I'll let you go

Chapter 3
Mikey’s p.o.v

Frank was a fucking mess. Not his physical appearance, of course, but mentally? He was fucking ruined. His body language and his sad eyes gave it away, showing his self hatred. He looked as if he was trying to empty himself, trying to shelter the pain away.
The pain has affected Gee and Frank differently.
Gerard’s a stick of TNT lit up to this day, his anger so vivid and accessible, ready to blow at the first chance he’s given.
Now Frank? It was easy to tell he hated himself. I don’t know how he coped, but I’m sure it wasn’t a healthy way.
For awhile after Frank left Gerard abused drugs heavily, eventually stopping because he had begun to develop voices in his head. So he stopped, unwillingly, after a year.
Then he was just really sad for a long time, never eating, barely ever sleeping, never moving. Then he met Gabe.
Gabe was a huge fucking dick, but Gee saw him differently. When Gerard was with him it was like that hole that Frank had punched through him was almost healed. Almost. He had these weird nightmares, he still has them actually. He wakes sobbing Franks name, but the dream wasn’t a bad one… He once told me that every time he has it, it’s the same thing. He and Frank are lying in bed, laughing and talking, but there’s no sound.
I guess he wakes sobbing because it’s not real, no matter how badly he wanted it to be.
That’s how I knew he still loved Frank.
Even Gabe can’t heal him, Gerard just needs Frank. I doubt he’s admit it though, just wallow in anger and self pity. He was scared to be hurt again, and it affected us more then him.
He barely opened up to me anymore. It hurt alot, knowing he was scared to talk to me, knowing he was okay with not talking to me.
He only talked to fuking Gabe and I knew they would end badly. I knew from day one.
Of course, I never said anything because Gerard would most likely tell me to fuck off.
I was sitting at mine and Gerard’s house with Bob and Ray as we discussed what had happened.
“Y’know, i really don’t blame Frank for leaving. He thought he was helping. He would never, ever purposely hurt Gerard.” Bob stated, his face thoughtful. I nodded along with him.
“I agree but, Frank should’ve been smart enough to know Gerard would help him with Cherry. He fucking loved Cherry and he was in love with him. Hw would’ve fucking killed for them.” Ray responded.
“You can’t save someone from their own mind, babe. He just thinks very sadly, with too much self hatred.” I told Ray. He seemed to process this a moment, then nodded slightly, as if to say he gets what I’m saying, yet doesn’t agree.
“He still wears the necklace.” Bob says, looking at the ground.
“The necklace? What necklace?” Ray asks, dumbfounded.
“The one that connects to Gerards.” Bob responds, looking sadly at the door.
“Gerard does too, sometimes. He takes it off when he goes out with Gabe.” I say, sighing. That’s how I knew he didn’t love Gabe. Gabe barely knew anything about Frank.
“We should call him. Invite him out, he looks like he needs it.” Bob said, pulling out his phone.
“What about Cherry? He can’t just leave her.” Ray said. Bob's face screwed up with disappointment, than joy.
“Andy could baby sit. He loves kids!” Bob says happily. He dials someone's number, putting the phone to his ear. They pick up on the second ring.
“Hey Andy!” He says happily. I tune out after that, turning to Ray.
“So are you mad at him?” I ask Ray, my face serious.
“Who? Frank?” Ray responds, his face confused.
“Yeah. Do you blame him for leaving?” I ask, looking him straight in the eyes.
“No, of course not. I just think the whole thing could have been avoided easily.” Ray says. Suddenly I feel a need for affection so I smile at him and climb into his lap.
“I love you.” I tell him, a smile on my face.
“I love you too, baby.” He answered, grinning back at me. I kiss his lips softly, enjoying the warm fuzzy feeling it gives me. I kiss him for a long time, as his hands travel up and down my body. Finally I pull away, grinning widely at him. I hear Bob greet Frank over the phone, but ignore him and focus on Ray.
“You're so fucking beautiful Mikey. I’m so lucky.” He breathes, holding me tightly. I shake my head, laying it on his chest.
“I’m the lucky one.” I answer, my voice slightly muffled.
“Alright guys. C’mon! Were going to pick up Andy and drop him off at Frank’s and take Frank to a bar!” Bob says gleefully, jumping up from the couch. I chickle, getting off Ray and helping him up.
“Are you guys ready to go now?” Bob asks. I look down at myself. I guess I look okay enough to go to a bar.
“Erm, yeah.” I say, walking to the door and slipping my shoes on. Bob grabs the keys to his truck and slips his shoes on along with Ray.
We walk to the truck, me and Bob in the front and Ray in the back. I turn the radio on, listening as the misfits flow through the speakers. It was about 9 pm, so it was relatively dark.
We drive for a few minutes until we reach Andy’s, where he’s waiting outside with a smile on his face. He walks around the truck, getting in.
“Hey guys.” He greets us.
“Hey Andy. Ready to babysit?” I ask him, a smile on my face.
“Hell yeah! I love kids. I hope to have a couple some day.” He says, his smile still in place. I smile and look at the window, watching as the houses go by.
Pretty soon we stop in front of a two story house that’s huge. It’s a light blue color with green trees out in the front, surrounded by a fence.
“How did you know where he lives?” Ray asks Bob.
“He sent me directions. Duh.” Bob responds, getting out of the car. We follow, entering the gate. Our feet scrape on the pavel, but that’s the only sound. Then there’s a huge crash and a yell, coming from the house.
Bob steps onto the porch, knocking in the door.
“Ugh, one second please! Cherry, please step away from the glass.” I hear from the inside. I stifle a giggle.
Frank answers the door, looking rather stressed.
“Hey guys, c’mon in.” He says, opening the door. We step inside, greeted with the sight of a broken vase and Cherry sitting on a chair with a pout.
“Sorry about the mess, Cherry got a little rambunctious. You guys can sit if you want.” Frank says apologetically. We take a seat on the couch, squeezing a little. Frank gets a broom and sweeps up the glass, scolding Cherry. He finally finishes, taking Cherry’s hand and leading her to the living room.
“Alright, so you guys haven’t been introduced probably, so this is Cherry.” He says, smiling down at her with loving eyes. She steps forward, holding her hand out to Ray.
“Nice to meet you. What’s your name?” She says, her voice very child like. Her manners surprise me, and Frank too, apparently. He looks at her with pride and a loving gaze.
“I’m Ray. I used to know you when you were a little baby.” He says, smiling kindly at her. She grins and moves onto me.
“Hello. You look like Gee.” She says, smiling widely at me. I look at her with surprise. For a minute I forgot Frank had told her so much about Gerard.
“Yeah, I’m his brother. Mikey.” I say smiling at her.
“Oh, yeah! Frankie tells me stories about you and Gee, and he says you used to be his bestest friend! He said he missed you and it hurted him lots.” Cherry says, smiling at me. Her grammar was really cute, but her words caught me off guard. I didn’t think Frank would ever tell Cherry those things.
Frank blushes a little, looking down at his feet as Cherry moves over to Bob and Andy, but I’m not paying attention. My gaze is on Frank as he looks grudgingly at his feet. I stand up hesitantly, walking over to him. He doesn’t look at me, but I wrap my arms around him anyway. He lets out a noise of surprise, yet hugs me back tightly.
“We missed you too, Frank. A lot.” I say, holding him a little tighter. I pull away, looking at his face happily.
“I’m so glad you're back.” I say, patting his shoulder. He nods, smiling a little.
“Me too.” He says, looking at me.
“You guys ready to go?” Bob asks, smiling at us. Frank shifts nervously.
“Yeah, just let em get a jacket.” He says, turning from the room. He returns a second later with a leather jacket on and doc martins.
“Alright, let’s go...take care of my kid, okay Andy?” Frank says intimidatingly. Andy chuckles and nods, picking Cherry up and talking to her. Bob opens the door and we walk out after him.
“You called her your kid.” I say quietly to Frank. He nods, unfazed.
“She might as well as be my daughter. Sometimes she calls me dad, it just seems right, y’know?” He responds, his face serious. I nod, smiling at her.
“Your really good with her.” I say. He smiles thankfully at me as we get into the car. Me and Ray sit in the back this time.
We drive in a comfortable silence, each of us consumed by our thoughts.
“Frank?” Bob says suddenly, snapping us out of our thoughts. Frank looks at him expectantly.
“I think you're gonna be apart of the band. Just saying. We haven’t actually talked about it yet, but your too good to pass up.” Bob says, a smile on his kind face.
“Thanks Bob.” Frank answers quietly. He sounded conflicted.
We hadn’t actually talked about Frank joining the band after he left because Gerard took off. I’m pretty sure he was crying, but he called Gabe to come and get him.
We drive for about twenty minutes before pulling up to a club called ‘adrenaline junky’.
“The fuck is up with the name? It’s not like we’re going skydiving.” Frank asks, laughing at the name.
“Oh, you’ll see.” Tay responds, a knowing grin on his face. We go into the club and I can practically feel Frank mouth drop.
The bar was fucking nuts, the counter had lights that shone through the counter top. The ceiling reminded me of a circus with reunion sort of things hanging down from, it yet it looked bad ass. Surprisingly the dance floor was the most normal looking thing, yet it was crowded with too many people.
The place over all was bad ass, even if it was a little too colorful. We head to the bar, each of us taking a stool.
“Round of vodka shots?” I ask the guys. Frank and Bob nod and Ray gives a thumbs up.
“Hey, can I get a round of vodka?” I ask the bartender. She nods winking out me playfully. Gross. She comes back a second later, setting several drinks in front of us. There’s ten in all, and four of us, so I give each of us two and give Bob and Frank the extra shots.
I look around the room, before spotting fucking Gabe. Then Gerard. I hold a gasp in and clutch Ray arm really hard. He looks over at me like I’m crazy before I point ver to Gee and Gabe. His eyes widen before he looks back at me. Gerard and Gabe start dancing, grinding together, making me want to fucking vomit.
“Dude, we can’t let Frank see.” I whisper to him.
“Too late.” He responds. I look over at Frank to see him with a broken expression on his face, staring right at Gerard. Before I say anything he turns back around in his seat, facing the bartender.
“How much for a full bottle of vodka?” He asks urgently, his face a mix of pain and desperation.
“Uh, like 25 bucks.” She responds quickly, handing him the bottle without any further question. He takes a huge gulp out of it, wincing at the burn.
“Fuck, fuckity, fuck.” I say, annoyed with the situation.
“I’m going to dance.” Frank says suddenly, getting up from his chair. He takes another gulp of vodka as he walks away.
“C’mon, we need to keep an eye on him.” I say, getting up. He smiles and nods, letting me lead him to the dance floor. We keep a safe distance from Frank so he doesn’t see us. He begins to grind with a fairly attractive guy.
I begin to dance with Ray, keeping a close eye on Frank. Over time he drinks the whole bottle of vodka, his dancing becoming disoriented. He begins to kiss the guy he’s grinding against, very roughly and fastly. He pulls away suddenly, tugging on the guy's arm. I follow them back to the bar, keeping a couple feet distance. He asks for more vodka, paying for it and tugging the guy a little distance away. Then, before I notice any things wrong I hear a gasp. I look over to see Gerard staring at Frank as Gabe kisses his neck fiercely.
I could tell Gerard was sober, he wasn’t at all disoriented and he had been sober for two and a half years now.
Frank seems to hear it too, because he stops grinding with the guy and faces Gerard. I can’t read his expression. He looks guilty, yet smug I guess.
Then Gabe, moves to Gerards lips, but Gerard isn’t kissing back. He’s staring straight at Frank, a worried and sad expression on his face.
Frank winces, looking away as tears come to his eyes. Frank pushes the guy away, getting up and walking away. My eyes follow him as he walks out of the club.
Then Gee’s eyes find mine and the only way I can describe his expression was guilty. He stares at me before pushing Gabe roughly off of him and following Frank.
I curse, debating on following them or not. In the end I decide it’s best I go, especially if Frank's fucking piss drunk.
I tug Ray with me, quickly walking to the door. I find Frank sobbing as he leans on the wall, Gerard standing a few feet away. I don’t think anything’s been said yet.
“I’m sorry….oh, I fuck it all up….” Frank sobs drunkenly, sliding down the wall. He covers his head with his hands, pulling his knees up to his chest. Gerard slowly walks to him, dropping to his knees in front of him.
“I’m sorry Gerard….I should’ve come back, I’m sorry for being in your life.” Frank cries, holding his knees to his chest. I expect Gerard to lash out, but he surprises me.
He takes Frank into his arms, holding him tightly to his chest. Franks legs wrap around Gerards waist and he buries his head in his chest. Gerard pushes him, whispering things in his ear, rubbing his back lightly. Frank lifts his head, looking into Gerards eyes as tears spill down his face.
Then, something I hadn’t expected to happen for a long time, fucking happens. Gerard and Frank kiss.
The kiss fully instantiated by Gerard.
*
*
*
Though we barely survived,
I never felt more alive.
I feel ashamed of where I’ve been…
Oh to be a motherless child, beat still my heart.
Your weaknesses they vacation in my dreams
And when I’m not sure if you’ll haunt me in my sleep…
I’ll know you’re there
Coursing through my veins.

Notes

Pshhhshshhhhshsh.
You guys are so great.
xoxMay <3