Safe Haven

I was holding onto him like a tick, glad that he was there and that he wasn't asking me any questions, even though he must have been thinking that I've gone mad. I glanced at the digital clock on the TV stand, the red lights telling me that it was four o'clock in the morning. With a heavy sigh I let go of Gerard's arms, incapable of making any eye contact from the embarrassment that I still felt. Gerard stood up and went over to the TV to turn it off. For a second I couldn't see anything, everything around me was pitch black. After a few seconds of rapid blinking I could make out the silhouette of Gerard and all the furniture in the living room.


"I'm gonna get some water, do you want some?" Gerard finally spoke up softly. I nodded but then I realised that he probably didn't see me in the dark.


"Yeah, thanks." My voice was hoarse as I had only woken up a few minutes ago.


Gerard disappeared into the darkness, leaving me alone but I could still hear his footsteps, knowing that he was nearby. I didn't even attempt to make a move. I was just sitting on the sofa, tired and scared. I was confused about the whole situation. He was hugging me. As in, actually hugging me. What was Gerard doing out so late anyway? He wasn't even drunk. The sound of the water filling up our glasses woke me up a little and when Gerard emerged from the door again, my eyes were used to the darkness so I could see him pretty clearly. There was a frown on his face when he was handing me the glass. He was probably just as confused as I was.


"Thanks." It came out more as a whisper. I didn't want to disturb the silence around us.


Since Gerard has seen pretty much all of my mentally impaired side, I didn't feel weird at all when I opened the pill bottle and took one, drinking most of my water with it.


"Are you okay?" He was still standing by the sofa, staring at me warily. I just shook my head, putting the glass down on the coffee table. "You should get some sleep." Gerard said quietly and he started walking slowly towards the door.


No, no, no. I couldn't be alone right now. The idea of him being on the other side of the house and Mikey somewhere upstairs in his room after what I had just been through honestly terrified me. His figure vanished behind the door frame which pushed me over the edge of hesitance.


"Gerard, wait!" I said but in the quiet house it sounded like I had shouted it.


"Yeah?" He reappeared again, still holding onto his glass.


"Um," I can't believe I was actually saying this. "Could you... would you mind staying here with me for a while?" The awkwardness hit me hard straight away but I had said it already so there was no going back. This was Gerard Way for Christ's sake. We have ignored each other for over three years.


Before I could regret asking him to stay or think about anything else, he shuffled back into the living room, setting his glass next to mine.


"Okay." He mumbled.


Pretending like I wasn't shocked at all by his reaction, I lay down on the sofa near the back, silently thanking the Ways for buying a large one. I could feel the sofa sink with his weight and his arm brushing over mine. I reached for the duvet which was pushed to the side by our feet and pulled it over the both of us. I turned onto my side, my back facing him so that we could have at least a little bit of privacy.


I was glad that he was here. Gerard could have easily said no or tell me to grow up. But he didn't. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't have even attempted to go to sleep again. On the other hand, I don't think I was going to fall asleep anytime soon either. My heart was racing against my chest, our proximity making me nervous. I have slept on the sofa before, even Frank and Mikey would sometimes stay here with me but it was more like sleeping on top of each other. This was different. This was so much more. And to my utter surprise, it wasn't bad. I guess that my innocent little brain couldn't get over the fact that there was an adult guy lying right next to me. Although he could be an asshole to me for the majority of time that we spent together, right now he was here because of me.


"Gerard?" He tensed up a little when I whispered his name.


"Hm?"


"Thank you." I was wide awake at this point, my eyes staring holes into the back of the sofa. "For waking me up and for staying." He shifted his position a little and I assumed that he turned to face me as I could feel his knees arch along with mine.


"It's okay." Shivers ran down my spine as his breath danced across the back of my neck. I wonder if this was going to be like years ago. That this was just a one off and that tomorrow he would be a jerk again.


After what felt like ages, tiredness finally took over me. It must have been early in the morning, the sun making its way into the living room through the open curtains. Once I started drifting off, I felt the duvet lift up and Gerard getting up. I assumed he was gonna go to his room to avoid the awkward moment once we'd wake up or to simply get some proper sleep in his own bed. I was half asleep already so I was okay with staying here alone for the rest of the night.



________________________________


The sound of the doorbell woke me up, making me growl into my pillow silently. There was a bright light coming into the living room and I was warm, warmer than normally. I heard footsteps coming down the stairs somewhere in the house and then the loud ding of the doorbell again. I snuggled into the warmth around me, not at all questioning the fact that I wasn't even in my own house, simply enjoying the comfort of the sofa and the cushions surrounding me.


"Jesus, are you all still in bed or something? I've been ringing the bell for the last five minutes." An all too familiar voice rang through the house, waking me up slowly, followed by the sound of the front door shutting close. The sound seemed to be loud enough to make me open my eyes but I didn't make a move until I felt someone stir behind me.


Oh my God. He came back? I shot up into a sitting position and I turned around to be met face to face with a very sleepy looking Gerard who was rubbing his eyes with one hand and messing up his tangled hair with the other.


"What are you doing here?" I asked him quickly in a hushed tone. He looked at me with a puzzled expression and one eye still closed.


"You asked me to stay, do you not remember?"


"I thought you left." He opened his mouth to say something but Frank's voice was getting closer and closer.


"I've got some stuff I wanna..... What the - ?" We both looked up and there, by the sofa was standing Frank, staring at us with his mouth open and raised eyebrows.


"What is it -" Mikey joined him, his voice still sleepy. "Woah."


A minute of silence fell upon us as the two were looking at us and then at each other, not daring to say a word to us. This was beyond awkward. I didn't even want to imagine what they were thinking. Since it was more than impossible, I was hoping that they weren't thinking anything at all.


"I need a coffee." It was Gerard who broke the silence. He got off the sofa and headed to the kitchen, leaving the two boys sending me questioning looks. I quickly got up as well and sprinted past them towards the bathroom. Frank was still looking confused but Mikey had a look of worry on his face and I knew I'd have to talk to them once Gerard was gone.


Honestly, I didn't want to leave the bathroom. I wished that there was a secret tunnel connecting our houses so that I wouldn't have to talk to either of them for the rest of the day. I splashed my face with cold water which woke me up properly and as I was swishing some of their mouth wash in my mouth, I brushed my tangled hair with my fingers in attempt to look at least a little presentable.


When I joined them in the kitchen, I could barely hear their conversation over the boiling kettle but from what I saw, it seemed that they just pretended that nothing happened. But surely nothing happened, so what am I even thinking? I glanced at the clock and it read eleven in the morning. I can't remember the last time I slept for that long.


"Kay, do you want some as well?" Mikey offered, pulling out an extra mug out of the cupboard after I nodded.


Gerard was already sipping his own coffee, staring out of the window, pretty much ignoring us. Nothing new.


"So," Frank said suddenly, making me turn towards him. "I brought my guitar. You up for a little jam session with us, Gerard?"


Gerard tilted his head back drinking the rest of his coffee and set his mug into the sink.


"Nah Frankie, gotta go now."


"Where to?" Mikey asked, pouring milk into his coffee, sending Gerard an annoyed look.


"Out." One simple word from Gerard and he was gone. Just like that. I couldn't help but feel a little bit of an irritation in his voice when he said that. I guess the good old Gerard was back.


I sighed now that he was gone and gladly took my mug from Mikey, the smell of coffee driving me crazy.


"So, Kay, how did you sleep?" Mikey asked casually but his eyes were dead serious.


"Chill out, Mikes, it wasn't like that."


He let out an ironic chuckle, putting his coffee down on the table. "Well what was it then? I'm sorry but only a day ago you and him were throwing insults at each other in front of both of our families and now I found you sleeping together. It's a little confusing, Kay."


"I had a bad dream. He just got home and woke me up. I asked him to stay so that I wouldn't be alone. The end." I put on my defensive voice and rolled my eyes. I wasn't in the mood to talk about this stuff right now.


"A bad dream?" Frank dragged the words out, narrowing his eyes at me, pretending to be in deep thought. "That's one hell of a lame excuse, Kayleigh."


"I'm not making up excuses, Frank! What, do you guys actually think that I slept with him?" I looked between the two of them bewildered. "You said it yourself, Mikey, we don't even like each other. God, we don't even know each other."


I honestly didn't think that they would get it. I felt quite pathetic for telling them that I had a bad dream and that I pretty much acted like a kid. They wouldn't understand. After a moment of silence, the conversation was over and I told them that I had to go home before my parents would start getting worried. I picked up my hoodie from the living room and left the two of them in there.


For the next few days I didn't talk to Mikey or Frank, or Gerard for that matter. I found refuge in my bedroom which I didn't leave for several days, avoiding my parents who were still shouting at each other whenever they got the chance. That was until my mum came up to me asking me about how my job hunting went. So she was actually serious.


To say the least, she wasn't very pleased with my attitude towards the topic and so she decided that she would take the matter into her own hands.


"I spoke to Eddie, he said he could get you a part time job in his diner." She announced later that day when we were washing the dishes together.


"Who the hell is Eddie?"


"He's a friend of mine, we went to school together. He said that they need more staff for the summer."


I sighed, drying my hands and pulling my sleeves down. "Mum, is this really necessa-"


"Yes, you're expected to turn up for your trial shift tomorrow at twelve." She cut me off with a casual tone, making my blood boil. Wow, thanks for asking me first, mum. Luckily she had her back to me so she couldn't see my actual reaction to what she had just said. I clenched my fists and closed my eyes for two seconds to contain the scream that I wanted to let out.


"What diner is it?"


"Harley's." Never been to that one.


"Harley's? As in Harley Quinn Harley's?" I asked but I don't think mum got it because she just looked at me weirdly and kept scrubbing a plate in the sink.


"Well, I don't think I'll last more than two seconds." I kept rambling, determined to not accept this whole idea. "Once they give me their uniform and see what I have under my sleeve, they'll let me go."


My mum turned away from the dishes to face me for a second and let out a long breath. "I asked Eddie about that, you can wear a white long sleeve top underneath your uniform." Oh my god. She told him? Wow, this is just getting better and better.


She gave me the directions for the next morning so that I'd know where I was going. I had to dig up some old white shirt which I've had since I was about fourteen. Thank God I haven't grown up since. It was literally the only white piece of clothing that I owned.


I woke up the next day and to my surprise, I was nervous about the whole diner job. I thought I wouldn't care but knowing that I had to talk to people and actually do stuff that I have never done before made me extremely anxious.


I had to leave the house in about an hour. Luckily, the diner wasn't too far and by foot it would take me roughly fifteen minutes to get there. I was pacing my room, still wearing my pyjamas, trying to put a plan together on how to get out of this situation. Unfortunately, unless a miracle happened, there was no way I could avoid this stupid Harley's diner deal.


I was plaiting my hair for the shift, hoping that at least the uniform will be some normal colour and not one of those cringe worthy bright yellow dresses that they used to wear in the sixties.


Not wanting to take any risks, I pulled out my pill bottle and without second thought, I took one. I was about to reach for my glass that was sitting on top of my desk when I froze. Something was off.


The surface of the tablet was smooth, almost like a - that's when I felt it.


A fresh peppermint taste was creeping up my tongue into my nose, making my mouth burn. What the hell? I spat it out quickly, unsure of what I had just almost swallowed.


I dug up the bottle from my pocket and poured its contents onto my bed, frantically scrabbling through the mountain of white pills. They were different. All of them. There was no powdery feel on my fingers and they were all smooth like tiny little pebbles. I took one in between my fingers and inspected it closely, noticing the sweet fresh smell surrounding me. There was no indent in the middle of the pill. Those were not my meds. These were fucking mints.


He did not.


There's only one person who would do this. I couldn't believe it. Isn't he going a little bit too far? This is not funny anymore. This is the second time he took them away from me.


"For fuck's sake!" I was fuming. I didn't know what to do. I jumped up from my bed and cussed at the top of my lungs. Before I knew it, I was running across the street, still wearing my pyjamas and no shoes, with a murderous look on my face. I was going to kill him.


The force I used to bang on their door must have caught other neighbours' attention. I think there was a dog barking at me as well but I was so angry that I couldn't care less. I kept knocking without a pause until I heard footsteps coming from the other side.


The door swung open and for a second or two my brain got distracted from my initial goal as an unfamiliar person appeared in front of me. There was a tall guy in a black t-shirt standing in the doorway with a wide grin and longish brown hair. He must have been a couple of years older than me.


"Hey, you must be Kayleigh!" He was pretty enthusiastic for someone who's never met me before. "I'm Ray -" I ignored his outstretched hand and the fact that he knew who I was and pushed past him, making my way into the living room.


"Where is he?" I demanded looking around the house.


"Gerard! Where is he?" I was spitting fire, angry and confused that the only person in the Way's house was not a Way.


"Eh, he's in his room." The tall guy emerged out of nowhere and before he could say anything else, I was running into the basement.


Suddenly I felt a bit of a quiver in my confidence. The last time I went down these stairs it didn't end up very nicely. I tried to remind myself that that happened three years ago and that today I had a hell good of a reason to come to his room.


"Dude, ever heard of knocking? I'll be two minutes." Only upon hearing his arrogant voice, my anger came back to me, leading my legs towards him. He was hunched over with a towel over his head, rubbing his hair rapidly.


"You crossed the line, Gerard. I want them back." When he recognized my stern voice, he straightened up and looked at me through his dark wet hair that seemed to be all over the place. He was wearing an unzipped navy hoodie over a white t-shirt and a pair of black skinnies. He was obviously getting ready to go somewhere. After a few seconds of silence, a smirk was tugging at his lips as he folded the towel and placed it over his shoulder.


"Good morning to you too, princess." He sneered and eyed me up and down, his cocky attitude making me sick.


"I don't have time for this." I said, trying to contain my temper not to shout at him."Your stupid games and childish pranks." He just kept smirking and eventually he started laughing at me.


"Oh, this is funny to you?" I was so close to slapping him. "Do you ever take anything seriously?"


"Sorry, sweetheart," he managed to say between the fits of giggles, "but it's really hard to take you seriously when you're standing here shouting at me in your pyjamas."


I looked down for a second, scanning my bare legs, only wearing some old baggy shorts. I couldn't wear anything longer during the summer in order to keep my temperature normal because I always wore long sleeves to bed. I bended my right knee slightly and crossed it over the left one in attempt to make myself feel a little bit less exposed. I'm an idiot. Why did I have to storm out wearing my pyjamas?


Gerard snorted and turned away from me, pushing his wet hair away from his face. No. I was not leaving without the stupid pills. Isn't it ironic? The last time I was in his room it was all about the meds as well?


"Give it to me now, Gerard. This isn't funny anymore." I said with a bit more pleading in my voice this time. I felt pathetic but what else could I do?


"I don't even know what you're on about." He said and sat down on the chair by his desk, fiddling with his shoe laces, and I started running out of patience.


"You know exactly what I'm talking about." No reply. Just a snicker. "Fine, I guess I'll have to find it myself then." I walked across his room towards his bed.


"What are you doing?" Okay, I'm getting a reaction from him, I guess I was getting somewhere. I opened his bedside table, not caring at all about how much it was going to piss him off. Where else would he hide them?


"Oh my god," I gasped and let out an airy laugh when I saw a pill bottle, similar to mine but it was dark brown and it had a different label on it. "This just got so much better." I laughed victoriously as I picked it up and wiggled it jokingly for him to see.


"Put it back." He said with a serious tone, tying his other shoelace quickly so that he could snatch it off me.


"And why would I do that?" It was my turn to laugh. Looks like the tables have turned. "Maybe I could swap it for something better too, what do you say, Gerard?" He got up and stormed towards me. I hid the bottle behind my back, not having enough time to put it in my pocket.


"Want some tic tacs? How about smarties?" I kept teasing him as he pushed me into the mattress, trying to get hold of my fingers that were tightly wrapped around the bottle.


"Stop it." He hissed, still hovering over me. Small droplets of water dripped from his still wet hair, landing on my neck, making me shiver. He was half standing next to the bed, half kneeling on it with one leg. There was no smirk on his face anymore. Not that I cared. "Kayleigh!" He said warningly as if he was talking to a child. Suddenly his hold on me tightened and he somehow managed to pull my arms from underneath me and pin them above my head with one hand whilst trying to get the bottle with the other one.


He was putting so much pressure on my wrists to the point that it was painful. I winced from the discomfort and without realising it I let go off the bottle. Gerard grabbed it and sat up slowly. I didn't waste any time as I shot up, reaching for his meds but he hid them in his pocket and before I knew it I was once again on my back. I found myself trapped underneath him in the exact same position as the night before when he woke me up, the fabric of his trousers pushing against the bare skin of my legs.


He had a murderous expression on his face and I had no choice but to sigh in defeat, not enjoying the way he was looking at me. He could break my arm for all I know. "I need them, Gerard." I whispered, my tone laced with sorrow. He wasn't saying anything. Suddenly his eyes softened a bit and he was giving me the same hard empty look as he did so many times before.


"What is it?" I tried to wriggle out of his hold. "Why are you always looking at me like this?" I asked bewildered, feeling myself grow angry once again.


His hold on me loosened a little and his left hand slid down my wrist, accidently pushing my sleeve up, making his fingers brush over the scar slightly. I gasped at the sudden unfamiliar contact on the sensitive skin that I never wanted to be touched by anyone but myself. I was about to say something but my eyes widened and my breath got stuck in my chest as Gerard did the most unthinkable gesture he could have possibly done to anyone, let alone me.


With his other hand he pushed a strand of my hair that fell out of my neat braid away from my face. He performed that move with so much gentleness that he had me lying there stunned and speechless, his warm fingers still resting on my chin.


"You look like her."




..

Notes

Hope you enjoy chapter 7!
I have my first exam in six days and I haven't even looked at it yet! I didn't even go to any of my lectures. If I pass any of my exams, it's gonna be a miracle. Why do I do this to myself?