I stayed in Gerard's bunk for almost 2 hours, waiting for the storm to pass.

And it finally happened.

I could now feel the sunset entering the bus's windows, I could feel its warmth on my back and honey luster in my eyes. I then closed my eyes and barely realized that I was also smiling. I heard myself laughing, it all seemed so silly now but I couldn't care less. For the first time in my life, I felt true happiness. Or something close to it. I held on to that feeling and smelled Gerard's sheets one last time, to keep him with me, then made my way outside.

I knew the show was probably over now, or about to. And as much as I wanted to hurry and enter the venue, I couldn't help but stare at the sky. The last rainy clouds collided with the sunset, and it was so... so beautiful. It took my darn breath away. I could even hear the ocean in the distance, the seagulls. I took a deep breath as I inhaled the scent of this place still unknown to me. The life on the road was creeping back into my bones.

It was quiet over here. I enjoyed the silence, mindful that it wouldn't last for long.

My heart jumped when the back door of the bar suddenly opened wide. See? I told you. I immediately recognized Suko and Frank, and my ears were filled with distant cries of the crowd. They hadn't seen me yet. I paced towards them, disrupting their chitchat against the brick wall.

"Guys." I only said.

They both turned their heads. "Mia!" They replied together but I noticed the confusion playing across their faces.

"I thought you were at the show." Frank raised an eyebrow.

"No, I had to stay here to finish up some work, I hope you don't mind." Oh, and before you accuse me of lying, mind you, I managed to interview Gerard earlier. Even tho we... oh well.

"Yeah, I'm very mad, Mia. How could you?" Frank exaggerated, then winked.

Suko bumped my shoulder. "Well, you missed one hell of a show."

I stifled a laugh. "Really?"

"Uh-huuh." She replied longly, and I almost felt bad for a second.

"It was mental!" Frank added. He leaned the back of his head against the wall, then exhaled loudly. "I can't wait to get to the beach, that freaking audience wrecked me."

I nodded and scratched my head, then wondered what I should do next. Frank and Suko were murmuring to each other while sharing a cigarette. I didn't feel like trying to fit in.

I should just get inside, I told myself, see what's happening in there. "Okay, well, I'll see you 2 in a bit." I stepped back towards the door.

"Be careful in there, you might get lost." Suko gave me a look and I wondered if she was joking, then Frank giggled.

I shook my head and swung the door open, distracted by my thoughts as I entered inside. But reality hit me when the frame shut behind me, and Suko's last words suddenly made so much sense. The hallway was crowded by bodies, and I had to squeeze myself through them to reach the end. Or anywhere, for that matter. Everywhere I looked was a face I didn't recognize, every move I made ended up brushing someone's sweaty back or arm, even armpit. Gross.

My eyes were desperately searching for the band.

I got excited when I noticed Gerard, Ray and Mikey a few meters away. And I tried to run, I tried to get closer and shout their names; all of this in vain. So I shouted again, this time I only called for Gerard and he finally saw me. I then smiled and waved my hand in the air. Oh, I waved them so high, hoping he would come to get me.

But he didn't. No.

He simply vanished.

Just like that.

One blink was all it took.

I looked around in total confusion but all I saw were the same strangers. Where the hell was he? Was he a ninja or something? I turned around, baffled, and immediately felt a sharp tug on my left wrist. The hand that was clutching at me was cold, and I recognized that hand; the way it gripped me. My heart jumped as I got dragged into another room- a dark one- one I didn't even realize was there.

Then the hand let go of me.

I blinked a few times, I couldn't see very well. "Gerard, is that you?" A figure was standing in front of me- it was masked behind the shadows.

"It's me." The voice was low as it moved forward into the dim light. And there, I recognized him, two hazel eyes and a bush of raven hair just above. Gerard placed his hands against the wall, blocking me from each side.

My heart dropped just because it was him. "Uh- why did you do that?"

"Do what?" He sounded amused, but mostly innocently.

I rolled my eyes. "You just pull a freaking Houdini trick on me, Gerard."

"Well, aren't we supposed to be incognito?" He smirked. There it was again. And maybe if I wasn't so stubborn I would've held him right there.

A breathless laugh escaped my mouth. "I- I guess so. But gosh- you scared me, that's all." I poked his waist lazily.

Gerard waited before speaking, then licked his lips. "Sorry?" He murmured as he collided his forehead against mine. And jeez, he knew this would work, how couldn't he not?

My breathing cut short, but I still smiled. "It's okay. Everything's fine now."

"You're not running away this time?" His voice was soft, inviting, I felt the wetness of his after-show hair falling down my cheek.

I was breathing so loud now, then cupped the side of his face. "I'm not."

Gerard smiled, then swallowed thickly. "I couldn't stop thinking about you- the whole show, Mia, I- I couldn't concentrate. It's like I need to be near you. All the time."

I didn't say anything. I kissed him instead. And Gerard jumped just a little, like a part of him still wasn't used to my love. But he quickly regained his confidence, I heard him moan happily as he pushed me further against the wall with his whole body, he then took a hold of my face with both of his hands.

Gerard peppered my mouth with kisses, long ones, I felt like I was his. My arms were straight and rigid, my fingers wiggled in the air not quite knowing what to grip. Everything felt so soft and drowsy, my body didn't know how to take it. Too much love, that's what it was. But there's no such thing as too much love, you just want more, and more.

We both heard heavy footsteps behind us, forcing us to break the kiss. They were coming from the hallway. Gerard walked to the door and peeked through the crack, figuring out what was going on out there. Then he just looked at me, eyes flickering.

"I think everybody's leaving." He whispered. "We better head out before someone finds us here. Some of these people are journalists."

I was shocked, yet weirdly charmed to see him protect our relationship like this. I no longer felt like I was the only one running, desperately trying to hide our secret.

I felt safer. So much safer.

I cleared my throat. "Yeah, well, maybe you should go first, find the others outside."

"Okay." He nodded, wondering into me. I was about to say something but instead, Gerard paced towards me. "In case this can't happen in a while..." He said just before kissing my mouth once more, softly. He pulled away quickly, giving me one last reassuring stare, then disappeared through the door.

I realized how fast my heart was beating, but also, how calm I felt. It was surreal. I stayed in the darkroom over 5 minutes, just to make sure it was safe before meeting the others at the beach,
before seeing him again and pretend we were nothing at all.

Notes

i am back from a deep sleep but more is to come. this story is not dead. i am not dead.



em