The next morning

I wake up the next morning at 7 AM which is pretty unusual for me as I'm definitely a 10ish to noon type of guy.
So why am I up at 7?
Well it's because I have the damn bladder of a fucking squirrel, that's why. Fucking biology.
When I'm finished I stumble back to my room, bumping into shit and I unfortunately walk balls first into a doorknob. I collapse and groan in pain, pulling my knees up to my chest and I shakily breath until the pain subsides.
Now wide awake I slowly stand and carefully walk to the kitchen to make some coffee, maneuver into the living room and carefully sitting down so I don't spill my coffee on my already sore junk. I take a few sips and open my laptop and log onto Craigslist to see if anyone has replied to my roommate plea. To my surprise, five people have already said they'd like to move in. I gulp down the rest of my coffee, scalding my throat a little and set the mug down, deciding to dedicate the next hour to calling and interviewing each person.

---

After three guys I'm starting to lose hope.
The 1st guy was a total creep that set off every red flag/alarm/red alert in my brain. And when he asked if we were going to share a bed I hung up.
The 2nd guy I couldn't understand him over what sounded like an orgy in the background and my mind conjured up the image of coming home one day and seeing-...
I hung up.
The 3rd guy sounded like he was high OFF HIS ASS. And asked me to repeat things about five times. And when I heard the sound of something like a metal spoon and the click of a lighter I hung up.
I hope this girl is different, I think as I look at the information she gave me and dial her number.
"Hello?" A woman answers.

"Hi um, is this... Lindsey Ballato..?"

"Yes, who's this?"

"I'm Gerard Way, I'm calling about your interest in being my roommate?"

"Oh yeah! Do you have any questions for me? Or you wanna do like an interview or something?"

"Yeah um..." I look down at the paper full of questions I've compiled, "What do you do for a living?"

"I work at Starbucks during the day and I'm a bassist in a band playing gigs at night."

I feel my interest peek, "....Could you get me a discount at Starbucks?"

"Maybe...? Um, I'd have to talk to my manager but.."

"Maybe is good enough for me!" I say with a laugh, "Do you make enough to pay over 500$ a month in rent and utilities?"

"Well... I make enough that I definitely pay half rent, but we may have to divvy up the utilities."

Good enough For me, "Do you do drugs?"

"Nope, I just smoke and drink. What about you?"

"I drink and I used to smoke but, it's an expensive addiction."

"You're right about that, anything else?"

"Your opinion on gay rights."

"Well I mean, pardon my French, but who fucking cares?"

I feel my heart sink at her words, "What do you-"

"Like, gays are people no matter what, and it took way too damn long for them to just be able to get married it makes no fucking sense. Why does it matter if a dude sleeps with a dude? Or a girl with a girl? Like, it doesn't matter one bit."

I find myself smiling, I like her, "Last question. No orgies."

"That wasn't a question.."

"Oh well... Um..... Would you ever participate in an orgy..?"

"Fuck no, if I'm sleeping with someone, I'm sleeping with a singular person."

"What if they have multiple personality disorder?"

"Well then it'd be confusing as shit if they didn't take their meds, and I'm definitely not staying the night. Fuck and run."

"And do you like Chinese food?"

"I thought you said that was the last question."

"I lied."

I hear her laugh on the other end, "I prefer Italian but I don't mind Chinese."

I nod to myself, "When would you like to come over and check out the place?"

"Wait, so I can move in?!"

I smile as I hear her voice raise in excitement, "Yeah! Do you have any questions for me?"

"Do you mind if I play bass late into the night?"

"Nah, I'm not home most nights anyway."

"Are you a satanist, vegan who will force veganism on me, or a misogynist?"

"I'm somewhat Catholic, I like chicken, and I'm a feminist," I answer.

"Then I think we're set!"

"Awesome, when can you come check the place out?"

"My shift ends at 3, so, 3:30ish?"

"Sounds good to me! See you then, Lindsey."
I hang up and throw my arms open in relief,
I've found a roommate.

Notes

Hey y'all!
sorry this was so short, I've been busy this past week and haven't had a chance to dedicate time to writing.
I hope this was good anyway!

XoxoS