When you go

Chapter 14
“You put me in this hospital bed.” Bert snarls, a disgusted look on his bruised face. I don’t say anything, i just nod, because, fuck, he’s right. This is my fault.
“They told me it was a hit and run. So they can't press charges.” Bert growls. The situation was completely fucked up, and i wasn't just talking about with Bert, i meant how the crash had happened.
We hit a huge truck, which they didn't stop to see if we were okay. They couldn't place the blame on me exactly because there were no witnesses.
I hated that.
I needed to be fucking punished for this, i needed to get this guilt off my chest. I needed to cleanse my dirty fucking soul, as stupid as it sounded.
“I have a huge scar running from my upper chest to my lower stomach. They told me i had been impaled by a car part. It broke my ribs and punctured my left lung, Gerard, and it’s your fucking fault. You fucking did this.” Bert growls again.
Of course I believed in his words wholeheartedly, but it hurts when someone said it out loud, so it was no surprise when i let the tears that had been building in my eyes spill out over my cheeks.
The door opens in a swift motion, revealing Frank and Mikey.
“C’mon Gee, we need to leave.” Mikey says softly. I nod not bothering to wipe the warm, salty tears off my cheeks. I walk out of the door, Frank and Mikey following.
“I heard what he said.” Mikey says softly. I look over at him, not even bothering to wipe the salty tears off my cheeks. “Gerard, this isn’t your fault okay? I promise it's not. We were all drinking, and Bert was the one who decided to get in the car.”
“Mikey, I’m supposed to be the responsible one. I’m suppose to take care of you.” I respond to him.
“Gerard….I don’t….you shouldn’t have to be. The responsible one, i mean. Fuck, okay, I know our parents left us and you had to raise me, but Gee, they’re here now. Please stop blaming yourself, you shouldn’t have had to have all that responsibility in the first place. Now you don’t have too.”
*******
I if I were to think out loud the world would be horrified by what i had to say. I’m terrified by what i have to say,
Frank might not be though, but i hope he’s never had thought quite like mine.
Maybe that’d be best actually, we could be insane suicidal freaks together.
I wouldn’t ever want Frank to be like that though. He should have a normal, happy life.
I have extremely selfish, horrid thoughts in my head, thoughts i wish no one else would ever have to endure. Of course they would though, because that's just life.
People are suicidal.
No one else cares except other suicidal kids.
That's just how our sick world works.
The thought of me dying didn't hurt for some reason. The aftermath would be hell, though. Mikey finding my dead body, probably with Ray.
My parents leaving again, so Mikey would be responsible for the house and himself.
Frank….might be the worst part. He’d hurt himself. He’d probably end his life. Even the thought of him ending his life made me want to vomit. Frank should live a long, long time. He’ll be important when he gets out of high school, i know it.
Unless i ruin him.
*******
“Baby…” Franks says gently, examining my face. He frowns slightly, making me think i’ve done something wrong.
“Are you okay?” He whispers gently. We were in my car, on our way to school. Mikey was driving and Ray was in the passenger's seat.
“M’fine Frankie.” I say, a false smile pulling at my lips. “I really love it when you call me baby.” I tell him, causing a smirk to pull at his lips. It made me wince because his lips was busted open,
Nit from the crash though, from his father. Franks entire chest was filled with bruises. I lift my fingers to his lips, softly brushing against them. He winced in respond.
“Sorry, love.” I say, pulling my hand back, frowning.
“Your fine, Gee. It just hurts a bit.” He says shrugging.
“Stay at my place tonight? Please.” I beg him, a desperate look on my face. He looks pained for a second, but quickly changes his expression.
“I dunno….He’ll be mad Gee.” Fank say hesitantly. I frown, staring at our hands that i hadn't realised had been intertwined.
“Frankie….only three more weeks until you come live with me. Until your eighteen.” I say smiling, trying to make him smile too. He doesn't though.
“So long…..” He groans.
“We’ll be together soon baby. Really soon. I promise.” I whisper to him. This makes him smile, in fact it lights up his whole face. Maybe it was just the way i said it.
“C'mon guys were here.”

Notes

Hey beauties.
So i noticed this has 2,000 veiws SO THANK YOU GUYS!!
Hope you guys had a good halloween :)
-May <3