Once I Was

Frank lay back on Gerard’s bed, staring up at the ceiling. He frowned slightly as second hand smoke filled his lungs, making the young boy cough dryly.

“Why do you like that stuff?” He scrunched his nose up, eyes glancing up and to the left at his friend sat up beside him.

“It feels good, why else?” Gerard shrugged, taking another deep inhale and blowing the smoke back out. Frank turned away, sighing to himself. He didn’t understand how this had happened so fast. It felt like one minute the two of them were goofing around in the backyard playing superheroes, and the next they were down here with the smell of something Gerard called ‘pot’ hanging in the air. Frank didn’t like when Gerard smoked, it made his nose hurt and Gerard always started acting funny. He didn’t talk to Frank as much anymore, and he was always off with his ‘new friends’. Frank had heard some kids at school muttering about them. At least, Frank thought that was right. He wasn’t quite sure what the term ‘stoner’ meant, and he didn’t really have anyone to ask. Mikey was too little to know, and there was no way he’d be asking Gerard. Frank coughed again, sputtering a bit.

“Gee, stop.” He rolled back over, frowning up at the older boy.

“Why should I?” The elder puffed, blowing some smoke towards Frank’s face. The younger boy’s coughing started back up, this time getting to the point where he was hacking pretty hard, his lungs struggling to find clean air to drink in.

“P-please…Please, Gee…” Frank wheezed, his lungs taking in another shuddering breath. Gerard grumbled to himself, but gave in and put out his joint.

“I don’t know why you bother coming over if you can’t take the smoke. You know that’s what I’ll be doing.”

Frank’s eyes went down, his heart twisting in his chest. “I… I just…”

“You ‘just’?” Gerard mocked, rolling his eyes. “You just what, Frank?”

The younger boy flinched at Gerard’s harsh tone, biting down on his lip. “I l-like spending time with you, that’s all… You used to be nice.”

Gerard snorted, crossing his arms. “Right, okay. You like me.” Gerard’s eyes rolled again, “Fag.”

Frank frowned, his eyebrows tilting to an angle of hurt. He didn’t know what the word meant, but the way Gee had said it made him feel icky inside. The way Gerard had looked at him made him feel icky.

“W-what?” He whispered, his voice shaky.

“You heard me. You’re a fuckin’ fag.” Gerard snapped, grabbing his joint again. “You’re a freak.”

Frank couldn’t believe what he was hearing. This wasn’t his Gee, it couldn’t be. The boy he had grown up with, shared so many memories with, cared about for so long. It wasn’t possible – his Gee would never say such horrible things. Or at least, that’s what he thought. Despite his best efforts Frank’s eyes filled with tears, and without waiting for another word from Gerard he ran out of the house. He ran back to his home, all the way up to his room.

This was all Bert’s fault. It had to be. He was one of Gerard’s new ‘friends’, the one that gave Gerard this horrible stuff. He was the one that convinced Gerard it would be fun to try, he was the one that got him hooked, he was the one who made Gerard act like this. They were supposed to be best friends, they were supposed to play video games and watch stupid movies, to laugh their butts off at crappy special effects. This wasn’t right. Frank couldn’t lose his only friend.

He lay back on his own bed, sniffling and rubbing at his eyes in a futile attempt to stop the tears from falling. His shoulders shook as quiet cries racked his body, his face buried deep in his pillow. He missed the old Gerard. He missed the one who drew comics, who laughed with a dorky snort and comforted Frank when he cried. The one who’d agreed to play superhero when no one else would. No matter what he did, though, Frank just knew. As long as those friends were there, as long as Gerard smoked whatever it was… his Gerard would never be back.

Notes

I'm sorry babes, not a happy chapter. :c The drugs are messing with Gerard, he's certainly not himself. Frank only wants him to be back to normal. Bert made an appearance here! I needed a character to have gotten Gerard into this mess, and so Bert can be pictured at closer to 17. Gerard sort of looks up to him in this chapter, he tries to mimic what he says- including the slurs. Ack, I really did not like writing this one. Probably why it's so short. I'll add more soon, lovelies~

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