When you go

Chapter 12
“Why are you here?” I whisper, my voice uneven. The woman who conceived me, the woman i refuse to call my mother, looks at me with big innocent eyes.
“We...we missed you and Mikey. Gerard we're really sorry, truly we are.” She says desperately. I just stare at her and Don, my sperm donor.
I don’t believe for one second they're sorry. They left us as soon as they got the fucking chance, so ‘their sorry’ my ass.
“You left us. You left, and you didn’t even look back.” I respond, my voice stronger and louder. Donna, my ‘mom’ just looks at the ground, having no way to respond to me.
“I want you to get the fuck out of here. I don't ever want to see you again.” I tell them, my anger surfacing.
“Gerard please,” Don begs, speaking for the first time since they came to the hospital.
“No! Fuck you! You left us, you don’t get to come back! Do you know what the fuck i do for a living? I’m a drug dealer. A fucking drug dealer!” I shout at them, not caring who the fuck heard, because holy fuck, they were pissing me off.
“Son, that was your own choice.” Donna says matter of factly. I scoff at her, bemused by her statement.
“Bullshit that was my own choice! I did that because it was the only fucking job that paid enough for me and Mikey to fucking live. And i am not your fucking son! Mikey isn’t ether! So do us all a fucking favor and go back to wherever the fuck you came from.” I yell, surprised when my voice came out as confidently as it did. Donna stares me me, her eyes welling with tears. For a second i almost buy it, but i know better.
“Get the fuck out.” I growl. Don and Donna look at me in surprise, as if they didn’t know I would actually make them leave.
“Please just give us a chance.” Don begs. It almost makes me fucking laugh. How fucking dare they.
“Why the fuck would i do that?” I snap at him, my patience running out. He looks at me sadly, knowing he can’t give me an answer.
“I don’t know. Maybe that’s the point Gerard. You have no reason to let us back in your life, we just want to be.” Donna whispers.
“Two weeks.” I say agitated. Donna smiles gratefully but Don looks confused.
“Two weeks? Two weeks for what?” He asks stupidly.
“You can stay for two fucking weeks. If you act like real parents, you can stay. If you fucking don’t i expect to never seen your fucking faces again.” I answer him, glaring.
“Okay,” He breathes out, a smile on his face. “We won’t disappoint you.”
“I doubt that.” I scoff.
I almost feel bad for the wounded look on his face.
But something inside me tells me he deserves it.

********

“He’ll be fine, b-Gee.” Frank tells me reassuringly. I look at him warily, wondering what he was going to say. I had a feeling he was going to call me babe, and admittedly i was disappointed he didn't. We were currently arguing about Bert's state; so far Frank was winning. I look at his face displeased with the bruises and cuts the car crash had inflicted.Well, technically what i had inflicted.
“Bur what if he’s not Frank?” I ask sadly.
“What if the world catches fire? What if the sun exploded and we all died from hypothermia? What if a worm hole somehow swallowed our entire earth?” He asks smirking softly. “You can’t worry about the what-if’s Gee, you have to focus on now. On this very moment.” He says softly. He sits down next to me on the bed, closer than he normally would have. Not that i minded. My eyes focused on his lips for a moment and i find myself leaning closer.
“What are you thinking Gee?” He asks softly. I tear my gaze from his lips and look into his soft, curious eyes.
“I’m thinking about…” I hesitate, scared at how he would react. “About your lips…” I trail off, distracted by his intense gaze.
“What about my lips?” He asks gently, as if not to scare me away or push me.
“About how scared scared i am too kiss them; about how you’d leave me again.” I whisper shutting my eyes. I set my head on his shoulder, hoping the action wouldn’t push him off the edge.
“Gee...i regret that so much, i was just scared and i didn’t expect myself to do that. I want you to kiss me Gerard, and i want you to do it without hesitation.” He says quietly, setting his chin on my forehead.
“C’mon you guys! Dinner time!” Mikey calls to us, opening the door.
“Since when the fuck do we have actual dinner time?” Frank said chuckling. I love i when he said ‘we’ as if he lived here. Only a couple more weeks until he actually could.
“Since Don and Donna came here.” I say with a small smirk. He nodded silently, grabbing my hand. My breath hitches in my throat as he does so. He grins at me and i grin back, happy with our intertwined fingers.
We walk into the kitchen, finding an array of foods spread out across the table.
“Hey, s-Gerard!” Don calls out to me. He was about to call me son, i realise. I appreciated that he didn;t actually; It was almost as if he cared. But i knew better.
“Hey,” I respond smiling. It was a genuine smile for the most part.
Mikey enters the room with Ray, giggling as they sit down. Mikey quickly whispers something in Ray’s ear, making him laugh and kiss Mikey with passion.
Me and Frank take our seats, side by side, never letting go of one and others hands. Don and Donna take their seats across from each other, and we almost look like a real family.
Almost.
“Do you guys say grace?” Donna asks, making me cringe. Thankfully no one takes notice but Frank and he just smiles reassuringly.
“No. We stopped praying after you left.” Mikey responds. His voice isn’t cold or anything, just matter of factly.
Donna nods, looking at her plate shamefully.
“Alright. Well, dig in.” She says, dismissing the matter, which i was grateful for. We all loaded our plates with food Don and Donna had bought earlier that day.
“So tell about your lives?” Donna says smiling. I look at her remorsely, wanting to tell that’d she’d know if she hadn’t left; I don’t though, just shrug.
“Well, i work at a comic book store, I’m Bisexual as you’ve probably gathered, and i play guitar.” Mikey says shrugging. I almost glare at him because of how willing he was to give up information.
“That’s great honey, maybe you could play guitar for me sometime.” Donna says smiling. It seemed genuine, but i didn't exactly trust it.
“Sure,” Mikey says hesitating a little bit. “Mom.”
I almost stop breathing. I feel myself staring at him, my mouth hanging open. How the fuck should we call her that?
His eyes flick up to me, looking unexpectedly blank. I almost wanted to punch him, luckily i didn’t.
“Gerard what about you honey?” Donna asks, ignoring my facial expression. My shock turns into anger, and i can't help but snap at her.
“Let’s see, I have anxiety, depression, I’m a drug dealer and My parents took off on my six teenth birthday, So I don’t know mom, how does my life look to you?” I snap. I don’t wit for a reaction, i just get up and leave. I grab my keys and cigarettes, grabbing a jacket and my shoes.
I’m out of the door in no time at all, and i find myself turning on the car. Frank rushes out of the house, a panicked expression on his face.
He jumps in the car without hesitation.
“I thought you left me.” He breathes out, his panic fading.
“I’d never leave you baby.” I say, wildly pulling out of the gravel driveway. The words slip out before i can stop them, but i don’t regret it. I’d always wanted to call him baby, when it meant more than friends.
“Gee, where are we going?” Frank ask curiously. I had been driving subconsciously up until this point, so i didn’t realise what i had been doing until he said something.
I was taking him to the place i’d disappeared to before the crash.
“To my safe heaven baby.”

Notes