Safe Haven

It was a cold morning in Belleville. The only thing I could hear were the trees above my head, the leaves rustling in the cool breeze. I was walking towards our house slowly, not thinking about how ridiculous I must have looked standing out on the street in my pyjamas. I was hugging my body tightly in an attempt to keep myself warm. My head was spinning slightly, making me feel exhausted and sleepy. I looked up from the pavement in the direction of my home where I could make out a silhouette of a girl standing at the gate of our house, staring up at the top floor windows.


As I was approaching her slowly, I furrowed my brows, trying to recognise the person. I must have been about two houses away when I could finally make out the ruffled fair hair and the all too familiar clothes. I stopped dead in my tracks.


Is this supposed to be a prank?


She was still looking up in the direction of my bedroom window without noticing my presence. Suddenly she dropped her gaze down to the pavement and turned her back to me, walking away slowly. It was her.


"Hayley." I said, walking towards her. She must have not heard me as she just kept walking away from me. "Hayley, wait!" I shouted this time, running towards my sister.


She slowed down to a stop as I was about to reach her. There was no one else to be seen around us, no cars on the road, no birds singing. My feet hitting the pavement echoed throughout the deserted street.


When I was close enough, breathing heavily from running, I placed my hand on her shoulder, letting her know I was there. She began to turn, facing me slowly, not phased at all by a stranger approaching her.


"Hayley, what is - " I said between breaths but stopped immediately as I slapped a hand over my mouth in pure shock. I dropped the other one from her shoulder and took a few steps away from her.


I wasn't sure if I was looking at my sister. Her normally grey eyes were now black, enlarged as she locked her gaze with mine. The veins around them were standing out against her deadly white skin and her lips were uneven, almost asymmetrical, looking like a smudged lipstick. It wasn't a lipstick though. It was blood.


I felt my body tremble at the sight. This was the most gruesome image I have ever seen. She took a step towards me, lowering her gaze like an animal preparing to attack and the disgust I was feeling was immediately replaced by fear.


"You did this." Her voice sounded choked up, like she wasn't breathing at all. I shook my head frantically, my hand still placed over my lips, although it couldn't stop the desperate cries escaping my throat. I wanted to run away. This wasn't Hayley. My feet felt heavy, making it unable for me to move.


She grabbed me by my shoulders suddenly, making me gasp loudly. It hurt. I felt her nails digging into my flesh as she shook me harshly.


"You didn't save me!" She spat. I felt the droplets of blood landing on my neck which sent shivers down my spine. I grabbed onto her hands but let go quickly, not being able to hold onto her freezing skin.


"Hayley, let go, please." I pleaded desperately. "You're hurting me!"


"Why did you leave me there?!" She ignored me completely, tightening her hold on me. I flinched, trying to shake her off. Her face twisted into a sad grotesque expression, more blood dripping from her lips, making me turn away from the sight. Somehow she managed to make me look at her again. I couldn't escape her. Hayley's eyes darkened even more as she started crying, dark thick liquid making its way down her cheeks. I was shaking at this point, hoping she would kill me fast before I could see anymore of this. Her hoarse voice pierced the air again, fear taking over me completely.


"I'll make you pay!"
____________________


Her words were still ringing in my ears as I woke up in my bed, covered in sweat. My eyes were still closed tightly in fear that I would see my sister if I opened them. I curled up into the fetal position, bringing the duvet closer, trying to slow down my breathing. This hasn't happened in a while and I didn't know what to do to get back into reality.


I focused on the sounds around me and when I couldn't hear anything, I sat up on the bed carefully, still holding onto my duvet tightly like my life depended on it. The sunlight was illuminating my bedroom, indicating that I had slept for a very long time. Why is it that when I get some proper sleep, I end up having such a terrible nightmare?


Everything around me appeared to be surreal as the aftermath of the dream was still present in my mind. I stood up, wavering a little, feeling sick all of a sudden. So this is what being hungover feels like. Why would anyone drink again knowing this was to come? My throat was dry and I knew I was in desperate need of something to drink. I opened my bedroom door but before I walked out, I checked the corridor on both sides, making sure there was nothing that could potentially scare me. I felt extremely pathetic for being this paranoid just because of a stupid dream. I couldn't help it though. I hate when I wake up from such a horror into an empty house. It was a Saturday morning which meant that mum was probably out shopping and dad was in his office working overtime.


I darted towards the kitchen quickly and I got my very much needed water. Filling up my glass, I peeked from behind the curtains of the kitchen window to check the pavement in front of our house. How could the dream feel that real? So real that I'm standing here, sipping my water and looking out for her cautiously, scared that she's waiting for me outside to "make me pay". I relaxed once I drank enough water to feel alive again, backing away from the window.


I jumped when I heard a loud ringing from behind me, almost dropping the empty glass.


"Shit!" I gasped at the rush of adrenaline in my chest. I rubbed my aching head as I walked to answer the phone that was still ringing violently.


"Hello?"


"Morning, I was expecting your mum to answer the phone."


"Frank? Hi." His voice woke me up properly. "I'm home alone."


"Aw, you poor thing. Why don't you come over then and help me clean up? We can keep each other company." Frank giggled as he spoke which brought a smile upon my face.


"Last night it didn't look like you needed any more company." I reminded him, trying to avoid picturing what I witnessed in his room.


There was more giggling from the other side of the phone. "Oh, don't worry, I promise I'm wearing pants and I'm alone, desperately needing my friend to help me tidy up the house. I rang Mikey's too but no one was answering." I guess I could come over. It's not like I was in the tidying mood but just the idea of staying in this house alone terrified me.


"Okay, okay. I'll be there in twenty minutes." I sighed. "You better be wearing those pants though."


He just laughed and thanked me. I got dressed quickly, trying to get out of the empty house as soon as possible. I also replaced the plaster on my hand with a new one, hiding the ugly scab beneath it. I suddenly remembered last night, the knife, the conversation I had with Gerard and Tom, and how wrong it all went. I should have never gone to Frank's.


So many odd thoughts were flooding my mind now and the uncomfortable feeling from my nightmare was still present in my chest. I decided it would be for the best if I took whatever it was that my doctor had prescribed me for moments like these in case it got worse throughout the day.


I left my house soon after, numbed by the medication and the hangover, praying that I would feel somewhat normal before I made it to Frank's.


On the outside, Frank's house looked absolutely normal. There were no signs of the party that took place here last night. That was until Frank opened the door for me. Blue and red cups littered the hall, all the pictures on the walls were wobbly and as soon as I walked in I could see that there was popcorn all over the sofa and the carpet in the living room.


"It's not as bad as it looks, I promise." Frank said quickly seeing my disgusted expression. I looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Seriously, nothing is broken, no liquids of any kind have been spilled anywhere - "


"Are you sure about that one?" I gave him a knowing look, trying to hold back laughter.


"Ha-ha-ha, not funny." He said hiding his blushing face. "What were you doing in there anyway?" Frank asked, still smiling like a madman.


"I was just trying to find a place where I could sober up a bit. Who was she anyway?" I asked, walking through the living room carefully, trying not to stomp on any of the crushed popcorn. Frank looked up dreamily and sighed blissfully.


"That," he paused for dramatic effect, "that was Jessica Nelson." He looked at me expectantly. "You know her, right?" I just shook my head, the name sounding completely unfamiliar. "She's a year above us. You'll see her on Monday at Mikey's graduation." Frank beamed with pride.


"So are you guys like serious?" I asked carefully. "Or was it just -" I didn't even know how to finish that sentence.


"Oh we are very serious." Frank smiled, picking up a large bin bag and handing it over to me." I'm meeting her parents on Monday." I took the bag from him and returned his smile.


"That's great, Frank." I said, bending over to pick up a few cups lying around me. "But if she's a senior, isn't she going to leave after summer? You know, for college?"


"Actually, she's taking a year break. She's staying here, working with her dad. Apparently she wants to earn some money before she leaves." Frank was now picking up garbage too, starting on the other side of the living room. "Which gives us plenty of time to figure things out."


"Oh right, that's good then." I couldn't help but feel a little jealous. It's not like I had a crush on Frank or anything like that. I just couldn't imagine another person being here with us, a girl. Seeing Frank so happy just talking about her made me realise that I will probably never have anything like that. A person I could lean onto. A soul-mate.


"Enough about me though. How did you enjoy last night? And how did you get home? You literally disappeared." Frank was still bent over, picking up microscopic pieces of crushed popcorn and crisps.


"The party was great, I talked to some guys from our class. Matt and a few other people walked me home." I made up the first thing that came to my mind, hoping that Frank would buy it but he just stood up straight and raised an eyebrow at me.


"Oh really? Is that what you told your parents when you got home?" I furrowed my brows looking at him, not sure what he meant by that. "Cause Matt came up to me around half two asking where you had gone."


I opened and closed my mouth a few times, embarrassed that I had got caught lying to my best friend. "Well, -"


The phone ringing from the corridor saved me from making up another excuse as to why I left without saying goodbye. Frank dropped the bag and jogged over to the phone whilst I continued to pick up the rubbish. Since Frank was literally just around the corner, I could hear the conversation he had with whoever it was on the phone.


"Hey, what's up?.......I thought you weren't home, no one was answering the phone..... Yeah, she's here." I stopped picking up the cups when I heard that they were talking about me. "I don't know. What did he say?" There was a long pause as the other person, presumably Mikey, was talking. "Seriously?....Okay, just a second. Kayleigh?" Frank's head peaked from around the corner and he nodded at me, telling me to come over.


"It's Mikey, he wants to talk to you." He paused as if he wanted to add something but stopped himself, handing me the phone. Confused, I took the phone and watched as Frank went back to cleaning.


"Hello? Mikey?"


"Kayleigh, are you okay? I didn't see you leaving last night and I knocked on your door today but no one was answering, you got me worried." Mikey sounded quite stressed or at least not his normal self.


"Yeah, I'm fine, I left about an hour ago and my parents aren't home so...." I trailed off, not sure what else to say. "What did you need?"


There was a pause on the other side and I could hear him sigh heavily. Worry started growing inside me as I tried to figure out what could have possibly happened but what he said after took me by surprise.


"You know, after we left the bathroom, did you by any chance speak to my brother again?" Mikey asked and I suddenly felt like I did something wrong.



"Um, I might have had a small conversation with him." I replied carefully, not sure where this was heading. "Why?"


"You told him, didn't you?" Mikey sighed and I got the feeling that this conversation was going to turn out to be much more serious than I thought it would be.


"Told him what?"


"About Hayley." I stayed silent which gave Mikey the answer. "He didn't know, Kay."


I remained quiet for a while, contemplating my answer to that. How is it my problem that he didn't know about what had happened to my sister? His behaviour last night proved to me that I shouldn't care about how he feels about things because he doesn't care about me in that way. And why should Hayley bother him anyway? The two of them rarely said a simple hi to each other.


"He came home this morning, asking questions...." Mikey took a deep breath but didn't say anything after that.


"What exactly do you expect me to say, Mikey? He would have learned the news sooner or later anyway, since he's back for such a long time. It's shocking that he didn't know already. It's no big deal."


"It is a big deal, Kay." Mikey replied quickly. "He didn't take it well." I was beyond confused. Why is it that they didn't tell him earlier? Surely he came home from college from time to time, they must have come across the topic.


"That's not my problem, Mikey. Your brother was being an asshole last night and I don't regret breaking the news to him. If anything, I'm glad he knows. Maybe he will now realise that he's not the only person whose life is not fair." I realised that I was getting quite angry. Why am I to blame for upsetting Gerard? It feels like ever since my sister passed away, everything I do turns out to be the wrong decision.


"How come he didn't know, Mikey? It's been almost six months."


"Look, Kay, I have to go." Mikey said quickly, ending the call before we got too deep. "You're coming on Monday right?"


"Of course I am." I sighed, frustrated at the lack of answers from Mikey.


"Good, I'll talk to you then, I promise." Mikey said hurriedly.


"Fine. See you." I hung up the phone and let out a long sigh, shaking my head slightly. I doubt he will talk to me about that on the day of his graduation. I'm sure that by then this whole thing will be over and Gerard will be back to his normal annoying self.


I turned around to see Frank standing in the middle of the living room, looking at me with concern in his eyes. I walked over to my bag and went back to picking up the cups from the floor.


"I should have known that you two seeing each other again would have ended up with trouble." Frank said, making me look at him again.


"Frank, what trouble? He just found out something he should have known ages ago."


"There's a reason why they haven't told him." Frank said quietly.


"What do you mean?" I asked, getting tired of all this needless drama.


"Gerard isn't well, Kay. He hasn't been for a while, mentally, I mean." Frank looked more serious than ever and I didn't know what I should find more surprising - Gerard having mental issues again or Frank being so concerned about him. "Honestly, if your sister got hit by a car, I don't think they would have kept it from him for that long."


"What are you saying? That he's suicidal or something?" I asked bewildered. Frank just shrugged, trying to figure out how to phrase his next sentence.


"I'm just saying that they were trying to protect him, I guess. And the longer they waited, the more difficult it got and they were stuck in this vicious circle of avoiding the topic." Frank explained and I didn't know how to feel about all this. I didn't like Gerard but I definitely didn't want to trigger anything that could result in him feeling worse than he already does. Great, now I feel bad for doing something I didn't even know I was doing.


I spent the next two and a half hours helping Frank put his house back to its original condition before his parents returned. We didn't talk about Gerard anymore, instead we focused on his new relationship and his plans for the Summer.


When I was walking home that evening, Gerard's car wasn't in the Ways' driveway like it was this morning. I tried not to give it a second thought as I just closed the door behind me and answered all of my mum's questions about the party. She only had time to ask me if I had a good time the night before as I headed straight to bed. Luckily she didn't notice the plaster on my hand or that I was way beyond tipsy. Now that she knew all the details, that were basically made up, she was happy that I was socialising and making friends. I believe I won't be seeing the school therapist after all.


After a very uneventful Sunday, I was getting ready for my last day in school. Mikey made sure that there would be an extra two seats next to his family for me and Frank. It meant a lot to me that I could be part of this and see Mikey leave high school for good. It made me wonder if I would ever get to that point.


"Take that jacket off, honey, it's boiling hot outside." My mum made sure I was wearing a pretty dress and that I looked as presentable for this special occasion as possible. There's no way in hell she could make me take that jacket off though.


"I'll be fine mum. You never know, it might start raining later." She gave me a funny look, telling me I'm crazy.


"You're looking great in that dress, you shouldn't be hiding it under this." She said, wiggling the hem of the jacket. I pulled my hand away and looked down to my feet.


"The dress has no sleeves, mum." I muttered quietly. I absolutely hate bringing this up.


"You really need to stop worrying about what other people think, Kay." My mum said with a sigh, standing up. She kissed my head and picked up her bag, heading to work.


"Have a good time, honey. Congratulate Mikey for us." I just nodded and waved her goodbye.


I met up with Frank in front of the sports field where the graduation took place. The entire school was there, proud parents were dressed smartly and the teachers were gathered at the bottom of the stage, giving the graduates last minute orders on where to stand and where to go.


"Come on, let's find the Ways." Frank said, leading me towards the endless rows of chairs set up at the field. "You look great by the way."


"Thanks, Frankie." I smiled up at him. "Likewise." I added and fiddled with his tie.


"You think so? I'm meeting Jessica's parents after this. I'm a bit nervous." He said, tightening the tie around his neck a little.


"Oh yeah! I almost forgot! You have to point her out to me. I didn't exactly catch what she looks like when... well you know." We both laughed and soon we saw Mikey's parents standing in an aisle next to a few empty seats. They were in the middle of a heated conversation when Donna spotted me and Frank approaching them. She immediately put on a big toothy smile and enwrapped the both of us in a tight hug.


"It's so good to see you both here today. It means a lot to Mikey. It's hard to believe that he's finishing school already!" Donna had such a bubbly personality and just being near her made my day a bit brighter. Donald shook mine and Frank's hand before sitting down next to his wife. Frank and I followed when I noticed the empty chair next to Donna.


"Is Gerard not coming?" I whispered to Frank who simply shrugged. Surely he wouldn't miss his brother's graduation. Apparently, my whispering wasn't as quiet as I had intended.


"No one has seen him since Saturday." Donna sighed and a sad look crossed her face. "Mikey was so upset. He's still hoping that he will turn up though." She shook her head in frustration. A wave of guilt washed over me but I just prayed that Gerard wouldn't ruin Mikey's big day by not coming at all.

Loud music made all of us focus our attention to the stage where a group of professors and students took their seats before the headmaster said a few words to open the ceremony. To be honest, it was excruciatingly boring and I couldn't wait to see Mikey coming up on the stage. Unfortunately, my best friend's surname happened to be at the end of the alphabet so I had about an hour of pure daydreaming ahead of myself. Surprisingly, when the valedictorian speech was being announced, Frank poked me in the side, wearing a large grin on his face.


"That's her." Frank whispered and pointed at the girl behind the microphone. My jaw hit the floor when I finally spotted her. She was incredibly pretty. Her long brown hair contrasted with the bright yellow robe that she was wearing and she radiated with confidence. Basically the exact opposite of me.


"Oh my god, your girlfriend is the valedictorian! You didn't tell me that!" I was still whispering, although it was hard to keep my voice down. "How did you even manage to ask her out?" I joked, still in shock. He just winked at me and gave me a cheeky grin which stopped me from asking any more questions after that.


"She's very pretty, Frank." I said, nudging him with an elbow playfully.


"I know." He just kept smiling and staring at his girl, watching her every move.


I thought their new relationship was really cute and I was very happy for Frank. This was probably going to be the best summer of his life. I couldn't even imagine what it felt like. Being in love at this age must be something very special.



"Where have you been?!" I heard Donna screech silently which brought me back to reality. I looked in her direction and saw a very tired looking Gerard, taking a seat next to his mum. Luckily, he was sat by the aisle so no one really noticed his late arrival.


"Not now, Ma." Gerard mumbled and looked apologetically at his dad. He nodded at Frank, however, he completely ignored my presence, which I couldn't really care less about. I was just glad he turned up as it would be heartbreaking for Mikey if he missed this.


We listened to Jessica's motivational speech which made many people around me very emotional, especially Frank, although in a slightly different way in his case. The whole time I fought the urge to look to my left to steal a glance at Gerard. I wanted to know what he looked like - was he hungover, was he dressed smartly, was he paying attention or did he have the same arrogant look on his face like he did when he was drunk the other night?


I finally found the courage to turn my head slightly, scanning his attire and posture. He was wearing a white shirt with a black tie which he really suited. The way he sat in his chair made him look much less energetic than the last time I saw him and although he was dressed very smartly, he kept his hair in his signature "I-just-rolled-out-of-bed" style. He was looking good. I wasn't going to lie to myself. It was hard to believe that someone like him could be suffering from some mental issues. But then again, you can never tell what's going on in someone's head by just looking at them. I wonder what him and Mikey were talking about before he took off on Saturday. I would also love to know if finding out about Hayley really affected him as much as Mikey said. I mean, why would he -



I looked away as soon as Gerard's eyes met mine. My heartbeat picked up its pace at the awkwardness of the situation I got caught in. I pretended to be very interested in the ceremony, building up an imaginary wall between myself and Gerard, trying to keep a calm expression. No matter how hard I tried though, I could still feel his eyes burning holes through me. That hadn't changed for the next few minutes when first students started coming up on the stage to collect their diploma. There was a lot of clapping and cheering and to my surprise, it went much faster than I thought.


By the time Mikey's name was called, Donald had his camera ready whilst Donna was wiping under her eyes. Frank and I clapped loudly, looking out for our friend. When he finally appeared on the stage, Gerard whistled and joined us with the clapping, smiling at his younger brother who had just officially finished high school. I could see Mikey grinning widely when he heard that his brother was there.


"What are we goona do in school without him, Kay?" Frank asked nostalgically, however, he was right. I couldn't really imagine high school without him. I smiled at Mikey sadly, realising that next year won't be the same. People around me were still clapping as the last students were collecting their diploma now. Once the graduation ceremony was over, the five of us made our way to the main gate where Mikey promised to meet us. He was already waiting there in his bright robe, waving at us.


"I'm so proud of you, my darling." Donna rushed to hug Mikey before any of us could even say hi to him. Once she let go of her son, we all got to congratulate him and tell him how ridiculous he looked in that robe. When Gerard hugged him and said a few words to him, I could see the happiness and admiration in Mikey's eyes when he looked at his older brother. Jealousy shot through me when I realised that I would never have that at my graduation. That is if I see the day. Mikey and Gerard were so lucky to have each other and they probably didn't even realise it. Life really isn't fair.

Frank excused himself after a while, wondering off to find Jessica and her family, leaving me with the Ways alone. They were planning on having a nice lunch in a restaurant in town to celebrate Mikey's graduation. Donna being polite as always invited me to come along with them but I made up an excuse about seeing my mum in the afternoon, not wanting to spoil their family time together. I hugged Mikey one more time before saying goodbye to them and walking away towards the benches on the other side of the school field. There were large trees and a nice view of the town, making it one of my favourite places in Belleville, even though it was this close to my school.

I decided I would sit there for a while before going home. I was still scared a little of being in the house on my own. The nightmare had truly terrified me. I started thinking about it again, trying to analyze it and find the meaning behind it. I thought about my parents and how their relationship has suffered ever since all this stuff had happened. I thought about Mikey and that I won't be seeing him again in school next year. I also thought about the loving hug that the brothers had shared just moments ago and how much I had wished for that to happen at my graduation. I thought about it all.

Here I was, sitting on a bench alone, miserable about my life, whilst crowds of happy kids and proud parents were flooding the other side of the school. Typical. I reached into my bag, searching for the pills. I quickly took one before I could end up breaking down. I took a few deep breaths, calming down, when I heard a voice from behind me.


"Aren't you supposed to be meeting your mum?" I turned around to find Gerard leaning onto the school wall lazily, taking a drag from his cigarette. Great, just what I needed.










...

Notes

It's really late and I have tons of work for school yet here I am writing fanfiction at 4am. What is my life....
By the way, sorry for any grammar mistakes - English is not my first language but I'm trying my best to use the correct tenses and all that stuff. Hopefully it's not too awkward to read. :)