikey's voice echoed off the walls "I'll believe that when there's not over 30 fresh cuts on your limbs" My brother snapped.

By that time Gerard and Mikey were standing in the doorway. So now everyone knows.

At my brother's words, I saw Gerard flinch a little "You didn't have to take it that far..." I frowned.

"Uhhhh. Bad time?" Mikey asked awkwardly "No. It's fine" My brother said coldly before walking out of my room, Stopping to thank the brothers before leaving.

I sighed and pulled my covers up to my nose, Willing the tears not to fall.... I heard someone whisper something and then felt my bed sink behind me... At this point, there was no stopping the tears.

I was quickly pulled into someone. I didn't bother looking though.... I just cried into whoever it was. Letting it all out.

"You're being pathetic"

I hear Gerard whisper from the hallway.... Fucking ouch. Guess that meant I'm with Mikey.

I let out an audible sob and He hugged me tighter "Listen, I gotta fucking go. How bout you stop acting like a twat then we can have a conversation again later." Gerard snapped loudly... Okay, then it wasn't directed towards me...

"Lindzy again?" I felt Mikey's chest rumble "When Is it not her" The red head snapped back before joining us on my bed "If I leave her here with you while I go make something are you gong to make her cry?" Mikey wondered. Gerard sighed "No..." His voice held sadness. A tone I don't think I've ever heard Gerard use before.

I felt my weight get shifted around and I was back to being curled up on my bed again. I cracked my eye open to see Gerard looking down at me. His expression grim.

"How about we open the curtain... Maybe a little bit of sun will make you feel better?" he smiled sadly, Standing up to draw my curtains open.

The sudden change in brightness caused me to squint as the light flowed in and illuminated my room. He smiled again... This time a real smile...

He sat back down on my bed, This time pulling me into his lap. He reached for my arm and without hesitation lifted my sleeve up.... He looked down at my newly mutilated arm and frowned "There's more..." He pointed out, his frown deepening. "So?" I whispered. The first words to leave my mouth since him and Mikey got here. He sighed. Shifting slightly so he could pull up his own sleeve "Like I said." He rested his forehead against mine "I have them too" I looked down at his arm and sure enough faded pink and white lines littered his forearms.

I ended up letting another sob escape my lips.

What he did next surprised me.

He leaned down and Kissed my forehead...

" You're just a sad song with nothin' to say, About a lifelong wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong, This never meant nothin to ya" Gerard sang softly.

I finally relaxed into him, Actually enjoying his company.

"I am really sorry... Jadie" He whispered quietly "I don't know why I was so horrible to you" He sighed, starting to cry himself "Please... Don't hurt yourself anymore..." He turned my head to look at him "I... I can't Promise anything" I almost sobbed "Try..." He whispered harshly.

I shook my head and wrapped my arms around him, now freely crying on his shoulder. He surprisingly hugged back with just as much strength.

"You give really good hugs" He laughed. Which caused me to let out a slight giggle "Thank you... You do too"

His phone started to ring, Which ruined the mood slightly. He held up a finger as he answered.

"Yo?" .... "Are you done being a bitch?" .... "Lindzy." His face hardened "Oh my fucking god. We're not discussing this over the phone." .... He rolled his eyes "No you can wait until Wednesday when I get back" "We could have talked about it yesterday if you didn't beat up that freak. You're honestly the biggest piece of worthless shit I've ever met. We're meeting up tomorrow whether you like it or not. Faggot" I heard, very clearly I might add, A bitchy girl scream from the other end, So loud that he had to hold the phone away. He angerly hung up.

"Sorry. That was my cunt of a girlfriend" He frowned "She shouldn't talk to you like that" I stated to which he shrugged "I'm used to it, She's right" His brows furrowed and I realized there was allot more to Gerard Way then his sassy attitude, good looks. And arrogant-ness.

Underneath the 'I don't give a fuck' attitude was a boy just as broken as myself.

"Okayyyyy, Three grilled cheeses" Mikey announced happily balancing three plates in his hands. My stomach churned... "Sweet, Thanks, Mike's" Gerard smiled taking a plate from his brother "I'm really not all that hungry..." I shrugged, Even though I was starving... I couldn't gain any more weight.

Gerard shot me a look "You're eating." Mikey said, suddenly irritated with me, Gerard kicked his leg at the sudden outburst "Ow, Gee what the fuck?! You're Just going to sit there and let her not eat!?" Mikey asked angerly, Gerard shot me a sympathetic look "She's had a rough day. I'm sure one day of eating won't hurt her..."

Yeah....
One day...
Right...

"At least half?" Gerard then asked to which I obliged. Taking small bites I felt the grease settling in the pit of my stomach. We made small talk and laughed a little. and before I knew it I had eaten the whole thing "Gerard help me take the plates down" Mikey whined.

As soon as they left I quickly made my way to my bathroom. Closing the door behind me...

The same words as before circled my mind. I looked in the body length mirror

"You're seriously eating that?" I mocked Gerard while staring in the mirror.
"I think your fat" I mocked again... "God save some for the other's" I then repeated the words my brother had spoken once before. I knew he was joking but in this moment it didn't matter.

I kneeled in front of the toilet and proceeded to stick my fingers down my throat.

I gagged a few times before anything actually came up.

But me being stupid. I never locked the door. And I didn't realize anyone walked in until my hair was being pulled away from my face and a hand was rubbing my back and their hand was gently pulling my own away from my mouth...

"I never meant to imply you were fat" Gerard's voice broke as he pulled me into his chest.

"You're really fucked up, Arent you?" He asked sadly pulling me into a tighter hug. I shifted so I could see the look in his eyes... But I couldn't read it... "Is that really a surprise to you?" I mumbled looking away again.

He sighed and turned me around to face him, Once he did that he then flushed the toilet and wiped my hand and mouth with a damp cloth...

"What are you do-" "Shut up!" he snapped tears in his beautiful eyes as he sat down in front of me again.

"Listen. To. Me. God damn it!" Why the fuck was he getting so emotional. I gave him a look as to say 'go on, im waiting'

"I was a complete ass wipe. A fuck tart. A huge cunt. Definition of pure shit. Nothing I said or did was right. And I understand if you hate me. Fuck. what ever you do, don't take it out on yourself. Fucking take it out on me! I deserve it way fucking more then you ever will." Gerard practically sobbed, It was weird to see him in such a vunrable state I didn't know what else to do, So I crawled the short distance towards him and pulled him into a hug "I'm sorry" I sniffled He wrapped him arms around me almost instantly "Don't you dare apologize. None of this is your fault" He gritted through is teeth... And for some reason, I wanted to trust him.

Notes

Okay, but why does this ssite run so slowly???Sorry if there is any spelling mistakes. It legit wont let me do dick all right now. I'll do corrections later when its not being a twat. Hope you enjoyed this chapter <3