I don't know where I'm at
I'm standing at the back
And I'm tired of waiting
Waiting here in line, hoping that I'll find what I've been chasing.

I sit there, watching Amber nibble on the hospital jell-o that Frank didn’t want. Well, he wanted it, but after seeing just how skinny Amber is he insisted that she take. He also her he was going to start watching her eating habits. Amber, who since Frank woke up, has taken to saying as little as possible, just shrugs, slowly spooning the red jell into her mouth. She seems depressed and just not herself. She opened up to me that she had almost died in this hospital but she failed to say why. As much as I long to ask her what exactly what happened I refrain, she’ll tell me in her own time. Right now I let her eat and snuggle with Frank in his hosptial bed.

"So, anyways...." Frank mumbles, breaking the silence. "What'd I miss while I was out?"

"Nothing, really," I answer, rubbing my eyes. "I just watched you sleep."

I wince, realizing I chose the wrong words. Lucky for me Frank and Amber just laugh and Mikey is too involved with his computer to have heard what I said.

Frank yawns yet again before going and trying to get out of bed, I swear this kid has some kind of death wish.

"Frank, what--No!" Amber exclaim, pushing him back down.

"Amber, I'm fine!" he says, eying her.

"I think its hospital policy to keep you overnight..." Mikey mumbles from the couch.

I nod, and Frank groans, pouting.

"I hate hospitals..." he grumbles, "They creep me out."

"I sort of like them," I say, to no one in particular.

“I for one hate them,” Amber says. “Did you know that at least ten people die in a hospital everyday?”

Mikey shakes his head, “Bullshit. That’s not a real statistic.”

“Look it up if you don’t believe me,” Amber challenges.

Mikey rolls his eyes, clicking around on his computer. A few seconds later he glances up at Amber, “She’s fucking right dude.”

Amber smiles triumphantly.

“Gerard, come look at this,” Mikey says and I get up and walk over to him.

Across his computer screen is a black and white picutre of a car smashed into a tree. The caption underneath states that a girl tried to commit suicide by running in front of a car. The girl and the dirver lived but each sustained substantial injuries. The name on the screen catches me off guard.

“Amber, why don’t you like hospitals?” I demand, turning to look at the redhead. Her face falls almost instantly.

“No reason in particular. I just think it’s werid that people die in them,” Amber tries to answer back causally but I can see the fear in her eyes.

“So it has nothing to do with an attempted suicide.”

“Fuck you Gerard,” Amber spits back as her eyes well up with tears.

Frank pulls her closer to him, rubbing her shoulders, “It’s okay Amber. They were going to find out eventually. Why don’t you just tell them what actually happened?”

Amber fiddles with a string coming off of Frank’s hopstial blanket, “It was about two years ago. I’d had a bad week. Everything was falling apart. I didn’t know what to do. No one was around to talk to. I got it in my head that it’d be better if I just wasn’t alive. I didn’t mean for the driver to get hurt. They clipped me before running into the tree. I was in the hospital for about a week, I’d broken almost every rib on the right side of my body. I coded three times. All I think about is how someone else got hurt that day. That wasn’t supposed to happen. I could’ve been the reason that person died. They diagnosed me with bi-polar a week after I got out of the hospital.”

Frank goes ridged under the covers and I can feel goose bumps envelope my skin. Mikey just looks like he wants to hit something. Amber curls her knees up to her chest, hiding her face as sobs wrack through her body. She doesn’t deserve that…to live in constant fear of her emotions, in hurt. What she did was messed up but I know she never meant for that other person to be injured.

“Amber,” Frank says reaching for her but she refuses to release her hold on herself. “Amber, I love you and no one else here thinks any differently of you.”

Ambers sniffs before lifting her head and smiling at Frank, “I love you too, Frankie.”

After about ten minutes Mikey finally talks, “I’m sorry I gave you so much shit for your mood swings. I had no idea. Frank, sorry for getting so upset at you anytime you treid to tell me to watch out for her and to realize that her being hyper and happy wasn’t always a good thing.”

Amber gives him a smile, “It’s okay Mikey, I never told you.”

“Don’t worry about it dude. I wanted to tell you but this one’s kind of persausive when she doesn’t want something shared,” Frank winks at Amber before pressing his lips to hers.

About an hour later Frank yawns, looking over at me, “I’m tired.”

“Go to sleep Frank,” I answer back before sliding further down in my chair so that I can rest my head on his bed comfortably. Within the hour everyone is asleep


_______

I wake up with a start to that unfriendly feeling of someone grasping my throat. Coughing, gagging and rubbing my neck, I sit up, looking around. The lights are off but the room is illuminated by the parking lot lights coming in through the window. Mikey is stretched out on the couch. Amber and Frank are cuddled up on his hospital bed, literally lying on top of each other. They look comfy though.

"What the fuck?!" I whisper loudly, slapping my hands on my thighs, loud enough to wake Amber up.

She sits up, giving me a curious glance, concern in her beautiful eyes. She has sex hair even though I know she’s not done anything tonight.

I just shake my head, “Go back to sleep, it’s nothing.”

Amber chews on her full bottom lip, “Night terrors?”

I nod as she removes Frank’s arm from around her and gets up, walking over to me. Amber wraps her arms around me, "Gerard, what's wrong? I mean what really wrong?"

"I don't know…they just keep coming back. I don’t know what to do about it,” I answer letting out a sigh.

“Not what I meant, Gerard Arthur Way,” Amber responds.

“I already told you what’s wrong Amber, and then I had to hear your story and not be able to comfort you. I just feel like a shitty friend. And I keep thinking about that kiss with Frank and our kiss in the basemnt and how much I want to do that again,” I groan, the images flashing through my mind again. I block them out best as I can.

Amber takes both my hands, “Gerard you cannot torture yourself like this. I’m sure somewhere in school there is someone else who you like. There has to be Gee, because I refuse to let you do this to yourself.”

“Kiss me,” I whisper, my eyes locked with hers. “Please just one more time. I know you want to.”

“I’m sorry Gerard, I really am but I can’t and we both know why,” Amber replies, her eyes flicking over to Frank but she doesn’t let my hands go.

“Refresh my memory,” I beg.

“Because even though I love you Gee it isn’t the same way I love Frank. That is never going to change,” Amber says before kissing my forehead. “Think happy thoughts, okay?”

I smile devilishly, “I’m undressing you in my head.”

Amber laughs, “If that helps you sleep. Just don’t tell Frank. I’m not sure he’d be too pleased to know his best friend is thinking about his girlfreind being naked.”

“Would it matter if I think about him naked too?”

Amber smiles at me from her spot on Frank’s hospital bed.

“You’re putting your tongue in my mouth as I run my hands down your body. Frank is watching from the corner, desperate to join in. We’re all enjoying it,” I continue curious as to how far she’ll let me go until she tells me to shut up.

She shrugs, molding herself to Frank, running kisses along his neck.

“You’re letting me fuck you. I’m letting Frank fuck me,” I finish knowing it’s pointless. Sure, I’ve got some kind of werid fantasy about Frank and Amber sleeping with me but it’s not going to go anywhere. They’re happy together and I’ve got to accept that.

“Goodnight Gerard,” Amber whispers before burying her head in Frank’s shoulder.

“Goodnight,” I mumble in reply before lying my back down on the bed, closing my eyes allowing images of Amber and Frank’s face to flash before my eyes.

Eventually, I fall asleep again, the terrors don’t return.

Notes

Song: Down by Jason Walker
So there is only going to be about 7 more chapters until the end. I just thought I'd give everyone a heads up. Hope you're still enjoying this :)