I Hate You, I Love You

{i hate you, i love you i hate that i love you}

I didn't check my phone until I left work at five. I had an angry text from Gerard, saying that he told Mikey everything. My heart fell, I was half hoping that I would be the one to tell him. I was worried that Gerard painted me as the villain and that scared me. I didn't want to lose Mikey for good, I just needed time away, and I had wanted to explain that to him.

The whole way home, I awaited Mikey’s call. I told him to only call if Gerard didn't tell him what happened, but I was hoping that he would call anyways. It was 6:10 when I got home and still no call. I decided to call him myself, but it went right to voicemail. I sighed and started to make myself dinner.

Halfway through, my phone rang. I ran to answer it.

“Hello?” I asked, not even looking at the caller ID.

“You called?” Mikey’s voice sounded annoyed in my ear.

“Are you mad at me?” I asked quietly.

“Yes, but not for the reason you think,” he mumbled. “I’d like to come visit you, is this weekend okay?”

“Yes, of course, please come over, spend the night even!” I exclaimed.

“Okay, just text me your address and a good time and I will be there.” We talked for another minute before I remembered that I was cooking dinner and we said goodbye.

We decided that he would come up after I got off on Saturday and spend the night. I was happy that he was not mad at me, but I was worried what made him mad. Maybe it was the situation in general, but I really had no clue.

When Saturday finally came, I was really excited. I had my couch ready for him and my apartment was clean. It was going to be a good time. I was all smiles at work, especially because Todd was there. He was still flirting with me, but he knew when to back off. I wanted to like him, but I felt that it was best to not get involved at that moment.

When work was over, I bolted home and got there shortly before Mikey showed up. With Frank.

“Hi Frank!” I said, giving him a hug.

“Hey Cory, miss you,” he said and frowned shortly after. “Mikey told me what happened.”

They came in and we all sat in the living room in silence. I didn't know what to say. I was excited to see them, but there was so much tension that my stomach was starting to hurt.

“He has a girlfriend, Cory,” Mikey said softly. My heart broke. He had a girlfriend? I thought he wanted to focus on himself. I didn't realize that meant another girl.

“I... Who?”

“Jackie, from his work,” Frank responded. “Cory, I had a feeling something was going on between you two. We’ve known for years that you’ve liked Gerard, and we know that he likes you too. Mikey and I were talking about it on our way up here, we think that he freaked out and didn't know how to ask you out, thats why you guys only just slept together. You know how awkward he is-”

“But he is straightforward with things that he wants, and he obviously didn't want me, thats why he pushed me out of his life. It happened guys, thats why my here,” I gestured to my apartment.

“And that is why we are here,” Frank continued. “You need to come back. She is horrible and we don't like her.”

I shook my head and stood up. “He doesnt want to see me, he wants nothing to do with me.”

“Thats why you are just going to always be at our house,” Frank started but I shook my head again.

“I’m not interested. I’ve started over here and I am happy. Now come on, lets do something, I want to hang out with you, not dwell on sad things.”

“Cory, he’s right. You have to come back. It's horrible without you, it's horrible that you left without telling us. But we love you and miss you and we want you home, so please,” Mikey pleaded with his hands together.

“Look, I’m sorry that everything sucks right now, but give me some time to think about it, okay?” I asked and they both agreed.

We then agreed to watch movies and order pizza for dinner, and we stayed up late, just like old times. It was the most fun I had had in awhile, especially with Mikey and Frank. Before I left, everything got so tense and it was hard to hang out when we were all on different schedules. Maybe going back wouldnt be a bad idea, maybe I could have a chance with Gerard.

In the morning, after we had all woken up, I told them that I would move back. They were all ecstatic and happy, but this meant I had to quit my job, and find a new place to live. This wasn't going to be easy, and I knew that Hugh was going to be upset that I quit just weeks after this new job. I also knew that they would need a new manager at the shop.

We had only barely been open a week, but I wrote a note saying that I thought that Todd would be perfect for the job. Besides him flirting with me all of the time, he was actually good at his job, and he had been a manager at his previous job. I left the note in the office as well as my resignation letter and the keys to my apartment.

Luckily I didn't have a lot of possessions, before I had moved to Arlo, I had gotten rid of a lot of my things so it was quite easy to pack. Mikey and Frank helped and by the end of Sunday, I had all of my things in both of our cars. I had called my parents and asked if I could live with them while I looked for a job, and my mom was so happy that she hung up on me to start getting my room ready.

I had been back in my parents house for a week now. Hugh was furious with me, Todd was sad that I left without saying goodbye, my dad was mad that I hadnt found a new job yet, my mom was so happy to be living with her baby girl again, Mikey and Frank were antsy that I hadnt come over yet, and Gerard had no idea that I was back.

I was stressed and drinking my way through my mom’s liquor and wine cabinets. Everyone wanted so much from me. I had to go back to Arlo and sign a lease cancellation as well as pay them a month and a half of rent that Hugh refused to pay. I didn't have the nearly $900 they wanted, so my dad helped. Which meant I owed my dad money.

While I was in Arlo, I had lunch with Todd and I told him everything that was going on. He was upset but understood what I needed to do, and he wished me good luck and said if I needed anything to let him know.

Next on my list was to find a job. On my way home from Arlo, which was a three hour drive, I thought about places I could work. I ruled out anything at the mall because I didn't want to run into Hugh. He was so furious with me, I burned that bridge for sure.

When I got home, I was expecting to jump on my computer and start applying, but my dad had other plans. He had a stack of applications waiting for me to fill out and give back in the morning.

“I expect these to be filled out tonight, and if I have to go with you tomorrow I will,” he said in a stern voice.

“Dad, I was planning on applying for jobs tonight, on the computer. I’ll do this too, but I don't understand why you think I don't want a job,” I stated.

“Your mom and I wont be here forever, and you wont have us to fall back on-”

“But you are here now, and trust me, if I had somewhere else to go, I would,” I stormed to my room, I could hear my dad yelling at me. I grabbed my laptop, some clothes, walked back to the kitchen table, grabbed the stack of applications and started to walk out when my dad grabbed my arm.

“Where the hell do you think you are going?”

“I’m going to my friend’s house, someplace I havent been since I’ve been here. I am taking the applications, and I will fill them out,” I pulled my arm out of his grasp, “I’m not 15 anymore Dad, I am an adult-”

“But you are still living under my roof!” he yelled.

“Please believe me when I say that I don't want to be here anymore then you want me here,” I stormed out the front door.

When I got to Mikey’s house, I decieded to knock for two reasons; I hadnt been there in months and didn't want to just walk in, and also; I didn't say that I was going to be coming over. I heard footsteps and the door swung open and a girl answered the door.

“Sorry, we arent interested in whatever you are selling,” she must have been refering to me clutching my laptop with papers sticking out. She tried closing the door on me.

“I’m friends with Mikey and Frank. Are you Jackie?” I asked. Her eyes narrowed at me.

“Yes,” she said in a short breath. My heart broke and I held back tears. She was gorgeous. I heard more footsteps and a voice ask who was at the door. The voice belonged to Gerard, and sooner than I was expecting, I saw Gerard standing next to her. He looked shocked to see me, I was guessing Mikey didn't tell Gerard that I was back in town.

“I’m just here to hang out with Mikey and Frank,” I said in a small voice. He pulled Jackie out of the way of the door and allowed me to come in. I ran past to Mikey’s room and went in without knocking.

“Hey! What- Oh Cory, whats wrong?” Mikey was trying to cover up that he was in his boxers but I dropped my computer on his computer and grabbed him into a hug and started to cry.

Notes

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