I Hate You, I Love You

I was slouched up against the counter, watching people walk by my work. They would glance in, turn to their friend/partner and shake their head. CD’s were so outdated. There was some emo kid walking around and looking at things. I was scribbling on a notepad and watched the kid to make sure he didn't steal anything. He eventually left. Working at a mall sucked.
My boss called me into the back room. I protested because I was the only one out front, but went back there to see what he wanted. I turned and scanned the store before poking my head in the room.

“Corbin, I have some good news. We’re opening up a new store, and we want you to be the person in charge. You’ve worked here for a while now, and you are such a hard worker, I think that you deserve it,” my short and stout boss said. I was a tad shocked, I didn't know what to think, or say.

I snorted and started laughing. “Hugh, that is such a bad idea.”

“It's not going to be a music store. It's going to be an art store, with some miscellaneous items. I know how much you like art, Corbin. I’ve seen your drawings. We’ve teamed up with some local artists up in Arlo and we’re really excited. You’d be heading all of it, Corbin,” my boss said, standing up. I looked around the sales floor again, and no one was there.

“Can I have some time to think about it? Like, can I let you know tomorrow? Where is it going to be located? You mentioned Arlo..,” I said trailing off. Arlo was over an hour away.

“Yes it will be at the mall in Arlo. We would be willing to pay for your moving costs. It opens in a month, and we need you out there in two weeks.”

“Okay, I’ll let you know tomorrow,” I promised, and shut the door as I walked back to the front counter.

Maybe getting away wasn't such a bad thing. Gerard didn't want anything to do with me, and I hardly ever saw Mikey, Ray, and Frank. Mikey was really the only one that still came over, they had no idea why Gerard and I didn't talk anymore. Gerard and I hadn’t said anything about our relationship, or lack thereof. I didn't have family down here, or friends, and being the main boss at a store would be really cool. Maybe a change in scenery would be good.

At the end of my shift, after weighing my options, I went up to Hugh and told him that I would take the job. He was was ecstatic that I wanted the job and said that he would set everything up. I went home and collapsed on the couch. I held my phone in my hand, wondering if I should text or call Mikey and let him know. Although, it might just be a good idea to leave without letting them know. I decided to not tell him.

Instead I called Gerard. I didn't expect him to answer. But he did.

“Hello?” I just froze. Why did I call him? Why did he answer? It was an impulse call, but it was nice to hear his voice. “Corbin?”

“I-I... hi, I didn't expect you to answer,” I admitted. He was silent for a minute.

“Why did you call?” he asked softly. It wasn't hostile or mean.

“I don't know.”

“You don't know?” he laughed softly.

“Im moving,” I cut his laugh short, “I got offered a job in Arlo and I’m going to take it.”

“Well, congratulations. Look, I’m in the middle of something-”

“Then why did you answer? Gerard, I miss you,” I pleaded, trying not to cry. He was silent.
“Gerard?” I looked at my screen and saw that we were still in a call.

“I have to go, Corbin. Good luck with your new job,” he said, curtly, and hung up. I dropped my head into my hands and cried.

{i hate you i love you, i hate that i love you}

Hugh got me a nice, one bedroom apartment at a decent cost. The store opened in 2 days, and I was ready. I did everything that I could to not think about Gerard, I even went out to some bars and tried to make friends, but it wasn't going good. New town, new job, new life. That was my current motto. I lost my friends in Belleville, but Arlo was my future.

For now anyways. Before the opening day of the store, I met my whole crew. There were six of them, two guys and four girls. We did some team building exercises and showed them what to do around the store. During the team building exercises, I was partnered up with Todd for some of it. I could tell he was flirting with me, pickup lines and whatnot. After we were done with everything and were heading out he came up to me.

“Hey Corbin. You said you are new to Arlo, right?” he asked, smiling at me.

“Yeah,” I said, locking the store doors.

“Well, how would you like to come out tonight with some of my friends? Nothing too crazy, Im getting too old for heavy partying,” he was cute. Not the type of guy I typically went for, but maybe I needed to change my type.

“Um, okay. Where and when?” I asked and noticed his eyes light up.

“Out of Town Tavern at nine. It's a few blocks away from here,” he said, “I’ll see you there.”
We went our separate ways. I went home, and cried until eight. I cried for Gerard, I cried for my friends. I missed them and how life was two years ago. Five years ago even. Gerard and I messed up everything by sleeping together. But I was here to start a new life, a new me with new relationships.

I go to the bar at 9:15, I was scared to be there early or on time, and being late made me feel better about this being a ruse. I got in and it was an older crowd, and it wasn't too loud either.
“Corbin!” I heard Todd call from the left. He was seated at a booth with two guys and two girls.
Was this a triple date with an employee?

“Hi, Todd,” I said when I got to the table. He stood up and let me slide in.

“I’m going to go up to the bar and get drinks, what would you like?” he asked.

“Oh um, I guess I’ll take a strawberry margarita,” I said, setting my bag down next to me.

“You got it,” he winked at me and walked away. I looked up at the people at the table and gave a small smile. The guy across from me put his hand out and I shook it as he spoke.

“I’m Breen, this is my girlfriend, Willow,” he gestured to the girl next to him, “That’s Phil and Velma, our friends,” he pointed to the guy and girl next to me. So not a triple date.

“I’m Corbin, but you can call me Cory,” I said, giving another smile.

“Todd said you’re new to Arlo. New to Jersey too?” Velma asked.

“No, I’m from Belleville. Just needed a change in scenery,” I admitted. Todd came back with a beer and my margarita. He sat next to me on my left, and Velma was on my right. The guys were in their late 20s, whereas Velma, Willow, and I weren't even over 25. They were all really nice though and I enjoyed the night with them. We called it a night at midnight and everyone went their separate ways.

Todd and I hung back before splitting though.

“I had fun tonight, thank you for inviting me,” I started, “I had a really good time.”

“I’m glad you did. Can I tell you something Corbin?” he asked and I nodded before he continued, “I think that you are very beautiful and funny, and sweet. I would love to take you out for a date, if that is okay with you. I know you are my boss, but how strict are mom and pop shops like this?” he chuckled. I bit my lip, my thoughts shooting back to Gerard for the first time that night.

“I appreciate it Todd, because I think that you are a fun person, but I am not emotionally ready to be in a relationship yet.”

“Okay, that’s fine. What about friends with benefits?” he asked, cocking his head to the side.

“No, I’m not interested in something like that,” I stressed. “I really just need friends, and if something happens, then that’d be cool.”

“I understand. Well, I work tomorrow morning, so I’ll see you then,” he smiled, kissed my cheek and walked to his car. I got in mine and waited a moment before starting it.

{i want to but i cant put, nobody else above you}

Mikey called me in the morning, as I was getting ready for work. I had one leg in my pants and was jumping up and down, trying to get the other one in without falling over. I didn't even get to say anything before he started yelling.

“Cory what the hell? You just move to Arlo without telling any of us? Wait, my bad, you told Gerard? You two don't even talk,” he hollered into my ear.

“Mikey, now isn’t a good time, I’m getting ready for work,” I stressed, getting my pants up.

“Do you just not care about us anymore?” Mikey jeered, he sounded really hurt.

“I do care Mikey, it's just really hard to explain when you don't know what happened.”

“Well, what happened?” he asked.

“Ask Gerard,” I sighed, “ I really don't have time for this. Ask Gerard, and if he doesnt tell you call me tonight around six and we will talk.”

“Fine,” he said and hung up.

Notes