The Only Hope For Me Is You

I peel my eyes open and stare at my surroundings. Dull Gray walls, a small oak dresser to my far right, and a barred window straight in across from my bed. I’m in my room, a place I never find myself visiting like, ever anymore. I remember that Ray and everyone else had taken me back to the orphanage late last night. After we all stood hugging Gerard for like, twenty minutes, me and G sang together in one of their songs. I can’t remember what the song was called though. There was no question as to whether or not Gerard was in the band anymore. He is. He never left.
We all decided that I’d officially be the “back round vocalist/bass player/lyric writing assistant” and G kept his place as the “main vocalist/main song writer”I have to be up at Ray’s house practicing with everybody every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday after school. Ray and Gerard are the only ones available to pick me up.
I’ll never forget last night…ever. It was so perfect.
My entire body screams to go back to sleep but I ignore the need and pull myself out of bed, change my clothes, splash some water on my face, lazily put my favorite beanie on, slip on my converse, sling my backpack over my shoulder, and walk out the front doors.
My favorite thing about the orphanage I stay in is that I hardly ever see any of the ladies that are supposed to be taking care of us. (US being me and the other four people that live there). And when I have seen them in the past, they ignore me like I’m not even there. It’s pretty great I guess. No one to tell me what to do and for now, it’s been a great place to crash when I need to.
I’ve wondered if the place is still in business. I wouldn’t know, I’m not there enough to know.
The cold morning of the day greets me like a slap across the face. It’s so cold I almost slip on the frost that completely covers the sidewalks. I put in my earbuds and lose myself in the song, “You Can’t Stop Me by Suicide Silence” I’m not able to finish the songs before I get to the school though so I take my earbuds back out and stuff them and my ipod into the back pocket of my pants.
My body soaks up the warmth inside the building as I pull open the doors to school and make my way inside. Time has slipped my mind completely I realize and the clock mocks me as it reads ten till lunch. So I run to the front office, grab a tarty slip, and head down to Biology.
Mr. Castro gives me a mean glare and so does the rest of the class. What? Did I do something? I feel uncomfortable as I hand the slip to Mr. Castro. “Ahh…again with the tarty slip Frank. What happened to you? I’ve got word that you left school yesterday, and didn’t meet with the principle when you were told to. I’m afraid I’m gonna have to ask you to be escorted down to his office immediately. The principle himself told you over the speaker this morning to see him. If you were here on time you’d know.”
Now I understand. As if my popularity at the school wasn’t high enough for the dumbest reason, now everyone knows a few of my fuck ups. Great, just another excuse to be thrown into a trash can, shoved to the floor, to have my books and papers ripped to shreds, or better yet, almost choked to death. Shit.
“Martha, will you please escort Frank down to the principal’s office?” Mr. Castro asks. And before I have a chance to argue or express my frustration, a (for an unknown reason) familiar girl with long chocolate brown hair stands up and gestures for me to follow her. I do.
……..
We approach the principal’s office and the familiar girl with brown hair leaves me. “Ah, Iero! Please come in.” I hesitantly take a few steps forward until I’m three feet from his desk. I try to distance myself. He’s short, plump, and his face looks really scratchy. Ew…
“I asked you over the speaker this morning to come in before now, why are you just now seeing me?” He asks. I don’t like his voice. It’s ugly and low and groggy. “Um… I dunno.” I say lazily. God friggin damnit! This is the absolute last thing in the world that I want to be doing right now. “Okay well I’m afraid I’m going to have to suspend you for the next couple days Frank. I can’t be having kids leaving campus whenever they feel like it. I’m sorry but the rules here are enforced.” Now I’m pissed. “Are you serious!?” I ask, with an infuriated tone. “Yes Frank. Calm down okay? Now, I’m going to ask you nicely to sign this…” And he scoots a paper in front of me. He expects me to sign my own release for a couple days. Stupid.
“I’m not going to sign that. I have classes to attend.” I say. But immediately I realize that it was dumb to say because I’ve recently had a history of not making my classes very important. “Frank just sign the paper please. It will make things easier for the both of us if you just cooperate. Do you have anybody you can call to come pick you up?”
And then it hit me, by missing a couple days of school, it’ll give me more time to practice with the band. “Actually, give me that paper.” I say and pull it away from him. I take a pen from a jar on his desk, click it, and sign. “There ya go.” I say all cheerful. He looks worried. “Is everything okay?” I nod my head yes. “Oh, and I do have somebody to come pick me up.”
“Alrighty then. You can come back to school in two days. Bye Iero.” And with that, I was off to the front office to call Ray to come and get me.”
The lady behind the desk is the lady from last time and she doesn’t even look at me. It’s like she predicted I would come. God I’m weird. I pick up the phone and dial Ray’s number. He picks up right away. “Hello?” He asks. “It’s Frank. Can you come pick me up? I got suspended from school for two days and I figured I could stay with you guys until I can come back to school. It’ll give us more time to practice with the band.” He just laughs on the other end of the line. “Jesus Christ Frank. What did you do now? You know what, don’t answer that. I really don’t care, but uh….yea, I can pick you up. Actually this might be really great because then we don’t have to drive anywhere for the next two days.” Man, Ray is the friggin best. “Thanks dude. I’ll be waiting outside.” “Wait!” He yells. “What?” I ask. “Here, Gerard wants to talk to you.” My heart starts pounding inside my chest.
“Frankie?” It was Gerard now, and man he sounded adorable. “What’s up G?” I ask. My entire body was shaking with anticipation for what he had to say to me. It could be absolutely anything. I’m nervous but also really excited. “I’m actually going to be the one picking you up from school but were not going straight home. I’m taking you somewhere awesome.” I felt like squealing with excitement. The unknown of where me and G are going tortures me as it rattles around in my head. “Where are we going?” I ask trying to keep my tone in its place. “Who do you think I am? I can’t tell you. It would ruin the element of surprise.” I can hear Ray, Mikey, and Jenna laughing in the background. It makes me miss them.
“Hey well anyways I gotta go pick you up so…see you soon Frankie!” And with that he clicked the line dead. I would have said goodbye if my mouth didn’t feel like it was sewn shut. I was speechless as I put the phone back and left the school building. My butt found a spot on the ground next to a pole and I waited. Waited for the unknown.
About forty minutes later Ray’s red Subaru automatic pulls up against the curb and I’m signaled by Gerard through the window to get in. I make myself comfortable in the front seat as Gerard greets me with a light kiss on the cheek. “How was school?” He asks. I blush and all that’s running through my mind all the sudden is, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS. He is wearing a black T-shirt and black skinny jeans and red converse. My emo heart cries. He’s so beautiful.
“Um school was…good…I mean shitty. School was really shitty and I got suspended and had to talk to the principal and everyone in Biology glared at me and I just hated today. Anyways, how was your day with the band?” I ask. But he doesn’t answer my question, he just pulls away from the curb and takes off onto the main roadways, giving me an occasional “dumbfounded” look.
After a few seconds of silence he finally says something. “They suspended you for leaving to Starbucks the other day didn’t they?” He asks. I shake my head yes. “Well they’re assholes. They’ve always been assholes. I’m sorry about that.” He says, his voice surprisingly sympathetic.I shrug. “It’s not your doing. And besides it just means that I get to spend more time with you and all the other dweebs.” That makes him laugh. “Yeah…”
For the longest time, I’m not able to familiarize where we are in the city until we pull up to Orchards Tap. The place where Gerard, Mikey, and Jenna like to hang out…a lot. “Here we are!” He says all excited. His enthusiasm was cute. I unbuckle and get out, leaving my backpack in the car. “Why are we here?” I ask. This was almost kind of confusing, I mean, what are we going to do here anyways? I’m only 18 and I can’t drink unless I’m 21. But then it hits me, I remember Ray saying something about people being able to rent rooms here. Oh God…
Gerard comes around from the other side of the car and winks at me. “Just follow me.” I do just that. As we enter the building, the smell of beer and hard whiskey fills my nose. I almost gag it’s so strong. Men that I thought only existed in movies are filling all the tables in the whole pub, and they’re lined up at the bar. They’re all old guys wearing black leather jackets, some have long white beards and pony tails, and they all look like they could kill me. I KNOW for a fact that I look like a wolf in a sheep’s pen here.
Loud country music blasts from two stereos that sit on each side of the bar. It hurts my ears and I can’t hear Gerard when he turns around and says something to me. “What!?” I yell. But he gets that I can’t hear a word he’s saying and he just signals me with his hand to follow him up a flight of stairs. The painful noise of the mixed voices and awful country music slowly fades quieter and quieter the farther we go up the stairs.
I know where we were going. This staircase leads up to the rooms, it’s got to. Where else would G be taking me? I was so freaking confident in my assuming of where we were going, and I was right. Just a little bit off in some other areas. When we got to room, “26” he stopped me before we actually went in. “Now Frankie don’t be frightened when you see another person in the room. He’s my friend David. He sells me stuff.” I crinkle my eyebrow rather confused. “What are you talking about?” I ask. He just rolls his eyes. “Before I show you what I was going to show you, I’m going to get something from my friend David first. This is his room. You don’t mind do you? I suppose I should’ve asked. Sorry if I got your hopes up.”
I cross my arms. I hate being wrong.
“Yea you really should have asked but it’s okay. Get what you need from your friend. And if you don’t mind me asking, what are you getting?” I was dying inside. The excitement and curiosity of all the possible things that we might do, the special place that we are going, I almost can’t take it anymore. “I’m buying weed. He’s the best dealer in town.” And with that, I kept my mouth shut as he opened David’s door and we both walked inside. It reeked so badly of something. I couldn’t quite pin-point what the smell was but I officially knew that I had a good gag reflex.
“Heeyyyy what’s up man!?” David says to Gerard. David was tall, super skinny, and he was bald. All his hair had moved in on his face. Ugh, it looked awful. He looked like an egg with a beard. But I mentally slap myself for judging him. I’m such a hypocrite.
“I’m not too bad. How are you?” G asked him back. “I’m doing great, really great, yeah. Thanks for asking. Anyways uh…I have your, what did you ask for again?” “The new stuff you had come in?” Gerard says. “Oh yea? how did you like that yesterday? Did you feel like a cloud or what?” G shakes his head yes. “Here, I have $250.” And he holds out a thick bundle of cash. David grins and trades G for a SUPER small bag of what looked like oregano. Okay, that’s got to be a rip off.
Gerard looks really satisfied as he turns around to me. “You want to go smoke this somewhere?” He asks me. I was shocked. I’d never smoked pot in my life, only cigarettes. And man was I nervous. What if it doesn’t settle with me and I die? What if I choke on it? What if I get so high that I become more clumsy than ever and end up killing myself? Again, the “what if” questions harass my mind and the nervousness turns into extreme discomfort. But I’m reckless and in any situation like this, I end up shoving my insecurities to the side and doing it anyways. So I stick with tradition. “Sure. Where though?” Gerard quickly glances over at David and then back at me. “You can smoke it here, just do it in the back room so the smoke doesn’t wander out into the hallways and attract the authorities.” David suggests. “You can even use my bong if you want.”
Without a single word G shakes his head as if to say, “okay” and takes my hand, leading me into the back room. He closes the door and locks it.
I swallow hard, what feels like a rock. “Have you ever smoked weed before?” He asks me. I shake my head no. “I thought so. The look you gave me back there was rather terrifying. You looked like you were going to die.” I shrug. “I’m always up for trying new things.” And with that he grabs David’s bong off his dresser in his bedroom and puts the weed that’s in the little bag, into a dish thing sticking out of the bong. He then shakes it a little. I cross my arms and observe how he’s doing this. “Just making sure there’s water in it.” He says. “You want to go first?”
I panic. “No! you go first. I have to know how it’s done anyways.” “If you say so.” He pulls out his lighter from the pocket of his jeans and burns the weed in the dish, and while he’s lighting it, he’s sucking from the tube at the top. He sucked for like, fifteen seconds. Geez, I think I’m going to pass out. When he’s done sucking he blows out the smoke into the room and all the sudden I’m engulfed in a cloud of silky chemicals.“Your turn.” He says as he hands the bond to me. I take it nervously. My hands shaking so bad that I begin to fear dropping the glass contraption on the ground.
“Maybe it’ll help you if I light it while you suck it in.” He says. I nod my head and put my lips against the tube at the top. “Ready…go!” and then he’s lighting it and I’m sucking in. It sounds like water is boiling on the inside as I inhale. The toxins fill my lungs and before long I have to let it out. I start coughing uncontrollably. Gerard just laughs. “How do you feel?” He asks. I hold my hand up as if to say, “hold on, let me finish coughing my brains out”
When I stop coughing I look straight up and realize that my head is lighter than a feather and I feel dizzy. “Oh my god G! I’m going to die.” I say in a panic. But then, for some weird reason, I laugh and laugh and laugh, and G joins in and there’s nothing I could possibly do to stop myself. What I said wasn’t funny but at the same time it was just freaking hilarious. I’ve heard things here and there in the past from people that when you’re high, everything becomes super funny. I watch as Gerard sets the bong down on the ground and sits on the bed, then offers me a place next to him. “I can’t believe that this is your first time being high. You look hilarious.” He says. And with that we were off again in another galaxy laughing like no one’s business.
Then, out of nowhere Gerard jumps on me and we start making out. The sweet taste of him was magnified by like a bajillion when I was high. I couldn’t think of anything exactly except what was currently happening in this moment. But then something happened and it hit me like a bunch of bricks, chemicals and romance. How could I put those two things together to make it sound awesome? Our Chemical Romance, The Chemically enhanced Romance, No…My Chemical Romance.
Out of no-where I pull away from Gerard who’s moaning like a whore and look him in the eyes. “I love you Frankie.” He says. I peck him on the lips real fast. “I love you too Gerard. Hey, I know what we should call the band.” He chuckles. “You peanut, it already has a name.”
Our position in the bed was him laying on top of me so the weight of him made it so much harder to breathe and I tried with everything in me not to let the drugs in my system persuade me into panic from fear of suffocating.“I know,I know, but I have a better band name. What about My Chemical Romance?” I ask. His eyes widen real big. “Oh my shit! We need to tell Ray and the others your new idea,…but later okay?” I wasn’t in the right mind-frame to argue with him to tell the others right now so I resumed the lip locking with him.
Names for people have power, names of objects, items, things not-human, have power. And I’m convinced so strongly that re-naming this band My Chemical Romance will shape us into a completely different band. A band not just looking for fame and popularity but a band with meaning and a story behind the lyrics and name.

Notes

YAS! I'm finally half way through this fanfiction!!!!!!!!!!!!