The Only Hope For Me Is You

A week of silence and unbearable pain goes by. Just waking up each morning takes nearly all my energy away from me. I’ve cried so much since I left G’s apartment, three of my classes have gone from A’s and B’s to C’s and D’s. Art is one of those classes. I’ve gone out of my way to skip that class every day until I can muster up enough strength to discover the unknown. Is he really gone like he said he was going to be?
I tell myself that going back is not worth it. He’s hurt already, I’m hurt already and it’s in an attempt to avoid hurt. It’s so fucked up.
Sometimes, in the middle of a class that I’m actually attending, a memory of me and G will flash across my mind again and again and again until I feel like I can’t breathe, until I really can’t catch mybreath. I’ll ask to be excused and then run into the bathrooms, bawling my eyes out and doing nothing to stop myself from bringing the past back into the present and turning my arm into a cutting board.
I want to believe in something again, to have someone or something to look forward to. I don’t have anybody…
But then it hit me, it was around one-ish on a school day. I’d been trying not to fall asleep in the library (the place I go to now instead of Art) I haven’t talked to, or even tried to get in contact with my old friend Ray. Before my parents died, we were really close friends. He’s always been a few years older than me but, man, he was so fun to hang around. It wasn’t until after my parents died and I got transferred to the orphanage and we just stopped talking and trying to find ways to hang out. I guess we both moved on…
I quickly gather all my books together and stuff the living hell out of them into my backpack and quietly run out of the library, eager to get to the phone in the office. It was spontaneous and risky because he might have completely moved on from even the idea of our past friendship, but who knows? It might also be all in my head.
I make it to the front office practically out of breath. The lady behind the desk takes one look at me and frowns. “Frank right?” She asks. God her voice is annoying. She sounds like she just smoked twelve joints. Her question can only mean one thing: If I’m the Frank that she is talking about-which I am-then she is going to tell me that there is going to have to be a phone call telling my guardians that I’ve missed a week of a particular class-art-which will do absolutely nothing but start an argument. But I suck in my cheeks and nod my head yes.
“ Last name…Iero?” She asks again. And I nod my head once more. “Okay well I’m going to need you to stay after school today. The principle would like to talk to you. You’ve missed a week of art, what’s up?”
FUCK! I really really don’t want to discuss this right now so to avoid it all I say, “Nothing Is up okay. I’ll meet with the principle after school now can I use the phone please?” My tone sounded a little more frustrated than I meant it to be. The lady scoffs and points to the ‘student telephone’ to her right. “Dial 9 to get out.” She says. I take the mental note to dial nine and put the phone up to my ear after pressing Ray’s number in with ease.
I feel my heart race. What if it doesn’t ring? What if he’s got a new number, or he moved? The “what if” questions strangle my brain, but it only gets worse when I actually hear the ringing.
A familiar voice answers the phone. “Hello?”
But it’s not Ray.

Notes

There is a "part two" to this chapter coming