Spin Spin Sugar

There wasn't anything elegant about our hotel room, oh no. I felt like we'd just stepped inside an old Sears catalogue from 1989.

The carpet that covered the floor was a blemish blue and an ugly tapestry adorned the pink walls. Some sort of beach landscape just above the bed. It was ridiculously kitsch, like wow, seriously. The room was small, too, about 183 square feet. But thankfully, in the back, a small door led to a balcony.

I just dropped my bags on the floor and violently threw myself on the bed. The sheets were made out of satin. It felt so nice. The place could've been covered in dirt, I didn't care, as long as there was a damn bed.

"What kind of place is this? Jesus." Suko exclaimed, meticulously scanning the room with a baffled look on her face.

"Ha come on, don't you like it? Feels like we're on the set of a low budget porno." I replied, caressing the silky bedding as I laid on my back. She chuckled and went to sit beside me.

"Guess we just need our actors then." She joked, winking subtly. "What d'you think about Bob?"

I snorted. "Nah, he's sweet but not my type, a bit too awkward. I feel like I would hear his thoughts while he'd try to undo my bra."

She blocked a laugh. "Okay...then, what about Mikey?"

"Hmm, too shy, too cute. Younger brother vibe." I replied. "Total turn off."

She giggled. "Mkay, Frank?" She then tease, tickling my bare skin that showed off, just above my waistband.

"Hmmm." I wondered for a while. Don't mistaken me, Frank was hot, yeah, definitely really really hot. But I knew Suko had a soft spot for him. "I guess so, yes. But I think someone already picked him..." I stared at her, hoping she'd get the message.

"Tsss, shut up." She blushed and tickled me harder, making me scream and laugh at the same time.

Listen, I really hate being tickled, it's the worst, literally laughing while wanting to die. What a rough and barbaric mix.

"DAMMIT SUKO STOP IT!" I cried out, catching my breath as she finally stopped the torture.

"Ugh, don't do that again."

She smirked. "Okay, so.... what about Gerard then?"

I bet she waited to ask for this one.

Argh. But what about him? Well, fuck. I definitely had a thing for him, but it was all messed up because I hated myself for it. I tried so hard to distance myself from my emotions, wanting to believe this was, and would only ever be, some sort of physical attraction.

And it kind of worked, you know, fooling myself...

I was good at it, for a while.

Anyway, now, I was the one blushing hard. My cheeks were flustered. "Pff. He's okay." I lied. See? Again with the lies. Those horrible lies I couldn't own up. She didn't believe me, obviously, I could see it in her face.

"He's okay? Mia, come on, don't play games with me."

"I-I mean, he's a cool guy but..." I frowned, avoiding her eyes.

"But what?"

"Argh, I don't know Suko. Just talking about him makes me all weird inside." You could hear the discomfort in my voice.

"Hmm, that doesn't seem like okay to me. More like, oh my god baby make a porno movie with me."

"ARGH SHUT UP!" I laughed out, and she did the same, mocking me as she tried to block my playful kicks.

"Anyway, I need a shower. I feel gross." Suko murmured as she stood on her feet.

I nodded and watched her as she grabbed her stuff before entering the bathroom. I just stayed on the bed, wondering deeply about tonight's show. I really hope I'd get a chance to interview one of them.

Oh but this time, if someone was to hand me a magic pill, I swear to god, I'd shove it up their ass.

*

-6pm-

A shower had never been more orgasmic.

It literally felt like I had 100 layers of filth stacked on top of my skin. I scrubbed every cracks of my body until feeling fresh and new again.

Me and Suko walked down the corridor to meet the boys downstairs. I had all of my items ready; my tape recorder, my notebook, my phone, my pencils and a couple of aspirins, you know, for luck. I wore a pair of denim shorts with my jacket and a white tank top. Oh, and of course, my VIP pass was around my neck.

I was ready to attack.

"Should we take the van again?" I asked Suko.

"Maybe, but I'd rather get in the bus, kinda need a break from the wheel."

"Yeah, and that'd be a good time to sneak my questions in..." I said just as we entered the elevator.

When we arrived in the hallway, the 5 boys chit-chatted close to the door, hiding behind a large pillar. I wondered what they were doing, it seemed fishy. They looked startled, all of them.

But that's when I saw people outside, a lot of people, way too many people. They were probably 50 of them, or more, all bagging at the door, at the windows.

Then one word came to my lips-

Fans.

Oh god.

The fans had found us! How? That I didn't know. But now, security guards blocked every entrances.

"What's going on?" I claimed loudly as I approached them, Suko followed me behind.

"Seems like someone from the staff opened their mouths." Frank replied, and damn, he was salty. "Now it's only a matter of time for the press to arrive." He sighed. "We need to get to the bus but we don't know how."

Gerard was pressed against the pillar, holding a dried cigarette in hand. He looked thoughtful, bitting his lower lip. "We'll have to run through the heap, there's no option left." He blankly stated, staring at nothing. Alicia was there too, her head rested on his shoulder.

"Are you crazy, Gerard? Those fans will rip our clothes off. Especially you!" Bob replied.

"Not if we're quick enough." He shot, suddenly looking at me- I snapped away.

"Gerard's right, there's no option left." Frank added. "I'll ask George to drive the bus near the second door, then we run, we fucking run."

The fans knocked on the windows now, louder. They were all screaming. I was scared, they looked and sounded pretty crazy.

"How does that sound for you girls?" Gerard asked me and Suko.

"Whatever you guys do, I'm in." Suko told him.

"Same for me."

Frank called their driver George and in a short minute, the bus was beside the other entrance; the one to our left. We all walked towards it, quickly, seeing the hysteric teenagers following us along the windows.

"Okay, whatever happens, I was glad to know all of you." Frank declared, obviously joking just as he was about to open the doors.

"UGH JUST GO FRANK!" Gerard yelled.

And then, he finally pushed the doors, and man, we fucking ran. All of us, dauntlessly, like our lives depended on it. Oh but the fans were too quick and hungry, they reached our sides in a split of a second. I saw them grabbing Gerard and Ray and Frank and Mikey, and oh god- all of them! But the boys were still running, I was behind them, the rate of my heart accelerated, it choked me, fuck- it choked me. Gerard's jacket was almost ripped off now, barely hanging on one side. Then I saw a girl hopping on Frank's back, he tried to push her away but Mikey caught her just in time and put her aside.

Look, we didn't want to hurt them, but the problem is that they were very violent.

"GERARD PLEASE! SIGN MY STOMACH! GERARD!"

"JUST A PICTURE PLEASE!"

"FRANK OMG! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH OMG PLEASE! BOB! PLEASE!"

"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S THEM OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!"

"RAY I LOVE YOU! OH I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH!"

"MIKEY, MIKEY PLEASE! GERARD!"

Dude, now I get why rockstars wear sunglasses and shady hats. I had never experienced anything like it before. Hopefully the fans didn't care about me, but they still tried to push me around, they knew I was with them, probably jealous or something. They were crying and shouting and begging and pleading. It was so intense. But we still all managed to make it safely to the bus. I was the last to enter, out of breath as I climbed the stairs. Then once at the top, I made my way to the sofa and sat beside a very exhausted Frank.

He turned around to look at me, eyes barely opened. "Welcome to my life, Mia." He smiled lazily.

"That was mad." I panted still.

"Yeah, gets worse sometimes."

I rolled my eyes "Don't tell me about it."

Mikey was there too and he looked pretty traumatized, poor baby. All while Suko talked to Gerard and Alicia in the kitchen, they were grabbing beers.

Argh.

And there it was again, the intoxication; good ol' joy from the life on the road! I really thought we'd have a break but it seems like I was wrong.

Devil boy sauntered towards us and threw beers on us.

"Fuck! Gerard! What the fuck?" Frank hissed when the frozen block landed on him. I gasped too, totally caught off guard.

But Gerard smirked. "What? We need to celebrate-" He barked. "I'm not playing sober tonight."

Mikey sighed. "Don't you think you should go easy on it, for once?" He seemed worried.

"Nah. Easy's for fucking pussies." He bragged before taking a huge sip. I watched him intensely, and man, he was wild. He suddenly glanced at me. "Mia Lechowski, you're not drinking?" He noticed my can on the table - untouched.

Ugh. Why did he always called me by my whole name? It felt like my boss, talking to me. I hated it. My arms were crossed and trust me, no substances would enter my body tonight.

"No, yesterday was enough." I said. "I guess you'll have more to drink, then."

"Ts- fine then." Gerard rolled his eyes and turned around. He just walked to the bed bunks in the back. Alicia was already there, whining, waiting for him.

Man, I really hoped this bitch wouldn't be touring with us the whole time.

Anyway, the bus was heading to the Marcus Amphitheatre. It was an outdoor stage located near the water. A large viaduct was constructed behind it, giving access to the highway.

But for now, I had to start my interviews and Frank was the first I picked. Since we kind of bounded yesterday, I figured, it would be easy to approach him.

"So, tell me Frank." I said, mouth pressed against my microphone, I held my notebook and faced him. "What are the first words that come to your mind when I say- Warped Tour?"

He wondered for a second. "Hmmm, I'd say, electricity, hysteria and... passion."

"And why is that?"

"Well, because there's something special about every show. You see these kids, waiting in line for hours and ready to sing their guts out, there's so many people from so many places, all gathering at the same stage, it's insane. It's hard to describe, Warped is something you feel, and once you get a taste of it, it never leaves your skin."

"Probably because music is something you cannot touch, it has to be felt, it travels through the body and gets trapped inside. Tell me, is music planted in your skin, Frank?" I pressed the recorder in front of his face, eyeing him seriously.

"Wow." He smiled at my professional manners, totally impressed. "Hum, yeah, absolutely. Can't even remember a time when I didn't listen or play music. I could be poor and lonely, I'd still be playing on the streets. The only thing that matters to me is my fucking guit. She's the reason I'm here. The rest is just distraction."

"I see." I nodded and scribbled down some notes. "Is attention and fame something that scares you?"

"Uh, no. Well, it's something I'm still trying to adjust to. Dealing with people shouting your name and wanting to grab your clothes is not the kind of thing you learn in school." He chuckled. "But I'm not hating on it, definitely not. We have amazing fans and I love them. And fame, well, it's great- it means I can play music for a living."

I really liked my interview so far. I knew we were close to destination but I still had the time to ask one last question. "Any random thoughts for tonight? Are you excited or nervous for the second show?"

"Well, yesterday was incredible so I'm pretty sure it'll be just the same tonight. I love getting on stage, it's always something I'm excited about, it never gets old. There's an adrenaline rush that comes just before, and I can never wait to feel it again, it's like a drug. But the best one because it doesn't kill you, it only makes you more alive."

I pressed the record button off and pushed my tape aside. "Thank you, Frank, really. That was great."

"Well, you were pretty great yourself. I don't tend to talk when I'm asked stupid shit."

I blushed. "Thanks, that means a lot."

"No prob, Mia." He patted my shoulder. "Better make me look good in that article."

"Oh yeah, for sure! I can already see it; Frank Iero, The God Of Music, front page of the magazine." We both laughed and kept on joking for a couple of minutes.

Then the bus finally stopped. I peeked through the window, impatient to see the surroundings.

The same crazy vibe from yesterday was already back.

*

Marcus Amphitheatre - Milwaukee, Wisconsin

I was just beside the stage, standing in a little corner as I watched the band perform.

The crowd was hysteric, like always. The only difference was in Gerard's behaviour. He was drunk, like pretty much. He was still incredible, though, breathtaking even. But his moves were sloppier and rougher than yesterday. He was constantly groaning and moaning in the microphone, almost eating it. He even forgot the lyrics at some point. You could see Frank constantly observing him, making sure he wouldn't fall off. Ray also glared at him. But the crowd didn't notice, it only enhanced the delirium of their screams.

The band exited the stage as soon as they finished performing the song; I Never Told You What I Do For A Living. Their makeup melted on their cheeks. They had also poured fake blood on Gerard and now, he looked like a vampire who'd just devoured a neck. But a sloppy vampire.

Yeah, that's how he looked.

He had a white (now red) t-shirt, with an old leather jacket.

*

We all ended up backstage, once again.

It was something like 10pm and the moon shined through the few clouds covering the darken sky. I felt satisfied with the work I did that day. I had one interview, and a lot of notes written down. Bert was also back with all of his band mates.

I was still running threw my papers, sitting on a random staircase, when Ray came up to me.

"Hey Mia, still working? We're all heading to this private nightclub, wanna come with us?" He asked, a drink in hand.

"Huh, yeah sure." I didn't want to drink anything but was down to stay with them. I put my things aside and joined all the others who were embarking the bus.

We all ended up at this abandoned warehouse. I didn't know where we were, probably in the middle of nowhere, the place looked shady as fuck. You had to go down a long staircase and once you got there, it was super dark with black lights. Loud techno music plundered the air, but it was catchy, really groovy and deep. The ground shook below our feet and velvet couches longed the walls.

We were in a space dome.

Everybody strolled to the bar in the back, bumping into strangers on the way. Their eyes were shut, completely captured by the music as they danced. I just sat on a little stool and asked for a glass of sparkling water with lemon. Yeah, pretty boring I know. Everybody else ordered shots and cocktails, even Suko had her own Mojito in hand. I felt a bit awkward.

Anyway, I stayed there for a while, chatting with Ray, here and there, about the dancers. He said they all looked like junkies, we laughed a little. Then he left and I shrugged. I started playing with my straw, watching the slice of lemon float through the bubbles. It was weirdly captivating, well, at least it was for me, since I wasn't drunk.

But then, a familiar and wasted voice entered my ears.

"The enemy."

Guess we all know who that was.

"Hey." I replied as I turned my head, slightly.

Gerard stood poorly on his feet. He still hadn't washed the blood from his face and neck. He looked scary. He then spread his elbow on the counter and cupped his face, smirking.

"Wha'cha drinking there?" He cockily asked, tryna peak in my glass. It was really hard to hear each other so we had to shout over the music.

"Huh, just water."

"Water?" He looked at me as if I just said I drank bleach.

"Yes, with lemon." I showed him the inside of my glass.

He peeked a subtle eye. "Ow, okay." He almost sounded disappointed.

"Why?"

"Nothing." He shrugged, turning around to press his back against the bar, he watched the dancers at the front. He would always do that, ask something and then change the subject, or just- totally drift away from it. Ugh, so annoying.

"Why aren't you dancing with us?" He asked.

"Cuz, I'm sober as fuck, Gerard." I explained, getting a bit tired of his questions now.

"Hah." He tilted his head towards me, giving me one of his looks. "Fine then. Have fun with your clarity, I think I'm needed back there." I noticed his gaze had suddenly locked somewhere else.

Alicia waved at him from the dance floor. He gave me one last smirk and poked my shoulder, causing me to curse under my breath. I watched him subtly as he joined the other girl. She held a shot in her hand and Gerard stole it away from her. He chugged the liquid down, obscenely, then threw the glass away, sliding his hands around her waist because it's all she was waiting for. Damn. Even my Suko was there, dancing with Frank. Well, in fact, everyone was over there, moving sloppily, all hypnotized to the beat of the house music. But I tried to ignore them, I just sipped on my juice like a helpless little girl.

I stayed at the same spot for 2 hours. Yeah, 2 hours. Can't remember what I did, though. Probably nothing, if you ask me.

The place was now packed with people. Frank and Suko even came to order more drinks at some point. And after a lot of begging and pleading, they finally convinced me to join them. It was kinda fun for a while, all that dancing. But since I was the only sober person in a pool of sins, it made it hard to breathe down there. Also, the lack of light made me blink, way too much. Then I felt sweaty again, and I wasn't having it.

I decided to grab a bit of fresh air. I hurried up the stairs, leaving the dark world behind me. I bumped into people and ugh- they were all wet.

Once at the top, the music finally drifted away but my ears were still pounding. I asked a random guy for a cigarette and walked down the street to find a quiet spot. It was really empty here, so no fuss. I simply sat on the sidewalk and enjoyed the peace around me.

But of course, that didn't last very long.

"It's not fair Gerard!"

Huh? Who was that? I recognized that voice. It shrieked, it was in pain. I turned around subtly, searching for the voice. And there I saw it, a small alley- just behind me. I walked up to it and hid behind the brick wall. Placing my hands on it, it felt rough. Then I subtly peeked an eye and-

Oh man.

It was Gerard and... Alicia?

Whoa. They were both standing beside a dumpster and it didn't look pretty at all. I knew I shouldn't be watching but dammit, I couldn't help it. My eternal curiosity was a faithful friend.

"For fuck's sake Alicia, don't act like such brat. I told you, it didn't mean anything." Gerard tried to cup her face but she pushed him away, violently.

"No, you're a fucking liar!" She cried out.

"Aww, come on, baby."

"No, I'm not your baby! I'm tired of this, I'm tired of feeling like you don't care about me!" Her voice was hysteric.

"Alicia, p-please, sweetheart! Y-you know I care about you." Gerard babbled, he looked desperate. His upper body was all crouched down. And he sounded drunk, incredibly drunk.

"Pff, just look at yourself. You can't even talk to me properly, I'm done. I hope you end up alone and miserable. I fucking hate you."

"Wait! D-don't go!" He begged.

"Goodbye, you prick!" She grabbed the necklace that was around her neck and threw it in his face. She wasted no time and stormed out of the alley, sobbing uncontrollably as she walked past me, not even noticing.

I just stayed there, observing Gerard. And oh man. He looked bad, like really bad. He swayed from side to side, dropping his head back, mouth wide open and gagging. And then the worse happen, with a heavy push forward, Gerard started puking on the pavement and fell to the ground. Fuck. I had to do something. Quick. Shit shit. I took a deep breath and I walked up to him, my steps were hesitant.

"Gerard." I whispered, kneeling down. "Gerard it's me, are you okay?"

Hair covered his eyes, his upper back leaned against the wall and the rest of his body was all spread on the ground and his chin was resting on his chest. His breath was sharp and abnormally fast, he looked barely conscious. I actually felt sorry for him.

"Gerard Way, please, answer me." I cupped his face and shook him. He groaned.

"eyyyyy...." He eventually babbled. "... is y-you again."

"Yup, it's me again." I sighed, there I was again, taking care of this poor drunken bastard. "You can't stay in here, Gerard. We need to get you to the hotel." I grabbed him by the shoulders, yanking him up. I gave it all I had, I really did. God, he was so heavy. But Gerard wasn't helping me here, at all.

I didn't even bother to check where were the others. I just painfully dragged him to the side of the road and waved at the first taxi I saw. Gerard spat vulgarly and made all kinds of weird noises.

"Gerard, come on, you could at least not spit on me." I said, watching the saliva drip down his pale and wet lips.

"Ssssorry" He turned his face to the side and smiled at me, poorly.

I tried not to blush as I saw the car approaching.

Gerard immediately squeezed his eyes at the blinding lights. "Whoaaaa!" He clumsily yelled, probably thinking he was abducted by aliens.

"Come on, you devil boy!" I urged him before shoving his sloppy body on the backseat of the car.

Gladly, Gerard slept during the whole ride. Constantly swaying from side to side, his head occasionally landed on my shoulder. I just tried to keep him still the best I could and he hiccuped, too, a lot.

After half an hour, we finally arrived to our destination.

I hurried out of the taxi and asked the driver to help me. "Alright, time to get up." I said as we pulled him out. Gerard immediately grabbed my shoulders. He cursed and roared under his breath, pressing all his weight on me, choking me to death.

I took a deep breath and started dragging him again. I struggled to reach the front door. The driver offered to help me, but I refused.

But I guess I shouldn't have done that.

Because over there, there were silhouettes.

It was the fans. The crazy fans. The same ones from this morning. Fucking hell. This wasn't a good time. Like at all. I started to run in the slight hope they wouldn't see me. But they did. I started to panic, damn Gerard could barely move his feet. Oh man. This was a total nightmare. I had to do something- quick.

I stopped, seizing the side of his face. I squeezed it.

"GERARD! Listen to me." But he didn't do anything, his eyes were shut. Okay, he was leaving me no choice now. I slapped him, gently though, but just enough to startle him a bit. "Gerard, you need to wake up, right now!"

"Whaaaa?" He muttered. "Why y'slapped me?" His eyes finally opened, all beaten and confused. "That hurt."

Ugh.

I wished he wouldn't look at me like that.

My heart ached slightly. "Look I'm sorry, but the fans are coming behind us, we need to run Gerard! Come on!" I yelled as I grabbed his hand. I could see the utter panic in his eyes as we both started running.

We finally reached the front door, we clashed against it. The fans were closer now, much closer, I could hear their feet. But then I spotted the elevator; it was right in front of me. I shoved Gerard inside, making him whimper. The fans were just about to grab me, I felt a sharp poke on my back but jumped in the elevator just in time. "Sorry guys, not tonight." I exclaimed as the door finally closed on them. I heard them curse and cry.

Ts.

Fucking teenagers psychos, I tell you, they really do scare the living shit out of me.

Gerard was out of breath, leaning against the wall. And now, with the bright lights of the ceiling, I could finally see just how much of a mess he was. Fake blood covered his skin, it was dry, tarnished. And his clothes? Well, his clothes were soaked, drenched in complete dirt. He also had smudged makeup all over his eyes, his hair was tangled, sticking everywhere on his face. But he was still attractive, though. Yeah, I don't know how he could pull it off but he did. Guess he wasn't even aware of it. That damn bastard.

Gerard swung his body forward and crawled to my side. He pawned at the buttons, chuckling in a growling way.

I pushed his hands away. "Nop, not the buttons, Gerard." I prompted him. He snorted.

After 1 minute, we finally reached the 4th floor. The ticking bell resonated in our ears.

"Okay." I said as I stepped in the corridor, grabbing his moist hand again. "Which one's your room?"

"Huh" He scanned the doors ahead of us, he was very confused. "C-can't- remember." He hiccuped.

I sighed and strolled down the alley, dragging him with me. "Okay, is it this one?" I asked him, pointing at a random door. Gerard was still behind me, struggling to follow my pace.

"Huh, no."

"How 'bout this one then?"

"Nop"

I sighed again. "You sure you can't remember the number of your room?"

"Hmmm-" He let go of my hand and leaned against the wall, sliding down to finally sit on the floor. "I think-" He started. "S-something like...4..."

I shook my head and bent over him. "Well, obviously. This is the fourth floor, Gerard."

"Oops." He laughed and sniffed his nose, I smiled back without even noticing.

"I'm sure you can remember." I said, observing him as he thought deeply. Poor kid, it looked really hard. He was freaking cute, though.

Then his eyes lighten up, shimmering almost. "Uh- 461, it's 461!"

I nodded and helped him yet another time to stand up. We both walked to the right door. I scrutinized him as he tried to enter the key in the lock, but he was shaking. His hand kept him from having precise movements. I gently pushed his fragile hand away and asked him to let me do it. He nodded and took a step back. Once I opened the door, we both entered inside, I guided him to his bed and watched as he sank in the mattress.

Okay.

I didn't know what to do anymore. I wondered if I should just leave him there or wait for the others to come back.

I scratched my head, thinking.

"Lechowski" He growled against a pillow.

"Huh yes, Gerard?"

"Com'over here."

I literally froze, hesitant to walk into his trap.

Gerard turned his body to the side, laying down gracefully as he patted the surface of the bed. "Come here, Mia."

"Hum..." I pondered for a while but eventually shrugged and crawled towards him. I sat at the foot of the bed, gulping.

Gerard grunted. "Why you so far away? Are you scared?" His voice was still cracked and raw, but he seemed a little more conscious now. His usual attitude was coming back.

"Huh no, just, I-I don't think it's appropriate." I stuttered, staring at my feet.

"What?" He sniggered. "You think something bad will happen?"

I glanced at him quickly and immediately looked away, he was smirking. "No."

"Well then, why are you so far away?" He poked the side of my waist, his fingers twitching my soft spot and making me hiss. "I'm not gonna attack you..."

I looked back at him again, frowning. I finally but shyly, slid my butt closer to him. "Okay, happy now?"

Gerard cocked an eyebrow. "Much better." He eye-scanned me for a while, licking his goddamn bottom lip.

I fought a smile, pushing his shoulder playfully. "Alright then. What is it you want now?"

"Oh nothing..." He shrugged. "Just..." He stopped, staring right into my eyes.

"Just what?"

"Just..." A sudden sadness spread on his face, his eyes softened, too. "..don't go."

Oh god.

My heart twitched and crushed and ARGH. How could I resist him? I knew he was broken from what just happened with Alicia, he didn't want to be left alone. A part of me wanted to be strong, tell him to take care of his own problems. While the other part... well... the other part wanted to die at the simple thought of abandoning him.

We just stared at each other silently. My heart pounded fast, it resonated in my head. He had freaking huge pupils, pulling off those damn poignant puppy eyes that had me weak.

"Would you lay beside me?" He asked, almost whispering. Fuck.

"Uh..."

"Please?" He begged. Dammit you.

"Uh, alright..." I stuttered, slowly leaning towards him. My arms trembled as they pressed against the mattress. I finally managed to lay on my back, crawling awkwardly to the top. I was so close to the edge, I swear, and so tensed up. Ugh. Just a little push and I'd be falling over. But Gerard didn't care, oh no, he just rolled over me. His dirty but perfect face was just over mine now.

He chuckled warmly. "You look terrified, Mia." He claimed, noticing my awful position. My cheeks were flustered, they burned so bad.

"I just don't think we should do this." I whispered, eyes darting back and forth. Anything to avoid his hazel flare.

"But we're not doing anything."

"I know." I whined.

"Then what's the matter?"

"I don't know!" I cried out, tensing up even more.

He sighed loudly. "Well, come over here then!" Gerard said as he yanked me against him, grabbing my waist.

My breath hitched in my throat.

Gerard now cuddled behind my back and his head rested in the base of my neck. His nose tickled my ear, it gave me the chills, but fuck, he was so freaking warm. He also smelled like gin and sweat and his hands were placed on my stomach, wrapping me up tightly.

Gerard hummed longly. "See? This is nice." He purred against me, fingers rubbing tiny circles on my trembling tummy.

I didn't say anything. I couldn't. This was too much, way too much. I wasn't ready for this, at all. His legs brushed against my bare thighs and I swear to god, oh I swear- I could almost feel something else.

"Uh-huh." Was the only sound I managed to make.

"Are you comfortable?" He said, innocently.

"Y-yeah..."

Then another silence came. We were left with the sound of my quick breathing and the husky sound of his. Dammit. What the fuck was I doing there? What the hell was he doing to me?

Then Gerard smelled my hair, inhaling deeply. "What kind of shampoo do you use?"
He really had the weirdest questions sometimes.

"Hum, dunno, the one from the hotel..." I closed eyes, not even able to remember which god damn shampoo I used.

"Ow, well, it's nice. I really like it." He purred, still pressed against my neck. His low voice resonated in my ears, torturing me even more.

"Uh thank y-"

"Do you think I'm an asshole?" He cut me abruptly as his nails clutched hard on my skin and uh- my blood turned cold.

"Uh, n-no..." I lied. Okay, maybe not. He was an asshole, but, I knew a part of him wasn't.

"Guess you're just..."

"Be honest with me." His voice was firm, coming from his guts. He wanted the truth, I knew he felt ashamed from what happened with Alicia.

"W-well...you get carried away sometimes."

"So that means yes?"

"Maybe." I mumbled, fixing the god damn door I should've probably walked out of a while ago.

Gerard let out a loud and long sigh. "I'm a fucking piece of shit, aren't I?"

"No, Gerard..." I argued. "...no you're not." I was trying my best to comfort him.

"Pff, and why should I trust you, Mia Lechowski?" He taunted. "You're the enemy, remember?" I knew he was joking but something in his voice was slightly provoking.

"Ts, well, your enemy is now sleeping in your bed so that makes you a pretty shitty hero, Gerard Way."

A short silence came. But I was surprised, because then, Gerard laughed. I felt the quick motion of his chest along my back and it made me laugh too. Then it occurred to me, I fucking adored his giggle, it made me feel at ease. Well, for a couple of seconds at least.

"Hmh, got a point there, professional lady."

I finished laughing gradually. "Everything's gonna be fine, Gerard, I promise. Now sleep, you need it."

Gerard moaned slightly just as he spooned tighter against me. I gasped again, sorry but this was too much. He was in a real need of affection, somehow expecting me to take care of it, I could feel it, just from the way he was touching me.

"Mm, thank you, L'chowski." He mewled into my ear just before falling asleep.

I smiled sincerely, knowing he couldn't see me. But I was still shaking.

I stayed awake for a while, thinking about how this time- my name didn't sound as rough when it escaped his lips.

My heart eventually stopped racing in my chest.

I could finally soothe against Gerard's warmth.

I closed my eyes.

Yeah, everything was fine.

For now.

Notes

oh god my chapters are always so long :') ..