Gerard hugged me gently. “It's okay, baby,” he soothed, running his fingers through my hair. He'd cleaned me up after I'd gone into a full panic attack, screaming at him and almost passing out. I buried my face in his neck, starting to cry softly. “I'm s-sorry.”
Gerard hugged me a little tighter, cradling my head against his shoulder. “It's okay, really. We took a big step today, yeah? That's great. I think our next step should be showering together. It doesn't have to be right now, but soon.”
I nodded and clung to his shirt, trembling a little.
“How about for now we go to bed?”

---

Gerard shook me awake gently. “Come on. I have to be at work soon, let's go take that shower, yeah?”
I groaned softly and nodded sleepily, sitting up. Gerard rubbed my back gently and nuzzled up to me, wrapping his arms around me happily. I smiled slightly and hung my head, hugging his arms.
“Let's go,” he murmured after a couple minutes to just sitting there. “Come on, baby.”
I followed him a little unsteadily, blushing as he started the water running.
“Do you want me to undress you?” Gerard asked softly, kissing my forehead. I shook my head quickly, sniffling. “N-no.”
He hugged me briefly and started to undress himself. I watched the layers fall on the floor. Gerard was beautiful. Something about the lighting and the angle made his soft skin glow. He was thin, his ribs showing a little. He was a little curvy, his waist trim and his hips wider. He smiled at me shyly.
I suddenly felt inadequate. I slipped my shirt off and Gerard smiled a little wider, humming softly. I looked down at myself, tears prickling in my eyes. “Fuck,” I mumbled, undoing my belt and dropping my jeans. I nearly started to sob as I slipped my boxers off. I looked down again, vaguely disgusted.
Gerard moved close to me and lifted my chin carefully. “Hey. You're so handsome.”
He reached up and wiped away the tears preparing to fall. “What's wrong?”
I choked a little and nuzzled his hand. “Y-you're so b-beautiful a-and I'm just m-me.”
Gerard smiled sadly and kissed my lips lightly. “Honestly I think you're the hottest guy I've ever seen, baby. What don't you feel good about, in particular?”
I rubbed my eyes, struggling not to start sobbing. “My s-stomach. The stretch marks…a-and my j-junk. My e-ex told me I was sm-”
Gerard cut me off quickly. “Have you ever measured it?”
I shook my head, blushing furiously. He shrugged. “I've seen a lot of packages. And trust me, you're really big for your height. I didn't want to say anything to start with, cause I didn't want to freak you out, but your dick is like...stolen from a six foot six guy.”
I laughed, the tears rolling down my cheeks freely. Gerard smiled and dried my face.
“I promise I wouldn't lie to you about that, baby.”
I nodded and kissed his fingers softly. Gerard giggled and kissed my cheek. “I'm hoping one day we can go all the way. I bet you'd be amazing.”
Gerard slipped into the shower and I followed him quickly, biting my lip. He turned and kissed my forehead, pulling me close to him, but not too close. “My big strong baby.”
I smiled and laid my head on his shoulder, feeling infinitely more comfortable with him than I had before. His hand ran down to my hip and I tensed up, whimpering a bit.
Gerard kissed my jaw. “Shh, I'm not gonna touch anything. I promise. Did you know what your coach did to you was wrong?”
I shrugged and leaned into him. “He told me it was normal and every guy on the team loved doing it with him.”
Gerard nodded and stroked my hair slowly. “He's a psycho.”
I giggled tiredly and buried my face in his neck. “I guess.”
He smiled and kissed my skin softly, rocking me gently. “Do you want to go to bed and try exploring a little more?”
I blushed and bit my lip. “I guess.”
Gerard hummed and rubbed my back. “I have some condoms we can use so I don't...yknow. Again.”

---

Gerard laid me down gently, leaning over me to kiss me softly. “I'm gonna touch you a little, okay? Can you get on your hands and knees?”
I sniffled and shifted into the position he asked for. Gerard smiled and knelt behind me, kissing the small of my back. “Okay. I'm gonna start by eating you out, okay? It feels really nice and I don't think you've ever done this before.”
I was about to say something when he parted my cheeks and dove in. His hot wet tongue pushed its way past my muscles and I let out a shocked, strangled moan. Gerard grinned and started moving his tongue expertly, teasing me by licking over my entrance before diving in again to fuck me ever so gently. After a few minutes of me squirming and moaning, he pulled away. “I'm gonna explore your junk a little, okay?”
His hand ran down from my entrance to my balls, playing with the skin lightly. He rubbed behind them and an explosion of pleasure took me by surprise. I nearly collapsed. Gerard laughed happily, lightheartedly, and kissed my back softly. “You're okay. Do you like this?”
I nodded and closed my eyes as he kept exploring with his hands, fondling me very gently. It almost didn't feel sexual. I started to relax into the steady, easy pleasure, smiling as Gerard rubbed gently in all the right spots, his fingers quick and well placed. I eventually pulled away, sitting back against the headboard. “Gee.”
He knelt between my legs, pulling me into a quick kiss. “Yes baby?”
I blushed and chewed on my lip lightly. “Can we go all the way?”
Gerard grinned and took a deep breath. “If you're sure you're ready, yes. And we can stop any time, yeah?”
I nodded and he kissed me again, a little longer this time. “I have to go to the bathroom for a little bit, okay? I'll be back soon.”
I watched him go a little sadly, nervous.
I looked down at my hands, trying to imagine Gerard's soft ones on mine.
“Baby?”
Gerard was sitting next to me. I had been so engrossed in my tiny fantasy that I hadn't noticed him come back.
“Hey.”
“Hey yourself, beautiful. Are you still wanting to do this?”
I nodded slightly and he smiled, kissing me again. “Okay. Where do you want me?”
I shrugged. “Can you lay on your belly?”
“Of course.”
Gerard laid himself down in front of me, his chest propped up on some pillows. I rolled the condom on and bit my lip, not sure how to approach this. Gerard looked over his shoulder and smiled at me. “Whenever you're ready, just go for it.”
I blushed and spread his legs a little more, pushing into him slowly. My eyes rolled back in my head and I let out a deep groan. He was so tight, his muscles flexing around my dick. He buried his face in the pillows, shivering as I pushed all the way into him. He was so deep, I could just keep going. I grinned and leaned down, kissing the back of his neck. Being in control felt good. I grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled out nearly all the way before slamming back into him. He screamed, half in pleasure and half in pain, his back arching. I moaned at the noise and grabbed onto the headboard, using it as leverage as I pounded into him over and over. He shivered and whined and moaned and writhed, and I just kept going, my hands leaving slight bruises on his pale hips.
Gerard screamed into the pillow when he came, shaking slightly. I kept going, pinning him down and thrusting mercilessly until I hit my own orgasm. We fell to the bed, tangled in a sticky mess of lube and skin.

---

I woke up clean and in my pajamas. Gerard was laying with his back to me, shaking slightly. I sat up and rubbed his side carefully. “Gee? What's wrong?”
He shifted and wiped his cheeks. “Um. It doesn't really matter. It's not about you.”
I nodded, not wanting to pry. “You wanna cuddle?”
He rolled over with a wince and buried his face in my neck, purring softly. I smiled and held him tight, stroking his hair slowly. “I promise I'm not gonna give you HIV.”
The statement was a little out of place. I pulled away enough to see his face. “I know, baby. We’re careful.”
He looked away and nodded. “Y-yeah. I just...I can't hurt you like that.”
I smiled and kissed his nose. “You won't.”
Gerard sighed and sat up. “I'm gonna go get a drink.”
I rubbed his hip lightly. “Okay, beautiful. You need anything?”
He shook his head and got up, limping out of the room. I frowned and sat up against the headboard, running a hand through my hair. Gerard walked back in after a few minutes, still limping. “Did I hurt you, baby?” I asked worriedly, wrapping an arm around him as he sat down next to me. “A little. It's okay.”
I frowned. “No, it's not.”
Gerard sighed and leaned into me. “Baby. You fucked me hard, yeah? We had a great time. I'm gonna be sore when we have good sex.”
I stroked his side and held him closer. “I don't like that.”
Gerard laughed softly and buried his face in my neck, kissing my skin softly. “It's okay, really. I'm just a little stiff. I love being sore in the morning. It makes me feel relaxed. And I like when my partner takes care of me.”
I chuckled and nuzzled his cheek. “Hint much?”
Gerard giggled and kissed me quickly. “Yep.”

---

Gerard had to go to work that day, so I cleaned up the apartment and called Pete.
“Hey.” He answered, and I could hear Mikey talking in the background.
“Hi.”
“What's up?”
“Um. Gee and I had sex.”
He paused and I heard a door closing. “Yeah? Was it good?”
“Mhm. He bottomed and I think I hurt him. He's limping today.”
Pete laughed softly. “That's a good thing, Frank. If you make him limp the next day, it means you did everything right.”
I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. “I'm kinda scared, Pete.”
His voice softened a little. “About what, Frankie?”
“When I woke up, he said something about how he didn't want to give me HIV.”
“Yeah. He's got a serious disease, Frank, and you guys have to work around that. All it takes is being a little more careful. Condoms and shit.”
“He came on me.”
Pete paused again. “Did it get on your junk or face?”
“No, and he wiped it off pretty quickly. And we washed my clothes.”
“Then you're probably fine. I'd go to your primary care doctor, though, and mention that your significant other has HIV. They can schedule you regular checkups and stuff.”
“Okay.”
Pete sighed and I heard a door open. “Mikey baby? Did you turn the oven off?”
“Fuck!”
I smiled to myself. “Sorry about that, Frankie. I really wouldn't be too anxious about the HIV thing. Don't be like...immature and blow it off as nothing, but don't make it into something that's bigger than it is.”
“Okay. Did Mikey move in with you?”
“Well, we're in the process. Mikey offered Gerard his apartment, but I think Gerard wants to stay with you again. He really loves spending time with you.”
I smiled to myself and looked down. “Yeah. I miss him being rude and sassy.”
Pete chuckled. “He's in the lovey stage with you, he's probably scared to push you away. Just wait, he'll get more comfortable with you over time.”
“Okay. I don't like talking about my coach.”
“I know. Don't.”
“Okay.”

Notes