A good girl gone bad.

Was I already becoming this so predictable cliche? I don't know. But one thing was sure; I had broken the promises I made to myself on the very first night.

I still cannot tell you why I took the pill, though. Maybe it's because I wanted to prove to the others, and probably to myself, that I was one of them. That I could too, pretend like I didn't care. Pretend that this was all a big nasty sickening game, that we all so mindlessly played along with.

Or maybe was it because I was jealous?

Jealous to see the man I secretly craved in the arms of another.

kissing her

touching her

holding her

breathing her

Right in front of my innocent eyes.

But really, how stupid do you have to be, to let yourself fall so easily for the one you barely even know.

The one that'd probably break your fucking heart.

And spit on it just because he can.

*

"Wow, this feels so soft..." I murmured blissfully as I caressed the surface of the old velvet couch.

Frank put his head on my lap with a wild grin, shutting his eyes as he drifted away. "I know, this is ammaaazing."

"I have never touched anything softer in my entire life." My fingers travelled to his short locks.

"Wow, and your hair! It's so soft."

"Aww, play with my hair, wooow Mia, this is amazing."

"I know! It's so amazing Frank. Everything feels sooooo amazing." I mumbled through gritted teeth as I feverishly stroked his scalp, eliciting all kinds of responses from him.

Okay, let's be honest here, I was high; as high as a damn kite.

The ecstasy ran in my blood, in every inch, every pore. The sky above me seemed gigantic and the stars shined brighter than ever. A fire crackled in front of me, sending waves of warmth and every move I made tickled my stomach. I was sitting at the same spot from earlier with Frank, letting my mind wander in places it never went before. We all listened to the sweet sound of Ray's hypnotizing guitar as we closed our eyes. Mikey Way slept beside him and he looked like an angel, a pretty wasted one, but still, an angel.

"I told you this was the best pill in the world." Frank babbled, enjoying the massage I was giving him.

Then, out of nowhere, Suko appeared.

"OH MIA!" She yelled as she threw herself on her knees, grabbing my thighs. "Oh wow, you look so pretty Mia." She blinked rapidly, pretty spaced out herself.

"Oh my god thank you, Suko!" I cried out. "I think you're so fucking pretty too."

She clenched her teeth, eyeing me intensely as her pupils dilated. "I'm so high Mia."

"Oh god me too Suko! I didn't want to tell you. I'm so happy you feel amazing too."

Frank giggled. "I'm high as fuck too girls."

Suko wasted no time and curled up beside me, hugging me tightly.

"Ugh, I need to hold you, it feels so nice." She said in the crook of my neck.

"Awww yes, hold me tight Suko, don't let go." I urged her.

Seriously, I can't tell you how stupid the three of us looked on that couch. Moaning and exhilarating the same things over and over again, we were tripping hard. Like, super, super hard. But we weren't the only ones.

People laid on the ground, crawling aimlessly on top of each other. Some even made out in different spots while the rest of them drank and shouted. They danced all around us like shadows and bleak lights, merging within the flames of the fire.

This was it, guys.

Sex, drugs and rock'nd'roll.

I was living all of it, in a split of a second.

"I feel like I'm in a dream, Mia." Suko whispered against my neck, sending shivers all across my body.

"Me too, Suko, this is so unreal."

She snuggled her nose in the crack behind my ear. "I feel... I feel like I'm a tiny-tiny drop of water, moving in the sea.... and you are all the fishes."

I chuckled lazily. "Yeah, and I'm a jellyfish."

"Aw, yes, a super-super bright and beautiful glowing jellyfish!" Suko replied.

"I'm a fucking turtle." Frank laughed out, stretching his arms to grab my face.

"Oh my god! Yes Frank, a sea turtle!" I claimed in awe, feeling the heat of his hands pressed on my cheeks.

Jesus christ, I'm so sorry. Freaking turtles and jellyfish, we were tripping balls. Literally acting like all of this made perfect sense to us, as if we'd just discovered some deep revelations about the world.

"You're so hella gorgeous, girls. I'm havin' the best time with you two." Frank said, causing the three of us to snuggle up even tighter, literally drowning in the cracks of the couch.

Okay, I know what you are thinking. Just a bit more and we would start making out, right? But nop, it wasn't happening. The feeling was so unbelievable, it is nearly impossible to describe.
So yeah, this circus kept on going for hours. Until Gerard and Bert appeared out of nowhere.

They both stood in front of us, gawking at us suspiciously. There was also the girl Gerard was kissing earlier, she was wrapped under his shoulder. Her hair was dark and curly, her skin like golden sand, and the dress she wore was black and short. It perfectly enhanced her curves and showed off her slender legs.

I can't lie, she was gorgeous. You couldn't help but stare at her.

"Having fun there!" Bert grinned devilishly. "Can we join in?"

"Shut up Bert, I'm with my girls." Frank responded, hugging my waist as if I was his property.

Gerard just stood there, observing us distractedly as he whispered stuff in the girl's ear. His hair was soaked up, sweaty from all the drugs he took. The first buttons of his shirt had been ripped off, probably by her, and it made him look wild and scary.

But in a good way.

Bert exhaled loudly as he sat down, just beside Frank. "I swear to god, I really thought you guys were having a threesome."

Frank kicked his upper arm with his feet. "Shut up McCracken!"

"Man, come on, I'm just telling you what I saw!" Bert whimpered as he rubbed his arm. Then his eyes locked on me, but he waited before speaking.

I twitched.

"So..." He started. "There she is apparently, the journalist. Isn't that right?"

"Huh, yeah." I responded, not caring to join his little game. I really admired him but the drugs made me careless.

"I heard a lot about you..y'know?" He leaned a bit closer, this guy wasn't sober. "I'm Bert by the way." He reached for my hand.

"Yes, I know who you are..." My very wasted voice replied.

He kissed the surface of my hand, making me chuckle.

"Her name is Mia Lechowski, and she's an amazing fucking writer." Suko told him, hugging me tighter, as if to protect me from him.

I cuddled her with my head. "Aww, thank you baby."

Then she kissed my cheek, her breath heated my face but I kept my gaze on Bert.

He raised an eyebrow. "Well, you should come around sometimes."

I squinted. "Come around where?"

"My tour bus." He shot. "...for a private interview."

Look, I'm not stupid, I knew exactly what he meant by a private interview. I peered at Frank who seemed to find his friend funny. I sighed at their immature behaviours, but whatever- I guess getting hit on by Bert wasn't that bad.

I smiled back at him, a subtle way to tell that I'd remember his offer. You know, in case I'd get lonely one day.

What? I'm just a human. I've got hormones that can go up the roof pretty easily, especially with that devil boy around...

Anyway, speaking of the devil, Gerard and the girl were sitting on the ground, facing the four of us. But they weren't joining our conversations, no. They simply laughed and mumbled what seemed like kinky stuff into each other's ears.

Gerard sniffed constantly, also his eyes were barely opened. He looked kinda high, well, really high if you ask me. The girl was pressed against his stomach and he rubbed the length of her thighs, distractedly, as they talked together.

I peeked an eye on him, probably too long. Gerard saw me and stared back, smirking as his fingers moved across the girl's thighs. Then, they stopped, right at the edge of her dress. And he played with the fabric, he tugged on it. All while looking at me.

Ugh. This was so weird. It's like he wanted me to see this, some sort of sick pleasure of his. But again- he seemed really high so I couldn't tell.

"Mia Lechowski" Gerard barked my name in such a brutal way- I flinched. "Having a great time?"

"I am." I crossed my arms. "And you, Gerard Arthur Way?" I bragged, hoping he'd get the message in my tone. Like back off bitch you ain't winning this time.

"Oh, I really am." He trailed off to the girl. "...especially with Alicia right here." He bit his lower lip, eyeing her down.

Alicia laughed flirtatiously, then pressed a sloppy kiss on his jaw. Gerard growled and kissed her back. And heavens help me, slurping sounds invaded my ears now.

Ugh. This was so fucking cringy. Get a room dammit.

I didn't know if he was doing this on purpose, or simply too damn high to realize. Like, why would he want to provoke me this badly? What had I done to him? Which crime did I commit? I had no fucking clue. Argh. Just too many questions, but so little answers.

Plus we only met 12 hours ago...that's not even a whole day, can you imagine that? It's like he was using the girl only to mess with my head. Some kind of power trip of his; getting off because he detected the grip he had on me.

"I'm glad to see your needs are fulfilled, then." I sassed, and I sounded like him. But he was the one making me this way. I swear to god, I never met someone who sparked that much inside of me, in so little time.

Good and bad, all at once.
"G-gerard, I'm cold." Alicia whimpered. "I wanna go back to your bunk."

"Yeah babe, go on. I'll join you soon, just wanna finish my drink first."

"M'kay, but hurry up, I'll be waiting for you." Alicia panted as she freed herself from Gerard's grip. She stood on her feet and walked away, blowing kisses at him.

Gerard watched her disappear and sighed as soon as she was out of his sight. He slicked his hair back, then stretched his legs as he laid back on the ground. Holding his upper body on his elbows, he lighted a cigarette, contemplating the sky.

Anyway, Suko, Bert and Frank were having a deep conversation about fishes. Yeah, don't ask me why. I listened to them distractedly, trying not to focus on Gerard but it was hard. Like I said, I craved him a lot, even though I didn't want to. But it's not something you can control... it really isn't. It's like second nature- an instinct- and you are so helpless to it. The sight of his perfectly laid figure in front of me was just impossible to ignore.

And he was thinking. About what? That I didn't know, but oh, how I wished I would.

"Yo, I need to pee." I whispered to Suko. "Like, right now."

"Awww, okay, but come back, it'll be cold without you here." She pouted as I painfully got on my feet.

My body shivered from the loss of touch, feeling the drugs come down. Now don't get me wrong here, I was still pretty high, but let's say... a little less insane than before. Suko threw herself on Frank as soon as I left, their bodies entwined together like two desperate sluts. It was cute, though. All that careless love.

I hopped over Gerard's body like I didn't care, ambling to the fields. I crouched my body down behind an airing trash can, hoping no one would see me. I felt the cold wind against my butt, trying to keep a straight posture as I peed. I just waited for the last drop to come, squeezing my eyes as I clenched my core muscles. But then- I heard something.

It's like the tall grass was shaking around me. I gasped a sharp gasp, pulling my pants back up.
I looked around, blinking through the darkness. It was.... it was Gerard. Again.

What the fuck was he doing here? Was he spying on me while I peed?

"Hey, are you okay there?" He asked, voice maybe...worried?

"Uh, what are you doing here? You followed me?" I replied, kinda hostile.

Gerard was a few feet away from me, but I couldn't see him properly because of the night and trees around us. "I- I don't know, I saw you walking towards the fields, I thought you were having a bad trip or something."

Okay, so now he cared for my safety?

I chuckled silently, this was ridiculous. "I was peeing, Gerard."

"Ow. My bad, sorry." He quickly turned his back on me.

"Wait! It's okay!" I slowly approached him. "Hum, thank you for caring, I guess." I scratched my head, unsure of everything at this point.

He snorted. "It's probably just me that freaked out for a second..."

I was right behind him now, but I couldn't see his face. "Don't worry, we're all fucked up here."

Slowly, he turned around, eyes to the ground. "Yeah.. pretty fucked up." Then he lifted his head, giving me a stare, but it was soft.

My heart twitched.

We both looked at each other, silently, hearing the wind as it danced in the leafs. The gleam of the stars reflected in his hazel eyes and for the first time, I noticed the light in them.

I didn't know what to do, I didn't know what to say. But... I was...strangely happy to be with him? Yeah, if that makes any sense. I don't think it does, but at that moment, it did. Now that he wasn't acting like a dick with me, now that he was kind to me- real.

Perhaps I didn't want him to leave now.

No.

I wanted to lay on the meadows, tell him to watch the stars with me.

Ts.

How fucking cheesy that sounds, right? But it's the truth, as plastic as it is. It was the damn truth.

But of course, none of this happened. In a split of a second, his caring gaze transformed into a dark flare.

He cleared his throat. "Anyway, Lechowski, drink some water and try to get some sleep. We're leaving for Wisconsin tomorrow at 9, and you better be ready."

I crossed my arms, back on the fence. "Huh, yeah..."

Gerard laughed, taking a few steps back. "Since you're so, you know..." He smirked. "...professional."

"Yeah, goodnight, you devil." I don't think he heard me.

I watched him disappeared, Gerard kept his gaze on me, then he turned around and...
all I had was a memory of his smile.

I frowned a little, feeling ashamed for thinking that for a second, he could be the person I thought he was. Or maybe he caught himself letting his guard down again? Ugh. What a disgusting puzzle he was. Disgusting, yes. Because I couldn't help but try to solve it, already knowing it was impossible.

I made my way back to the couches. Only to see, to my very own surprise, Suko and Frank literally making out on the sofa. Jeez. I couldn't believe it. Frank was on top of her, too high to even care. And god, suko! She was just laying there like a pancake, grabbing his back and ass.

What a fucking mess this night was.

But I didn't want to join them anymore, I felt let down.

I know- I know, it's pretty whiny. But I really did. Gerard was probably back in the arms of his perfect goddess; Alicia, making that sweet, sweet love. I sighed out loud, wishing to chase those shitty images. I just ran and grabbed my jacket that was on the couch, pulling hard on it because Frank's feet were rolling on it.

And that was it.

I've had enough.

All I wanted was to get back to my van and let myself drown into a peaceful coma. This night had been fun, well- kind of, but it had to stop. Tomorrow was just around the corner, and I needed to be ready.

My pace was quick now, solid now.

I could hear people shouting my name as I walked away, but I didn't care. Then I finally reached the van, moaning when I did so. I slammed the doors, then jumped inside, grabbing all the pillows to bury my face in them.

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry you stupid- stupid baby.

Fuck I...I...

I couldn't help it...

The corner of my eyes, they burned now. They were wet, they were like a river. I couldn't see straight anymore. I was scared, scared to be there alone, scared to fail. I still had the whole summer to go through, and fuck, I didn't think I could make it. Or maybe it was the drugs? Argh, I don't know, but I was sobbing so hard now, I swear. It's like knives were cutting through my stomach, and all my blood was drained out. It spilt everywhere, it left me hollow.

Was I even a real journalist?

What the hell was I doing here?

Maybe I wasn't good enough... maybe it was pointless, maybe I was pointless. I just wanted to be home. I just wanted to have never met him. But what I wanted wasn't important. I had a job to do and I'd have to do it, no matter the cost.

I cried myself to sleep that night.

****

The Morning After And The Trip To Milwaukee

Nausea. Acid fluids.

A hard pounding in my head.

Those were the lovely friends that woke me up that day.
I dragged myself out the van, squinting from the bright daylight as I carelessly puked my guts on the pavement. Goooooood morning baby. What a sweet, sweet way to wake up, don't you think? I gasped and choked, waiting for the horrible feeling to cease. It pounded, that thing, it ripped my will to live, and it was nasty. Real nasty. My hands were on my knees, clawing on my jeans as I watched the fluids dripping down my mouth. I spat and whimpered, all of it. I was in deep pain.

After 20 minutes, I felt better. I leaned against the van, working on my breathing.

Then I looked at my watch- it was 6am.

Fuck.

We were leaving in 3 hours and didn't know where was Suko! I sighed, then went back to the party scene, crawling like a zombie.

And man- it was horrible. Broken glass was shed all across the ground. Strangers were passed out in every corner and everything looked soaked and moist. But gladly, Frank and Suko were sleeping on the couch. They still had their clothes on so I guess it was a good sign. I walked up to them, poking her softly.

"Suko." She wasn't moving. "Suko, wake up!" I pushed her harder this time.

She simply groaned.

"WAKE UP SUKO" I yelled now.

Her eyes finally opened. "Ngh- what time is it?" She blinked fast and looked fucking lost.

"It's 6 am, Suko, we have to leave in 3 hours!"

She finally noticed Frank beside her. "Ohh, oh my god, wow." She panicked a little, but stood up, she seemed very weak and pale. "What...what happened last night?"

"Don't ask me." I bragged. "I left earlier."

"Damn, okay. I need to eat something." Her voice was shaky.

"Come with me." I grabbed her hand, leading her to the van.

We left Frank sleeping there, he seemed pretty well-off, to be honest.

Suko shivered as we reached the van. I tried to comfort her the best I could. Then she went through the boxes in the back to grab some oranges and two energy bars. She offered me one but I couldn't eat. My stomach was a mess and the simple smell of food made me dizzy.

"Jesus. As soon as I took that freaking pill, I swear, everything spun out of control." Suko confessed to me as she chewed on her food.

We were both sitting on the edge of the van with blankets wrapped around our bodies. All the buses had left, creating a ghostly atmosphere in the parking lot. I swear, it felt so different from yesterday, so quiet- so peaceful. It was the silence of the dead and the sky was white, completely covered in clouds.

I'll always remember the stillness of this moment; my first morning.

"I know, I've never tripped this hard in my entire life." I replied.

She started laughing. "I can't believe I made out with Frank."

I chuckled back, remembering how intense they looked. "Well.. you sure did look like you enjoyed it." I gave her the side-eye.

Suko sighed. "And there I was, warning you about all the temptations! But anyway, if we wanted to break the ice, I think we made a decent job."

I nudged her arms, then grabbed her shoulders. "We sure did Suko."

Suko entwined an arm around me.

I smiled, trailing off to the sky. "We sure fucking did..."

Then we both laughed, and the weight, the weight of our insecurities suddenly lifted off. I was so happy to have her with me. It truly felt like I had known her my entire life. It was strange, but a blessing.

It was almost 7.30 when Ray approached our van with water bottles in his hands. We were listening to The Smashing Pumpkins, laying on our beds as we gushed about the previous night.

"Good morning ladies!" He said, pressing himself against the doorway.

"Oh Hi Ray!" We both replied at the sight of his curly hair and irresistible, glowing smile.

"I brought you fresh water, in case you need it before hitting the road."

"Aww, thanks!" Suko leaned over him, grabbing the bottles. "That's so very sweet of you."

"No problem, ladies. You know you both looked fucking wasted last night." He said, and he wasn't mocking us or anything, just stating the plain old truth.

"Yeah..." I rolled my eyes. "Don't remind me." I then opened the cap of my bottle, just before gulping it down. Wow, I was so thirsty, I didn't even realize it. "Seriously, thank you for that."

"Pleasure's all mine. Anyway, I have to find Frank. The rest of us are mostly ready, so we might leave earlier if we can. Just wait for our bus to move and follow." He advised us before walking away.

We nodded and told him we would be ready as soon as they were.

Our buses left at 8.30am.

Milwaukee was 7 hours away.

No need to tell you this was gonna be a long ride.

****

Four hours.

Four hours had passed and Suko was still holding the steering wheel like a warrior, thank god for her.

I, on the other hand, was taking a nap in the back when my stomach started making weird noises. I needed food. I crawled to one of the supply boxes, grabbing a small energy bar that I carelessly devoured.

"Hey, finally awake. How you feeling?" Suko said, eyeing me through the rear mirror.

"Much better." I babbled, mouthful. "But I can't wait to have a shower."

"Yeah, I think the guys rented rooms for tonight."

My eyes sparkled up. "Ow, really?"

"Yeah, Ray just texted me to say we're going to the Iron Horse Hotel. They probably just booked it, though, because it wasn't part of the plan. But the fees are covered so that's great."

"Oh god! That's the best idea ever!"

I was so happy to hear this. But we still had 3 hours to go, and they'd probably be really long.

But hey, that was the life I chose.

The life of a freaking rockstar.

I sat at the front, an orange in hand as I peeked through the windows. The MCR bus was just in front of us, rolling on the highway.

I wondered what they were doing over there.

****

Iron Horse Hotel, Milwaukee, Wisconsin

-3.20 pm-

We were finally here. Safe and sound and exhausted and relieved and happy and wow.
Poor Suko, though, she drove for 7 hours straight. But to my own surprise, she still managed to function properly.

Anyway, we parked beside the MCR bus in the large parking.

"God- I thought we'd never make it!" Suko sighed, unfastening her seatbelt.

I grinned, then thanked her for being so awesome.

I was getting was stuff from the trunk when the 5 boys exited their vehicle. And honestly, they all looked pretty great. Well, Frank looked a bit rusty but still, not as bad as he could've been. And Gerard? Well, Gerard was wearing the same clothes as yesterday, but he had a leather jacket on. Also, sunglasses covered his eyes and his hair was all greasy, it spiked in every direction. Yeah- he couldn't look more rockstar than that.
My heart leapt when I saw him, but unfortunately, Alicia was still there, tightly wrapped around his waist as they walked towards us.

"Hey guys." Suko waved at them, blushing slightly once she noticed Frank.

"Sup girls."

"Hey there."

We all greeted each other quickly before moving to the hotel.

Gerard was pacing in front of me but I tried not to stare at him. Instead, I focused on Alicia's butt. It bounced from side to side every time her feet touched the ground. Hm, what a great way to distract myself, don't you think?

It worked I swear.

We finally entered the hallway and waited at the reception. The place was holy, kinda chic, everything was white and the ceiling was made out of glass. I slumped myself against the counter, biting my nails. The guys were talking and arguing over some details about the rooms.
Gerard launched over me. But I ignored him.

"Hi" Devilboy claimed to the tiny lady behind the counter. "We have a reservation in the name of Gerard Way."

"Oh, yes, let me see, were you the one who called this morning?" She asked, her name tag said Bridget and her hair was pretty awful. It was yellow, some sort of failed attempt to be blonde. Her huge ponytail bounced ungracefully behind her small little-coned head. Gosh, I'm so mean.

I'll stop.

"Yeah, we booked 6 rooms."

"Sure thing, just a minute." Bridget informed him as she started wandering through her papers.

"Thank you."

I kept my gaze on Bridget, like no care in the world. But then, from the corner of my eyes, Gerard's head turn around. I knew he was looking at me now. Gladly, Alicia was still in the back, talking to Frank.

Gerard cleared his throat. He knew I was pretending like I didn't see him, and I kinda felt stupid now.

"Rough night?" He asked.

"Hm?" I faked like I didn't hear properly, then blinked at him.

Gerard was smirking, smacking a damn bubble gum so vulgarly. And it was loud. Way too loud. I could smell the perfume of his candy; hints of berries struck my nose. But I couldn't see his eyes behind his tainted frames.

He leaned forward. "I said, rough night?"

I shrugged. "Uh, kind of."

He laughed mockingly. "Don't worry, you don't look that bad..."

I looked stern at him. God, I hated his tone. "What does that mean?"

"Well, it means exactly what I said."

I raised an eyebrow. "Okay, so...do I have to thank you or what?"

Gerard chuckled under his breath. "Nah." He then blew the biggest bubblegum ever as it popped right away. His tongue reached out hungrily for the pink paste that had glued on his lips.

I spaced out for a while, watching his wicked tongue.

But thankfully, Bridget saved me from making a total fool of myself.

"There you go, young lad, here are your keys. The check out is tomorrow before 3, and your rooms are located on the fourth floor. May you have a great stay here."

"Thank you, ma'am." Gerard replied as he grabbed the set of keys, glancing at me one last time, he added "There, take your keys Lechowski-" And in a rough move, he yanked the keys in my face.

I twitched as I tried to catch them. But I didn't, they fell at my feet. I kneeled down to grab them.
"Ow uh, t-thanks, I guess."

But Gerard didn't hear me.

He was already away when I stood up. I just blinked, confused.

"Got the keys, Mia?" Suko asked me as she poked my shoulder.

"Yeah... all set."
"Let's go then."

Notes

this baby's growing fast