"Guess who's back!" I heard an all too familiar voice shout out, followed by even louder cheers. The girls who were still in the kitchen with me suddenly exchanged a few knowing looks between each other and hurried out towards the living room. I didn't know what they were saying, but between all the squealing I heard "He's here!". I rolled my eyes at their excitement and kept focused on the melon which was getting harder to cut. A few minutes later, I was still battling with the massive piece of fruit, when I heard muffled voices coming out of the corridor behind me.



"Bro, chill out. I'm only back for ten minutes and you're already at me for drinking." I heard Gerard's patronising drunk voice filled with silent chuckles.


"Where the hell have you been anyway?" Mikey asked angrily but at the same time trying to keep their conversation quiet.


"Pre-drinks, of course." I heard a snort.


"For fuck's sake, Gerard. Who does predrinks for a party like this?" Mikey was exasperated by now. I could feel it from his voice. "And shouldn't you cut down on drinking anyway? The doctor-"


"Look Mikes, why don't you go find yourself a chick or something and let me have some fun now that you have me back." Mikey got cut off by his older brother and I could hear him sigh all the way from here.


"Whatever." I heard Mikey mutter and then angry footsteps setting off away from the scene.


I felt sorry for Mikey. I'm sure he was excited to see his brother and instead of a nice greeting all he got was a drunk Gerard and his arrogant attitude. Something tells me that he hasn't changed one bit.


I was pressing hard on the knife, trying to cut through a particularly thick piece of the melon when I heard a voice from behind me.


"Ooh, what have got here?"


I jumped in shock when I felt a pair of hands grab me by my hips and squeeze me tightly. I knew he was behind me but it still scared me when he touched me unexpectedly, especially in such a manner.


I spun around quickly, dropping the knife in the process, my breath hitched in my chest from when I gasped at the sudden contact.


"Ooops, sorry sweetheart." He laughed, his hands still resting on my sides.


There he was. After three years, Gerard Way was facing me again in all his glory. His dark hair was slightly longer than I had remembered, ruffled in a black mess as always. He was towering over me in his leather jacket that smelt exactly the same as it did the last time we were this close to each other. His skin was as pale as ever. Despite everything I thought about him, I had to admit that he still kept his alluring aura around him. He had a lazy smirk plastered across his features, eyes glossy from alcohol.


I was just standing there, staring at him, still shocked from how he scared me just seconds ago. When I didn't respond to his flirtatious remarks, he tried to focus his eyes a little more, taking in the person he was still holding. After about ten incredibly awkward seconds, an even more awkward moment came. The moment he realised who I was. He frowned a little and took a step back, dropping his hands off me like he got burned. I didn't move as he was still gaping at me with his mouth slightly open in utter shock. For a second it had seemed that he had sobered up a little as his eyes widened in realisation.


"Kayleigh?" He whispered hoarsely, making sure he wasn't just seeing things. That was the second time that I had ever heard him say my name out loud. I'm not going to lie, I was surprised he even remembered who I was.


After a while of studying me, he narrowed his eyes a little and shook his head to himself. "What the fuck happened to you?" He asked slowly not taking his eyes of me. Whether he expected a reply or not, I don't know, nor do I care. He clearly had no idea what actually happened in his neighbourhood. I felt awful. He made it very clear that I looked like a piece of crap in a single question.


I balled my hands in fists to contain all the emotions that he had caused to erupt inside of me, but as I did, I felt a sharp pain shoot from my left hand all the way up to my shoulder. I flinched a little as I looked down to my left hand to find it dripping with crimson blood. My eyes widened and searched the knife that was lying on the floor next to me. I must have cut myself by accident and now that the shock was wearing off, the pain started to kick in, even though I was fairly drunk. My heart picked up a speed quickly as I kept my eyes on my bloodied hand. It couldn't have been a big cut but the blood was gushing out like I had just gotten my finger cut off.


Suddenly, there was no Gerard and there was no music. All I heard was a loud ringing in my ears and all I could see was the red on my hand. Blood. Everywhere. My heart was beating hard against my ribcage and I could feel sweat droplets building up on my temples. I couldn't move. I couldn't talk. Flashbacks started taking over my shocked mind, replaying the most traumatising moment of my life right in front of my eyes. Not now, out of all moments that this could have happened, why now.


I was shaking, tears burning my in eyes as they gradually tried to make their way out, when suddenly an arm appeared in my vision, grasping my bleeding hand. I looked up slowly to see a shell shocked Mikey looking from me, to my hand, and then to his brother. Due to my hyperventilating I could barely make out what he was saying.


"Kayleigh!" He looked to Gerard with an angry frown. "What the fuck just happened here?" I could hear the panic in his voice as he started pulling me out through the door. "Come on, let's get you out of here." He tried to comfort me as he put his hand on my lower back, leading me out of the room.


"Oh come on, it's just a small cut." I heard Gerard mutter towards us which made Mikey stop for a second and face him.


"Shut the fuck up Gerard." He retorted and just before we exited the scene, I caught a glimpse of a very confused Gerard staring after us. Mikey quickly led me to the bathroom where he sat me on the side of the bath and locked the door behind us. I couldn't take my eyes off the blood. Soon I noticed the tears turned into quiet sobs as I was battling whatever was happening to me right now.


"Don't look." I heard Mikey say as he stood right next to me, searching the cabinet for a first aid kit, I had presumed. "Kayleigh! Close your eyes!" He said this time more sternly and I did as he said. Mikey knew why I couldn't see this much blood. He knew what it reminded me of and what it could trigger.


I sat there, slowly calming down now that I didn't see any more of my red covered hand. I hissed a little when he pulled my hand under a stream of cool water and held a small amount of pressure on my palm, washing off the blood. I heard Mikey sigh as he continued to splash my hand with water.


"Are you going to tell me what happened?" He asked quietly.


"It was an accident." I sighed, my eyes still closed.


"How much did you drink?" Mikey asked with the same calm tone.


"I'm not sure." I answered honestly. "Look, Mikey, I'm really sorry for this, you must think I'm pathetic, this is not what I-" I started apologizing but he cut me off.

"This is not your fault, do you hear me?" He said sternly as I heard the water stop. I didn't respond. If me being messed up isn't my fault then whose is it. I felt him drying my hand with something soft and then he started putting something over the cut on my palm. "I'm walking you home after we're done here." He said without any question.


"Mikey no! I'm fine, this is yours and Frank's party, I'd never forgive myself if I ruined it for you like this." I protested and heard him take a deep breath. He didn't say anything back so I presumed the debate was over.


"You can look now, it's all clean." I slowly opened my eyes to find a massive plaster wrapped around the sides of my hand. I felt guilty for getting us into this situation where he had to take care of me in a locked bathroom. I can imagine this is not how he pictured the night to go.


"Thank you Mikey. For this and for inviting me." I looked at him sincerely. "I know I haven't been here for you guys in a very long time." My eyes dropped to the floor in shame. "I appreciate it."


He didn't say anything. He bended over towards me and hugged me tightly which made me realise how much I missed him. I just hope I won't hurt him in any way in my current state.


"Let's get back before someone starts looking for you." I smiled up at him standing up carefully, still a little dizzy from the alcohol.


"Are you sure you will be okay?" He asked me as he was unlocking the door.


"I'm sure, I'll just wait for the alcohol to wear off and then I'll come find you again." I laughed a little, trying to lighten up the mood walking out into the loud corridor.


"Okay, go get yourself some soda, I'll go finish up the stupid melon before someone throws it into Frank's neighbour's yard."


"Sure." I laughed. "I'll see you in a bit, Mikey." I smiled.



What now, I thought. I really wanted to go home but I could barely walk from one end of the corridor to the other. I definitely had to wait for at least an hour to get to my normal self. I decided that I would go upstairs to Frank's bedroom and wait in there, alone, in peace. Assuming Frank wouldn't mind, I climbed up the stairs, that in my drunken state seemed to be twice as long and steep than I could remember, and made my way towards his room. I didn't think twice when I pushed the door open and walked in, not fazed at all by the lamp that was turned on, indicating that someone was already in there. I heard a loud gasp coming from where his bed was, which made me turn around and look in that direction.


"Oh my God!" It happened so quickly, I don't even know who said it first.


There, on his bed, was Frank, butt naked, looking at me wide-eyed like a deer caught in the headlights, reaching for the duvet that was lying on the floor. Underneath him I could make out a silhouette of a girl's body but before I could see any more details, I slapped a hand over my eyes turning around, darting for the door.


"I'm so sorry!" I shouted, still covering my vision. It must have been less than two seconds that I saw them, but the image will stay burnt into my memory for the rest of my life. I heard them both chuckle loudly before I slammed the door behind me.


"Sweet Jesus, I think I'm blind." I breathed heavily, trying to erase the image of Frank's naked butt from my mind. The shock of seeing my best friend with no clothes on made me sober up a little so going back downstairs wasn't as hard anymore. I didn't open any more of the bedroom doors just in case there were more drunk people having sex around the house.


I stumbled towards the front door and decided that waiting outside in the cool air might help me to get rid of the dizziness faster. I supported myself on the railing of the stairs leading towards their house and slowly sat down. There were a few people outside with me. Some of them were having a smoke, some were on the phone and I could see two couples making out just around the corner to my left. Judging by the darkness surrounding us, it must have been around eleven o'clock. There was no cool air as I thought there would be. My mum was right, it must have been like a hundred degrees out here.


I must have been sitting there for good thirty minutes without having anyone approach me. I could feel tiredness taking over me as the alcohol started wearing off, the throbbing pain in my left hand was keeping me awake though. So this is what parties are like. I decided I didn't enjoy it very much. Too many people, too much noise, too much sex and alcohol and too little civilised conversation. I hung my head down on my knees, realising how much of a mistake it was coming over here tonight. Catching Frank in the act was a cherry on top of everything. I knew he wasn't a virgin, and neither was Mikey, speaking of that, but seeing the actual thing made me realize how far ahead of me they were.


"I'm getting a little bit of a déja vu, sweetheart." I heard a voice sneer behind me. I knew it was him so I didn't bother making a single move or replying. When I felt him shift right next to me, I lifted my head a little to assess how close he dared to sit beside me. I peeked at him from under the curtain of my hair to find him invading my personal space with that smug smirk plastered across his face.


"Well hello there," he tilted his head to get a better look at me and laughed a little, "what a surprise to see you at Frankie's party." From that one sentence I could tell he was way beyond tipsy. "You still got all your fingers in the right place?" He chuckled.


"You were right, it was just a small cut." I replied in a monotone voice hoping he would get the message that I had no intention of having a conversation with him right now.


"Good." I saw him nod in the corner of my eye. "You acted like you got your fingers cut off." He laughed completely oblivious to me staring daggers at him.


"Have you got any reason in particular to sit here and bother me?" I asked annoyed with his stupid remarks.


"I do actually!" He exclaimed enthusiastically and searched his pockets, ignoring my attempt to be rude which angered me even more. "Apparently I'm not allowed to have one inside." He said as he pulled out a pack of cigarettes. I watched him as he placed one between his lips and then turned the box towards me, offering me a smoke as well. I averted my gaze, refusing to politely turn down his act of kindness. He just shrugged and proceeded to light his cigarette with a match he struck on the step we were sat on. The small flame made me look at him again. I could smell the sulphur immediately but it was soon replaced with the smell of burning tobacco.


I found myself staring at him with no particular emotion. Taking his first long drag, he closed his eyes, getting lost in the nicotine. When he exhaled again, we were surrounded with a thick white smoke that lingered around us as there was no sign of the slightest breeze. Studying his profile, I noticed how much more mature he seemed to be compared to the guys in my year. I wasn't used to seeing boys like him in school, if I can call him a boy, that is. He suddenly met my gaze and raised an eyebrow at me, taking another drag. Getting caught staring at him, I quickly dropped my eyes to the ground and awkwardly shuffled on the step.


"Get a picture, lasts longer." I rolled my eyes at his cliche comment and shook my head.


"So how come you're out here all by yourself?" He asked, the words slightly slurred together.


"Well, your brother is replenishing the vodka, Frank is getting laid, and I don't exactly fit in with anyone else." I earned a chuckle from him after what I said.


"You go Frankie." He laughed as he continued to breath out more and more smoke. "Man, I haven't been to a party like this in ages." He sighed. Somehow I find it very hard to believe. "Frankie fucking rocks." He smiled to himself and tilted his head back a little in a bliss.


"Since when are you and him besties?" I asked with a slightly irritated tone, feeling a little patronising when I realised that during my absence in our after-school hangouts, Gerard befriended my best friend.


"Since you decided that ditching him and my brother was a good idea." He did not just say that.


My jaw hit the floor when I turned to him with furrowed brows, hurt and shocked.


"Is that what they said? That I ditched them?" I asked bewildered.


"No, they didn't say anything, they're too polite to do that. I just assumed." He explained with no hesitation at all.


"Maybe you should keep your assumptions to yourself and quit judging people." I spat at him, my blood starting to boil. I balled my hands into fists and flinched a little when I forgot about the plaster and the cut underneath it.


He moved the cigarette between his fingers and turned to face me fully. "Well excuse the fucking hell out of me that I assumed this when everything seems to be a proof of that. Whenever I'm home and your family name comes up at the dinner table, the conversation is over. You are a taboo, princess." He sneered then eyed me up and down. "And this?" He pointed towards my body with his cigarette. "The way you dress, the way you look at people - you've changed. It only makes sense that you would change your friends as well."


I fought the urge to slap him with everything I had. I swallowed the angry tears, clenching my jaw. How clueless can someone be?


"You don't know me, Gerard, and you don't know your brother or Frank. You've been a jerk to them for the last five years." I tried not to yell at him as I spoke.


"And how exactly would you know that?" He asked with an angry tone. "You haven't been around for at least five months." I had nothing to defend myself with at this statement. "I mean what other possible excuse could you have for behaving the way you did?" He asked finally and I simply couldn't answer. This was not the right place and not the right time to talk about what happened. It was none of his business either, although it bothered me that he could talk to me like this without knowing half of the truth. I was upset, confused, but mainly furious at his arrogant drunk verdicts. All I did was stare at him in hurt without saying a single word.


"I thought so." He exclaimed proudly and nodded to himself in silent victory.


We continued to stare at each other for a minute when another person broke the uncomfortable silence between us.


"Oh my god, Kayleigh?" I held the gaze with Gerard for a couple more seconds before I turned to face whoever it was that approached me.


"It is you! You might not remember me, I went out with your sister, I'm-"


"Tom. I know. I remember you." I cut off the tall guy that I saw earlier with much less enthusiasm than he spoke with. How dare he say they went out. She agreed to go on one date with him and that was out of pity. I eyed him with slight disgust, remembering how he would ring our house in the middle of the night, trying to get to speak with her.


He was holding a beer bottle and was swaying slightly from one side to another, holding onto the stairs railing for support. Damn all those drunk people tonight.


"Man, I haven't seen you or Hayley in like two years. How is she?" He asked, smiling at me stupidly. I realised that thanks to my parents' attempts to hush up our little family tragedy, literally no one from her friends knew what happened, even though she made the local paper that week.


Still angry with Gerard, who was, by the way, still sitting next to me, I wasn't in a very sensitive mood. I shocked myself with how brutally honest I was with him, and how disrespectful it might have come out.


"Dead."


His eyes widened a little at my answer and the stupid grin fell off his features and he just continued to stare at me. I thought I just broke some horrible news to him but he surprised me when he burst out laughing all of the sudden.


"Has she like passed out or something?" He continued to laugh, oblivious to my emotionless expression. "Is she inside? Where is she?" He was looking around, probably searching for her or something.


"She's at the cemetery." I said standing up, straightening my jacket. "Feel free to come and say hi." I said to him and started walking towards the gate, leaving him behind me, speechless. I bet he won't even remember this conversation ever happened, once he sobered up.


I was about to walk out on the pavement, when I felt a tug on the sleeve of my jacket. I turned around to be met face to face with a drunk Gerard who was looking at me as if I just told him I murdered someone.


"What the fuck was all that about?" he managed to slur the words out, seeming even more drunk now that he was standing up. I wasn't in the mood for any more of his arrogance or lack of knowledge. I sharply shook off his hold and without another word made my way home.





...

Notes