I'm Not Okay (I Promise)
When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Gerard Way
That's how it starts
We go back to your house
We check the charts
And start to figure it out
----
You spent the first five years trying to get with the plan
And the next five years trying to be with your friends again
After about thirty minutes of trying to get back to sleep I give up. I cross the hospital room and grab Gerard’s car keys off the bed side-table and head out. I don’t know where I’m going to go but I have to get out of here. I can’t stand the smells, the memories…the everything.
Crossing the dimly lit parking lot, I reach Gerard’s car and pull open the door, starting the engine. Having nowhere else to go I wind up at home, sitting in front of the shirt maker Bob got me last Christmas. I don’t really know what I’m doing but I begin to make shirts, scrapping a few because I don’t like them. By about six in the morning I have five different shirts made.
Not really knowing what to do now I sigh, plopping down on my bed. As much as I want to go back and be with Frank I can’t bear the thought of having to face the hospital again. It’s just too hard. It brings back memories I struggle on a daily basis to forget.
After about an hour of battling with myself I change clothes, put the shirts into my school bag, and head back down to Gerard’s car. On the way to the hospital I stop by Dunkin’ Donuts, buying two dozen plain glazed doughnuts and five coffees, deciding the boys will probably be hungry for something other than the hospital muffins in the cafeteria.
Upon entering the hospital I see Ray sitting in a waiting room chair, chewing on his thumbnail…a nervous habit he has. I smile and wave best I can, motioning for him to follow me. Together we head towards Frank’s room, neither of us talking.
“I brought doughnuts,” I say to announce my presence. Both Gerard and Mikey perk up. “And also I have t – shirt.”
“Yay, you brought me something to leave the hospital in,” Frank beams as he reaches for my school bag.
As Gerard, Mikey, Ray and I munch on doughnuts Frank looks at the shirts I made, handing each person theirs.
“Mikey Fucking Way,” Frank reads off the big white letters on the black t – shirt before tossing it at Mikey.
“Torosaurus,” Frank continues, handing Ray his shirt.
“Team Iero,” Frank says beaming at me, “Thank you, Amber.”
I shrug it off, “No problem, Frankie.”
Frank pulls out Gerard’s t – shirt, looking at it for a second before laughing, “This is fucking hilarious.”
“What does it say, Frank?” Gerard questions.
“When the going gets tough, the tough get Gerard Way,” Frank cracks up laughing again.
Personally, I think it’s terrible, but both Frank and Gee are laughing and even Mikey is smiling, “These are sweet, babe.”
“I had nothing better to do so I made them. You guys don’t actually have to wear them.” I answer taking off my jacket to reveal my t-shirt, which reads “The Amber Bryar Effect.”
“Are you fucking kidding, these are awesome,” Frank says looking at his shirt with wishful eyes. “Come here.”
I walk over to Frank who pulls me into a big hug, his lips finding mine, “I love you Amber.”
“I love you too Frank.”
“You two are honestly disgusting,” Ray laughs from the corner of the room. He’s already got his shirt on. I can’t help but smile a little. I’m really glad that they appreciate them.
Frank just pulls me closer to him, head resting on my shoulder. We sip from our coffees while everyone continues to eat.
“I’m just mad about Saffron,” I mumble into Frank’s ear.
“Saffron’s mad about me,” Frank whisper back to me, laughing a little.
“I’m just mad about Saffron. She’s just mad about me,” I sing a little louder.
From the couch Mikey laughs, joining in on our singing, “They call me mellow yellow.”
“Quite rightly,” Gerard laughs.
“They call my mellow yellow,” Frank sings from the bed.
“Quiet rightly,” Mikey and I giggle back.
Ray and Gerard join in, “They call me mellow yellow.”
The entire room erupts into giggles, “Mellow Yellow!” we all shout as the doctor comes in.
The look on his face tells me something isn’t right.
We go back to your house
We check the charts
And start to figure it out
----
You spent the first five years trying to get with the plan
And the next five years trying to be with your friends again
After about thirty minutes of trying to get back to sleep I give up. I cross the hospital room and grab Gerard’s car keys off the bed side-table and head out. I don’t know where I’m going to go but I have to get out of here. I can’t stand the smells, the memories…the everything.
Crossing the dimly lit parking lot, I reach Gerard’s car and pull open the door, starting the engine. Having nowhere else to go I wind up at home, sitting in front of the shirt maker Bob got me last Christmas. I don’t really know what I’m doing but I begin to make shirts, scrapping a few because I don’t like them. By about six in the morning I have five different shirts made.
Not really knowing what to do now I sigh, plopping down on my bed. As much as I want to go back and be with Frank I can’t bear the thought of having to face the hospital again. It’s just too hard. It brings back memories I struggle on a daily basis to forget.
After about an hour of battling with myself I change clothes, put the shirts into my school bag, and head back down to Gerard’s car. On the way to the hospital I stop by Dunkin’ Donuts, buying two dozen plain glazed doughnuts and five coffees, deciding the boys will probably be hungry for something other than the hospital muffins in the cafeteria.
Upon entering the hospital I see Ray sitting in a waiting room chair, chewing on his thumbnail…a nervous habit he has. I smile and wave best I can, motioning for him to follow me. Together we head towards Frank’s room, neither of us talking.
“I brought doughnuts,” I say to announce my presence. Both Gerard and Mikey perk up. “And also I have t – shirt.”
“Yay, you brought me something to leave the hospital in,” Frank beams as he reaches for my school bag.
As Gerard, Mikey, Ray and I munch on doughnuts Frank looks at the shirts I made, handing each person theirs.
“Mikey Fucking Way,” Frank reads off the big white letters on the black t – shirt before tossing it at Mikey.
“Torosaurus,” Frank continues, handing Ray his shirt.
“Team Iero,” Frank says beaming at me, “Thank you, Amber.”
I shrug it off, “No problem, Frankie.”
Frank pulls out Gerard’s t – shirt, looking at it for a second before laughing, “This is fucking hilarious.”
“What does it say, Frank?” Gerard questions.
“When the going gets tough, the tough get Gerard Way,” Frank cracks up laughing again.
Personally, I think it’s terrible, but both Frank and Gee are laughing and even Mikey is smiling, “These are sweet, babe.”
“I had nothing better to do so I made them. You guys don’t actually have to wear them.” I answer taking off my jacket to reveal my t-shirt, which reads “The Amber Bryar Effect.”
“Are you fucking kidding, these are awesome,” Frank says looking at his shirt with wishful eyes. “Come here.”
I walk over to Frank who pulls me into a big hug, his lips finding mine, “I love you Amber.”
“I love you too Frank.”
“You two are honestly disgusting,” Ray laughs from the corner of the room. He’s already got his shirt on. I can’t help but smile a little. I’m really glad that they appreciate them.
Frank just pulls me closer to him, head resting on my shoulder. We sip from our coffees while everyone continues to eat.
“I’m just mad about Saffron,” I mumble into Frank’s ear.
“Saffron’s mad about me,” Frank whisper back to me, laughing a little.
“I’m just mad about Saffron. She’s just mad about me,” I sing a little louder.
From the couch Mikey laughs, joining in on our singing, “They call me mellow yellow.”
“Quite rightly,” Gerard laughs.
“They call my mellow yellow,” Frank sings from the bed.
“Quiet rightly,” Mikey and I giggle back.
Ray and Gerard join in, “They call me mellow yellow.”
The entire room erupts into giggles, “Mellow Yellow!” we all shout as the doctor comes in.
The look on his face tells me something isn’t right.
Notes
Song: All My Friends by LCD SoundsystemHope you all enjoy
@KidFromYesterday
Yay!!! Thank you, this story has been really great, as well as your others!!
10/2/16