I came home from work early. Peterson had been bothering me again and I was still getting over the cold Gerard gave me.
I unlocked the door and hung my keys up, kicking my shoes off next to Gerard’s. I wandered into the kitchen to find a snack, yawning. I nearly ran into the open dishwasher door. I shut it carefully, stretching as I straightened up. I could hear an odd noise coming from my bedroom, a sort of squeaking. The door was open a crack. I walked over, pushing it open with my fingertips.
Gerard was laying under another man. The man was buried in him, and they were both sweaty. The man pulled out and came all over my boyfriend’s hips and junk, moaning happily. Gerard's eyes were closed in bliss, and he let out a soft, happy whine as the man bent his head and slowly licked him clean. I was frozen in shock, unable to process what was going on. All I could really see was Gerard’s damp, sweaty hair sticking to his forehead, fire red veins of betrayal.

---

He wouldn't stop crying. Pete was sitting in the armchair across from him. Gerard was sitting in Mikey's lap, and I was on the sofa, staring at my hands. Gerard had called Mikey, scared I'd try and hit him again.
I was too numb to be angry.
Gerard was trying to choke out apologies and explanations, but it felt like I was hearing it from far away.
“Gerard. Take a deep breath. Try and calm down.” Pete said gently, reaching out. I blinked and looked away as the hot tears prickled at my eyes.
“I..”
Everyone looked at me.
“I want my Gee back.”
Gerard burst into tears again.

---

Pete was laying with me, his hand on my side. “It's gonna be okay, Frankie. I know it feels like it's the end of the world, but it's not.”
I was sick of it.
“Pete.”
“Yeah?”
“Am I not enough for him?”
“Maybe not sexually. He's nineteen.”
Pete rubbed my shoulder. “You know I love you, Frank. And I know the Way boys love you too, in their own right. Gerard needs a little slack for adjustment. And he's scared of you, a little.”
That stung the worst. The cheating, the sight of him and another man, that was just a dull, sickly ache. The fear when Gerard saw me was like a knife being twisted in my gut.

---

Gerard crawled into bed with me in the middle of the night. He was supposed to be sleeping on the couch, like Mikey and Pete. I didn't want to sleep in my own room, not with the smell of sex hanging in the air, so I'd taken Gerard's bed. It just ended up smelling worse. Smelling of him.
He hugged me, burying his face in my neck. I tried to shake him off a little weakly, but he held on.
“I'm so sorry, Frankie. I really am. But I need sex. It's all I really know. I don't have any right to ask you this, but I want to have a relationship where I can have casual sex with other people. At least until-”
“No. I love you. I'm not sharing.”
“Then start eating the fucking candy.”
I flinched.
Gerard slapped my ass and left.

---

Pete sat down on the couch next to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. I leaned into him, closing my eyes.
Gerard was staying with Mikey again.
“Do you really love him?”
I sniffled and grabbed at his hand shakily. He laced our fingers and squeezed gently, comforting me.
“I think so.”
“Why?”
“He's so sweet, and I love kissing him and cuddling with him. It hurts when he's away, and I just feel so content when he's asleep in my bed.”
Pete stroked my hair with his free hand. “He loves you too, Frankie, he just doesn't know what to do with that.”
I sighed and sat up slightly, pulling my hands away and rubbing my eyes.
“He told me I had to have sex with him or he'd cheat again.”
Pete rubbed the outside of my thigh. “That's bull. I don't think he'll hurt you like that again, he doesn't like hurting you. And he won't push you like that. He's been through a lot, been forced so many times. He's not gonna do the same to you.”

---

I was eating dinner and watching tv when there was a knock on the door. Gerard hadn't tried to contact me in almost four days.
I stood up and put my bowl aside, walking to the door stiffly. I unlocked it and swung it open. Gerard was standing on the other side. His hair was brushed and styled, and he was wearing tight jeans and a rumpled black button-up. “Hey.”
I blushed and stepped aside. He walked in and took his shoes off quietly. “I'm sorry.”
I nodded and looked down at the floor, feeling dizzy.
“Come here.” Gerard wrapped his arms around me. I buried my face in his neck, forgetting to be angry with him.
He rubbed my back slowly and soothingly, making soft noises in the back of his throat.
“I've been thinking, Frankie.”
I tensed up a little and squeezed my eyes shut, nervous.
“I think I love you. I don't really know what love feels like, but I think this is it. I'm really scared to be falling for someone. But I want to...I want us to be exclusive. I can be patient.”
I smiled slightly, tears leaking out from under my eyelashes.
“I'd like that,” I whispered.
Gerard kissed the side of my head and smiled, starting to unbutton my shirt. “My big strong policeman. I wanna see your chest.”
I blushed and wiped my eyes, letting him slip my shirt off my shoulders. “I love you.”
He paused and smiled at me brightly.
“I love you too.”

---

Gerard's hand brushed over my thigh. We were watching a movie, and two characters were getting intimate. I could tell Gerard was turned on, his pupils dark and wide as he focused on the screen. His hands were wandering, touching me lightly in places I wasn't really sure about. I muted the tv and put one of my hands over his.
“Gerard.”
He looked at me and blushed. “Shit. I'm sorry-”
I cut him off gently. “No, it's okay. Can we um.”
I trailed off and he raised his eyebrows.
“Can we what, baby?”
My cheeks were on fire. “Can we watch some porn together?”
Gerard grinned and nodded quickly. “Yeah. How about I find some for us and we touch each other a little? Do some exploring?”
I gulped nervously and nodded. Gerard kissed the corner of my lips and got up. “I'll go get my laptop.”
He came back with a video open and paused. He sat down next to me and placed the laptop on the coffee table. I blinked and he pushed play, cuddling up to my side. I watched his face more than the video. He was all but drooling, staring intently at the two men.
I felt a little brave seeing him so enraptured. I reached out and stroked the inside of his thigh carefully. Gerard jumped slightly and flashed me a quick smile. I could see the bulge in his jeans already.
I brushed my fingertips over his crotch, feeling him shiver. He choked back a soft moan, moving up into my hand. I jerked away and he hugged my arm, encouraging me while still watching the video. I slowly undid his belt buckle. I felt better being in control. The zipper was smooth and quiet. I cupped him in my hand, through his boxers. He smiled to himself, stroking my arm. “I love you.”
I bit my lip hard before reaching into his boxers and pulling his junk out. He moaned softly and closed his eyes, leaning into me. I stared at it for a second, fascinated. Gerard shifted, struggling to contain his impatience. I wrapped my hand around his base, squeezing gently. A drip of precum rolled down his shaft and I grinned. I pumped him quickly, my spare hand on his balls. Gerard arched his back, thrusting into my hand and moaning happily as his eyes rolled back in his head. He warned me a little late, and I ended up covered in his cum.

Notes

Sorry it's been a while since I updated, I'm putting two chapters up tonight :)