The Only Hope For Me Is You

I’ve been sitting up against a dumpster for hours, watching the sky. It went from a dark, cloudy grey to a mix of colors fading into the washy horizon. No one has come to look for me. At least I think that. If they have, they haven’t found me yet.
All the thoughts of suicide seemed to have left my head. I no longer want to kill myself I just want to run away. But where would I go? I literally have no one. Nothing. Just memories of people that used to breathe, and people that I no longer belong around. I’m not sure that even Gerard would want me near him, knowing that I punched his brother in the face.
I get so out of control.
I wipe away a couple random tears away with the end of my t-shirt. It’s getting darker and darker by the minute it seems; I decide that I should probably find a place to stay the night. There’s nowhere that comes to mind right away but I guess getting up of my butt and looking would be a good start.
The darkness of the evening engulfs me in a warming embrace and it makes me feel a little better. I pass motel after motel and they all mock me as I cannot afford to stay the night in one. I have no money, no belongings. I’ve foolishly left my back pack with my wallet in it, in Ray’s car back at his place.
I hug myself to keep warm as the cold air pricks the bare skin on my arms. The reality of me having absolutely no place to stay tonight hits me, it hits me hard. And I no longer have a direction of where I am headed so I just wander off in no particular direction. I can feel the heat climb its way onto my face as tears start forming in the corners of my eyes. I am so fucking lonely. I’m a monster. I can’t do this. I don’t want to fight anymore. No one wants me. I don’t belong here. They wouldn’t care if I died. Maybe it would be better if I died, who’s going to stop me? Who’s going to know? All the pain would be gone, I mean, I wouldn’t feel so alone anymore.
The gush of wind from all the racing cars on the roadway just about pushes me into the road. I let out a loud screech and then it hits me…I’ll just end it right here. Right now. I’ll walk out into the road and let a car of random take my life. Hesitation doesn’t grab me even for a second and I take my first step out.
My second. I’m barely past the pedestrian/bike line but the wind is stronger now and I fight to not tumble over. I take my third, then fourth step. A car grazes the hem of my t-shirt. I fear nothing right now. Death has found me and taken hold of my mind. There’s no convincing myself otherwise.
A car moving at a decent forty-five miles an hour heads in my direction. I close my eyes. This is it. One more step and it’s officially over, everything…even Gerard. I taste salt as tears stream into my mouth. One last breath…one last step…
“FRANK!” I hear Gerard’s voice out of nowhere and open my eyes. The first thing I see, before I can even think is Gerard. And he’s running at me super-fast. I want to run at him but I’m frozen-but when he gets up close enough to me he shoves me down out of the way of the moving car and…

Notes