Safe Haven

Do you know the feeling that you had as a child when you did something wrong and you knew that as soon as you would get home, your parents would turn your life into hell? That's exactly how I felt after Gerard stormed out of the dining room. My parents had a small talk with the Ways and Mikey sent me a few looks of pity before we crossed the road again to our house. Then the hell began.


It's a bit of a blur but it started with my dad shouting at me for my behaviour at the dinner table. Then my mum telling my dad off for shouting at me, me telling mum not to shout at dad, mum asking me about the pills, dad telling her to leave me be. I lost it and broke down in tears when they started asking me about why I didn't tell them about it.


This was too much.


I ran upstairs into my room, shutting the door behind me but it wasn't enough to keep my parents' argument away from my ears. Isn't it ironic how I thought that they were actually getting along again just before we went to our neighbours'?



I was sobbing into my pillow, a mix of emotions raging inside of me. I hated it when my parents argued. It made me feel like I didn't matter, like I wasn't even there. What happened tonight at the dinner had changed a lot of things. First of all, my best friend and his entire family saw the weakest side of me, the one that I have been desperately trying to hide for so long. The embarrassment that I felt was unbearable.


And second of all, my parents finally realised that I was broken beyond repair. They have lived for months convinced that I was getting over everything and that I had moved on. This was probably a bit of a shock for the both of them. I was terrified of what was to come in the morning after tonight's events. Were they going to send me to a therapy again? Or maybe an institution? What scared me the most though was only the thought of them two not being able to save their relationship after this argument.



How could everything go so bad in a span of minutes? I was replaying the evening and the dinner in my head when I suddenly got an answer to my question.


Gerard.


It was him who messed it all up. He started with the insults and it was him who threw the pills on the table for everyone to see. What an asshole. What have I ever done to him?


At least I have the pills back now. After remembering them lying in my pocket, I took one immediately before hiding under the duvet. I tried to calm myself down, closing my eyes in hope of falling asleep quickly so that I didn't have to listen to the shouting of my parents.


Gerard wouldn't leave my mind though. How the hell did he know about the necklace? He must have known Hayley better than I thought. That would explain why he broke down after finding out about her death. I just couldn't wrap my head around it. As far as I can remember, Hayley never talked to him. I always thought she had a platonic crush on him but never approached him. And if she did, why wouldn't she tell me?


These thoughts weren't helping, honestly. I felt betrayed and lost. I cried myself to sleep that night only to wake up with a pounding headache the next day, questioning the meaning of my existence.


The morning was a blur. My dad was nowhere to be seen, leaving me and my mum alone. She said that she called Ms. Hardy who apparently had suggested that I need to keep myself busy over the summer so that I'm not locked inside the house with my own thoughts. They both agreed that it would be a great idea if I got a job. I really don't understand what was so great about it and what the whole point was, nevertheless, after an hour of protesting and shouting I had to promise that I would get myself a summer job within the next few days. Later that day my mum left the house, saying that she needed to get out for a bit and spend some time alone.


I was huffing to myself about my mum's adamant decision of me getting a job. I didn't need a job. Just because some unprofessional school therapist suggested that it might make me feel better doesn't mean that we had to do as she says. I got changed quickly so that I could get out of the cursed house as soon as possible just like my parents did.


I forgot my hoodie at the Ways' the night before. It was pretty chaotic when we were leaving and in the rush I left it on the back of my chair. I decided that I would use that hoodie as an excuse to come over to theirs. I didn't want to be alone so I made my way across the street once again to see if I could spend the day with Mikey.


There was only Gerard's car parked by their house so I assumed that it was just the two brothers. As I was approaching the front door, I could hear faint shouting from around the corner. Curiosity got the better of me as I followed the angry voices. They led me towards a living room window which was left open, allowing me to hear every word that was spoken.


"What was she even doing in your car?"


"That doesn't matter." Gerard's voice muttered quietly, barely reaching my ears.


"It was uncalled-for." Mikey huffed.


"She's an attention seeker, Mikey." Gerard sneered. Were they talking about last night?


"How can you say that? Do you even know what she's been through?" Mikey defended me, making me want to peek through the window.


"Her parents are acting normal and they've been through the same shit - "


"It's not the same." Mikey cut his brother off with a sigh. So Gerard basically thought I was just overreacting? Is he serious? What's it to him anyway?


"How is it not -"


"Because she found her, Gerard!" Mikey shouted all of the sudden, surprising me and clearly Gerard as well as there was a long silence after that. "She was the one who found her dead and from what I've heard it was some pretty nasty shit."


I didn't even realise that I wasn't breathing until I let out a shaky sigh. I never told Mikey about what happened that night and I had no idea where he got this information from. It made me wonder how much he knew about the whole affair and how many details came with it.


I could hear some shuffling and loud footsteps coming from the open window, meaning I had to move away quickly before they caught me eavesdropping. I darted towards their main door and just as I was about to knock, the door swung open making me almost bump into a very distressed looking Gerard.


A breath got caught in my throat as he stopped in front of me, clearly shocked from seeing me of all people in that moment. I was still angry at him and meeting him in the doorway like that was a great opportunity for me to throw an insult at him or at least shout at him for what he did the night before. However, no words were spoken from either of us as we just continued to stand there, staring at each other. I couldn't bring myself to say anything nasty to him because of all the sorrow that was subtly written all over his face.


I don't know if he knew that I had overheard what they were talking about but that didn't matter. He licked his lips a little as if he was preparing to say something but he stopped himself before he could speak. He was looking at me in that way again - same way that he was looking at me in his car and at Mikey's graduation. I dropped my eyes to the floor, unable to hold his intense gaze.


"Where are you going -" Mikey emerged from the hallway, stopping mid-sentence when he noticed me. Gerard didn't wait any longer as he pushed past me, bumping into me in the process. Mikey and I watched him as he hopped into his car and without another word disappeared down the street. I was looking after him, still recovering from our staring contest just seconds ago.


"Hi, you wanna come in?" Mikey brought me back to reality and I nodded, following him inside the house.


"I left my hoodie in here last night." I said as I entered the hallway. He pointed towards the drawer where my hoodie sat folded neatly, the one that Mikey spilled water all over the night before.


"Thanks." I said, picking it up, noticing the awkwardness in the air. Even if I didn't hear their conversation, the tense atmosphere was too obvious between the two brothers when the door opened.


"I was wondering if you wanted to hang out today." I said with a bit of hesitation, hoping that Mikey was free. "It's not very nice at home at the minute." I admitted, sighing as I played with the soft fabric of my hoodie.


"Sure." Mikey said with a small smile and led us into the living room. As soon as we walked in, my chest relaxed a little. I loved their house and its homely atmosphere. It reminded me of my childhood and all those nights that I had spent with Mikey and Frank in here, playing video games and watching movies.


"Are you okay?" Mikey asked carefully once we sat down on the sofa. "I mean, last night was pretty rough." He added, playing with his fingers.


"I'm fine." I sighed, burying myself deeper into the cushions. "It came out of nowhere. As a punishment, I now have to get a job for the summer." Mikey raised an eyebrow at me, shaking his head. His horrified expression mirrored my emotions about this whole thing.


"Gerard crossed the line. I'm sorry about what he said."


"You shouldn't be the one apologizing. I don't understand what his problem is." I rubbed my forehead with my hand, puzzled with the way Gerard had acted.


"Kay," Mikey started but paused for a second, putting the sentence together. "Why were you in his car?" He asked finally, confusion written all over his face. "And when?"


"He gave me a ride home after your graduation." I explained and Mikey's eyes widened in shock. As I said before, Gerard never gave us a ride. Ever. "Yeah I know, I was pretty shocked myself when he offered it." I let out an airy laugh and shook my head a little. I left out the reason behind Gerard giving me a ride. Mikey didn't have to know about how he shouted at me before he dropped me off or about the conversation we had. "The pills must have fallen out of my pocket when I was getting out of the car, otherwise I would have noticed."


"So you're on meds again?" He asked after a short pause casually, knowing that he could talk to me about this. I simply nodded in reply, not meeting his eyes.


"Does it help?" He asked, making me sigh and shrug at the same time.


"You shouldn't be bottling this up, Kay." Mikey urged me, sitting up on the sofa.


"I don't know Mikes. It's hard. Not many people can understand." I gave him a sad look, wishing that I could openly talk about my mess of a head but I don't think Mikey would know how to react to that. "Things have changed." I just wanted to turn off the noise for a while, relax and forget.


"You know what." He said, suddenly standing up. "We're gonna enjoy tonight." He went down on his knees in front of their extensive VHS collection. "My parents are spending the next few days at my grandma's, apparently they wanted to get out of here. So let's have a movie night, whatcha say?" He said turning towards me with a smile. I don't know if he could hear my thoughts or if it was a best friend instinct but I had to thank God for the blessing that Mikey was.


"Sounds great." I said and pushed my shoes off so that I could get comfortable in the nest that was created by the numerous cushions on the sofa.


"I'm picking the movies though." He announced cheerfully and started digging through the cassettes.


"Whatever you say, Mikes." I said and reached out behind me to grab their phone. "I'm ordering the pizza."


"No way!" He got up quickly and snatched the phone out of my hand, holding it behind his back protectively, making me burst out laughing. "You always only order ham and cheese."


"How about, I pick a film and you pick the next one and we both order a pizza of our liking." I suggested.


And like that, the conversation about the pills, my parents or Gerard was over. We ended up ordering three pizzas and finishing them before the end of the first movie. I called our house, leaving a voicemail for my parents, letting them know where I was and that I had no intentions of coming home that night since I was having so much fun with Mikey. I didn't even bother telling them in person, even though it would take me less than two minutes. We called Frank at some point too, inviting him to join us, however, he was too busy with his new found girlfriend but he promised that he would pop by the next morning.


Two and a half films later, I could hear faint snores coming from behind a massive pile of blankets and duvets that were brought in here by Mikey before we started watching the second movie. I glanced at the clock to see it was nearing midnight. I smirked a little and gently kicked the lump under the blanket that was lying next to me.


"Mikes, wake up!" I hissed, knowing that I wasn't waking up anybody else apart from Mikey as we were the only people in the house. For a second there I wandered if Gerard was coming back home at all. I didn't want him to be around and I hoped that he would return after I left the next day. My thoughts were hushed away when a quiet groan reached my ears.


"You win." Mikey mumbled sitting up, reaching for his glasses. Ever since we were little, we've had this contest during our film marathons. Basically, we weren't allowed to fall asleep no matter how tired we were. I think it started after I lashed out on the boys who were constantly falling asleep on me, leaving me watching all those movies by myself. If you don't like the film, turn it off, but don't fall asleep while watching it.


"I always win." I said, suppressing a yawn. I was pretty tired myself and I was glad that Mikey admitted defeat as I could now peacefully fall asleep too.


"Okay, I'm gaah-," Mikey let out an exceptionally long yawn as he was reaching for his duvet. "I'm gonna go to my room. There's no way I'm sleeping on this sofa."


"Sure, night Mikey!"


He mumbled something incoherent in response and with that he disappeared somewhere into the dark hallway. The only light in the house was the one coming from the TV screen. I didn't want to turn it off just yet, there was only a few minutes of the movie left. I decided I would finish the movie by myself, not wanting to be alone in such a big dark room.


I guess I overestimated my powers when I thought I could last throughout the ending of the film. I fought the sleep with all my might but my eyelids felt like they were being pushed closed by someone else and I was too tired to fight them.

________________________________________



Fear was pulsing through my body as I struggled to run towards the door. I could hear her footsteps behind me, getting closer every second. Laboured breaths filled my ears and tears prickled my eyes, I knew I couldn't escape no matter how much effort I put into moving my legs faster.


Something caught my right ankle just before a loud thud echoed through my head as my body collided with the thin carpet. Trying to keep my focus on the door and avoid looking back, I crawled towards it. All hope of deliverance was gone once I felt an ice cold grip on my legs that flipped my frame over, my back landing on the floor. And that's when I saw her again.


"You thought that you could get away from me, little sis, didn't you?" A snarl left Hayley's bloodied lips. I wriggled underneath her grip, however, she shifted her position so that she was straddling me with her legs, making it impossible for me to move. As my sister's figure hovered over me, I noticed the all too familiar object in her right hand.


The knife. The one that will be forever imprinted into my mind. The one with the black handle with the engraving by the blade. The one that took the real Hayley away from me.


Panic shot through my body but no matter how much adrenaline was pumping through my blood right now, I couldn't push her off of me.


"Let's see if we can finish what we had started." With every word she said, droplets of blood landed on my face, making me shudder in disgust. Her corpse-like skin had an icy appearance and her voice sounded rusty, almost as if she was being strangled.


She let out a sudden laugh that came out more as a choked up gasp. My hands were pinned next to my head and before I could react, Hayley pushed down the right sleeve of my shirt, revealing the scar. A permanent reminder of what had happened only months ago.


"No!" I screamed as I observed her lowering the blade towards my marked forearm. "Please!" Tears were streaming down my cheeks, making everything around me blurry. "Don't do this, Hayley please!" My begging only seemed to make her laugh, turning this whole situation into a joke.


My tears turned into sobs, shaking my whole body, as her small laughs turned into a hysterical laughter.


"I'm sorry, Hayley! Please don't!" I could barely speak through my weeping.


"....Kayleigh...." A distant voice was breaking through her maniac outburst but I paid no attention to it.


I turned my head away from her twisted face only to see the knife coming in contact with my skin. "Stop, Hayley, stop!" My cries were getting desperate.


"Kay!"


"Hayley! No!" I screamed out in pain as I felt the tip of the knife reopen my old wound, starting an excruciating burning sensation erupt from my right arm into the whole body. Trying to wriggle out of her grasp only made it worse as she cut in deeper.


"She's not here!" My body was being shaken violently, making me the more confused. Hayley was fading away in front of my eyes, however, my hands were still pinned above my head and my body was still being straddled by a much larger figure than I was.


Another wave of fear ran through my veins as I wasn't sure what was going on. The noise around me died down and I could hear my own heavy breathing again.


"Wake up!" Came from above me. In my disoriented state of shock I couldn't identify whose voice it was. The only thing I could feel was that I was still being pushed down by someone else, someone much stronger than myself.


I opened my eyes with a loud gasp as I saw the figure above me, their face illuminated with a faint light coming from aside. Everything around us was dark.


"It's okay." The person spoke more calmly now. "It's me." That's when it hit me.


Gerard.


He was holding my wrists by my head, pushing them down into the soft cushions. He had a worried look on his face, mixed with confusion as his eyes were gliding all over my features. I could feel him straddling my body with his own, meaning I must have been trashing around in my sleep. As the realisation flooded my head, I tried to get out of his hold. I think he got the message once I started wriggling underneath him uncomfortably. He let go off me warily, his eyes following my every move.


I sat up quickly, looking around the dark living room, the only light was coming from the TV which only had black and white stripes on it now. My sister wasn't here, however I quickly pushed my right sleeve up, checking that it really was only a dream. There was the same old hideous scar which ironically made me breathe out a sigh of relief.


I rubbed my forearm, still feeling light tingles on it from the pain I felt only seconds ago. It was so real. So real that I can feel the presence of my sister quietly haunting me down. I put my head in my hands, feeling the drying tears that escaped my eyes in my sleep.


Now that my brain processed that this was in fact the reality, I looked up from my lap, still shaking from the terror that I was in. I completely forgot that I wasn't alone until my eyes wondered over to Gerard's terrified expression. His mouth was slightly open, brows furrowed in confusion and his eyes were piercing through my own.


All of a sudden, a new emotion made its way into my system. Embarrassment. How pathetic must I have looked? How weak and mental? In attempt to hide my face from him, I put it back in my hands but it was more of a defeat and a giving up gesture. What has my life become? Nightmares being my biggest fear.


As I felt a new wave of tears pushing on my tired eyes, I was so oblivious to my surroundings that I didn't hear or feel the shifting of the duvets and cushions around me. Completely out of the blue, I found myself leaning into a warm embrace that seemed to seize the fear that was still present at the back of my mind.


"What the hell has she done to you?" I heard a subtle mumble which was whispered into my hair as my body was relaxing into the arms around me. I don't think I was meant to reply to his rhetorical question. It was more of a remark and I wasn't exactly paying attention to it anyway.


With the shock slowly leaving my chest, I came to terms with what's real and what's not and surprisingly, I didn't care that the person holding me was Gerard. I wasn't alone. That's all that mattered to me in that moment. For the first time I wasn't alone to face the aftermath of my night terrors. Someone finally saw what was happening to me and was there to hold me, no matter how much they disliked me in our everyday life. I didn't have to look out for my nightmare lurking behind my back, I didn't have to doubt my mind when deciding between the reality and dreams.


For the first time, I felt safe.









..

Notes

Thank you so much for the lovely comments guys, hope you all had a good start to 2017!
This chapter is short but the next one is almost finished as it was meant to be one chapter... :)