I'll let you go

Chapter 4
Frank’s p.o.v

I stumble up the door steps, Gerard in front of me, holding my hand. He unlocks the door, leading me inside his house. I trip a little, making him put his arm around my waist. I giggle, leaning in close to him.“You’re so pretty Gee,” I breathe. He smiles at me, helping me to the bedroom. “Gee, I don’t wanna sleep.” I state, tugging on his arm.
“What do you wanna do Frankie?” He sighs, still pulling me into the room with him. I oblige, surprising him when we got in there by pushing him down on the bed drunkenly.
“You.” I say simply, climbing on top of him. I attach my lips to his neck, making him moan.
“Frank,” He says pushing me off him lightly. “You're drunk. Sleep.” He demands. I pout, but lay down.
“Only if you sleep with me.” I slur, tugging him down. He sighs and nods, pulling his jeans off. I do the same, giggling when I find it’s harder then I thought. I finally get them off, getting under the covers with Gee. He wraps his arms around me and I snuggle into him, facing him so we could be closer.
“I fucking missed you, I need you Geegee.” I slur, yawning and putting my hand into the crook of his neck.
“Shush, go to sleep love.” He says, pushing some hair from my face.
I shut my eyes and let the darkness take over…..
*
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*
I wake up, alone, in a cold bed. Gerards gone and my jeans are folded nicely on the chair. I sit up, clutching my head as it pounds. I hear a door creak and look up to see Gerard in the doorway.
“Hi….” He says quietly, looking intently at my face.
“Hello…” I say quietly.
“Need some aspirin?” He asks, tilting his head. I nod eagerly.
“Please.” I say desperately.
“Course. You were slamming it pretty hard last night.” He says, walking from the room.
“Wonder why…” I sarcastically said to myself. He comes back a second letter with two white tablets and a glass of water. I thank him quietly as I take it, quickly putting the tablets in my mouth and taking a gulp of water. I hold my head a second longer until Gerard clears his throat.
“I...I think you should go.” He says quietly. I feel myself stop breathing and my eyes water slightly.
“Right…” I said, getting up quickly and grab my pants. I shake slightly, so I stumble when I put them on. I grab my shoes not bothering to put them on.
“Frank...what did you expect?” He asks, a desperate look on his beautiful face. I look at him, the pain evident on my face.
“Gerard, fucking god dammit, I don’t expect a thing from you. I didn’t expect that kiss, or for you to take me home, or for you to let me sleep in your bed, where he’s probably slept. I didn’t expect a fucking thing.” I say, my eyes getting more blurry. I walk from the room quickly, shoes in hand. I freeze when I reach the living room, finding Ray. Mikey, and Bob out there.
Mikey notices me first, raising his eyebrows. Before any of them can speak, tears spill down my cheeks and Gerard comes rushing out of the room, his face angry.
“Frank you left me! You left me, I didn’t make you leave!” He yells, his face livid.
I shake my head, putting my hands over my ears. I swear the fucking pictures on the wall are talking, because I can fucking hear them in my head. Gerard continues yelling, as I sink to my knees, my hands clap on my ears.
“Shut up! Shut up! Stop, fucking stop!” I yell, rocking back and forth on my knees. He yells louder, making me snap. Suddenly I snap, taking my hands from my ears and looking up at him.
“I fucking know Gerard! I’m a fuck up! I hurt every one around me, including myself! I don’t fucking understand it either y’know?! Every one I get close to, I fuck up! My dad couldn’t stand me, so he fucking beat me! My mother took off, then she fucking died three months after I fuckin met her! I’m gonna fuck Cherry up, y’know, cause I can’t fucking do anything! I’m a fuck up, Gerard, I get it! And I’m so fucking sorry I stepped into your life! I’m so fucking sorry!” I yell, more tears spilling down my cheeks. I scream again, clutching my chest as I feel a rush of pain. Not physical pain through, emotional pain. My chest is heaving as I’m doubled over. I try to calm my breathing, managing to at least do that. I look up slowly, to find Gerard staring at me, his face a mix of guilt and...something else I couldn’t place. Mikey stared at me in horror, and that was all I could take. Without another word I spring up, walking fastly from the room.
I walk down the street, looking to see what road this was and how far away my house would be. I couldn’t really tell where I was, so I just walked around, hoping I’d stumble upon my street soon. My shoes were still in hand, so my feet got sore quickly, but I ignored it.
I walk around for about fifth teen minutes until a car pulls up next to me.
“Get in the car Frank.” A monotone voice says. I sigh, stopping and looking straight ahead.
“Please.” The voice says, a little softer.
I sigh, walking around to the other side. I look in the back seat, finding Mikey looking sympathetically at me.
Gerard begins to drive again, before pulling up to my house. I look over at him, surprised to see his face is red, turning slightly purple, in the shape of a hand print.
“What happened to your cheek?” I ask quietly.
“I slapped him.” Mikey says bluntly. I looked at him in shock, then back at gerard who nods.
“You didn’t have to do that.” I say, looking at Mikey again.
“Yes I did.” Mikey says, looking at me.
“Why?” I ask quizzically, raising an eyebrow.
“For being his ass. For pushing everyone expect for that twat away, and for doing that to you. He fucking deserved it.” I don’t say anything back, just stare for a minute.
“Okay.” I say, my voice quiet again. “Thank you for picking me up.” I get out of the car, slamming the door and walking up to my porch. The car stays as I walk inside, finding Cherry and Andy on the couch.
“Hi! Thank you so much for watching her Andy! I’m so, so sorry I didn’t come back last night.” I say, pulling myself together and putting on a fake smile.
“No problem man. Cherry is a great kid.” Andy says, smiling at her.
“Yeah, she is.” I say, smiling at her too. She beams at us, turning back to her cartoon.
“How much do I owe you?” I ask, taking out my wallet. He shakes his head, smiling.
“Nothing. I loved hanging out with Cherry.” He says, smiling fondly at her.
“Are you sure?” I ask, raising my eyebrows.
“Positive man. I do have to get going though, because I have work.” He says getting up, stretching.
“Okay. Again, thank you so very much for watching her. It’s greatly appreciated.” I said, smiling warmly at him.
“Course dude. Any time you need a babysitter, I’ve got you. Catch ya later.” He says, patting my shoulder and opening the door.
“Bye Cherry! I loved hanging out with you!” Andy calls over his shoulder.
“Bye bye!” She says, waving with a bright smile. He smiles and leaves, shutting the door tightly behind him.
“How was last night and this morning? You like Andy?” I ask Cherry, sitting next to her. She nods, grinning a little.
“He’s my favorite! Except for you.” She answers, smiling at me. I smile back, wrapping my arms around her.
“Good. I’m glad baby girl.” I say, unwrapping my arms from around her. She doesn’t move though, just keeps holding on to me. I once again wrap my arms loosely around her and she hugs me tightly.
“Love you dad.” She says quietly.
“Love you too, daughter.” I responded, kissing her head lightly.
*
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I spend the rest of the day unpacking and cooking unnecessary things, just to keep my mind from Gerard. By 7 pm everything is unpacked and I’ve run out of things to cook. The fridge doesn’t have a lot in it, and we need cereal, so I decide we need to go to the grocery store. I load Cherry up in the car and make my way over to vons, making sure to grab my bags that I bought because of that new stupid fucking law that says you need to pay ten cents for a fucking plastic bag.
I take Cherry into the store, putting her in the basket. I wandered around for a minute, looking at junk food and things we don’t really need. Then I move on to the meats (Even though I’m a vegetarian, Cherry’s not) and grab sandwich meat. I grab some other things too, just grabbing what I think I need. I’m halfway to the dairy aisle when I see the one person who I hate seeing more than Gerard.
My fucking dad.
He’s seen me too, because he stops for a minute, getting this guilty sad look on his face before making his way over to me. I panic a little, especially since Cherry is with me.
He stops in front of me, giving me this sad smile.
“Hi Frank.” He says, looking at me from top to bottom than at Cherry.
“Hello, Donald.” I say, keeping my voice polite. The use of his first name makes him wince, but he doesn’t mention it.
“You look good. This your kid?” He asks, smiling down at her. She smiles back at him, but soon gets distracted by other people in the store.
“Thanks, you look good too. And no, she’s not mine. She’s Linda’s, but she might as well be mine.” I answer him. He gets this look on his face, hurt maybe? Regret? I can’t tell.
“Oh. Why doesn’t Linda have her then?” He asks me. Wow. Guess he doesn’t know.
“You don’t...know?” i ask quietly. He looks at me with worry.
“Know? Know what?” He asks, exist in his voice.
“Linda’s….she’s no longer has a presence on this earth.” I say. Wow good way to sound like a fucking idiot Frank.
He takes a step back, a horrified expression on his face.
“Oh,” He breaths out. “Wow.”
“Yeah… it happened almost four years ago.” I say, my lips etched into a frown.
“Wow….” He says, trailing off. “It was nice seeing you Frank. I’ve gotta get going.
“You too Da- Donald.” I responded, smiling and continuing. I almost called him fucking dad. I wonder if he noticed.
This place is a fucking curse.
*
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I've always held my doubts so close to my heart
That these frames have trapped all my better days
There they stay frozen and unscathed
Though I've traveled far
I've been back to the start
And I found some scars in places I have never shown to anyone
I don't know why it took so long to get back home

Notes

Intense chapter.
Who else gets the name of the chapter? *cough social repose cough*
xoxMay <3