The Only Hope For Me Is You

Everything comes crashing down. Slowly, and then all at once. It was Gerard. “Hello? Ray?” I ask. “Um… no this is Gerard, Ray’s friend. He’s in the shower. Who is this? Can I leave a message?” I couldn’t believe this, did he just not recognize my voice? Why is G with Ray? Why did he pick up his phone? And this answers my question…Gerard is gone like he said he was going to be.
“Actually yes if you could leave a message for me that would be great.” I say.
“Okay. Who is this? Mikey If this is you then I swear to god.” He says. I feel a tear slip out as I realize how much I miss his voice. “No this isn’t Mikey. I’m…uh…” But before I could finish he cuts in, “Frank?”
I don’t answer though. I was hoping after he didn’t figure out who it was at first that he wouldn’t figure it out at all. “Frank is that you?” He asks again. “Never mind that, just tell Ray to meet a close friend of his at the Starbucks next to the Kelso High school in an hour.” I say.
But I just hear him chuckle on the other line. “Can you do that?” I ask. “Sure thing Frank. Bye.”
And he clicks the line dead.
Something in me cracks and I put the phone back. I guess deep down I was hoping that when I found out who it was talking, that he cared maybe just a little more than he let on. He didn’t seem to give a damn though. “Let it go Frank. Let him go. He doesn’t care about you so stop caring about him.” I tell myself in my head.
Why did he answer Ray’s phone though? That doesn’t make any sense. Since when did Ray and Gerard get acquainted?
The lady behind the desk looks over at me, sympathy in her eyes. “Everything okay?” She asks me. I sigh, “No.” And then leave the building. Just like that.
I start walking away from the school and in the direction of the Starbucks, ignoring all the possible consequences that come to mind when I think about someone seeing me. I don’t have my hopes too incredibly high for Ray showing up. He doesn’t even know who he’s meeting. Well, unless G tells him it’s me.
The sun pierces a hole in the sky and shines down heavily on me. It feels like it’s burning my pale skin. God, I’m such a vampire.
I get to the Starbucks with more ease than I thought and pull open the front doors. The smell of freshly brewed coffee from the inside greets me with a smile. I still have probably about forty-five more minutes of waiting for Ray to get here –if he’s even coming.
So I take a seat in the farthest corner of the building, away from all peoples and take out my music from my backpack, turn it on, put in my earbuds, and lose myself in the lyrics of the song “Throne” by Bring Me the Horizon. I shut my eyes. As the music was playing I was picturing the music video in my head. It was actually kind of entertaining.
………………
(FINALLY!) what feels like forty-five minutes goes by and I open my eyes. He’s not here. Every shred of hope in me disappears. “Maybe he’s just running late” I tell myself as I watch the parking lot outside through the widow next to me.
Five minutes goes by…then ten…then fifteen….twenty…. and just when I’m putting my music back into my backpack, getting ready to leave, a tall, slender, and pale guy with a hella afro walks in. I nearly faint. Oh my God it’s really him! It’s Ray!
I don’t bother to wave him in my direction because there’s barely a second that goes by before he sees me and heads over at will. “Frank?....oh shit it really is you. When Gerard said it would be I was like, nuh uh but fuck man! How have you been?!” He says all enthusiastic.
And in like five seconds before I can answer I’m embrace in a “man-to-man” hug and a friendly nudge on the shoulder. “Yea um…I missed you because we just kind of parted ways a few years ago and I was thinking, like, what the hell I’m gonna call Ray and see what’s up.” I say. Nothing I said came out the way I wanted it to.
“That’s awesome man! I’m glad you called me up to because me and my friends just started up this band called “Black Roses” It’s legit and we need a vocalist really bad.”
He bombarded me with all this news and amazing stuff that’s been happening to him and I’m just like, whoa, okay slow down. He just seems to be having such a great life without me. But at the same time I’m more than happy for him.
And on top of all this he’s inviting me to be the vocalist in his band! Um…hell yes!
I don’t give it a seconds thought before I say, “That’s super good to hear dude. I’d love to maybe help out with the band.” His smile grows wider and he sets a hand on my shoulder. “Let’s sit over here.” And I’m guided in the direction of the table I was sitting in for almost an hour and a half before he got here.
“Mhmmmm…..” He says as he takes in a giant whiff of the freshly brewing coffee smell that lingers so teasingly all throughout the building. “I wish I could have coffee so badly. But I read an article the other day saying that coffee stains your teeth. I was like uh fuck that shit I’m out.”
Every word that fell from his mouth brought all the memories of our past back up. I miss him so much. I nod my head In agreement to what he said about the coffee. “Yea that’s actually true. Unfortunately…” I say. “Okay so um…sorry this is awkward. Not because you are but because I am. Do you maybe want to come to my place after, hey! Aren’t you supposed to be in school?”
I roll my eyes. “You know me.” I chuckle. He laughs to. “Well anyways do you want to come to my place today maybe, when were done here?” What! I don’t even think about it. “Sounds legit. I’m in.”
“So are we finished here, because I actually left Mikey and Gerard home alone with Jenna to work on the intro to our new song and if I leave them there for too long…” My heart sinks to my stomach when I hear Gerard’s name. “I have to ask you something before we go.” I say. “Shoot.” He says back. “How do you know Gerard?”
“Oh, him! Shortly after you and me parted ways a few years back I got lonely and went on YouTube to try and find someone who might be interested in starting a band with me and it turns out that Gerard has quite a bit of musical talent, so does his brother, and Gerard’s brother’s girlfriend actually is in her own band. So they were kind of the ones to invite me into a band actually. We’ve been friends for a long while…Why do you ask?”
My mouth fell open and I close it back up like a trout. “Well I’m not going to your house if Gerard is there okay?” He frowns. “You both have a past or something?” I nod my head yes. “Um…” and before he can finish the worst thing in the world that can happen, actually happens.
I look over Ray’s shoulder and see G walking in with another guy and a girl. He looks happy.
But the real pain is when he finds me…staring the hell out of him.

Notes